The Saturday Boy
Chapter 30 - Infection, Confession, Reflection
It was the day of Jack's mum's funeral and I was in a murderous mood. Roman had parked up in the crematorium parking lot and we'd tussled, due to me being determined to go and stand next to Jack, defiantly. Roman had to pretty much throw me up against his car, as I sobbed, watching Jack walk away from me, towards his despicable family.
I saw red, as he was practically blanked by the first few people he approached, guessing they might have been his grandparents or some Aunt and Uncle. Either way it made me mad to the core and I wanted to march over there and tell them to rot in hell.
In the distance I could see the look on my boy's face, rattled by the atmosphere, solemn from the rejection. He looked over a couple of times and I tried to smile with encouragement, but inside the beast that was my temper was ripping its way out.
"I can't believe I'm standing out here like some retard, I should be in there with him, he's my boyfriend… this is fucked!" I scowled, kicking my sneaker into the gravel beneath me.
"Will you just calm down, you knew how this was going to go, there's no point getting worked up," Roman replied, taking my face in his hand.
"What the hell gives anyone the right to exclude me from this, apart from Jack?" I snapped, pulling out of his touch, beginning to pace.
"Right, that's it, get in the car, Joey, and sit there until you cool down." I did as I was told and skulked towards Roman's car, slamming the door as I got in. I saw his shoulders raise and then drop as if he had just sighed at my brattish behaviour.
Moments later Roman came round to his side of the car and got in, glaring at me. "You are gonna fucking lose him if you keep doing this Joe!"
"Keep doing what, I'm trying to show an act of solidarity and all I get is rejection."
"Oh, here we fucking go AGAIN!" Roman shouted. "Stop it, will you, how many times do I have to tell you this is about him, not you!"
"Well Roman, what's the worst they can do, get angry, start making comments. He should not be left alone with that scum, I should be with him."
"What, so you can fuck up his mother's funeral by causing a scene… yeah, you would love that, wouldn't you… you would revel in seeing his family squirm, and then what… what happens after you have made a fool of yourself, upset Jack and ruined the only chance… THE ONLY chance to say goodbye to the only mother he ever had."
"Don't shout at me," I pleaded, starting to choke back tears. I was so frustrated… frustrated because I was stuck out here, and because I knew Roman was right. "I wish I was dead, life is so fucking hard!"
"Oh, hold on… Joey's got a hard life eh? Hmm, well how would you like me to dump you in Somalia, where you have to walk ten miles for some water, or maybe I'll take you to see some people our age lying in bed with terminal cancer? Those lives are hard Joey, you have no idea!"
"Well, why is everything so fucking complicated? All I want is an easy life, instead it feels like I'm going from one disaster to another, having to bite my tongue in case I say the wrong thing, or stay away from certain places because people can't trust me to be there."
"You wanna know what your problem is Joe? You're a control freak, you have to manage everything and control everyone around you, especially Jack. I hate to say this, because you're my brother, but Jack is far more in control of his life and a lot more socially intelligent than you, and I think you're the one who needs reeling in."
I just sat there staring at him, my jaw jarred open, I could not believe the things Roman was saying to me. I started to cry again, wondering what I did to deserve such a savage review by my only brother, my closest ally.
He tried to lean over and hug me, maybe regretting his sharp comments, but I pushed him away violently before swinging the door open and storming out from the car. Roman opened his side and got out running to catch up with me. He put his hand on my shoulder to turn me round, probably only lovingly, but because of the mood I was in I turned round and shoved him, causing him to fall backwards on to the gravel, scraping his lower back.
"Arrrgh," he cried in pain. "You fucking little…" he started, getting back on to his feet. I stood there watching him come towards me. He grabbed me by the throat and pushed me to the ground, anger in his eyes… anger that I had never witnessed in him. I fell back and we rolled around on the floor screaming at each other. Roman's superior build and strength meant he eventually got me pinned down and straddled my chest with his whole weight, before striking me across the face with his hand. A searing sting shot through my cheeks and I burst into tears again like some small kid being slapped by his mother.
"What, not got the guts to hit me properly Roman?" I spat, tears rolling down my face, and spit coming from my mouth. Roman was red in the face, looking full of anger, rage and… regret. I saw a tear well up in his eye.
"You fucking asshole Joey, You really think I'd use my fists on you? You fucking hurtful bastard!" I closed my eyes and just wept, unable to move as he sat there on top of me.
"I can't believe you fucking hit me," I choked.
"You were hysterical, it was all I could do to calm you down."
"Bullshit, you got angry… you've never done that before, you hit me out of anger!" I hissed, trying to push him off me, but he was too strong.
"You've never quite tested my patience like this before Joey, and you fucked up my back, which fucking hurts."
"Can you get off me please!"
"Not until you calm the fuck down and tell me what the hell is going on in that fucking head of yours."
I looked into my brother's eyes, searching once again for his compassion, his love. I needed him to make this all better, I needed him to fix it, to say the right things, to enter the correct code in my mind to reset it, but he couldn't, not this time. This time something was different, something had clicked in my head telling me this was not normal for me to be acting like this, and I needed to admit it, once and for all.
"Ro, I think… I think I'm having a breakdown," I struggled to say, before bursting into yet more tears. Roman immediately rolled off me, got into a kneeling position and pulled me into him tightly. I wrapped my arms round him and buried my head into his neck, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Get some of it out Joey, let it go mate, you cry… you cry for as long as you need," He said softly, gently rubbing circles on my back. I did exactly that, in such a state, feeling like months of built up tension was spilling from my soul. Months of toxic thoughts, months of lowness, months of anger, heartache and months of… Shaun!
Roman rocked me back and forth slowly and deliberately as I slowly came down from my stupor. I was hot, sticky, wet from sweat and tears. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up again.
Although there was only a year and two months between us, Roman easily picked me up and carried me back to his car like I was some injured animal. I must admit, after all the crying I had done, my body did feel limp and week, but I felt cleansed, almost like I had been exorcised by some entity.
Roman opened the car door and let me slide in, before once again walking round to get in his side.
"Feel better?" He asked.
"Yeah, a lot actually," I replied, sniffing.
"I think it's safe to say you are not having a breakdown Joey, you just got to learn how to regulate those spikes in your hormones man… your moods are all over the place."
"I know, I'm sorry… sometimes I can't help it. I guess because you were always so chilled and stable, maybe I got both our doses," I said, cracking a smile. "Did you mean all those things you said earlier, about…"
"Yeah I did Joey, and you needed to hear them. Sometimes, when I just start to think you're chilling out, you fly off the handle again."
"I guess it's all just got to me, one second I feel like I'm responsible for all the shit that's happened lately, and the next I feel like someone is just playing a cruel trick on me."
"You just need to concentrate on your boyfriend, getting through school and then thinking about your future with him. You don't just want to be working in mum's pub for the rest of your life do you?"
"No, I guess not," I said, shrugging.
"Well, what do you wanna do?"
"I dunno, Roman, I'm sixteen, do I really need to start thinking of this now?"
"I'm not saying do something now, I'm saying think about the future. One day you and Jack are gonna want your own place and shit like that."
"What about you, what's your future looking like."
"I have no ambition Joey, none at all, you know me. I'm happy bumbing around with the band and doing my thing. As long as I have a few quid in my pocket and a roof over my head, I'm as sound as a pound,"
"I'll miss you if I ever move out, you know that right?"
"Not as much as I'll miss you Joey, I still have a lot of feelings for you," He said straight up, without a hint of regret.
"W-w-what do you mean?"
"It's as I said, I still have feelings for you."
"Like sexually?" I asked, astounded.
"No, not sexually, that would just be weird. I have feelings for you that sits in between the gray area of what's right for loving your brother. You were wondering the other day, when I said I loved you more than you would understand, right?"
"Yeah, I remember, and don't you think even having feelings for me is weird?"
"I don't know, it's too complicated for even me to understand, let alone explain it to you."
"Should I be worried?"
"No, get your thoughts away from incest, if that's what you are thinking bro, it's not like that."
"Well, what is it like Roman?" I asked, starting to get a little worried.
"I think what I feel is too outside the limits of human understanding Joey, just take it as a compliment."
"Wish I could…are you… are you gay?"
"I don't think so."
"Nope, I don't think so either."
"So you're straight, right?"
"Also, no… I don't think so."
"Well, that makes no sense Roman!"
"Why, because you can't label it?… because you can't put me in a marked box?.
"So let me get this straight. You're a guy who's not into other guys, has feelings for his brother, isn't interested in girls and…"
"I didn't say I wasn't into girls, I just don't feel like banging one every five minutes like I used to."
Roman shrugged. "I dunno, it all changed when we… were doing the thing we don't talk about."
"Well, that thing we don't talk about, we seem to be talking about quite a lot lately."
"Yeah, I know, bad ain't it?"
"Yeah it is because it was wrong Roman."
"Yeah, it was, it was a weird time, but it left me… feeling the way I do. It's like I can't commit to a girlfriend or anything. When we were on tour I had a few girls come and meet us after the various gigs we played. Two even gave me the nod to go somewhere with them, but I just didn't feel that excitement."
"And that's because of me?"
"Don't say it like that, I'm not blaming you, all I'm saying is that I just feel differently now, after what we had… I mean did."
"So do you feel bad I've met Jack?"
Roman looked insulted. "Hell no, Joey, I love the guy, I think he's as amazing as you do, and I really mean it when I say I'm over the moon you've found someone that makes you happy…someone that fills that hole you talked about."
"I'm glad, having him makes me complete, and I would hate for you to resent him."
"Joey, you're a really special guy, and what I've just confessed as probably freaked you out a little bit, but listen, don't let it because it's not what you think it is. It may be unconventional and a little strange, but just don't call me weird or anything ok?"
"Roman, we've had a pretty unconventional past, which I started if you remember, so I'm not gonna start saying you are weird because that would be the ultimate in hypocrisy.
Roman smiled and ruffled my hair, before pointing out towards the Crematorium. "Look, people are starting to come out… looks like its all over."
"Yeah… can you see Jack yet?"
"Hmm, not yet, I'm sure he'll be out soon enough, and remember, nice and calm yeah. Be aware of his state of mind and just listen, if that's what he needs."
"Yeah ok, Doctor, I got it, I got it!" I said, rolling my eyes.
I saw Jack appear out of the crowd and he began to walk towards us. I got out of the car and stood by the bonnet and waited for him to get closer, before moving off to meet him.
His face was wet from what was obviously a tough event and I collected him in my arms, looking out towards the crowd of people mingling around.
"You ok Jack?" I asked, rubbing his back, looking at a growing number of people looking at us. I stared back, narrowing my eyes. I was glad Jack was facing away as I could see some of them tutting and shaking their heads.
"Yeah... I think so, man that was shitty!"
Very slowly, making sure I didn't alert Jack to what I was doing, I moved one hand off him and extended my arm before giving all of them the middle finger and smiling. God knows what Roman thought, but it made me feel better, at least I got some kind of dig in, and seeing them all look at me with my boyfriend wrapped in my arms made the whole thing worthwhile.
"Ready to get out of here, or do you wanna stay until this lot have gone?"
"No, it's done, I just wanna go home," He said tearfully. I squeezed him tighter, before leading him back towards the car.
Roman was right about just listening. On the way home Jack told me how horrible his so called family had been, making him sit alone on the end of a pew while the priest read from a script that said nothing about the mother he lived with.
"It was a shit service; it was like the priest was talking about a complete stranger. My name was never mentioned once. I was referred to as the son. I tell you, I almost got up and ripped the fucking thing out of his hand, I was so angry," Jack ranted, understandably. "They had the cheapest looking casket you could imagine, no one brought any flowers and half the people there I had never seen in my life… probably all relatives of my fucking grandparents. My poor mum… you know I didn't even cry because I found the service sad, I cried because if she could see what send off they gave her she would be mortified."
"Did you say the goodbye you wanted?" Roman asked, concentrating on the biker we were starting to pass.
"Yeah, I waited until they had cleared out and went and placed my hand on her coffin. I said a few words under my breath, which included goodbye and I love you, and then I came out. My mind is feeling a little more peaceful now that it's finally over. I feel like she is truly resting… its like I finally know where she is, and what's gonna happen to her."
"I understand Jack… at least I think I do, not ever having had anyone die that I was close to."
"So, what did you two do while I was in there?" Jack asked, causing me and Roman to look at each other, wondering who would think of the best lie.
"Just chatted about life," Roman replied, staying on safe ground.
"Jack… do you think I'm a control freak?"
"Oh for fuck sake Joey, Jack's just come from his mum's funeral, is that really a question he wants to be asked," Roman berated me.
"Sorry, you're right, dumb question."
"It's fine, Roman, its nice to change the subject actually. I gather you have been giving him some brotherly lecture then, Roman?" Jack said, a small smile developing.
"You could say that, but really, Joey should drop it."
"Well, Joey, I would say that you are… hmm, well… I guess I would say you overthink things and then you tend to compensate by trying to control a situation where none exists."
"So I'm a control freak?"
"Maybe, but I can handle you," he said, squeezing my shoulder from the back of the car, chuckling.
"Huumf," was all I could respond with.
"So, do you know when Shaun's funeral is?" Jack asked.
"No, I need to catch up with Dean soon, he'll know before I ever will. I dunno why there is a delay though, he's been gone a while now."
"I'm no expert, but when someone young dies like the way he did, I think they have to do an autopsy and some other tests, but that's just what I saw on CSI, I dunno how it works here." Roman remarked.
"Must be the same, surely," said Jack.
"I'm sure I'll find out soon enough, not that I'm invited."
"Dean will tell you how it went though, right?"
"Yeah, he should, that's if he's still talking to me, it's not like I've been proactive in contacting him lately."
"I'm sure Dean understands you have been going through a rough time."
"Yeah Jack, but that's when he probably thinks I should need him most, not shutting him out. I do feel he reminds me of being with Shaun though, we always did everything together… it was always the three of us, for so long."
"You should talk to him Joey; maybe go over to his house one night." Jack said.
"And leave you at home on your own?"
"Yes and leave me on my own…jeez, I'm not going anywhere, Joey."
Roman pulled the car to a halt at the last set of traffic lights before the pub, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "You know guys, I really need a piss," he remarked, sighing.
"Almost home," I said, tapping his stomach.
"Ooorrh, don't do that, or I'm really gonna piss all over you."
"I'm not into water sports thanks."
"Just shut up and let me concentrate!"
The lights changed to green and Roman pulled away briskly, causing me to hold on to the roof strap. Instead of parking across the road he flew into the pub car park and unlocked his seat belt.
"Joey, lock it up, please, I really got to go," he squealed before leaping out of the car. I looked back at Jack and laughed.
"So how was your first day without the bandage on?" I asked, suddenly noticing he wasn't wearing it.
"Drafty! But I'm glad it's off, it was making my head itch.
We both got out of Roman's car and I locked it up as requested. Walking into the pub I saw the new guy Ryan sitting at the bar, his eyes locking onto me, and then Jack.
"Hello Joey, nice to see you again."
"Hi Ryan, nice to see you too…oh this is Jack, my boyfriend.
"Oh yes, Sandra mentioned you had a partner, well, hello Jack, it's very good to meet you so it is," Ryan said, holding out his hand.
"So how have things been going for you?"
"Yeah, I'm settling in, I thought I might see more of you both than I have." Ryan said, and I could have sworn he was looking at Jack's crotch.
"Yeah, well, I normally get my jobs done after school and Jack has been recovering from a… from an accident so has not been down much."
"Well, I hope to see you both more often, perhaps we could go out some place, I don't know many people around here."
"Sounds like a plan," Jack said, and I glared at him.
"We'll see Ryan, anyway, we better be getting upstairs. Good to see you again."
"Yeah you too Joey, and good to meet you Jack, nice ass by the way."
Jack's face fell into a goofy grin, looking at Ryan and I pulled on his arm starting to walk away.
"That guy is a creep," I remarked as I stomped up the stairs, Jack behind me.
"What makes you say that?"
I looked back at him as if to ask if he was serious. "He was fucking checking you out right in front of me, gorping at your cock area most of the time…oh and then there was the nice ass comment."
"Hmm, I was kinda flattered."
"You do have a nice ass Jack, but he really shouldn't be saying it in front of me, knowing we are together."
"Joey, you're doing it again," Jack sniggered.
"He's no threat, so chill… nice eyes though, and built like a fucking wrestler."
"Yeah, his eyes are quite seductive, but the body does nothing for me, too much muscle."
Jack giggled. "It's not that bad, in fact, I'd say he was only a little more built than Roman, who as you know I find very hot," He said, running away from me.
"I refuse to be in competition with my brother over you, or that dumb Irishman, now come here and give me some loving, tiger." Jack came padding back and into my arms, and we lightly kissed on the lips, nothing heavy, but pleasurable all the same.
In the lounge, I was sitting on the sofa, with Jack sat between my legs, while I played with his hair, gently running my fingers through it. We were watching a movie, It was around nine, and Roman had fallen asleep in the sofa opposite complaining of dull stomach pains.
I felt tired myself, but didn't want to fall asleep this early just in case I had trouble later on when it really mattered. With Jack on the floor, his arms resting on my legs, every now and again I was able to tilt his head back and plant soft kisses on his lips making him smile. I really enjoyed these little moments and it was so great to see him happy after such a rough day. I did wonder how his mood was going to be when he got out of his mum's funeral, but after his rant in the car, and the fact it was all over for him, I guess he probably felt better now than he had for a long time since this all happened.
The day was fast fading away now, and natural light had begun to dim, being taken over by the light from the TV. We were watching Alien, which Jack had never seen, and he seemed to be enjoying it, every now and again jumping, which I found so cute. Mind you, I found most, if not everything Jack did, cute.
"What time did you want to get into bed?" I asked, yawning.
"I guess not too late, you have school, but I might watch another movie in bed if you wanna sleep?"
"It's funny, no matter how tired I am, I always have trouble sleeping when you are lying next to me, almost naked."
"Cheap comments like that will get you everywhere," he said, slapping my knee.
"Yeah, well, I say it as I see it ,sexy."
"You know, I'm actually looking forward to going back to school. I mean staying home and dossing all day does have its benefits, but It will be nice to interact with the world again."
"Have you thought about Maddy at all?"
"I'm not gonna fly off the handle at here if that's what you think. I really need to speak to her and see what the hell is up with her."
"Sorry Jack, I know she was… or is one of your best friends, but I can't help thinking she is some kind of fruitcake. Plus, I thought it was really out of order of her not to come and visit you in hospital and spread all that nasty shit around school, especially to Tom Parker."
"It is really strange of her to be like that, and I'm not happy about it, but I need to be calm enough to ask her why she did it."
"Yeah, and why she never came and saw you in hospital, don't forget that bit."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll deal with it. So I guess it's gonna be shit for a while when I first go back right?"
"I'm thinking of just coming out Jack, to everyone I mean. I think once people know, then they can move on with their sad little lives. The longer I leave this, the worse it will be for you and me… for us."
"You don't have to protect me, Joey, you forget, I've been through all this shit before with people at school, I'm an old hat at it now."
"It's not just about that, I'm just tired of the whispering, oooh do you think he's gay, do you think he's the one Jack is seeing, bla bla bla, its tiring and it just makes my day miserable."
"Well, if that's what you wanna do…"
"I'm not going to announce it on some soap box; I'm just going to not deny it if anyone asks that's all."
"Have you thought about what you wanna do when school is over and you have done your exams?"
"Funny you should ask, that's one of the things Roman was asking me today while you were at your service."
"I dunno, another two years at college, I don't think I could stomach it, especially if some of the horrible fuckers stay on as well. I'm not sure Jack, I'm happy working here and doing my thing, I just think if that's what I am gonna do until I can get a real full time Job somewhere then I really need more hours. Not being at school or college is gonna mean I'll wanna do stuff with you in the day and we need money for that. What about you, have you thought about what you wanna do?"
"Well I practically have no hours here, do I? So my plans need to be different from yours. My mum always wanted me to go to Uni, but with no one to fund it and all the time I was having off school over the last year, my grades will be crap and my exams even worse. I think I'm ready for the scrap heap.
"Rent boy…you'd make millions with that body!"
"And you'd be happy with that, would you?
"Hmm, perhaps not a good idea then."
"Besides, thinking about it, I don't even know how long my welcome is here. I might have to start looking for a place to live soon, or at least get the state to find me somewhere." He said, looking up at me. I stared back, thinking he was mad.
"Jack, there is no time limit, you can stay here as long as you want, even my dad said you will always have a home for as long as you need it. I think my parents initially put a verbal clause in just in case things didn't work out something. But look, everything is fine, you're no trouble, so they are happy with you being here, besides I think my mum has a soft spot for you," I said, winking.
"Yeah, she is good to me."
"Well then, stop talking about finding somewhere to live and all that."
I let Jack carry on watching the movie and I laid back, closing my eyes.
"How can three boys in the prime of their life all be asleep so early?" asked my mum, as we all stirred. Roman was still in his original position, while Jack had fallen asleep with his head on my knee. The TV screen had gone off, indicating the movie had long since finished.
I rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms out. "What… what time is it?"
"Almost eleven, I've left your father to lock up tonight, as I've been on the go since seven this morning. How did the funeral go sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't have time to speak to you properly earlier, it just didn't seem the right place to ask."
"Pretty much as I expected, my family blanked me!" Jack said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I find it hard to accept all your family are so hostile towards you Jack, surely some of them are not bigots?"
"It's my grandparents fault, both sets really. Because my parents and I lived so far away from the rest of the family, they formed their opinions from my grandparents. My dad never stepped in and said anything because he probably agreed with them, and no one really liked my mum, apart from her parents, and even they never visited her. What can I say Sandra, we are a screwed up family."
"So sad," she said, shaking her head, while her chin rested on her hand. "Well, if it means anything Jack, I'm happy to take responsibility for you and so is Andy, so you just forget about those nasty people."
"I try to, but it's really hard when you haven't done anything but be yourself. I try not to let it bother me, and most of the time it doesn't, but it feels like I am being punished because I like…eh…
"Guys?" My mum finished, before grinning.
"Yeah, those." Jack replied, before giggling, bashfully.
"Roman? Roman!" She called, shaking him.
"What?" He replied, groggily, having fallen back to sleep.
"If you're tired go to bed, or you'll wake up with neck ache like that." Roman just tutted and closed his eyes again.
"Oh, by the way mum, tell your new leprechaun to keep his eyes to himself next time you see him."
"Leprechaun?" She asked, squinting.
"The Irish guy, he was checking out Jack right in front of me, it was…"
"Funny?" Jack chimed in.
"I was about to say disgusting." I groaned.
"Oh Joey, I'll admit he's very confident and sure of himself, but I'm guessing he doesn't mean any harm. Look at it this way, at least he's not doing it to Jack while you're not there, would you prefer that?"
"I'd prefer he didn't do it at all."
"Aww, my baby boy is jealous, how cute," She gushed, before walking out of the lounge, slapping Roman on the leg on as she passed. Roman dove up, disorientated before, growling towards the door.
"Christ, I'm gonna piss myself, and my stomach really hurts," He said getting up and holding himself.
"What's wrong?" I asked, seeing him in pain.
"Dunno, just feels like I wanna go pee all the time, but hardly anything comes out. It was the same when we got back here, it just comes on." He said, before running to the toilet. Jack and I just looked at each other concerned.
"Do you think he needs to see the doctor about that?" Jack asked.
I shrugged. "Maybe… I think I'll mention it to mum, because he won't. I got up and stepped over Jack, making my way into the kitchen, finding my mother heating something in the microwave.
"Its cottage pie from the restaurant, would you like some?"
"No thanks mum, gonna head to bed soon. Listen, I think Roman is unwell, he keeps having to go to the toilet."
"Probably just a stomach bug Joey, I'm sure he'll be fine," she said, dismissing my comment.
"No mum, it's not that end, he says he needs to keep peeing and his stomach hurts."
"Oh, I see. Well that sounds like a water infection. I'll speak to him about it and see if he needs to go and see the Doctor."
"Ok, but don't say I was in here telling you, you know how he is."
"No worries, I'll just mention it in a passing comment."
"Ok mum, well, good night." I said, walking over to give her a peck on the cheek. She smiled and went back to monitoring, what I guessed, was her evening meal.
Back in the lounge Jack was just turning off the TV. "Coming to bed?" I asked, seeing him yawn.
"Uh huh, just gotta clean my teeth and then I'll be in."
"That's ok; I'm right behind you for that myself,
I lay in bed, staring at the moon, high up in the night sky, thinking. A cool breeze came in through the open window and I could hear the faint sound of traffic and people circulating around the well-used streets of London. A train horn echoed through the air in the distance, as one of the last trains of the night made its way into a terminal. All was peaceful, and although I was still awake, I didn't care as it was Friday tomorrow which preceded the weekend.
Jack was due to go back to school next week and had offered to help me with a little light work in the cellar on Saturday, saying if he was fit for that he was fit to help me. I of course refused, but he was having none of it. I expect he was bored and I must admit, it was nice to think of the two of us working together like it had started out.
I looked at him quietly sleeping, his naked torso glowing in the moonlight. I was lying on my back and had his arm draped over my chest, his nose brushing my shoulder. I felt like I was on cloud nine having this Adonis with me, our skin touching… soft silky skin.
My mind was buzzing, going from one subject to another. From why Jack stayed with a control freak like me, to why Roman said the things he did, plus his rather weird confession in the car. I thought about Jack's disgusting parents, Shaun, Dean, Dean's funny mum, my mum, and how great it was she loved Jack.
I guess it was a way for me to work things out. It felt rare to have this quiet time with myself, and somehow I thought it might be my brain just trying to process everything. My mind wandered back to Dean again, thinking I should really go over and see him like Jack had suggested. I planned to catch up with him at school tomorrow and see if he wanted me to come over after. If he did, then I would just stay on the bus with him all the way to his house.
I missed Dean actually, and hoped he felt the same. Funny how life just reaches a certain crossroads and you find yourself not seeing someone as often anymore, when just previously you had spent every day with that same person, for like, your whole life almost. I thought about elephants and how herds of family and friends stay together their whole existence, not matter what happens. But then again, I guess elephants have a far simpler life, just roaming from waterhole to waterhole.
I thought about what Roman said about other people's lives being a lot harder than mine and suddenly felt I was pathetic coming out with something like that in the first place… that my life was hard, I mean. In truth, I had a great life and enjoyed privileges and freedoms others do not. I hated myself for being so narrow minded and wished I had never said anything. If there was a God he would probably punish me for being such an asshole when others around the world were suffering so much, and I was moaning about something trivial.
That got me thinking about how trivial some of the things people moaned about were. It puts it in to contrast, what Roman said about the person who walks ten miles to get water, and yet a girl at school thought her life had ended when she developed a zit on her chin. I hear people moaning all the time about stuff they think is important. It goes on in the streets, in the pub, at school… everyone thinks their issue is important, but on the whole, in this country, who can really say they have issues that warrant a mental break down, when you have others being born in a mud hut with no life ahead of them?
The truth about my life, if it were written in a novel, would be that it was fucking excellent. I had no worries, a perfect guy sleeping next to me, caring parents, an awesome brother and good friends. What more could I ask for? What more did I want? And yet, I still found things to groan about.
I was insecure, that much was true, I constantly thought about Jack finding someone better, constantly asked myself why he stuck around with someone like me. But where did this all come from, why was I like this? It wasn't as if I was ugly, and not to brag but if I stuck myself on a dance floor at some gay club I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. Trouble was, I only wanted one guy, and that was the one I was with, and it petrified me he would one day say he was leaving me for someone else.
Stupid irrational brain, I thought. I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up to the sound of Roman screaming in the toilet. My mum was banging on the door in a panic and I dived out of bed, causing Jack to jump up, startled.
"What… what's wrong?" he asked, panicked.
"I don't know, but Roman sounds in agony," I replied, rushing towards the door. I stepped out and found my mum trying to get him to open the door.
"Roman, open the door, for God sake, what's wrong?"
"Arrrrh, I'm pissing razor blades, just give me a minute… fuck!" He cried, panting.
"Ro, it's me… let me in," I demanded. There was silence until I heard the door unlock and he peered out, dripping with sweat, tears in his eyes. I barged in, and shut the door.
"Boys, I'm your mother, let me in…Roman!"
"Mum just give us a minute yeah, its male problems… not for your eyes!" I shouted through the closed door. "Ro, what is it? Fuck you look terrible."
"I… I don't know, I'm in agony here, I just tried to go for a piss and it was literally like broken glass was coming out of my cock."
"Do you have an infection or something?"
"I dunno, all I know it fucking hurts like crazy!" he said, breathing hard, with the pain.
"Let me have a look, drop your kecks," I asked, and he did as I asked. I had a good look around his penis, trying to see if there was anything unusual, but it looked normal to me. "I think it might be a water infection Roman, you really need to see the Doctor if you're in this much pain."
"How do you know about water infections?" he asked, staring at me, sweat dripping off his chin.
I shrugged. "I read about it on the internet, maybe."
"You told mum didn't you?" I asked perplexed. I never could lie to him and get away with it.
"I may have mentioned it… I was worried Roman. Look, if she knows she can help."
"Grrr, Joey, I don't want her asking questions about my bits," he hissed.
"Eh, I am still out here you know boys!" My mum called obviously hearing us talking.
"Just book me an appointment mum and pleeease don't ask any questions," Roman pleaded. I gave him a light hug and left the bathroom, leaving him to… well whatever he was doing.
Jack was waiting in our bedroom doorway, looking at me expectantly. "What's up with him, will he be ok?"
"I think so; he just needs to see the Doctor." I said, passing him to get my uniform out from the closet.
"Joey, why don't you come back to bed," Jack asked, a sly smile on his face. Of course, I knew what that meant.
"We got twenty minutes, puppy, and then I got to get ready…do your worst," I replied, pushing him back on the bed.
I watched intently as Jack got positioned on the edge of the bed and ripped down my boxers, starting to suck my dick. It was such an amazing feeling so early in the morning, my hormones and testosterone levels no doubt at their peak. He licked and sucked my head with such care and expertise that it made my body quiver with excitement. Building up a rhythm, it wasn't long until I could feel the tell-tale signs I was about to erupt. My cock head started to swell I'm his mouth and as a muffled cry came from deep within, Jack pulled me out of him, with just a second to spare, and I shot wad after wad of hot cum all over his waiting face, drenching him.
"Well, that was fucking hot," he said, pulling all the globs of my still warm cum, towards his lips with his fingers. I just smiled in a state of shock, coming down from my intense orgasm.
"You really like eating that stuff, don't you." I said, passing him a towel to wipe off the residue.
"Hey, its good protein to help me grow."
"Something tells me you are done growing, and thank god," I said wryly, staring at his cock, now hard and pushing against his boxer briefs. "I better get you off before you get too lustful."
"Hmm, sounds good, what have you got in mind?"
"Wanna face fuck me?"
"Thought you'd never ask, he said, pushing my head down to his midsection." I smirked.
"Someone's horny this morning," I remarked, taking his meat pole out and licking it.
I began to build some rhythm on Jack's cock until he grabbed my head in his hands and took over. I did gag a couple of times but was getting used to taking most of him down my throat now. I had to place my hands on his hips a few times as he was getting a little carried away, but it wasn't long until his knees started to tremble and I knew what was coming.
I sucked and slurped on him, applying more and more pressure as his trip to nirvana moved closer. I could feel his fingers starting to dig into my head, the speed increasing, until there was a low grunt and one final shove. I closed my eyes as rope after rope of hot juice filled the cavern that was my mouth. It was sweet, just like Jack's always was, not nasty and salty like you hear about. I lapped it all up, managing to swallow in tandem with his contractions, until finally he was drained.
I pulled off him and looked up. A calm look of satisfaction plastered all over my boyfriend's face greeted me and I smirked, knowing he had enjoyed himself.
"Thanks babe, that was intense," he said, stroking my hair lovingly.
"Good, now I gotta get ready. It's gonna be an awesome day today I can feel it. Oh, speaking of today, I've been thinking about what you said, you know about seeing Dean?"
"Yeah, and if you're cool, I'm gonna go over and hang with him tonight after school."
"Go for it Joey, it will do you both good, and don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
"Thanks Jack, OK, I really gotta get ready now," I declared, kissing my angel on the lips.
I rushed to the bathroom, finding it empty after Roman's little problem which had had him hauled up in there for ages. Turning on the shower I stripped on my boxers and got in, not bothering to wait for any kind of heat to come through. The cold water made me breath in suddenly, screwing my face up in the process. Soon warm water was flowing and I went to work on cleaning myself.
I left my hair as it seemed to style better unwashed, and quickly got out, rigorously drying myself. I was just about to leave the bathroom when Roman barged in pushing me out in the process.
"Hey, just go to the fucking doctors!"
"If I could stop pissing I would, have a good day at school," he replied, in obvious pain. I went back into the bedroom and found Jack had got back into bed. He had his eyes closed and was looking really cute. I would have given anything to climb back in with him, but alas, I had to go, not wanting to miss anymore of school.
Rushing to get my uniform on I went over and gave his forehead a kiss, causing a gentle smile to etch across his face.
"I'll see you later, Jack, have a nice day yeah?"
"Hmm, you too," he replied dreamily.
I hurried downstairs and gave my mum a peck on the cheek before rushing out of the bar and onto the street. I had to run for my bus, I was so late, but managed to make it just as it pulled into the stop.
"Orca, wait up," I called walking towards the main entrance to our school. He stopped and turned, beaming a smile at me. "How are you?"
"Yeah I'm good, its Friday remember?" he said, ruffling my hair.
"How can I forget…say, have you seen Dean at all?"
"Nope, but I'm a little later than usual, my mum dropped me off, but she didn't end up getting out of the door until nearly half eight!"
"Makeup?" I said, giggling.
"How did you guess?"
"Hey it's a woman thing, my mum is just the same. By the way, you should come over to the pub one night and meet Jack, maybe we could hang out or something?"
"Oh wow, that would be great, I don't know anyone yet really so it would be good to get out and do something different…hey, will your hot brother be there?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah Ro will be there, but he's not well at the moment, so you'll have to be gentle."
Orca laughed. "I'm sure I can fix that!" he said, mischievously.
We walked through the main door and I headed to my locker, leaving Olly to head to his. I saw one of Tommy Parker's crooners coming towards me and braced myself.
"Get some cock last night Cork," spat Leon Sanders, pushing me against the lockers.
"This morning actually, Sanders, it was pretty good," I said, tired of hiding my secret, and feeling good to just admit it, as well as freaking Leon out.
"So you admit it then…you and Stanton… fuck that's sick Cork, you need help!"
"Maybe Sanders, but I know for a fact I'm getting more than you, you ugly prick, now if you don't mind, I'm gonna be late for class, unless you want me to suck your dick before I go?"
Sanders drew back in horror, his face going bright red. I made no effort to keep my voice down, causing people to look at him and laugh… yeah him, not me! He gave me another shove, threatened something under his breath and then stormed off. I casually went to my locker and started pulling out my things for the morning. I was determined not to rise to their bullshit. I just had to get through two more months and I was out of here… out of here to spend my life closer to Jack, and I was dammed if I was gonna let the likes of Leon fucking Sanders make me miserable.
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