by Rafael Henry
Jem texted me last night about nine.
I texted back…..
'eleven? has Bryn talked 2 u?'
'yes told me evrithing we need to nkow'
'love you 2. r u dressed?
'great cant wait!'
I was dressed. When the front door bell rang, I opened it to make sure it was Jem. It was. I recognized his shoes and opened the door wider and stepped back.
'Oh wow…….you look nice. Have you been like that long then?'
He followed me upstairs into the front bedroom. He shut the door and walked over to me and put his hands on my hips and asked me…..
'Do you still want to?'
'Yes, do you?'
Of course, dressed as I was, I was very accessible. We stood and kissed with our mouths quite gently to start with as we hadn't for a while and needed a few moments to reassure ourselves that it was ok. It was more than ok. We have become breathless.
I wanted to be on my back because I could see him that way. Bryn suggested the other way round but I don't want that……not this time. Bryn said it wasn't fair to let him see me in pain, but I am determined that if it hurts, I'm not going to let him know it does.
I have prepared myself well I think. I'm clean and I've used plenty of the stuff Bryn gave me when he dropped me off after 'Boyhood'. I can't get that image of Mason out of my head……..that first shot of him lying there in the grass looking up into the sky, but now it's Jem who's looking at my face, smiling. I'm looking at his penis. He's holding it, long and slim, and it glistens with the unfamiliar coating of 'the slippery stuff' as Bryn called it.
He's put more of it in me and as far as he could get it, and I'm as open and as ready as I can be. How I love that tickling in there. Jem did loads of it and I absolutely love the feeling it gives me. Blissful!
Bryn warned me about 'involuntary resistance'….that it would probably happen…..the inner ring of muscle just inside that I have no control over that will stop Jem getting inside me. Jem is aware too, and even though he's quite small widthways like me, he's patient. It's not a piece of cake as they say but I'm determined to get him in me somehow or other. I can't say it was comfortable, but gradually….well actually quite quickly…….we made progress. Jem was a bit desperate and I thought he was going to come way too early. Then quite suddenly my body accepted him……all of him, as easy as you like.
I've gone to bed early tonight, not because I'm upset or anything, in fact I feel quite exhilarated. Why? Because it went so beautifully with Jem this morning. For a while I didn't think he was going to cum, but after about ten minutes he did. Just before he did, he told me he was going to. I felt it come in me. It was a beautiful feeling.
I knew he was going to, and I found ways of helping him too. I used my hands a lot…..all over his back and around his bottom….and kissing him too. It hardly hurt at all after the first bit. Once that was over and he was right inside me as far as he could go, it was fine. I think that once you've got it inside you properly, it wouldn't matter much how big they are.
I love Jem, but right now I can't get Bryn out of my head. What would his be like? I haven't seen it of course, at least not yet. I want to before I go back to school next Monday if at all possible. I'm pretty sure he wants to but he can't for obvious reasons. I don't blame him for that. I bet at least some of those boys enjoyed it all at the time, and probably encouraged those blokes to do it to them. Perhaps that's a bad thing to say because an awful lot of them were given no choice and had to submit to their abusers. Bryn is not bad like they were, or are. That's weird isn't it…..I want it but he doesn't, or if he does, he can't.
A bit before Jem came, I felt really strange. There was definitely something going on with me. I know all the biology and how the prostate can do things to you if it gets rubbed against for long enough, but I'm not sure if it was that. I hope so because that would mean I'm sensitive up there and I might one day get a cum that way. That would be amazing wouldn't it? Bryn said it's entirely possible but not for everybody. He said if you rub your willy at the same time and then stop before you feel yourself cumming, then it can just take over, and then you have a different sort of feeling which can last longer and feel much deeper. Wow! I wouldn't mind one of those.
Anyway, Jem did come thank goodness. I was really worried that he wouldn't, but I should have known better. Jem never fails! I love him…..you would too I'm sure. He's so nice. Anyway, he's into girls now……or not quite actually……so he's had to make do with me poor boy. Poor boy? Ha ha.
Bryn said to try and flex your insides when he's getting close because he'll like that. I tried near the end and I think it worked a bit because Jem said he felt me sort of gripping him. He said that that was what tipped him over the edge, that and the other thing I was doing to his bottom. I couldn't reach properly but far enough!
There's been no sign of his cum in me, but that's because he doesn't make that much I suppose. All I can manage is a couple of drips! There was some on him afterwards, and he used Elly's pants to wipe himself, the little pervert. No, he's not a little pervert really.
'Can I have those back please?'
'I just want them. Go on.'
Jem gave then back.
'Sorry Jon. You haven't have you?'
'Shall I now?'
'Yes please, that would be nice…like Darren does?'
'Oh right, but I'm not totally sure how though. Have you?'
'No, but it won't matter…just try please.'
I have no idea if Jem had anything like the correct technique, but it seemed to work fine. I'd been on the brink for ages and I think anyone with a tongue and a pair of lips could have managed me in the state I was in. Jem looked so surprised when I came no more than two minutes into the exercise, poor boy. I told him to keep going afterwards for a bit. I would imagine, because I don't actually know yet for sure, that there's nothing more annoying than the boy stopping after your first spasm of cum. He was back on me within a couple of seconds so I didn't lose much impetus. Sorry to be a bit crude over this one, but……..well, you know.
I've just done it again with a disappointingly dry result, imagining Bryn was here with me. I texted him to tell him which was a bit naughty, but I was in a naughty mood. I got one back straight away.
'Bad boy! How was jem?'
'Not bad for a beginner'
A minute later my phone went. I got under the covers to answer it……..
'Hi Jon…….how are you?'
'Well, I'm walking reasonably ok thanks.'
'I mean how are you ……like as in your head?'
'Oh that……..ok thanks. Yes, fine thanks….just taking it in a bit that's all. I just need to think about it for a bit I suppose.'
'Sure…..yes that's sensible. Can I see you tomorrow……..if you want to that is? You may prefer not to?'
'No…..I mean I do want to. Don't forget I go back on Sunday.'
'I know……that's what I want to talk to you about.'
Tomorrow is Friday. That leaves just Saturday morning on my own when my mother is at work, and then an early start on Sunday morning. At least I miss going with her to that awful church just up the road. There are some seriously weird people that go there, apart from the Philips boy in the choir. We sit about three rows back on his side so I can admire him throughout the service which passes the time quite nicely. He's quite dark and very nice looking for……….actually I don't know how old he is………a bit younger than me probably. I suspect he knows I've noticed him which is slightly embarrassing, but I don't care. I know his surname is Philips because his mum and mine are quite friendly. I've never felt part of this community really. That's what comes of going away to school. You're neither one thing or the other. I ought to get more involved.
We went up on the Downs again. Bryn was in a jolly mood which I think was a bit false. I wasn't. Then he dropped a bit of a bombshell……..
'Do you have to get the train back?'
'Why? There's no other way is there?'
'There is actually, if you and your mum agree.'
He's got a friend who lives in a village not that far from my school. They were talking the other day, and Bryn's got himself invited up there for a couple of days. He wants to drive me up to the city on Sunday.
'You're going to have to meet my mum Bryn………I can't just say I'm going up there in a car with someone she hasn't even met can I?'
'No. No you can't.'
I knew Bryn would go down well with my mother. He's very charming, good looking, and knows exactly what they want to hear frankly. Mum prepared some food, although no one really wanted it but we all made a decent stab at it. You know the stuff that mothers trot out at those things…..squashed sardine sandwiches with no crusts……half a bought sponge cake…….and a plate full of Bourbon biscuits which I just happen to love……oh, and something from my earlier childhood…..a length of Battenburg cake covered in marzipan……..and a pot of tea of course not served in mugs. Elly and Jem came too so that made us five slightly squeezed into our small 'front' room, plus the dog of course thinking he might pick up a scrap or two. He's old now, but I love him no less. Being mostly Labrador, he does some of the things you want him to but by no means everything, like fetching a ball, or sitting by the kerbside, preferring to almost sit but not quite, and looking at you with those doleful eyes thinking 'You don't really mean that do you?' He's been a wonderful friend to me when there's been no one else to talk to in my lonely moments and I shall miss him horribly when he's not here.
Mother didn't take much convincing really because it all made perfect sense. Bryn was going up anyway and it would be so much easier this way. She asked one or two questions about Bryn's vehicle which I'm sure was her rather uninformed safety check. She had never driven in her life but she seemed perfectly fine with it all with the added advantage that it would save the train fare. What was not to like, and he seems to be 'such a nice boy'.
My mother knows Jem well because he's been around our house for years now, and although she has never met Elly, she obviously found her good company with that easy way of hers. She looked nice in her new 'Borgen' Danish style patterned jumper. I like her. Jem was his usual joky self who unfailingly makes us laugh. I knew he would move on eventually, and I'm really glad it's Elly and not some other boy. That would really have upset me. Bryn tried not to look in my direction which I'm sure my mother would have noticed.
I don't know if my Housemaster actually ever wrote to her about what happened, or phoned about the Gerald incident but I always have the feeling she knows something I would rather she didn't. I have always avoided the subject of girls with her, or if she mentions something I quickly divert the conversation. Thinking about it, she must suspect something because of the notebook she must have found, and read about my feelings for Gerald. That must have said it all, and left her in little doubt. I just hope she wasn't too upset by what I had written. It was all about love which can't be a bad thing can it?
We took the dog for his walk in the several acres of allotments that are behind the house. The rectangular plots in rows are divided by pathways every so often which make convenient walks uninterrupted by other humans who might interfere with my idle thoughts as I wait for Marco to lose interest in whatever has distracted him. I suppose it's only a matter of time before they get built on.
Bryn arrived at nine this morning to collect me and take me back up to the city. Last night I had mixed feelings about leaving home once again. I always feel like this…..sad to leave but excited to go back to friends and the beautiful place that is my home from home for so many months of the year. The leaving this time is different. I know that Marco isn't well and my mother has warned me that he may not be around the next time I'm home, so I have spent some time with him this morning……just being with him and loving him. He knows what I'm saying to him, and his eyes speak back to me. We understand each other perfectly. If there's a doggy heaven, he'll be there. I know I probably won't ever see him again, and I can't help crying as I hold him tightly to me……my lovely, faithful old friend.
I get my things together for the journey back. There's not much…….odd bits of clothing, wash kit, a couple of books I was supposed to have read and so on, and get my uniform on, all ironed and ship shape. I look at myself in the mirror, blazer clad. I want to look right for Bryn. I adjust my tie. Yes, that's about as good as I'm going to get it…….not perfect, but not at all bad. I check my black shoes which I'm well used to doing on a daily basis…..no scuffs or mud around the welts. I'm ready. Bryn was standing behind me as I said what was quite possibly my last goodbyes to dear old Marco.
'Are you ok Jon? You don't look it.'
My reply was to turn my head to the left so he couldn't see me. I could hardly bear to leave him….the friend I had known all my life.
We were already on the motorway and according to Bryn, soon to join the orbital road around London heading for the Dartford Tunnel. I had done this route before when my father took me for my entrance exam which incidentally I failed spectacularly in two out of the three papers I took. My English paper saved me, and a good and kindly influential uncle of course. Before you worry about that, I'm trying very hard to justify my place that I may have denied a better person than me. We are told that the purpose of our education is to use it in the service of others ultimately. I believe that……..and I am trying!
Being a Sunday, and reasonably early still, there wasn't much of a queue at the Tunnel. Bryn said that the system has changed to improve traffic flow, but only the southbound bridge traffic. We didn't speak much. I was full of thoughts about the new term, and seeing Gerald at a distance, which oddly brought me back to the present. I looked at my driver…….
'Thanks for taking me Bryn.'
'That's ok Jon. I was going anyway. What made you say that?'
'Dunno. I just thought it I suppose. Anyway I meant it. I really glad that you're here……with me.'
'Do you like being with me then?'
I did my 'looking out of the window to hide my face' trick. I had a hand on my thigh and I felt his touch mine. I responded by taking his hand in mine. I kept looking out of the window…….fields drifted by……farmhouses……..leafless trees, some ivy infested oaks…….cold and lonely against the grey winter sky.
'Look Jon…….Nelson Country!'
We had crossed the border into Norfolk.
We came into the City from the west to avoid the city centre which is a nightmare for drivers who don't know the place very well. Bryn's satnav got us to the hotel and up to the gateway which leads into the Cathedral Close. Being a Sunday, the man who normally stops unauthorized cars from entering, wasn't there, so were just drove through the archway.
'You can go right in Bryn…….there, through those gates.'
There were a couple of cars parked outside the Refectory with blazered boys manhandling bags.
'Is it ok here Jon?'
My Housemaster, Mr Meredith was talking to a parent…….Daniel's mother. He noticed our car and walked over to us. It was something I hadn't expected.
'Hello Jon. Good holiday?'
'Yes thank you Sir.'
'Excellent…….no train this time then?'
'No sir. I got a lift from Bryn. This is Bryn Sir. He's going to see his friend in this area so…..'
'Ah…….good. One of Jon's family are you Bryn?'
'No sir, just a family friend.'
I felt my face getting warm at Meredith's question, despite the chill. Bryn's answer was completely reasonable, but somehow quite illogically and to me it didn't ring true, although it was true.
Meredith stood there, nodding his head as if he wanted further proof. Teachers have to be suspicious these days.
'Bryn's going to be a teacher soon. He's at Exeter.'
'Are you? Excellent. The University?'
'Yes, Department of Education. I've doing my PGCE. I hope to teach English…….somewhere.'
That small joke broke the ice thankfully.
'Excellent! Good degree?'
'Umm, I think I did ok. I got a First in English and Drama.'
'I should think you did. Yes indeed. Exeter is highly rated for English……top ten probably.'
'I think it was fourth last year.'
'Was it…..was it?'
Well that told him. I was covered in a warm glow. Bryn's clever, not that it matters.
While Meredith was on the backfoot I decided to be bold……..
'Would it be ok if I showed Bryn round please Sir?'
'Yes of course. Bring him into tea if you want, if he doesn't mind sitting with you lot…….deserves it after that drive……the tea……not the boys eh! Ha ha.'
That was it….ice well and truly broken, but Meredith wasn't finished…….
'One more thing Jon…….had to move you into dorm three. There's a new chappy in there………I've got you down as his foster brother. Don't mind do you? His people are here at five. My study at five to five then?'
It's not a matter of minding. It's a matter of doing what you're told, and so long as the kid's ok and not a complete arsehole, it's quite a nice job. Basically you help the new kid to get acclimatized to the place and all its little foibles and hold his hanky for him when he needs it, which depending on the individual, can be quite often. It can all be a nasty shock to the uninitiated.
'So which is your bit then?'
'You know, where you sleep. I'd like to see where you'll be. Then I can text you when you're in bed…..see what you're up to.'
'That's none of your business!'
'Meany. I'm just curious.'
'Are you? Well remember what happened to curiosity….it got it's head chopped off.'
'You just made that up.'
'Anyway, where is it then…….the den of iniquity.'
'Up here. Come on, I'll show you.'
Looking around the names on the bed ends, there isn't going to be much 'iniquity' going on. All ten of the boys are a year younger than me….fourth formers…….twelve to thirteen year olds, including my new kid. I know them all. At least I'm in the outside bed, with Arlo next to me.
Arlo. I love that name. I asked Bryn…….
'What sort of a face goes with the name Arlo do you think Bryn?'
'Rather a nice one probably.'
Then, quite out of the blue Bryn asks…….
'I will see you won't I…….when you come back to Brighton for the holidays?'
That was weird because I had just been thinking about the very same thing. I think I had just assumed I would see him. I think I must have looked somewhat taken aback.
'I want to Jon. I think I assumed I would. Would that be ok?'
I took a step towards Bryn. I didn't answer him directly.
'Can I show you the playing fields? You get a great view from there, and the answer to your question.'
It's a five or six minute walk round the east end of the cathedral along Bishopgate, turn right along the pathway, and punch in the code to get through the gate onto the Field. We could hear music coming from the cathedral.
'Crikey….you need a code to get onto the playing field!'
'Of course……..we don't want any old Tom Dick or Harry in here do we?'
I punched in 2909 and the gate opened.
'Does it change…….the number?'
'No. It's Nelson's birthday…..the twenty ninth of September……..2909.'
'You're right, it's a good view.'
It's a great view from where we were standing. Moments later Bryn asks……..
'Is this where it happened?'
'Umm. Just there. If you look over there you can see the house we were seen from.'
'I'm sorry Jon.'
'It's ok. It was stupid really. We could have gone anywhere. It just seemed a good place at the time. You don't think about it do you….you just……'
'Hindsight is a wonderful thing Jon. We all get things wrong. It was just bad luck. Are you cold?'
'Umm. I won't see you until Easter will I?'
'No. We don't get things like half terms. Perhaps we should say goodbye here then?'
'Yes. I've got to meet Arlo and his people in twenty minutes.'
'Oh yes, you'd better not be late for him. We don't want him howling on his first night in the place.'
It was getting cold, but there was a sense of urgency between us. We found a place out of sight at the far end of the Junior School. I leant, standing with my back against the brick wall with my hands held in front of my tummy waiting for him. Taller than me of course, he held me firmly and leant into me hard. We expressed the feelings we have for each other there, in the cold of the late January afternoon, in the faded light, but warmed inside by each other.
'That was naughty Jon.'
'What?' I said wearing my innocent face.
'You know perfectly well. We had an agreement remember?'
'Yes we did.'
He's right of course, we did have an agreement, but my badness did confirm one thing I wasn't completely sure about.
'No you're not. So, do I pass muster then?'
I just smiled and kept my evil thoughts to myself. Pass muster? Oh yes, definitely.
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