by Rafael Henry
The boys had obviously been in and done what they had threatened to do……tidy my place up. They'd done a good job too, and the fact that they had delved into just about everything rather pleased me.
I sat down to wonder about why I was feeling like I was about their invasion of my privacy. I think it's a strange warm feeling, like being intimate with someone…….like you're sharing something together……..that you've passed some sort of barrier……..crossed a threshold maybe? I didn't realise until this morning how deeply they had delved. With just two weeks to the end of term, I don't mind how much they know about me, after all I'm leaving here and so is David. I know I'm feeling quite a bit bolder as far as they are concerned and I can see no reason why at this stage we can't be more familiar. They are two trustworthy boys, and I'm very fond of both of them and now at this stage of proceedings I don't mind if they know that.
I have acquired a few mental images since I've been at Berrington as I think I've implied earlier, and most but not all, are centred around David and Tim. I am coming to terms with the fact that I do 'look'. Many of the boys can only be described as beautiful, not just physically, but in all sorts of ways. I have enjoyed being amongst them immensely. Of course they often look their best as nude figures, or nearly so leaving that last detail to my imagination……but not for long, for in my line of work they are all exposed to my visual scrutiny on a regular basis.
David and Tim were in my mind last night, and they were still there when I woke very early. I felt very ready to do something about it, so I went into the bathroom to get something that I enjoy during those waking hours. I won't go into how I discovered all that, but suffice it to say, there was nothing sinister about it…..just a very natural sensation that enhanced other sensations. It wasn't until I understood the biology of it that it really began to work for me. Up to that point it was just a pleasant feeling discovered by accident I suppose, albeit tainted with guilt.
The guilt disappeared when I learnt to my great satisfaction that my body is mine to enjoy in whatever way I please.
I know, because we have discussed it together, that David and Tim have a relationship which has a very strong sexual element, and I'm absorbed by that fact. They can do what they like at home, but not here. I know they want to, and that's why I've told them they can come here to the Hut provided they are discreet………very discreet. They made my bed very nicely, not that a duvet is exactly difficult to arrange and I'm imagining that they were in it earlier doing whatever they do together. I'm imagining them together now, and they are here now…..with me. In a way I'm hoping that it will become a reality but I also know I have to be realistic and it isn't going to happen is it? It can't. It's a rather wonderful thought don't you think…..that those two are in love……and best friends too.
I know they like me too, but I don't know exactly how much. When I allow myself to think about it, I feel nervous, and excited at the same time. I'm seventeen years old and that's only four years older than David, but of course four years at our age is a long time. I'm technically not an adult which means……well, whatever it means.
There is something that I haven't mentioned, and I found it in the bathroom just now underneath the object of my desire………before going back to bed. It was written on a tiny scrap of paper which they must have found on my desk where I keep lesson notes and suchlike. It was written in blue biro and it said…… Hello, I'm Tim .
I don't quite know how to take what had been written on the tiny piece of paper. Is it just a joke or is it some sort of comment, or what?
Later that day……….
David was in my gym class this morning. It's a very odd feeling when someone, especially one of the boys, knows something about you that you would perhaps rather he didn't.
David was slow to get changed after the lesson and I thought he was deliberately wasting time so that he would be the last to leave. With all the other boys changed and disappeared, it was just me and him. I was free the next period so I had nowhere to rush off to, and just as David was turning towards the main school heading for his next lesson, he turned towards me smiling.
'Did you like Tim? He wants to be friends…….did you know that?'
To say I was taken aback was an understatement. I just stared at David who had already turned away bound for maths or whatever. I watched him disappear into the distance. Did I like Tim? He was obviously referring to the note left underneath the object of my desire, or to be exact, a possibly perfect replica of what I imagined Tim's excited penis looked like? I have seen it, in the flesh and relaxed of course, a number of times and it's entirely possible that there is a close resemblance. I began to imagine the moment when I could compare the two objects…..the real thing with the replicated erection. Tim wants to be friends. I couldn't get that thought out of my head.
I found it almost impossible to concentrate for the rest of the day. After tea, I went for a stroll to the end of the field as I had an hour before a session of social swimming for the residents which I always supervised. Two figures that I immediately recognized, hands in pockets, were making their way towards me. The boys seemed in good spirits and it was David who spoke first.
'Simon, do you remember the shadow theatre we did for the Christmas show?'
'Yes….it was brilliant.'
'Can we do it again……for you at the Hut…….like a sort of leaving present just for you? Can we? Please Simon?'
I agreed because at that moment I would have agreed to almost anything because I needed an answer from David. Then I asked him…..
'David, I need to know what you meant by your question after gym this morning. What on earth was that about?'
'You'll find out when we do our show……. then you'll know.'
Tim and David were at the pool. I let the group in, about a dozen of them, and within a minute or so they had undressed and were standing around the edge of the pool waiting for permission to enter the water. I looked at Tim who was looking at me, standing a few feet away to my right with his hands held behind his back like a ballet dancer awaiting the next routine. Every part of him is utterly complete and beautiful. David had his back to me and I knew why. Tim said something to him which I couldn't hear. David turned his head and smiled briefly, then turned away, still with his back to me. Tim watched me look at David's naked body and smiled, then looked away.
They both know, and now I'm glad that they do. Thoughts can be kept secret of course, but my thoughts are no longer a secret.
Two days later……….
I have seen very little of the boys until this evening. I didn't get an answer to my question on the field the other day either……..the boys just ran off in high spirits. I watched them run up the slope together towards the school buildings and I realised at that moment that I love them both, in that way that I do, and I can't bear the thought of not being with them. My eyes began to fill as the thought washed over me……..silly man that I am.
At six thirty that evening, both boys appeared at the Hut looking like they were on their way to church on a Sunday morning. It was a cool evening after some quite hot weather recently and they wore their deep pink blazers, pink and grey striped ties on grey shirts and the usual grey trousers, Tim of course immaculate in his neat school shorts that allowed a generous length of tanned thigh to be visible, decorated with a covering of fine golden hair…….his long grey socks pulled high to just under his knees, and neatly turned over to show the two thin dark pink rings against the grey background.
We had briefly discussed what the boys would need to construct their theatre…….just a white sheet pinned up over the doorway into the bedroom and my angle poise lamp arranged a few yards away in the bathroom. This will create the sharp shadows that would give exactly the effect the boys wanted……..a perfect representation of movement seen as very dark grey flat shapes against the bright white of the illuminated sheet. The whole effect will be a two dimensional experience rather than three.
I remember the scene they did for the Christmas Show which drew rapturous applause from the audience of the boys, their people, and the staff.
I was instructed to sit on my bed which is directly opposite the doorway. I had attended Chapel this evening which I did when I could, partly because Mr A liked the resident staff to be there if possible, and partly because I actually wanted to be there. There had been a strong chapel music tradition in my secondary school in Exeter and it had rather rubbed off on me, and it was also a good thing to be a presence in support of the twelve resident boys who sang for us almost every evening, and they were very good too considering, and enthusiastically coached by Andrew who is a lovely young man and an enthusiastic and talented musician.
Having no further commitments tonight, I changed into a pair of casual Adidas shorts which allowed plenty of room for movement, with something underneath. That, plus a loose tee shirt was all the warmth I required despite the fact that the weather had turned distinctly cooler. The boys' blazers were clearly unnecessary, so they got put on the bedroom chair, one on top of the other. The boys stood in front of me as I sat with my back against the headboard and my knees up, hands resting on my tummy. The boys looked a little apprehensive so I asked them………
'Are you ok? Would you rather not do it?'
'Yes we want to do it. It's just……..'
'Well, we hope you like it. We think you will, but……………we want to do it for you . It's from us to you.'
'I know it is and I know I'll love it. Just relax and enjoy yourselves boys, and I promise you that I will like it, I know I will.'
It's difficult to describe the expressions on the boys' faces, particularly Tim's. He's such a sweet boy.
The boys disappeared behind the sheet, and with the bright light on now, there's a jumble of shadows while they take up their positions facing each other with perhaps two feet between them, David is taller than Tim and it's David who, after some fifteen seconds or so, makes the first move. They can control the size of their image and how sharp it is, by altering the distance between them and the sheet. Their images are slightly larger than life so my guess is that they are about two feet away from it. David lifts both hands and gestures towards his friend who responds by raising his. David takes both of Tim's hands in his. They move closer together, hands held between their chests now and their faces just inches apart.
I'm sure at that point that what they were feeling took over completely and what happened was a totally natural response to each other. The boys' kiss was at first tentative and exploratory as their lips lightly touched. But it wasn't just lips……..it was noses, ears, then back to their mouths……and all sans detail as far as I was concerned, just dark shadows, but so much more than mere suggestion. No, it was real alright, almost as much for me as for them.
I was so moved by the theatre I was witnessing…….two boys expressing how much they cared for each other in such a demonstrative and tender way. I had never seen boys of their age holding hands before, let alone such an expressive embrace.
David undressed Tim slowly, and with the same loving sensitivity as he had shown his friend just a little earlier. Tim stood quite still while he did it…….the tie first, and with arms aloft, the jumper……the shirt unbuttoned and carefully removed……and then the rest.
It was at that moment of revelation that I fully realised the significance of the note left in the bathroom. As Tim stands there, head lowered slightly, and his figure in sharp profile, I am physically moved.
David watches while Tim works, leaving the best until last. Finally David stands, the bigger boy by far, the process complete. They move together now, hard against each other, arms encircling backs, mouths open and receptive…….exploring…….and hands lower now, pulling together. I break the spell.
'David……….Tim………..you can stop now please.'
The shadowy figures release and turn towards me. The sheet moves sideways and moments later they are at my sides, my arms holding, our three bodies as one. David is the first to speak, whispering into my ear……..
'Tim wants something. Can he?'
Of course it was there in the note, and I can't stop them. I have not the means or the desire to stop them, and I don't want to stop them. The boys worked together and soon I am as they are.
I imagine that the pubescent boy is fascinated by the more physically mature, or at least I know I was not so long ago when I was their age. So now they know…..all speculation ended, and they know what my body will do that theirs will not. Sitting either side of me now they explore me, lightly at first, then with bolder hands and David's pressure brings the unexpected.
'No David, that's something else.'
The boys are ready and they don't want to wait any longer, and I've explained to them what must be done. It's difficult to hold back but I know I have to.
I'm ready now, and I feel Tim tentatively at first and then I feel him fully and easily encompassed. I can feel his ribs, his beautiful back, his hair, and I trace the golden trail of his spine and beyond where tanned skin becomes white skin…….where hills become valleys and where deep caves invite the explorer. Tim's body is warming now, his skin is moist and he breathes faster. I have muscles there and I'm using them now because I want Tim to know I'm with him……my beautiful lover boy…….and I'm loving him to his coming. I tell him I love him…….I tell them I love them ……..I hold him tight to me, hot now, as he lies on me, his hands gripping my shoulders, my beautiful spent lover boy.
David is different and I'm relieved almost when it's over. He didn't really hurt me but it was a little unexpected. I know that one day, possibly quite soon he will become a wonderful lover, albeit a physically challenging one. Tim was all over him as David relieved his tension with me. Tonight is a new thing, as far as I know, for the three of us and we cannot take it lightly.
The boys lay, as they had earlier, either side of me so that I can reach the length of their backs and beyond, their heads touching on my chest. I love the feel of them now as my hands travel over their soft skin, David cooling now but wanting. He plays with me gently. Tim joins in too.
'You do know what happens don't you?'
'Yes, we know. Is it going to?'
They took turns to play, more gently in Tim's case, his smaller hand, and fingertip sensitivity. I had been close to orgasm several times as you can imagine in the course of events. It happened quite quickly to the surprise and delight of the boys who by this time were full of anticipation of the great event, something that was quite outside their experience. Thinking back, I was well 'rested' and that almost certainly accounted for it. As they lay in my arms, my head to one side I could feel their hands on my tummy and chest, delighting in the new sensation with little giggles of appreciation. And afterwards……
'Sorry………did that upset you?'
'No, of course not. We love you. Look.'
I ran the boys a warm bath, not that weren't clean, but given the circumstances it seemed a good idea……a sort of full stop at the end of a sentence if you like. That brief sentence might become just part of a paragraph, or even a chapter maybe?
With their knees bent, both of the boys just about fitted into the bath. They weren't in a hurry to get out, so after ten minutes I pulled the plug on them, and dried them off, Tim first, and finally drawing him close to me. He responded in his own Tim like way by giving me a very hard hug and then disappearing into the bedroom. Alone with David I asked him……
'Are you ok?'
'Yes…….yes I'm fine thanks.'
I put both my hands behind his head as he smiled up at me. I lowered my mouth to his and he kissed me sweetly and very willingly, and our hands brought our middles together. When we found ourselves watching the other's eyes I think we both knew that this wasn't the end.
Tim had raided my chest of drawers which he had so recently and efficiently arranged.
'Can I have these please?'
'Are they ok for you?'
'Yes, look, perfect!'
I had to agree with him. I think it was one of those unconscious decisions when I was kitting myself out last September to make a bit of a deliberate mistake just on the off chance, and here it was. Tim had obviously noticed a discrepancy when he 'tidied me up'. When David came in and saw Tim he asked…….
'Can I too?'
I suppose exchange is no robbery, and in the excitement of 'end of terms' lots of boys' things get mixed up somehow.
We lay on the bed as the boys had about fifteen minutes before they would be missed. Tim lay between us, the three of us just in our underwear. Tim became rather coy and wriggly, and David told him to stop it.
'Because we have to leave in a minute, that's why Tim.'
I helped them get dressed because I wanted to, and I'm sure they enjoyed being 'mothered'. I am so very fond of them.
When they had gone I sat and thought for a while and found myself wanting emotionally……..a little frightened of the future perhaps, and excited about the past.
Two hours later, up in the senior dorm, I read the boys the last but one chapter of 'Coral Island'. As I left I turned off their light and started down the corridor where I met A.
'Well Simon, just a few days to go eh? Will you miss us?'
I'm sure he knows the answer to that……I know I do. I nodded, trying to smile, turning my head away so that he wouldn't notice my embarrassment.
'And by the way Simon………I had a call from David's father earlier. He wants to talk to you. H e'll phone again tomorrow just after tea at six fifteen. Do you think you could be around for that? Good, you can take it in my study. You won't be disturbed there………….oh, and I'd like to see you before the end of term……..for a proper chat?'
What he'd said brought me up sharply, rather banishing the deep regret I had just been feeling about leaving the boys here…..especially the bit about David's father wanting to speak to me on the telephone. Why would he want to speak to me ?
I worried about it all that night speculating on all the possible scenarios. David wanted to see me earlier but I had told him he couldn't which alarmed him. He'd said he wanted to see me without Tim being there which added to the mystery. How could his father know that his son, in the last few days, had been about as intimate as he could possibly be with a seventeen year old boy?
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