I've Been Raped

Straight boys, teens, and men never consider the possibility of being raped. It "doesn't happen".see note *

But it does.

Almost always it is nothing to do with sex.

I'll repeat that. Almost always it is nothing to do with sex.

It has to do with power, not sex. Power. The rapist using the power of his body to impose his will on the person who is raped. Penetrating the victim's body with his penis is the ultimate power trip for the rapist. So is your distress, and the pain he is causing you.

If it were to do with sex, why would straight men rape gay boys when they beat them up? And yes, it's almost always a straight man carrying out the rape. And he's not ever going to be gay. A power trip. Ok, there are always exceptions. And if you were raped by a gay man, I know you were one of those exceptions. I said "almost always". There are gay rapists too.

First things first. Rape is a crisis. And a crisis removes rational thought. So remember, there are things you need to do. This isn't an exhaustive list, but it's common sense.

Above all, remember that people survive rape every day. 99% of them take the steps to resume normal and lively sex lives as soon as possible, and do not remain in fear of rape. It's a horrible crime to have forced on you. But it IS survivable. And it can be survived without any emotional damage, if you have friends, real or online, to help you through the aftershocks. No friends anywhere? Then I have a messageboard on this site to start you off. Post your cry for help there. Or grab any of us by email and talk.

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*I was asked to clarify this. Straight men and boys never even think of the possibility of anyone penetrating them at all, let alone someone doing it against their will. Being raped is an awful physical violation, and it's a huge emotional violation made larger by the lack of their even considering that it might happen.

When you are gay you either participate in or do not participate in penetrative anal sex. Thus it is an expected activity that is either desirable or not. And the possibility of rape is, as for a woman whose sexual activity tends to include being penetrated, is in the back of one's mind.

The gentleman who asked me to clarify this had been assaulted as an adult and was concerned that his first reaction was that I did not consider this to be a gay problem.

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The National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization (NOMSV)
"Dedicated to a safe world, we are an organization of diverse individuals committed through research, education, advocacy, and activism to the prevention, treatment and elimination of all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men." Vast information at various levels, ressources for survivors, hotline, usegroups, chatrooms, book list.
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
Various informations and hotline with automatic connection to the closest rape crisis center (Not all centers seem to work with male rape victims, should be checked with RAINN).
Male sexual abuse
Information for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault of adult men, list of hotlines and general ressources, bibliography and other links (site formerly named Doubting Thomas).
Sexual Abuse of Males: Prevalence, Lasting Effects, and Resources.
Website of Jim Hopper, Ph.D., with research results, bibliography, victim resources, and links to other pages of the author (Sexually Abused Males: Giving and Receiving Guidance and Hope / Factors in the Cycle of Violence - Abused Boys, Gender Socialization, and Violent Men / Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Scientific Research & Scholarly Resources / Trauma and Recovery - Judith Herman's Landmark Book on Child Abuse & Other Traumas).
Rauch, M., Jones, J.W.:
Effective group therapy with male survivors of sexual abuse.
An open page for survivors
This page contains a special guestbook where survivors may lodge their own stories. It contains collated details from survivors of abuse. The first tale of institutionalised abuse is horrific. Not unusual. Just horrific.