Mothers and Foreskins
A sorry tale of what can go wrong
Mothers are preoccupied with cleanliness. Mine was preoccupied with it. Like many women born around 1920 she had never seen a dick until she married one. And the dick she married was circumcised. So she had no idea what to do with a foreskin.
She told me that she asked the doctor what to do with it. Well, that was no use. The doctor was circumcised as well. She thought it was tight.
Why she'd even tried to retract it, I have no idea. I was a tiny baby. "Leave it," he advised. Wisely as it happened. He knew that tight foreskins sort themselves out.
She left it. For a whole year. Then must have begun her "let's see how far it will go back this week" routine. I remember that routine. I never thought anything of it. I suppose I must have been about five or six when I paid it any heed.
I do remember that the foreskin wouldn't pull back. It was sort of glued to the glans. I've leanrt that this is normal, and that it gradually unglues of its own accord, when it's ready to. And each week it went a teeny bit further back. Not painfully, but it needed pressure, too. I liked doing it. It felt nice. Mind you, I kept being told "Don’t play with yourself!" as well. Obviously ok to do "correct things" under supervision, but not to have fun by yourself!
By the time I was about ten years old I was able to report total success in foreskin retraction. She was pleased. "We'd been worried that you might have had to be circumcised, dear. We asked the doctor when you were a baby." As far as my mother was concerned, it was "mission Accomplished".
Only it wasn't. Not accomplished at all. Instead it was damaged. The ring at the tip, the sort of pseudo-sphinctre had been damaged by her routine.
I discovered this when I was a little older. Quite early on I discovered the fun you can have with a dick. Another boy described how to have the fun. Awesome fun. By eleven and a half or so I was wanking myself enthusiastically to as many orgasms as I could manage each day. One day I noticed a sharp pain after I'd finished. And there was blood on the foreskin tip. And a small slit, lengthwise. Painful.
I let it heal, and wanked on. Who could resist?
Sometimes it split again. Mostly it didn't. But it always split in the same spot, or just beside it. And when it healed, the texture of the skin had changed. Imperceptibly, but it had changed. Scar tissue had formed.
Scar tissue is not elastic.
One day, when I was about fifteen, I found that the foreskin would only withdraw when I wasn't erect. Or more obviously that it wouldn't withdraw wheh I was erect. No more elasticity. No gliding the foreskin up and down to wank. I changed technique.
Dickhead. I should have seen the doctor. But my mother had made me gloriously embarrassed about body parts. Anyway, teenagers are immortal, and I thought it would correct itself.
It didn’t correct itself.
And my "modified technique" still damaged the tip more and more. And finally it would not retract at all. Not at all.
I didn’t see the glans again until I was twenty two or twenty three. I finally plucked up the courage to see the doctor. I was circumcised.
Well, that sounds easy to say, but it was deeply embarrassing, and it hurt like hell.
It was a major relief. Also it was entirely unnecessary. If I'd seen the doctor when I first damaged it, he would have been able either to help me deal with the scar tissue, or would have referred me for a simple procedure to ease the skin. I didn’t want to be circumcised. I still wish I hadn't been cut.
But that wasn't the end of it. By being hidden for so long my glans had been damaged. It may even have been the onset of BXO. The opening, the meatus, the piss slit, had become narrowed. Not that I noticed. I just thought I was meant to pee slowly in a thin stream.
I found out it wasn't normal when I was going to be checked out for infertility. (Yeah, I've had the lot). The doctor told me it needed dilation.
Well, that sounded simple, so I had it dilated.
If you have never pissed razor blades, you won't know what I mean. It hurt like hell. Simple process? A general anaesthetic and a fucking great set of dilators shoved up until it split and bled. Awesome fun. Not a good day, that one.
Oh, dilation isn’t permanent. It needs to be done again and again. "Just insert a golf tee once a week" Do WHAT? I didn't even play golf! Plus the tee wouldn’t fit. And it hurt.
Gradually the hole closed up. It took a while. Finally, in 1998, it had healed up so that I could only pee drop by drop. This is a life threatening condition.
I was referred to a surgeon for a choice of dilation or Meataplasty (rebuild of the opening). The surgeon chose the latter. He never told me of the possible side effects, nor that he was to steal my frenulum as part of the procedure. And he was a lousy surgeon. He stole 90% of my sexual sensation. NINETY. He must have cut a load of nerves. He said later, "Well, it is one of the risks with this procedure". Would I have undergone it if he'd told me?
Exactly! Would you?
Oh yes, I also no longer had any aim when peeing. I could hit the guy to the left and right of me when using a urinal, but missed the wall in front of me completely. Soaked trousers and loss of sexual sensation. Marvellous.
Eighteen months later I started the process to have the entire thing rebuilt. The meataplasty surgeon had missed BXO completely. It was as plain as the nose on your face, but he'd missed it. Only he also mentioned it when I went for the follow up consultation, so he must have seen it. He has now lost his job. I made sure of it.
The process for rebuilding? Removal of the BXO which has meant a second and more radical circumcision, and removal of the lining of the urethra. The whole process is described on this website.
Some people ask me why I am still fiercely opposed to circumcision.
I see this as very different as an issue. I had medical needs, albeit ones which were bungled badly, mishandled, and ones I was made too embarrassed to see a doctor about in a timely manner. But ALL boys have the right to make their own decisions about their own bodies. Mutilating a child for fashion or religion is totally objectionable. I oppose it. Moses was a pervert with an unnatural interest in mutilating men's dicks. All religions which mutilate are cults which I oppose. ALL.