Anal Sex - A Virgin's Guide

Now I suppose this varies depending on whether you are the partner being penetrated or the partner doing the penetrating. I was wondering what to call them. "Shafter" and "Shaftee"? Nope. Let's stick to the word "giver" for the person entering and "receiver" for the person being entered.

I'm going to let you into a secret. A friend read this and said "the correct terms are 'Pitcher' and 'Catcher'. I got the giggles. First I never understood baseball. Second I had this vision of a guy with a huge dildo waving it between the pitcher and the catcher. I'm sticking to giving and receiving. Mind you a very good friend says that is "quaint". Ah well. Quaint it is.

OK, you could argue that giving yourself to your partner and allowing him to enter your anus is giving. I won't argue with you. I can't think of a more perfect way to show someone that you trust him than by offering that most secret part of yourself to him with love and tenderness.

Why do I say trust?

Because a bad partner can hurt and damage you when you are the receiver.

I'll repeat that. A bad partner can hurt or damage you.

If you aren't sure why or how, you need to read the pages on Self Exploration, and on Preparation. Here all I am going to say is that if you are not relaxed and your partner is too hasty or urgent, then you can be torn (worst case), the technical term is an anal fissure [you try shitting with a torn anal ring! I'd rather have a baby!], or you can feel agonies from a large object being inserted too fast.

So as receiver, what do you need to happen?

You have some major priorities

Once you are sure this is what you want, because it is a big, big step, then you really do want a romantic environment, because you want to relax totally.

Now I hope the giver is reading this part. I'll give him a hint. Most of the stuff he is expecting in his section is written here.

Remember all that stuff about self exploration and preparation?

Well, let's give it a new name.


Actually the enema can be foreplay as well, if you have no inhibitions. But I object to feeling I'm taking a dump in public, and you may as well! So maybe that's private time.

What you need is for the giver to make you feel the most important thing in his world. Because believe me, right then, you are the most important thing in his world.

If you aren't, you have the wrong partner.

What you need to happen is to be caressed. You need the giver to explore your anus in the same way I've taught you to explore. You need him to slide his finger inside you as gently as you would yourself. You need him to find your prostate with his finger and to drive you gently crazy.

Most important, you need him to stretch you very slowly and very gently with his fingers, with a dildo if you each prefer, until you and he feel you may be ready.

And then you need a few minutes more.

While you're letting that sink in, lets think about position.

Would you like to see his face, or would you like him to be behind you? Because actually that is all that matters. In either case you simply need to be able to part your legs, and present your anus to him in a manner that he can ease himself into. So it's preference. Oh you could squat over him and impale yourself on him. This gives absolute control of speed of entry. Some people say it is the best position for a beginner.

A final though about geometry.

If you haven't practised with a dildo of the same size as your partner's erect penis, and his penis is substantially greater in size that the dildo you've used, then you may need to be very patient, each of you, as you both [yes both, because this is teamwork] achieve penetration. I don't mean length. I mean girth.

Now all the preparation and patience is about to pay off. In any case read the page on HIV. It also deals with condoms and the correct lube. I hope you've chosen a condom.

You always need more lube. So start with too much. Oh, and if these are someone else's sheets, I hope you put a towel down first! Snail trails are a dead give-away! You need both of you lubed up. Let him lube you, and why don't you lube him. Look stories may talk about spit being enough. But is isn't. And if you aren't sharing body fluids, then forget pre-cum, which some blokes don't seem to produce anyway! And you'll still need lube. And you may need to refresh the lube during the fun. It can dry out.

What you are about to do is to give yourself completely to the man you love. Any hesitation? OK, that means that you aren't ready today. Say so. Since he's read this, too, he'll be OK with that. But do make him feel happy about it. He's been hoping for this for some time as well. So make him feel good.

If you are really ready, then ask him to go ahead. And remember that he may be nervous, too. Your job is to relax, and also to set the pace. Don't be afraid to ask him to withdraw, or to stay still for a while. Just don't rush. If it is too quick, it will hurt. Guaranteed. And the pain happens a little after the push. So go slow. Or ask him to.

It may take ages to get him as far inside you as you both want. That's fine. Just fine.

When he's in, why not relax a little and savour feeling him so deep inside you? There is no rush.

When you're ready, ask him to withdraw a little and push in again. If this causes anything other than pleasure, consider with him what you are going to do next. You are allowed to talk to each other! Not just love stuff! Tell each other clearly what you want. And be able to say "no" clearly and with confidence.

When everything is comfortable, and only then, go wild! Have an awesome time. Squeal, shout, yell. Bring the ceiling down. And tell him how good he's making you feel.

Will you get an orgasm from just having him inside your anus? I have no idea. Some people do. Some don't. And it doesn't matter, especially the first time. Orgasms take practice. So practice.

Now the giver, what do you need to happen?

You have some major priorities, too

Your job is to give pleasure, to give reassurance, to be patient, and, if you are lucky, to receive some pleasure yourself. Go up and read what he needs to happen. And make it happen.

You and you alone are responsible for everything that he feels. You can hurt him, or make him feel good. You. You control the pressure, the speed, the angle of entry, the lot. You can love him or make him feel raped. What's it to be?

There is a little more for you to think about. You are asking someone to do something that you may not ever wish to do yourself. That is a challenging thing to ask. You need to have an idea what this is going to feel like, too. Now, this is not an issue if you have each been planning to make love to each other this way, because you are likely both to be ready and happy at the same time, but if you, the giver, never intend to receive, even to find out what it's like, then I still recommend that you do the self exploration part, and that you learn about the deeply unpleasant pain that inserting a large object too fast can give.

Don't go and get a large dildo or candle and ram it in. Well, not unless you enjoy pain. I did that when I was about 16 or 17. I whittled a mildly larger than life dildo from wood, varnished it, lubed it and inserted it. Let's just say it made my eyes water! If I'd had any sense, or a page like this to read, I'd have started small and worked up. Mind you, when the pain eased, then I loved it!

So, as the giver, learn what it feels like to receive. Even a small penis (which, of course, no-one has) is large when entering a virgin anus for the first time.

Both of you, afterwards

This doesn't finish with an orgasm. Not one, nor two. This finishes with two clean, happy fulfilled people.

Yes, I said clean, and I meant it. Look, sex is messy. And anal sex produces mucus from inside. And when the penis is withdrawn some of that mucus comes with it. Now it's great while you are making love, coz it adds to the lube. But it can get awkward afterwards. So care for each other, and clean each other off. Soft tissue is good. So is baby lotion. If it's good enough for a baby's bum, it's good enough for you.

The receiver may feel a strong need to take a dump. So go and do it! After a while that need vanishes for a lot of people, and for some it happens every time. Shit, as they say, happens!

Oh yes. The anus. It may stay dilated and open for a while afterwards. It may not. Don't be concerned. Nature will close it for you. Anyway now is the time to relax, not to go rushing off somewhere.

Oh, and if either of you are at all sore, or anything stings afterwards, read the label on the antiseptic cream you just got from the bathroom medicine cabinet before you put it somewhere sensitive. You want something soothing, not something that stings! When you are sure it's the right stuff, apply it liberally. And wash your hands! Before and after.

A wish from me to you. May this be the happiest and most rewarding experience of your life, your lives. Enjoy being everything to each other, and be safe together. Be safe for each other, and safe with each other. Be true, and loyal, and loving and kind. And treat sex as an act of giving pleasure to your partner. But not at the cost of giving yourself pain. Sex is the culmination of love. Make love. Together. By mutual consent