Discovering Love

Written by Rick Beck

Chapter 27

Futures Past

The week dragged by more slowly than usual. I waited until Thursday, after talking to Doug before I asked my parents for a weekend pass. Once again I was shocked by their easy submission. I'd never given them any cause to doubt my honesty, always telling them everything I knew they'd find out. My secrets were things that had little to do with parents and their child. If they were trustworthy and capable of accepting me as I was there would be no secrets, but I was to be cast in their image and there was no argument there. So whenever our mutual interests diverged, I merely kept it to myself and nodded a lot. Why ask for trouble when you aren't prepared to confront it?

Should they find out I was about to embark on a weekend with two military brats of dubious character and questionable habits, not to mention the absence of adult supervision, well, the word no comes to mind. That leads me to the teenage credo, what you don't know ain't gonna hurt you. I had now successfully arranged to escape my house on three separate occasions and for two consecutive weekend sojourns that were all rooted in my quest for sexual knowledge.

On Thursday night, after getting my parents permission to break free of them for the weekend, I was summoned to the phone. I was sure it was Doug, and I sequestered myself in a safe corner to talk.

"Hey, handsome. How's it hangin'?" I said once I was sure my parents were otherwise occupied.

"To tell you the truth it hangs so low I bruised both of my knees this week while thinking about you," the voice answered.

"Kent!" I squealed, catching myself in mid yelp.

"The one and only. You think I'm handsome, huh?"

"No! I thought you were Doug."

"Oh, he's handsome but how could you think I was he, and what does that then make me? Gorgeous?"

"You talked to him."

"We tell each other everything," Kent said. "So you better careful about what you consent to do."

"Everything? You'll tell him everything we do?"

"Everything. He says you're pretty wild once you get your motor warmed up."

"Jesus," I said. "I do have to be careful."

"Yes," Kent answered.

"I didn't start it," I said, feeling myself blush.

"I will if you won't," he said. "Can you come."

"Yeah. I just asked. It's cool. They think I'm going to the mountains again."

"Cool. Look, I just wanted to hear your voice sexy. I was afraid you wouldn't come. I had to check. I have something to look forward to now."

"Me too. I can't wait to see you," I confessed. "Thanks," he said sounding pleased.

Friday was the worst. Luckily the day finally started moving about lunchtime. Once I was on my way home I started to feel the freedom washing in my veins. I stopped at the bowling alley for a root beer and fries after dropping my books off at the house. I didn't want too show up too early. I was surprised to see Herbie and Tommy seated at a table talking over sodas in the far corner.

I pretended I didn't see them and I sat by the alleys and watched three spastic girls trying to figure out how to score the game. Each knew some detail she'd heard from someone who knew someone that once bowled. All together they didn't know squat. I went over and kept score for a few frames to show them how clever I was and to sell the idea I didn't see Herbie and Tommy. It wasn't much of a challenge. I had no trouble adding the twos and threes to the zeros.

I slipped out the side door as soon as I could escape the drooling teeny-boppers. I wondered if I would have been attracted to one of them if I were straight? They mostly looked like boys with too much hair on their heads not to mention too much hardware on their teeth. One had a substantial chest but I was sure it wasn't from lifting weights.

I knew I checked boys out pretty thoroughly by this time but I hadn't felt the slightest urge to check one of the girls out. It just never occurred to me until after I had left the bowling alley. I wasn't entirely sure how it worked. How do people "choose" whom they are attracted to. You either are or you aren't and I wasn't. I figured straight boys would have been hanging all over them if they had gotten the chance.

It was a short hop to Kent's. He was wearing navy blue cords and a light blue button up short sleeve shirt. His eyes sparkled when he answered the door. We made immediate eye contact and he smiled pleasantly before opening the door wide enough for me to gain entry. Before sitting down h went to get glasses filled with ice and he placed them and the root beer on the coffee table in front of the couch where we both sat. I was half turned toward him with my knee on the cushion. He mirrored my position on his end of the couch.

Kent looked much older than he was. Perhaps older isn't the word. He looked and seemed very mature. He carried himself with confidence and a poise that most of the kids I knew didn't have. We spent the first ten minutes sipping and staring. It was awesome. I tingled from head to toe just being that close to him. I had never felt anything quite like it before.

"How was your week?" He asked.

"Slow," I said. We laughed.

"I hate school too. Boring," he said. "I thought about you a lot."

"Oh, good thoughts I hope."

"I have a difficult time believing your Herbie's brother."

"Yes, I have trouble with that myself."

"How is it you're so different? I mean he's so..., so..., so Herbie."

"In actuality we aren't so... different."

"Bet me. Herbie's got a one track mind and it's a freight train once he gets going."

"Herbie talks these days and I don't. That's the biggest difference. He's seventeen going on fourteen and I'm fourteen going on forty. It's always been that way. He might never grow up."

"Get real. He doesn't think about anything but sex. I saw him with Tommy a little while ago."

"They're down stairs. Want to watch. The cupboard in the hall has a sliding panel in the back that opens into the rec room. My dad's little eye in the sky, or if you want to just see it on television, we can retire to the bedroom."

"Tommy's straight. He's always calling Timmy queer. He's an asshole," I said.

"The best defense is a good offense. Timmy hasn't told you? Ah, loyalty! That's what love will do for you."

"Told me what?"

"It's not for me to say. I'm not here to set things straight for everyone."

"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm a fifth wheel?"

"I'm sorry. You aren't in on all the inside info yet. Only the king knows everything and each of his subjects has a piece of the puzzle, just one piece. Tommy's one of us, Martin. He's over here as much as his brother and Timmy's brother. You met them the first time you were here. They're at the experimental stage of adolescents."

"Aren't they a little young?" I asked, being sure they were when considering Herbie was almost eighteen.

"Haven't you heard? Herbie's the pied piper."

"What's that supposed to mean," I asked.

"He can't say no. Once he says yes they won't leave him alone. He is good at what he does and there's something about him that people find irresistible."

"What about Doug. Why does he let Herbie do that to him?"

"Why does he let you do that to him?"

"Herbie doesn't care about him," I said.

"Herbie loves him. Doug loves Herbie. You don't know Martin. Don't judge other people. You can't. My brother is fine. Doug is fine."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand. I like Herbie."

"Don't run your mouth about things you aren't able to understand. I'll let you ask questions. I'll try to explain as best I can but how do I know where horny ends and love starts? I'm just a kid."

"I have a feeling you were never a kid," I said.

"It all started in Germany. It got out of hand there anyway."

"What's that mean?" I asked.

"We all had a hand in creating Herbie. He isn't anybody really. Not the way most people become somebody. Herbie is just what people want him to be. He was homely, slow in school, shy, not very good with people, and he had the perfect brother, Moi. He used to sleep under my bed, you know? I laughed at him the first few times he slept there. Me and my friends made fun of him all the time. Boys are particularly cruel to each other in Germany. You think that's how Hitler got his start, huh? But then one must ask, was he the laugher or did the kids laugh at him?"

"You're so nice. How could you be cruel to your brother?" I asked.

"I was a kid, Martin. I was the chosen one. The sun rose and set on me. All the disappointments in Herbie were reborn in me. He didn't walk until he was almost three. I was already walking when he took his first step. He was five before he ever talked, or maybe he just didn't have anything to say until he was five. It's difficult to know what goes on inside his head. I know he's smart, you know. Not in a conventional way."


"Like Algebra. I'm no good with math. I was sitting one day with this list of problems. Pulling my hair out, you know. After a half an hour or so he strolls over to my desk and marks the answers down to all the problems."

"He had the same teacher once?"

"No. He solve them in his head. Some people aren't wired the same as the rest of us."

"What was the trick?"

"The trick was he knew the answers."


"That wasn't the question. Math was the question and he knew the answers. He didn't know how he knew. He just knew. Wired different. I know how to go about getting the proper answer, I just don't get it."

"So how did he get the right answers?"

"He didn't get them, Martin. He knew them."

"How did he know them?"

"It's not important. He knew. That's important."

"I don't know. I think you've got to know how you get the answer. That's the point of learning math."

"If you know the answer you don't need to know how to get the answer."

"I s'pose."

"Herbie does fine now. He gets along with everyone. He's happy and I'm happy for him. He found something he's good at. Some thing people like about him. How bad can that be?"

"Sex," I said.

"Precisely. He's without inhibition when it comes to sex."

"How can sex make that much difference? It just frustrates me. I want it with everyone, but then I don't want it when I get the chance."

"He doesn't attach significance to it. It's something everybody does and if they don't, they want to. To Herbie it's a biological response to a stimulus."

"Tell me about it," I said. "He treats everyone like they want to."

"How could he do that?"

"Well, like I said, we were in Germany. You'd better fill your glass up. This is the long version. You do have the weekend."

"I'm yours until Sunday night," I said.

"Okay! Here's how I turned my brother into a sex god with a little help from my friends and other boys that happened to be around at the time?"

"Shoot," I said, reaching for the root beer.

"I was eleven, hard charging toward twelve, and I hung with Fritz. We used to go to the swimming pool Friday nights. You swim nude and Fritz loved it. He never admitted it but I could tell. He'd just turned twelve. I guess I loved it too. There were always old guys, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen year olds hanging out. Old to us back then. We were just old enough for the big pool. Well, I had to lie to get in with the big boys, and so we were the youngest and we didn't miss anything the big boys had or did.

"One night these two guys were horsing around. Fritz and I hung on the wall nearby to watch them. They were like wrestling. There were fifty kids in the pool and these were just two acting like idiots. No one else paid attention for all the yelling and splashing going on. They kept grabbing each other from behind, picking each other up. We knew where their dicks were going each time one wrestled the other out of the water. We'd seen it before but we still enjoyed watching big naked boys getting excited."

"You and Fritz fool around?" I asked.

"We had explored each other like most kids. You know, touchy feely stuff."

"I never did. I thought about doing it. Never did. Should have."

"It was no big deal. Doctors! Anyway, this black kid swims over. He's twelve. The other two are maybe thirteen and fourteen. One's obviously older, has muscles and a real body with extra hair where it counts. It was the young one that kept it going. The black kid stayed floating next to them. He stared right at where one guy's dick is pressed up against the other boy's butt. It's obvious to us he's looking at the same thing we're looking at.

"All at once while lifting the older boy up the younger boy tosses him on top of the black kid. Then he starts splashing them and all three of them are splashing each other and laughing like ten year olds do. It was all pretty routine until the black kid gets behind the younger boy and lifts him up with a jerk and his dick is pressing against his behind, only his dick is big, black, hard, and easy to see.

"He like plants it in the guy's crack and hauls him up on it and then puts him down and lifts him up on it again. The boy reaches his hand back and he's feeling it. I'm thinking he's got to be worrying about it getting loose up there. The older boy is splashing them and mesmerized by the boldness of the black boy.

"They took turns wrestling with the black boy. Fritz and I floated closer and closer to them. The older boy said something about us watching and the younger boy swam right over to me. He leaned to whisper something in my ear and his hand felt my dick. I was shocked that someone I didn't know was feeling it. It excited me. I think that was the first time I was really excited.

"He whispered again. He wanted me to touch him. I did."

"He felt your dick?" I asked. "You were only eleven."

"Yeah, and he was surprised too. I'd started to grow that year. I wasn't as big as he was but I was as big as his friend."

"You knew about Herbie's dick?"

"You could say that. He started growing when he was eleven. It grew and grew and grew. Once the lights went out I would feel it. That's when we started sleeping together. It was better than knowing he was under my bed. Then we had a reason not to sleep under my bed."

"Like the troll," I envisioned.

"Like my brother, Martin. I felt sorry for him. I love my brother. I'd do anything for him. He caught enough hell from my old man. I couldn't be cruel to him any longer."

"That's good."

"Well, maybe I should be rewarded for being good. Why not move over here?"

He'd unbuttoned his shirt and I put my hand on his warm stomach after sliding up beside him. He looped his arm over my shoulder and squeezed me to him. We were hugging each other right in the middle of his living room.

"I was way ahead of all the kids my age. I'm not bragging. I've always blazed the way. I was ahead of my time. I don't think I was ever a kid, not really. Maybe because of Herbie. I was always his big brother."

"He seems normal to me," I said while feeling his chest.

"Lower will make me talk faster. I don't have much of a chest yet. I've got quite a pecker if you're into that sort of thing."

"I don't even know you," I said as I fought off a blush.

"Isn't that why you're staying with me? May as well cut to the chase, Martin. I don't know how to ease up to it."

My fingers slid down off his stomach and across his zipper. I felt the bulging. His legs opened wide.

"I blazed a lot of trails in Germany. Herbie was just one example of curiosity satisfied. Once I saw he was growing down there my interest increased. I was feeling it every night. I had a ruler and measured it a lot."

"What did He think?"

"I don't know. He doesn't say much about thinking. He smiled a lot. We held each other at night. He liked it. We got close for the first time. I liked being close to him."

"What did your parents think?"

"The old man never comes in our room. He yells if he wants us. When I was ten Herbie started sleeping in my lower bunk. He'd always slept up top except when he started sleeping under my bed. I hated that. He cried some nights. Usually after my old man called him a retard or slapped him around for fucking something up."

"Your mother?"

"I hardly remember her. She died. Cancer!"

"Who raised you?"

"My father. He's gone a lot. We had a nanny in England. By the time we were in Germany it was up to me to keep Herbie out of trouble. It got to be more fun once he started going through puberty."

"So what happened at the pool?"

"After awhile Fritz has got to go home. My old man's flying so I get to do what I want. I know Herbie's home with his new Playboy."

"He was into Playboy at Twelve?" I asked.

"He'd turned thirteen. Yeah, he's always liked pictures."

"I bet."

"I walked Fritz into the dressing room and we said goodbye after he dressed. I'm anxious to get back thinking I can get involved with that one boy. When I started back toward the pool, here they come, so I join them as they passed. The black boy is between the two German boys. They stop at a locker and get a towel. The black boy's still hard and they take turns feeling it.

"When he sees me watching he says, "I'm Jacque, this is Freddie and Herman."

"I'm Kent," I said, offering him my hand but Freddie guides my hand onto Jacque's dick. It was smooth and the skin was so soft but his dick was like steel. It was way different from Herbie's, not just because it was black either. It didn't hurt the excitement any having two older boys watching me.

"Freddie decided I'd felt Jacque for long enough. He wanted me to feel him. It seems I'd gone beyond Herbie and Fritz at last and I found a new excitement for my sprouting boyhood. I went from Freddie to Herman and back to Jacque before someone decided we should shower. They had stalls like in bathrooms. The shower was at the back of the stall.

"It all changed once the door was locked. Jacque ended up with a dick in each hand. Mine wasn't one unfortunately. I was perfectly happy with all the touchy feely shit but I wasn't prepared for the escalation. Jacque turned to kneel in front of Herman.

"Freddie and I stared as Jacque's pink tongue flicking and flicking at the tip of Herman's pink pole. Then, without warning, his lips were in the wiry black cock hair. Freddie put is arm over my shoulder and moved me down until my face was even with his crotch. I right away noticed this intense smell coming from him. I let my face rub against it as he felt my face and stared at Jacque's lips longingly. I knew what he wanted but I hadn't gotten there yet.

"Damn! Freddie blurted out as Herman backed up against the door while Jacque devoured him. He was panting and bucking, using the door for support. Freddie moved away from me and squatted behind Jacque, humping his back as he reached around him for his dick. Herman was squeaking and blowing big air as he fought with Jacque's lips.

"Unexpectedly, Jacque spit out Herman in favor of Freddie's thicker, longer version. He didn't have as much luck swallowing him, taking maybe two thirds of it in the first attempt and that stretched his mouth wide the way Herman's couldn't. Both of Freddie's knees bent seriously then as Jacque shoved his hand up on his ass to keep him propped up. The fingers poked and probed the tender pink hole.

"Herman complained about being deserted. Freddie rocked back and forth while trying to feed Jacque more dick. He starts moaning and gasping and a tacky liquid was leaking out of him as Jacque spit him out, turning back to Herman. In only a minute Herman's knees gave out and his ass slid down the door with Jacque glued on him until he ended up seated in front of the door. Herman's eyes were closed and his mouth was wide open as he sucked air in a big way.

"Freddie got up and went into the shower. It's like we aren't there any more for him. I watched him soap up his youthful body. Herman stands up and unlocks the door and left. Jacque licked his lips and smiled at me. His dick is shinning and the tip is drenched in the sticky film Herbie had started yielding up during our nighttime play.

"I reached for it as he was watching Freddie. He was even stiffer and more exciting than the first time I touched him. It pulsed as I felt the entire thing. He encouraging me to do more but I still wasn't sure. He kept pushing it at my face. I turned my head so it never touched my lips. I decided to kiss it like I kissed Herbie's while he read his Playboy. Some of the film was on my lips and I got another strong smell of sex.

"Freddie was watching us while he soaped up. It was then that Jacque got into the shower stall behind him. He's taller by two or three inches but his dick is perfectly situated to rest against Freddie's ass. He reached around to take over the soaping of his dick. His hand and fingers are moving slow over the front of the boy. While he's massaging Freddie's dick, his dick finds its way firmly in the white crack.

"He bends his knees so he can slid it up the groove. Jacque soaped himself up while Freddie leans back against him and is feeling the swollen black boy dick. Freddie's older by some but his little boy body can't compare with Jacque's shinny lean body. Even at twelve Jacque is more mature and he obviously knows more about what his body can do.

"There was something about black on white that made the action easy to follow. Each boy soaped up the other boy's dick. His black digits probed between the white legs. He seemed alarmed when he was bent forward. I could see the black digits probing the white butt. The contrast of skin color was amazing to see. Freddie spit out words in a short sentence. His words were sharp and unsure. Jacque spoke in soothing tones as he continued this new operation. It sounded like he said he wasn't going to hurt him. He sure wasn't stopping. Whatever he said it wasn't long before the fingers were inside the smaller boy. He seemed to be working up to something.

"I watched as Jacque was massage soap into Freddie's stiff dick with one hand while easing the second finger of the other hand up his butthole. Freddie seemed tentative. His body was tense as he leaned back against Jacque and he recoiled just slightly once the second finger slipped through.

"Then Jacque's pink tongue was in Freddie's ear as both of his hands went onto his waist. Jacque pulled him down on his tip, easing it up inside him until his ebony ball sac hung directly under Freddie's pink crack. They leaned against one another and stood there like that for what seemed like forever. There was no sign of any protest. I'd never seen anything like it.

"There were a hundred different expressions on Freddie's face and they changed by the second. The hand starts slowly working his dick while using it to slide him back and forth on the dick. Jacque put his arms around Freddie's chest and held him against his body. The smaller boy trembled and spoke a few soft pleasant words. Jacque answered in the same sweet tone. I don't remember what they said, but it was neat to hear.

"Freddie's eyes were closed as Jacque nibbled on his neck while pumping his dick. The moves became more deliberate until he was humping him at a good clip. He's still holding him up by his chest. It took another minute for them to seem like they were totally devoted to this new activity. That long black dong became a blur about this time.

"It was then that Herman slipped back in through the door we had never locked. He stopped dead as soon as he saw what Jacque was doing to his friend. He was fully dressed now and looked fifteen or sixteen at least. Herman went back to spitting out German words. He didn't seem all that happy. Freddie answered him in the same tone. I couldn't pick much of it up.

"Jacque laughed between gasps but it didn't slow him down and he was still in high gear. To me it sounded like Herman said, if you had told me you wanted to get fucked I'd have fucked you. Freddie turned his head to look at Herman while Jacque rocked him with firm thrusts. I realized there was something going on between them. I couldn't sure if it was jealousy or anger but I'd have bet on jealousy.

"It was quite amazing by this time. Freddie leaned forward and put his hands on his knees as Jacque went at it and the next thing I know Herman is ripping off his clothes. He goes to Jacque and pulls him out of the shower and he gets in. His dick looks absolutely angry, but I didn't get long to look. He rammed it up Freddie's ass like a battering ram and never looked back. He just went right to high gear and gave it to him really hard. It took him all of a minute to finish the angry fuck. Freddie just stood for it.

"Herman yanked on his clothes, spitting out more angry German words. In another minute he was gone. Jacque had replaced him. Freddie and him were going at it, picking up where they had left off without any difficulty. I felt a bit sorry for Herman. His friend didn't seem to care how angry he got. I thought there was a lot more going on between them than I had thought.

"It didn't take long. They looked like a couple of dogs I'd seen fucking on the lawn once. Jacque's hips jerked rapidly as he reached between Freddie's legs to bring him along with him. Their bodies were fused tightly as the slapping grew louder. All the sounds grew louder as they both seemed to be concentrating for all they were worth, and then Jacque leaned back and eased himself out. His dick immediately drooped down between his weakened legs. It was over."

"You still get wired when you think about it," I said.

"Yeah, it was the first time I saw sex. What Herbie and I did was kids play. I'd just learned all the moves at once. Now I'm all bound up thinking about this."

Kent stood and flipped open his belt and pants. They stropped to the floor. He stepped out of them and maneuvering himself in his boxers before he dropped back down on the couch. My mouth had gone dry as I looked at his thin shapely legs and how one leg in particular forced his boxers to bulge.

"I hate that," he said, reaching to put me under his arm again. "Where was I?" He put his hand on where the leg of his boxers puffed out and he squeezed in a way that outlined his erection and dickhead.

"The black boy just shot his load in the white boys butt," I reminded him.

"Yeah, here, let me have your hand. You can keep track of the story if you hold onto my barometer."

I put out my hand and Kent took my wrist extending it through the opening in his boxers. The first thing I felt was his wiry bush. I felt the solid warm flesh after that. I let my fingers touch the shaft lightly as his legs spread wide. I slipped my hand down until I could wrap my fingers around him. He watched where my hand disappeared. I squeezed gently and nestling my head back against his shoulder.

"You got nice hands," Kent said after I felt it for awhile.

"You got good dick," I said.

"You want we should go get comfortable. Herbie's entertaining Tommy downstairs. They might come up to the kitchen but never in the bedroom. Tommy needs to watch porn."

"What about the party?"

"Oh, Doug called. He's decided to go to the mountains."

"I talked to him last night. He didn't say anything to me."

"Yeah, well, he told me to tell you."

"What about the rest of your friends?" I asked.

"I forgot to ask anyone else. The one I wanted to come is here," he said. "I'm afraid we'll have to make our own party."

"Cool," I said, following him into his bedroom.

"So how does Herbie fit into this swimming pool deal you're telling me about?"

We settled onto the bed and I snuggled up close to him.

"Well, Jacque came out and stood in front of me. I felt his soft dick. I peeled the skin back and checked the head and how the skin worked. He asked if I had ever seen one that big. I told them Herbie's was way big. He asked how big and I told him over nine inches. Both him and Freddie are laughing about it. I tell them they can come over and see for themselves. They want to take me up on it. Especially Freddie seems interested.

"I tell them no one is home but Herbie and they are even more anxious to meet him under those circumstances. Herman protests when Freddie tells him where he's going. He ended up coming along anyway."

"Herman loved Freddie," I said.

"Maybe. Didn't much matter to me then. Herman was a drag and Jacques and Freddie were totally cool."

"They went home with you?"

"You hungry?" Kent asked. "I'm feeling funny about this. Let's get something to eat."

"I had fries at El Rancho," I said.

"Yeah, come on. I said I wasn't going to let this happen. Sometimes I can't stop myself."

He climbed out of the bed and out of my reach, buttoning up his shirt before he turned around. He walked to the door and acted like he was waiting for me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's not you Martin. It's me. I keep saying I'm not going to do this and then I do it. I'm a kid. What can I say? I want immediate gratification whenever its hard."

"What position? I wasn't doing anything I didn't want to do. I asked to hear the story."

"I want to get to know you. Right off I'm getting you to feel my dick. It's not how I wanted it to go. I pictured we would sit and talk and learn stuff about each other."

"Sure," I said, following back toward the kitchen.

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