Well, it's less of a big deal than most people think. Unless it's you, of course. When it becomes a big deal very quickly. No pun intended. It's nature at its most efficient, but it screws up love making bigtime.
OK, logic doesn't seem too great when you or your partner suffer from it. But logic's the way to tackle it. And if logic fails, then a little mild local anaesthetic.
Since mucking about with anaesthetics doesn't sound much fun, let's look at logic first.
- A premature orgasm is usually caused by nervousness or extreme excitement
- Oddly, it is flattering to your partner, if hugely inconvenient for you
Orgasms are conventionally required after a "reasonable" period of lovemaking. Nature tries to produce an orgasm as fast as possible. Remember when you were a kid, you could achieve one by yourself in less than ten seconds? Today you are a lover, no longer a fast firing kid. But as kid you could delay orgasm as well. Changing hand technique increased or decreased stimulation. And you could even stop, drop back from the edge, and start again.
So now, with a partner, there must be a difference. Something's changed and it makes you fire even before you've been touched. Well for that part, we need either to move to mild local anaesthetic creams, or "long stay" condoms. But first try something simple. Grasp your scrotum just above your balls. gripping medium hard, pull downwards sharply but "kindly". Yes, you're going to hurt your balls. And the pain, which you control, may well delay the orgasm. Well, it would, wouldn't it? You can ask your lover to do it for you, if you prefer. OK, you may be the one guy in twenty that gets sent over the edge by it, but it's worth a try.
Assuming it's worked, and you can hold each other, then you're in with a fighting chance of learning to control your sensations during sex in the same way that you do with your hand. Your lover needs to help you. However strong the temptation, touching your penis needs to be avoided until you're ready. This is reasonable. Having someone else touch you there is awesome. But in your case you need to take care.
There is an alternative. Why not just let the first orgasm wash over you, and then make love to achieve a second one? Some people find this successful. Others find it difficult to achieve a second erection soon enough for their lover.
This takes practice. It also takes a good lover who is supremely patient to help you. Most of all it takes the ability to relax. Which gives me an idea. A paradoxical idea. Booze produces brewer's droop. Mild booze produces mildly numbed sensation. And mild booze produces a romantic evening. And relaxation. So, if you get it right, a couple of glasses of wine, a soft romantic glow, and a good lover, you may well find it works just right.
If not, it's down to the creams. The UK has a product I keep seeing advertised! "Stallion Delay Spray". Must be worth a try. And if self help doesn't work for you, so involve your doctor. As an assistant! He get's struck off if he acts as a lover!
Finally, please do NOT use double condoms to try to reduce sensitivity. The most important reason is that one condom rubbing on the other will cause sufficient friction to destroy the protective barrier between you and infection. The other reason is that, mostly, premature ejaculation is caused by intense mental not emotional stimulation.