Discovering Love

Written by Rick Beck

Chapter 26


I retired to a neutral corner once we had unloaded the truck. Doug stopped me before I got out of the driveway and said he'd meet me there after school Monday. It gave me something to think about on my walk home. My parents wanted to know what kind of a time I had and I said it was great. We ran out of things to say after that. We never had much to say one another but I wasn't hoping for much and anything that wasn't a complaint was a victory. We had come to talk less and less as I grew older.

I had a particularly good day Monday. For some reason I felt good all day. I thought it was the weekend and Van and Augie. They were the most real people I'd ever met. There were no games with either of them. Basically they were always pointed in the same direction. I wanted to know people who I could depend on. Van took my address and phone number and said he'd call if I didn't show up by summer. He gave me his card and said I could call if I needed to talk. It was good to have but I didn't think I'd call him.

I was sitting by the pillars at the end of the lane at the corner of their lawn when Doug came gliding up the road. He was carrying three books and a gray notebook. He ran them in the house and came back to me. I didn't go because I didn't want to chance running into Greg. Doug thought that was a good idea. I should lay low for awhile until he forgot about what had pissed him off. It wasn't just for me because he had to live with Greg and the longer he dwelled on some detail the more difficult it was.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Herbie's. Kent's."

"Who are we going to see?"

"We're going to see Kent but Herbie is probably there. Usually is this time of day."

"I wanted to tell you how much fun I had this weekend."

"I'm glad. You should have told my mom. She asked about you."

"Your parents are tops," I said.

"My parents? They're okay."

"Mine don't know I'm alive except when I'm screwing something up."

"Get real, Martin. Why do you say stuff like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because it's true."

"Parents are parents. No one thinks their's are all that great or all that bad. They're just parents. What do you want?"

"Your parents are the best. You got winners, Doug. Take my word for it."

"If you say. They seem like they take care of what needs taken care of."

"They care about you. Hell, they cared about me and Timmy and even Augie when he showed up. You got good ones Doug."

"What's wrong with yours?"

"I don't know. They don't like me. I'm always in the way. I eat too much."

"Come on! You! Get real Martin. You ain't much bigger 'an a minute."

"I just never do anything right. I mostly avoid them, stay in my room when I can't be outside. I never knew any parents like yours."

"I'll take your word for it. I'm sure mine aren't all that good and yours aren't all that bad."

We walked along the shoulder as cars passed us every once in awhile. Doug didn't have anything to say and I really wasn't all that keen on being around Herbie. I liked him in one way but not in another. I didn't care how much sex he had, so it wasn't that but something me uncomfortable and I didn't want to be alone with him. Kent was different and there was nothing about him that made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to stay Doug's friend and I didn't feel very good about that either. I wanted to be with him and I knew he would do just fine without me around. Doug could get along anywhere.

"I enjoyed this weekend," I said.

"You aren't going to start talking about my parents again?"

"No, that's not what I was trying to say to you before."

"I don't know how we got on your parents."

"Now who doesn't listen?"

Doug looked at me with those smooth blue eyes. He didn't say anything. We just walked and he kept looking at me. I wanted to kiss him, throw him down in the ditch and make out with him, feel his body, his skin, his cock. He'd probably have let me but I liked him too much to do something like that. It didn't seem like there was any ground for us to stand on together. I was starting to feel the distance between us as we walked together and I knew no matter what I did or said there were two things in my way. Doug's acceptance of the first thing was bad enough but the first thing stopped me dead.

"What we did, what you did....I didn't tell you how great it was. I mean being with you was great."

"When you weren't with Augie or Timmy," he said.

"I wasn't with them all that often," I explained as our pace quickened.

"More than with me. You took off first thing every morning. You took off after we... you were gone all afternoon Saturday and then again Sunday."

"Doug, take my word for it. I spent the best time with you. Why can't I say I like you without you arguing about it?"

"Wasn't arguing."

"Yes, you were. I've never had sex like that with anyone. It wasn't like anything I've ever done. I mean we were doing it together."

"Martin, it's jerking off when you aren't doing it together."

"You know what I mean."

"I think so. Do we have to talk about this?"

Doug still looked at me in glances. It seemed like there was something he couldn't be sure of and he kept looking to see. That's about all we had to say to each other about our love making that weekend. I just never knew how to say what was in my heart and then I'd get sidetracked and forget what I wanted to say. With Doug that was easy because looking at him was enough to turn my mind upside down. Being with him because he wanted to be with me was the best.

I thought about Augie and how nice it would be to live near him. He was obviously older and wiser and liked being sexual, but he liked girls. I liked girls but I didn't want to bed them. Augie did. I never heard anything about that part of it. The only understanding I had was that if you didn't like girls you were queer, bedding them that is. I never heard you could like and bed girls and still like guys and bed them. It was all very confusing. Now I'd seen Greg putting on his shows in front of us, but I didn't take anything Greg did too seriously. Augie was nothing like Greg and whatever he was like put more confusion inside my brain.

Van was another trip. On the same weekend I'd met parents that were friends and an adult that treated kids like they were adults. Van didn't seem to draw any line between where we were and where he was. We could talk to him and say what was on our minds and the amazing thing is he considered it. He was a gigantic man, in more ways than one, but he didn't use his size and power to browbeat a bunch of boys. In fact we forced him to expose himself so we could inspect him. Now with another man it wouldn't have been nearly as important, but there were a lot of reasons why we needed to inspect Van. His tolerance for it had me wondering why. He seemed real. He seemed honest. He also got hard as soon as we touched him, although he protested the exposure first.

I couldn't find a way to separate like, love and sexuality. I wasn't interested in having sex with Van. He was a man. I was interested in having sex with Augie, he was a man, but barely older than Greg who was very much a boy. Augie was willing to go wherever life took him. There were too many people with too many appetites and with too many different ideas about what was fair and what was foul.

Life was all vanilla until the spring when I turned sixteen. I'd from time to time dipped into the chocolate for excitement, and suddenly life was Rocky Road, nuts, marshmallows, flavors galore and no one never even mentioned it. Was it no wonder I wanted everyone all the time? I went from nothing to this and my mind refused to settle on one thing or one flavor. For the first time in my life I wasn't alone all the time and I'd never go back.

That's not to say if Greg had acted differently, my mind would have settled on him and for him above and beyond all others. If he'd looked back over his shoulder that first day, if he had stopped, turning around, and come back to me to hold my hand, it would have been different between us. If he'd put his arm on my shoulder and said we were cool, it would have left no doubt. My mind would have been made up even before I knew anything.

There is nothing I found out or that Alfie didn't already know that would have prevented Greg from being kind to me that first day. He knew I was staring at his ass and my dick was stiff as a brick while I was doing it but he used that to torment me rather than to accept me, giving me a chance to know him. Our chance had passed because he wanted to play a game. It was unfortunate that my heart was filled with so much love and he would not accept a single drop.

We swung into Dorchester Estates and we walked along the right curb. The houses were all similar for the first two blocks. This is where the air force brats lived. Further back the houses sat on larger lots and took different forms but the first houses were all identical except for small changes usually made by the owner once he'd taken possession. We turned right on the second block and were soon at Kent's door.

He was wearing brown cords and a baby blue button up shirt. He smiled nicely and invited us in. We sat in the big living room while Kent brought out big glasses of ice and a bottle of Root Beer and a bottle of cola. He was a man after my heart. It was Hires not A&W but some things can be forgiven. He sat in the easy chair that faced us sitting on the couch.

"How was the river?"

"Good," Doug said.

"Great," I said, feeling it had been understated.

"You liked it? Did the king rule?"

"No," Doug said. "He didn't bother us."

"I miss skinny dipping in the river," Kent said.

"Come with us next time," Doug said.

"No, Greg wouldn't like that."

"Fuck Greg," Doug said. "Come with us. It's been a year. He won't say anything. I'll get mom to pick you up. She asks about you all the time."

"I should stop by to see her. She was always so nice," Kent mused. "You going next time."

"No," I said. "Greg's being difficult."

"The king rules," Kent said.

"Indeed," Doug said.

Kent's eyebrows almost touched in the middle. They shined and were smooth and tightly shaped. They matched the short curly brown hair on his head. The blue eyes were almost gray. His eyes smiled and his lips were thin but shaped so delicately that they seemed more like a girls lips. I could see Herbie in him but he was heavier than was his older brother and he wasn't quite as tall. He seemed relaxed and without any complexity I could find. It was easy being there.

"What do you like?" Kent asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You into sports, girls, school? You a traveler? A wanderer?"

"Not really," I said to all of it.


"Sports, I like soccer. I'm pretty good."

"He's great," Doug said.

"Girls? I hold my own," Kent said.

"You attract them like flies on shit," Doug said.

"I'll try to avoid your imagery," Kent said coyly.

"I hold my own in school."

"He gets A's and never cracks a book," Doug said.

"That's untrue. I'm reading the current edition of Playboy as we speak. Great articles."

"Doing a book report on it?" Doug asked.

"Maybe for biology class," Kent said. "I learn more from the Playboy."

"There's something you don't know yet?" Doug asked.

"I've been to England, Germany, Italy, Greece, France, Germany again, and I want to go to Russia. I love traveling. Can't wait to get out of this hole. Nothing like cooling out in the stix to make you appreciate the world."

"You going communist?" Doug asked.

"I have a socialists heart. The working class is the backbone of the world."

"Isn't that communism?" Doug asked.

"No. Not exactly. Communism is more about control, military power."

Doug had turned fifteen shortly before I turned sixteen. Kent hadn't quite made fifteen but would turn before the summer was out. He made both Doug and I look like elementary school kids. He was smooth and self-assured. Not only was he intelligent but it was a natural quality and not at all forced. He believed in what he said before he said it and rarely argued a point. He could give you the facts and it was then up to you, to either agree with him and the proper answer, or to find another less correct one you did like. If I had liked Kent before I liked him even more after the first thirty minutes during that visit.

"I would say I'm a wanderer," I said.

"Where have you been?" Kent asked.

"Florida a couple of times. I went to Chicago when I was too little to remember. I was born in Memphis. I don't remember it."

"Ah, you're Egyptian," Kent said, not sounding at all serious.

"Memphis, Tennessee. I'm American," I objected.

"I'm English, you know," Kent said with a heavy accent. "I have dual-citizenship. My old man makes sure I keep it just in case. I was born on the air base there."

"Cool," I said. "I've never know a Brit."

"What about the Playboy," Doug said.

"Douglas, my man. You starting to mature at last?" Kent said.

"No, but I've got to get out on the road if I don't want to walk all the way back home. We should get you two situated first."

"I've been waiting for someone to suggest it," he said.

Kent smiled, placing the heel of his right hand down into his lap and pushing down with it like I did when I was pushing my erection down in my pants. I stared at the front of his corduroy pants for the evidence that was suddenly important to me. My mind was immediately on his smooth complexion and his tight well shaped lips.

When he stood it was down the leg of his pants but the leg tented out some ways down. His hand went to it as he walked and I saw him squeeze it once before he was moving away from me. He didn't seem particularly concerned if I was watching or not. He moved purposely and didn't seem to have anything sinister on his mind. I couldn't say the same for me and I followed close behind watching the way the back of his cords bubbled out. I used the hell of my hand to keep things under control.

We lay on the bed with Kent and the Playboy in the middle. Kent's leg, the one with the bulge, crossed over mine at the knee. He turned the pages and we all stared into the pages. He explained the articles as we passed over them a page at a time. He gave his slant and the magazines as we moved on to the next naked lady. Once again I realized it was the boys and not the girls that peaked my interest. I was far more interested in what Kent had in his pants than what was in the book.

Each time we got to a new model, Kent would wiggle the front of his pants into the mattress under him. I knew what he was doing. I did it all the time. I'd never thought that other boys did the same things. Knowing he was doing it with boys on either side of him made me sweat. I leaned up on my left elbow slightly facing his body with mine and during one of his wiggles his thigh ended up pressed against my own stimulation. It stayed in place once the wiggling had stopped. I let my hand rest on the back of his leg.

"Hey, you two, enjoy! I got to go," Doug said, leaping up.

"Your mothers still a half an hour up the road," Kent growled.

"Yeah, well, she might be early."

Doug was gone in a minute.

"Herbie," Kent said.


"He's going to see Herbie. He's entertaining in the rec room."

Kent leaped up making no attempt to hide the bulge. He turned on a television set that sat up on a bookshelf in the corner of the room. The basement rec room was on the screen. A boy I didn't recognize sat at the corner of the couch and Herbie was lying down, knees bent, and the other boys arm was up between Herbie's legs.

Herbie was wearing only his boxers and the other boy was fully clothed. He had on a leather coat with chains on one shoulder, jeans, and big motorcycle boots. His fly was open and he was fondling himself and Herbie at the same time he looked into the screen of the invisible television.

"You wired the rec room?"

"Sure. Makes for entertainment when there isn't any."

"Does Herbie know you watch him?"

"I guess he can figure it out. He's seen the hookup. He helped me focus the camera."

"You watch your own brother?"

"He's cool. It's not him I'm watching usually. I don't know this guy. He brings them back from the bowling alley, The El Rancho, wherever he finds them."

There was a knock at the door and Herbie's head turned slightly, "I'm busy. If it's an emergency, dial 911."

"It's Doug."

"Told you," Kent said as the biker boy leaped up, tucking himself away as Herbie turned off the couch and opened the door.

"I'm going," motorcycle boy said.

"Later! You know where I live."

"Yeah, what time you home?"

"This time most days," Herbie said as Doug came into the camera and the new boy left.

"What are you up to?" Doug asked.

"Giving a kid a cheap thrill is all," Herbie said, popping his bone out of his boxers as he hugged up close to Doug.

"I've only got fifteen minutes," Doug said.

"Fine," Herbie said, feeling the front of Doug pants. "You came armed. That a pickle in your pocket or is your dick hard."

"Come on, I got to go, Herbie."

It took a couple of flips of the belt and a snap and Doug's pants and underwear were down to his knees. His dick looked even fatter than I remembered as they felt one another. Herbie stooped, turning Doug around and his face disappeared into his crack. Doug leaned deeper and deeper until he was at a forty-five degree angle with his hands on his knees. Herbie stood up and his dick looked a foot long on TV. He eased it into the crack and in no time at all he was leaning over Doug's back with his arms around him from behind. They just stood there like that, Herbie flush against Doug's ass and my mouth watering and my dick was twitching big time. Kent turned it off.

"That's more than we should have seen. Doug doesn't know about the camera yet. It's pretty new."

"I've seen 'em doing it before."

"Herbie and Doug?"

"Yeah, at Doug's."

"Oh, cool. I don't feel so bad. I got to get out of these pants. My dicks going to break if I don't."

Kent had hair on his lower legs. They looked long and delicate and that belied the design of the muscles in his thigh. He kept his back to me for the most part, but he bent and moved enough to give me pleasant view. Then the boxers dipped as he bent, and there was this fine line of fur leading to his shinny bronze hole. I could see his low hangers between his legs and I could even make out the pole that caused the tenting in his pants. I won't mention my shallowness of breath and suddenly banging heart.

I was rendered even more helpless once he turned to pull up the skintight cutoffs he pulled off the floor of his closet. He yanked at them deliberately as his cock stood straight out of the tight thick brown patch in the split of that baby blue shirt. It was formidable, far thicker than Herbie's and yet nearly as long by my quick calculations. I even forgot about where Herbie was hiding his sausage at that very moment.

"Fucking Herbie's skinny ass. I used to get into his pants with no hassle."

The pole stood up across the left pocket as the tale of his shirt got hung up in the tiny wasted pants. The muscular thighs pressed hard at the leg holes that had been unevenly cut. Kent immediately surveyed my eyes and smiled at what must have been been an expression of admiration for the new boy.

"Don't tell me, now, you got to go?"

"No," I said.

"Good. I like you. What do you want to do?"

His leg crossed over mine as we lay on the bed. He bounced up and down on his butt. I didn't mind the leg. I worshipped its cut and length and I let my right hand come to rest just above the knee. The skin was warm and felt unusually smooth. Kent had no pours. The skin was pulled tight and shinned through it's pinkish on white hue. I looked at how it crossed a few inches below what was now a precipitous bulge that I refused to hide.

"Playboy always does that to me," Kent said, not specifying exactly what but I thought we were discussing my dick.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to reveal my fluttering heart and brain.

My insides had fallen out of my chest and my heart was suddenly the size of a four lane highway. I was tuned in to Kent in a big way. It was different again. It was way different than with Greg. It was nothing like the brotherly feel I had for Doug. It was similar to the animal magnetism of Augie but this time I was older, and it was certainly nothing like wanting to feel Van the man, although I was feeling Kent's thigh without knowing how not to feel his thigh. I had felt so little during my entire life, I wasn't sure if there were any new things left to feel, and then I met someone like Kent. He was easy and relaxed and he had me feeling comfortable in one of the most awkward situations I'd known.

His delicate fingers touched the back of my hand. I was lost in the feel of his thigh. His fingers didn't stop until they were on top of my fingers and then they were our fingers all tangled and twisted in an awkward linkage. It took my mind off the well cut thigh and the bulge in his cutoffs. It took my mind away from the idea of diving down into his crotch. His touch ignited yet another more subtly powerful feeling I'd never once had before while being touched by some hot stud that oozed sexuality and the need to explore it.

"I'm going to have a party this weekend. I'm asked Doug on account his mom thinks I'm the second coming. And you I think. I want you to come if you can. We'll have plenty of booze, so plan on staying over if you can. Want to come?"

"Yes," I gushed, and we were both looking at how we held hands.

"I like you, Martin. I liked you the first time I saw you," Kent said to my eyes.

"Me too," I said.

"No you didn't. I saw the way you looked at me. Everyone looks at me that way. Oh, Herbie's brother, sex fiend. It's obvious. Everyone knows about Herbie. They think they know about me, but they don't. Yeah, I like sex every much as bit as he does, but to me it matters who I'm having sex with. To me I've got to be into the person or it doesn't mean anything, and if it doesn't mean anything, why the hell do it? Don't you agree?"

"Ah, I, ah... think so."

"It's okay. Doug said you didn't know much."

"That's a real recommendation," I objected as I found his thigh under my hand again.

"No, Doug would never say anything hurtful. Doug and I, well, we just know each other. We're like brothers from a distance. When he said, you got to meet Martin cause he's absolutely what you like, I knew you would be."

"He said that," I said.

"Yeah, I said that. You two quit talking about me behind my back," Doug said.

"How's Herbert?" Kent asked.

"Herbert? What are you talking about?" Doug said.

"The smile. You have a glow on. You been with my brother," Kent observed.

"Damn you, Kent. So what? I said hello."

"I bet you did. You never say hello to me like that anymore."

"We agreed about that," Doug said.

"Yeah, but you're still the best one."

"I know," Doug said casually. "You'll just have to make do."

"You are," I said honestly. "You are absolutely the best one."

I could see the hitch in Doug's throat as he stared down at Kent and I holding hands and how my free hand was freely sliding on Kent's flesh, moving higher and higher as they both watched.

"This weekend," Kent said.

"Yeah, Martin coming?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," I said.

"Yeah, I got to go. The old lady'll be coming along soon."

"I'm going too," I said.

I started to roll over top of Kent and toward Doug but Kent caught my arms and stopped me as we came face to face. His steely eyes were intense and focused on mine. We didn't say anything. I was sure he wasn't going to kiss me but I knew it crossed his mind. It sure as hell crossed mine.

"I like you. Please come this weekend. I promise you won't regret it."

"I'll be here. Nothing will keep me away."

It took until then for me to realize my erection and his erection were rubbing together because of where I'd put myself. He held me until I pulled away, taking all the time I could to let my cock stay in contact with his. He watched until I was gone out of his door and we were quickly on the street moving toward Old Highway.

"He's neat," Doug said.

"God, he's gorgeous," I said.

"I've got to tell him, you know."

"I was hoping you would. I've never met anyone that intense."

"Kent's different. There's nothing he won't do or try. He likes certain people, but not many. He told me the first time he saw you, I want to get to know him. He's something else."

"He said that?"

"Martin, shut up," Doug objected, charging toward the highway in a sudden gallop.

I laughed to myself. What was his hurry? If she'd already passed, she was gone, and if she hadn't, we had plenty of time. I just didn't get his hurry, and then the blue car suddenly slammed on its breaks and slid to the shoulder of the road as Doug was at that instant emerging around the pillar that announced Dorchester Estates. Doug turned back in a sweeping arm motion for me to come ahead.

I ran up thinking what an idiot I always was. We'd have been walking back if it were left up to me.

"Hi, Martin. Missed you yesterday afternoon. Had sandwiches all ready for you boy."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to get home. Homework!"

"Oh," she said, not believing that one for a second.

"I wanted to tell you what a great time I had. I mean all of it. Greg's father is the best. Even Ike's great. You got a great family."

"Well, thank you, Martin," she said delighted. "The Mr. said he was quite fond of you. You aren't so convinced about life as most of the boys. He thought you have considerable promise. He sees how you'd be good for Gregory."

"I don't think Greg thinks that much of me," I said, soulfully coming back to the reality of my words.

"That's because he's so impressed with himself Martin. He doesn't know good people from bad people, only those he can control. He can't control you because you are a thoughtful young man. It threatens him, but we like it. Don't let him run you off. You are invited to come along this weekend if you like."

"I sort of had other plans. I think my parents wouldn't want me away so soon."

"Of course not, but you are always welcome. We spend much of our time there during the summer. We always like good company. You remember that. I don't want to keep asking you," she said firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," I said only smiling a little more inside myself than I was smiling on the outside.

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