So many times I meet people online who find it hard to ask just one question.
Always this question comes down to knowing their own bodies. Sometimes it is phrased as "Where is the prostate, exactly?" Other times it is to do with hygiene. But always it is about matters anal.
I blame parents.
They make us shy about our bodies
There is nothing dirty or unpleasant about your own anus, nor about another person's anus. Unless, of course, it has been left in a dirty and unpleasant state! Well, if that is the case, then just deal with it! Soap, a flannel, and rinsing will remove all traces of faeces, and all odours.
Actually you have been touching your own anus for years. Every time you bath or shower, you wash it. And maybe your fingers have even lingered there. But you may never have seen one. So we are going to take a small hand mirror, and have a look.
First deal with hygiene. Take a dump, get really empty, clean up, wash and dry. Oh, and get some privacy. You are going to need at least half an hour of relaxed, private time here.
Now get into a position, sitting or standing or lying down, where you can position the mirror, and spread your legs and see your own anus. Don't touch, just look. It's not that special. It is kind of ridged, with the ridges spreading from the centre. These allow the opening to stretch to allow things in and out. It's a slightly different colour from the surrounding skin, and sometimes a small pinkish opening peeps open dead centre. If you tense and relax the dump muscles you may even see it wiggle a little!
I was going to put a picture of one here, but dammit, you can find your own picture and your own anus! Surely! Anyway this is not meant to be an erotic guide. This is meant to be simple self exploration.
Now. Put the mirror away. You are going to need a few things. Yeah, well I should have said so before, so now you have to either go round the house naked to get them, or put some clothes on. So sue me!
Most people starting to explore themselves for the first time don't have all the things they need anyway. Here's what you need ideally:
- Short fingernails - ouch!
- Something slippery, but NOT soap or shampoo coz that stings
Now this is going to be pretty straightforward, unless you are shy with yourself when naked. The slippery stuff could be a good moisturising cream, could be Vaseline, could be K-Y jelly. Soap and shampoo stings, so steer clear. Cooking oil is a possibility, or baby oil, or butter, but do be careful about leaving grease stains on the bedsheets. Because we are heading for bed! And the short fingernails? Well, guess!
If you feel adventurous, you could also get a slim household candle. Not a decorative one with ridges, a slim one, maximum diameter an inch (2.5cm approx.), and trim the wick off, and round off any hard corners. If considering something else, never ever use anything pointed. A punctured rectum is not a fun thing to have. And since this is your first time, do not be over ambitious on diameter! We are looking for something less than a dick in size here, even a flaccid one! If you are daft enough to use a section of wooden broom handle, wait until you have varnished it and use it another day. Do not risk splinters! Can you imagine explaining to the doctor how you got splinters in your arse?
You might be wise to have a little tissue paper to clean up spare lube with, too.
Now you need privacy, and time to relax. Partners come later. This is your time. Maybe a little music, but otherwise you just need to lie on your back on the bed, and to relax. Of course, you could try to crouch or squat. Don't blame me if you fall over!
When you are ready, move your legs apart, and, still without lube, move a convenient hand between your legs and find the anus. It feels sort of ridged, with a dent in the middle. Get yourself into a comfortable position and simply make sure that you can both reach the lube and your anus easily. This is not intended to be sexual, so no grabbing bits and having an orgasm yet! Later, if and when you like.
Put sufficient lube on your fingers to make your exploration gentle and simple. At the moment all you are going to do is to stroke round and round on the ridges and towards the centre. As you massage gently you should simply relax, and spread and move your thighs to make access easy.
There is no rush.
Now, you are going to discover a few small things about yourself. And it will still be very gentle. Dab a little more lube onto a chosen finger. This time spiral towards the centre and just gently insert the very tip of the finger inside, still massaging. Now look, we are not going to push hard at all. This is new stuff, and the body takes a while to relax.
The Anal Sphinctre
This muscular set is located in the anal channel, between the anus and the rectum. This muscular system is dedicated to ensure the continence of the subject, to keep faeces and wind inside the body until we choose to release them. We can look at it in two parts.
These two muscles are characterised by a permanent tonicity which is just relaxed at defecation.
I want you to notice something. I want you to notice the distinct ring of thin but tough muscle around the finger. And it is barely inside yet. In fact it isn't inside at all. But let yourself relax. Heck, we've planned on half an hour, and we are barely five minutes into the time.
As you feel the finger with your body, you may notice that it feels a little, well, odd. Sometimes it can even feel hot. That's OK. This is a new sensation. You can't hurt yourself this way, and it gets to be real fun. If you aren't quite sure about things, and your anus tenses, try to leave the finger at rest there until it relaxes gently by itself. When relaxed again we still are rushing nothing
Technically there are two type of muscle here. One type you can relax by willpower, the other you have no rational control over at all! What we are trying to do is to ask your body to relax the muscles by itself. It's just a new skill, and quite an easy one, provided you don't try to introduce anything too large at the beginning. So, if your finger will reach, we are going to use it.
As the anus becomes accustomed to the very slight intrusion of your finger, you will feel it relax. Also any odd sensations either vanish or become pleasurable. Start massaging again, and ease your finger gently further into the tube-like muscles inside the anus. What we are doing is persuading the anus to allow the finger inside, into the rectum itself. And the rectum is a much bigger place.
Some people say "push out as though trying to take a dump." Well, OK, if you want. But I prefer to just ease the finger gently in, persuading those big muscles that it is allowed to be there. For me persuasion gets the best result. Pretending to take a dump sounds just too urgent, and frankly when this is your first time it can be dead off-putting. So ease ahead. Apart from being gripped hard, which is a natural reaction, that odd feeling may come back for a short while. If it does, just wait until it passes before carrying on.
After as long as you wish at this stage, you will feel a void at your finger tip. Goal one attained. You probably only have the top joint of your finger inside, but you are almost through the tough anal muscles and into the rectum. Resist the temptation to grab hold of your dick and have an orgasm! This gets better.
Soon the muscles will relax enough to let you slide the whole finger inside. Mind you I'm assuming your back is flexible enough and your arms are log enough. If not then you'll need that candle for this part. Notice the textures you are feeling. Also press to the front of the rectum, because your goal is about 2" inside. The prostate. The trouble is, you may not be able to feel it with just one finger. There is room for two! Go on, try. Gently. But it will be far easier than putting the first one inside. When it is in, wriggle those fingers and find that gland.
By the way, look at the direction that the rectum leads in. Kind of a bit sloping towards your back. So do use common sense when poking about!
Did you get that candle? Now is the time to try it. Same as the first finger, just ease it inside. This feels different. Bigger. And it can find the prostate easier, too. Some people worry about breaking the candle. Well it has a wick, so it is unlikely to vanish, but even a stiff candle will come out next dump time. The wax softens in the body's heat. So if you lose it inside, stop worrying! It's not as if it's an industrial strength vibrator with long life batteries and still switched on!
How to describe the feeling when you hit the prostate? Fire and ice at the same time. It feels like you are drilling through your body.
Now, unless you are really relaxed and want to try something only slightly larger, why not have that orgasm.
Maybe next time you can do this with a friend!
There are some afterthoughts. Just a couple. Natural ones.
- WASH. Yeah, obvious, I know, but do wash. Including the toys you used.
- There is a normal and natural reaction that means that you want to take a dump. Sometimes it can feel pretty urgent. So take one. Hmm - nothing happened? That is cool too. The reflex may exist but you may be empty. Over time you'll get used to this and the reflex goes away.
- If you get adventurous, you might want to try an internal wash before your next experience. Especially with a partner. These can be fun, or not. Depends on your viewpoint. They can be quite ludicrous, though. If you need me to translate, I mean an enema. If you want to know more, and you should want to know, click Hygiene and Health as part of your investigations
Did I say "Just a couple?" Thought so. That was three. Ah well. Consider it a bonus!