People get hung up about stuff that seems so important. In truth most of this stuff so lacks importance that a little common sense is all that is required.

What am I talking about this time?

Well, Anal Intercourse is what.

Now look, if you haven't got through the "The idea of that disgusts me" stuff, then you simply are either not yet ready or will never want to do this. Both of these are OK!

If you are simply wanting to make the best possible preparation to please a current or future lover, then read on. Oh, and apart from the prostate, this page is as appropriate for those who are not male as for those who are!

The Anal Sphinctre

This muscular set is located in the anal channel, between the anus and the rectum. This muscular system is dedicated to ensure the continence of the subject, to keep faeces and wind inside the body until we choose to release them. We can look at it in two parts.

  • The internal anal sphinctre is composed of smooth muscular fibre and provided with a reflex type comportment.
  • The external anal sphinctre is composed of ridge muscular fibre and is moved by a voluntary action.

These two muscles are characterised by a permanent tonicity which is just relaxed at defecation.

Schematic diagram of the Anal Sphinctre
Schematic description of the anal sphinctre

We need a reminder. This reminder comes from the previous page. It shows us exactly how the anal sphinctre is constructed, and shows the challenges we face when trying to persuade it to let something in. The page on Self Exploration tells us how to get inside in the first place. I'm not going to go through that again.

Here I am simply going to talk about how to get ready to allow your male partner inside you. Or, if you are that partner, for you to understand what has to happen for the anus to allow entry.

We've dealt with the relaxation needed to penetrate at all. What we need to do is to understand that there is a huge difference between a pair of fingers, or a small candle, and a large, erect penis. And one penis is not the same as another. Come to that one anus is not the same as another. So each person has a different experience.

What we are really looking at is dilation. Stretching. Gentle painless stretching.

When I was in school we often talked about whether is was physically possible to insert a cock in an arse. Logic said it was. The other boys said "no way". But logic said it had to be possible. I mean if you look at the size of what comes out, and look at the size of what you would like to go in, there is no real difference. UNLESS you are a young person and you are being persuaded to do this by an older person who is larger. In which case, PLEASE, PLEASE think very carefully about whether and why you want to do this. It is NOT something to do because an older person wants you to. It is only to be done when you choose to give something very special to another person, a person that you love.

Now so far we've only inserted either a pair of fingers, or a household candle. And an erect penis is probably twice the diameter of the candle. While we're pretty sure it will fit, it is still a bit of an act of faith. Especially if nothing that size has been in before.

So what you need is a set of toys of graduated size.

You can make them, or buy them.


Yes, make.

With care and some privacy you can use pine, a softwood, to carve and sand and smooth a set of dildos of increasing size. Measure your own, or your partner's erect penis, and see what maximum size you will need to accommodate him. Be sure to make one of full size, one of intermediate size and one of "small enough to be instantly comfortable" size. And don't forget two major things:

The tip needs to be rounded. You don't need life-like rims, veins etc., because we are just going to use these to ease the anal sphinctre and to train it to relax and accept things of reasonable size coming form the "wrong" direction.

You could consider making a gentle tapered set. But, if you do, beware the temptation to push too hard. Ripping your anus is a distinct possibility.

If you go to a toystore to buy sex toys, there are several other items which can be fun. Slim butt plugs, items with special protrusions to prevent loss inside, can be worn for a while during the day to train the anal sphinctre too.

Now, to work.

Again we need that relaxed mood. Since you're already used to inserting small objects, take plenty of lube, and ease the slimmest of your dildos inside. If at all painful, withdraw it and use your finger for a while.

Once the pain (if any) subsides, gently fuck yourself with it, making sure that you remove and reinsert it completely. This gets the sphinctre used to stretching. Remember that this may provoke the dump reflex. If in doubt, take a dump, clean up and continue.

Resist all temptation to reach orgasm. When you are truly happy that the current toy is 100% comfortable, swap it for the next size. Take it slow. This is bigger than anything before. It may cause a gasp of pain. It may slip in easily enough and then the body may tighten around it and hurt. This time, try to breathe slowly and consciously attempt to relax. The pain should turn quickly into mild discomfort, and then into nothing at all. But it may take up to five minutes to do so. Do NOT keep it in if there is a feeling of tearing, or if you cannot stand it. This whole act is pleasurable. If you are causing pain it is not worth continuing so fast. So slow down. And stay with the smaller size for long enough to be able to relax first time every time.

Frankly you are unlikely the first time you do this to be able to cope with the largest of the dildos. Either psychologically, or physically, the anal sphinctre will refuse to allow it in without pain. So work up to it gradually. Because the day you and your partner decide to go ahead, I want this to be as near a perfect experience for you as it can be.

The objective is to be ready to receive and give pleasure through the careful relaxation and contraction of your anal muscles. No point in training if you haven't got a goal!

If you want, you can also buy yourself a treat. A long, soft, pliable dildo with a realistic head and veins. The double ended ones are good because they cannot get lost unless you REALLY try hard! And no novice is going to try that hard!

What is really good fun is to do this with your partner. He truly will not mind that you can't accommodate him yet. No good lover will mind that. What he will want to do is to help you to learn how to do it, and will wait until the day that you say that you are ready. And a major orgasm can be had while your partner is fucking you royally with one hand and either sucking you, or is jerking you with the other.