Knots, Book 3
by Elias Scott
Thank God the judge suggested we take a fifteen minute break. My parents and I sat in the hall with Matt's parents.
"I think the DA made the case against Dillon luring you into having sex with him," my dad said.
Matt's parents nodded. Their faces showed concern and fear.
I smiled. "I'm ready for the defense. Remember, it was Dillon who went after me and not the other way around."
Everyone looked relieved. But inside, all I could think of were the knots Matt, Dillon, and I had tied. And while Matt always talked about untying them ourselves, I realized for the first time that all the knots we'd tied were going to unravel when the defense got a chance to cross examine me. They'd lay bare what lay inside. Maybe I didn't really think that at the time, but I know it now. At the time, I just thought they'd expose all the knots we'd tied, knots we didn't give any thought to as we lived our young lives as if nothing we did mattered, when all the time, it did. This has nothing to do with it being right or wrong. It just has to do with what others can do with the knots we tie in our lives. Yes, some knots can have immediate results. Taking drugs or cutting school comes to mind. The knots we tied weren't like that.
Court resumed as the judge reminded me of my oath to tell the truth. I expected Banta to rise, but it was the third lawyer that stood. Shit, how does anyone have a chance against someone with three lawyers? I thought.
The new guy introduced himself as Keith Leonard. He smiled at me. I thought, Oh shit, I'm in for it now.
Leonard turned to me. "The prosecution led us to believe that after Dillon had put his penis in your mouth, you pulled your pants up and went home. Is that what happened?"
"What did happen?"
I figured I'd play dumb. "What do you mean what happened?"
"Explain to the court what happened next."
"I'm not sure."
DA Wheeler stood. "Objection! Your Honor, does the defense have a specific question or is he going to just create the impression that something further happened?"
"Sustained. Please be more specific, Mr. Leonard."
Leonard nodded. "Was the sex all one-sided or did you do something to Dillon?"
"Like what do you mean, did I do something to Dillon?" The judge cleared his throat. "Please answer the question. You may be fifteen, but I believe you know what the defense is asking."
"Yes, Your Honor…Dillon pulled his shirt off. We kissed."
"Did you kiss him or did he kiss you?"
He had me there. "I kissed him."
"Did you just kiss him on the lips?"
"Where else did you kiss him?"
"On his chest."
He paused. "Did you kiss him anywhere else? Remember you are under oath."
"I kissed his bellybutton."
"Is that kissed or licked his bellybutton? Did you put your tongue inside?"
"Objection!" Wheeler complained. "The defendant lured the witness into having sex with him. It isn't relevant what the witness did with the defendant."
"Objection overruled. It is relevant because both the defendant and the witness were both under eighteen at the time."
"Let me repeat the question. "Did you put your tongue inside his navel?"
"Why did you do that?"
"I can't tell you. I'd been with girls and it seemed like the right thing to do."
"How did Dillon react?"
"He moaned and then took all his clothes off so we were both naked."
"Please tell us what happened next."
"He hugged me so that our naked bodies were pressed together."
"Did he hug you or did you hug him?"
"Uh. Uh. It's possible I hugged him."
"I thought he was the aggressor."
"He was, but I had an erection and whether he was a guy or a girl, I was turned on. Like I said before, it was the first time I thought I might be bisexual."
There wasn't any way I was going to let that asshole Leonard make Dillon look innocent.
"Just answer the question. Don't elaborate."
Leonard walked over to the table to talk to Dillon. Dillon said something and Leonard came back to me.
"Did you both just stand there naked or did you go to his bed?"
"We went to his bed."
"What did you do on the bed?"
"Was it mutual?"
"He kissed me. I kissed him back. I suppose you might call it mutual."
"What did you do next?"
Shit, this guy knew his business. Dillon looked at me with a big grin.
"Uh. Uh. I'm not sure."
"Did you slide down and put Dillon's penis in your mouth?"
I dropped my head and went silent for maybe ten seconds.
"Did you hear the question?" Leonard asked.
My head came up and I gave him a mean stare. "Yes, I heard the question."
He looked smug. "Please tell the court, did you slide down and put Dillon's penis in your mouth?"
"Yes I did."
"How did Dillon react?"
"He moaned and then turned so we were in a 69 position."
"Would you please explain to the jury what a 69 position is."
"It's when a guy and a girl each lick or suck the other's sex organ."
Leonard moved away from the witness box so his back was turned away from me. He flipped through his notes as if he was actually reading them.
"But you were both guys. Does this mean each of you were licking and sucking each other's penis?"
"Can I assume from this that you were a willing participant?"
"No. Not at first. He started it. He showed me the porn…"
I was going to go on, but Leonard stopped me. "Just answer the question."
"Did you both ejaculate?" Leonard continued.
"I assume you were so ashamed, you ran over and quickly got dressed and left. Did you do that?"
"What did you do?"
"We laid there. He had his arms around me."
"How long did you lay there?"
"I'm not sure."
"Give us an estimate."
"Maybe five minutes."
"Wasn't it more like fifteen to twenty?"
I paused. "It might have been."
"Did you get dressed after you laid in each other's arms for fifteen to twenty minutes?"
"Was that the last time you and Dillon had sex?"
"Did you have sex the next day?"
"Who initiated the idea?"
"Are you sure of that? Later testimony may contradict that. Didn't you ask Dillon, 'When are we going to do this again?'"
"I may have."
Shit, he had me. The sneaky bastard.
"You said Dillon was working with you in football. Did you work with him on the field that day?"
"I don't remember."
"Didn't you go straight to his house after spring football practice the next day and have sex?"
"We may have."
"Did you or didn't you?"
My voice was low. "We did."
"Please repeat that so the jury can hear you. Did you go straight to Dillon's home after football practice and have sex?"
"Did you have sex the day after that?"
"We may have."
Leonard turned to the judge. "Please tell the witness to answer the question."
Wheeler stood. "Objection. Mr. Leonard is badgering the witness."
"Overruled. The witness is avoiding the question."
Leonard glanced over at Dillon. "Did you have sex the next day?"
"So you had sex three days in a row, is that right?"
"Did the defendant at any time force you to have sex with him?"
The judge rapped his gavel. "Let's break for lunch."
I thought it was never going to end. Actually, it had only begun. My parents and I had lunch at a small restaurant near the courthouse with Matt and his parents. I couldn't look any of them in the eye. "I can't do this. I need to talk to Matt."
Our parents glanced at each other and nodded. They couldn't deal with it either. It's one thing to think your son's gay or your son's friend is gay, but hearing the details makes it all different. What the hell was going to happen when that asshole Leonard asked about Dillon and me fucking?
Matt and I moved to a different table.
Matt frowned. "What went on in there?"
Tears welled in my eyes. "They're making me tell everything that happened between Dillon and me. They want all the details. I can't stand reliving this shit. All I could think of the whole time was knots. We've really tied some knots in our lives, haven't we?"
Matt nodded. "Did they ask anything about me?"
"Not yet. But I expect them to. At this rate, I may be on the stand for days."
Matt pulled a copy of the morning paper out of his back pocket. There was an article on the front page about the trial. It didn't give any names and gave a general outline of Matt's testimony. It made Dillon look bad. I was afraid to see what the next day's paper would say.
"What did you think of Banta?"
"He didn't ask me anything. This asshole Leonard asked all the questions."
Matt suddenly had some hope on his face. "Well, at least they're going to let us go to basketball practice. They're making me come every day in case they want to recall me. I got homework from school and they have me in a small legal library down the hall from the courtroom."
I smiled. "That means they'll have to stop drilling me, no pun intended, around two. Thank God. I'm not sure I could take three more hours of this shit."
"Hang in there. All we can hope is that the jury understands Dillon started it all. If they don't, then we're all in deep shit."
"You're right, Matt. I think that's exactly what's going to happen."
We got settled in our seats after lunch, and this time Banta approached. He introduced himself and smiled. I wanted to punch him.
He started with the soft approach. "We know this is hard for you, but we're just looking for the facts." He paused, turned toward the defense table, then turned back to me. "You testified that you had sex three days in a row and that at no time did the defendant force you to have sex. Is that true?"
"At any point during these three days did you tell Dillon that you loved him?"
"I don't remember."
"Is it possible that you may have?"
"Objection. This is a question that the witness can't answer. If the defense has someone to testify to these facts, then the burden rests on them."
"We'll move on then. Did you and Dillon ever have sex at a pond that you and other kids in your class used to frequent?"
I wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "What do you mean by have sex?"
"What do you think I mean?" "This is embarrassing. Kissing and doing a sixty-nine."
"Well, I think it's a bit more than that. Did you and Dillon have anal intercourse at this pond?"
Shit. What was I to say?
"Did he force you to have anal intercourse with him?"
"Was that the first time?"
"Uh. I think it was."
"How often did you have anal intercourse after that?"
"I have no idea."
"Did you have anal intercourse on a regular basis?"
I kept trying. "What do you mean on a regular basis?"
"Every time you were together for sex."
"Most of the time."
"Did he ever force himself on you any of those times?"
"So you had sex with him on a regular basis and it was consensual?"
"I would have never had sex with him if it wasn't for him coming onto me the first time."
"Just answer the question."
"What was the question?"
"Did you have consensual sex with Dillon?"
"Do you mean did I consent to it?"
I wanted to smile. I expected the judge to say, "Quit badgering the defense attorney."
"Then it was consensual."
"How old were you at the time?"
"Fourteen, I believe."
"Are you sure it wasn't fifteen?"
"No, fourteen. Dillon was seventeen. The other two boys were thirteen."
That'll teach them.
"Just answer the question."
"How long did this relationship last?"
"Until a month or so after Dillon's eighteenth birthday."
Banta stopped. He had that oh shit, I fucked up expression on his face. He rephrased the question. "I mean in months or years?"
I played dumb. "Oh, sorry."
Banta recovered quickly as he glanced at his notes and then promptly moved to the defense table. "Now that you've mentioned Dillon turning eighteen, let's pursue that. "Did Dillon tell you that you and he could no longer have sex after he turned eighteen?"
"How did you react to that?"
"Dillon had me hooked. I didn't want to see it end."
"Just answer the question."
"I thought I did."
A slight rumble rolled through the courtroom.
"So you didn't want to see it end. Dillon never forced himself on you. You consented to the sex, and even though he said the sex was going to have to end when he turned eighteen, you wanted to continue. Is that right?"
"Like I said, 'I was hooked.' So no, I didn't want it to end. Anyone who's ever had sex knows it hard to stop."
A small laugh traveled through the courtroom.
"Did you cry when Dillon told you the sex would have to end?"
"I think I already explained that."
"How did Dillon respond when you started to cry?"
"I don't remember."
"Let's see if I can remind you. Did he mention that a friend of the family had molested him when he was thirteen?"
"Yes, but I'm not sure if it was then."
"Let's assume it was. Why would he tell you that story right then?"
"I'm not sure."
"Didn't he say something about the man left and the relationship ended?"
Tears started to roll down my cheeks without my consent as I answered through my tears, "I think so."
"It sounds to me like he was trying to explain that relationships end, yours was going to have to end. Do you think that's what he was trying to do?"
Wheeler stood. "Objection. The witness can't have any idea what the defendant's intention was."
Banta paced as he thought of a different way to ask the question. "Is it possible that the reason he told you this story was because he was going to have to end the sexual relationship with you just like the man did with him?"
"Yes, it's possible."
"As far as you can remember, wasn't that man quite a few years older than Dillon, who was thirteen at the time?"
"I believe he was."
The judge rapped his gavel. "It's almost two-fifteen. We'll adjourn until tomorrow."
I wanted to be in that courtroom so badly. It was impossible to study because the whole time I expected to be called back into court. But I wasn't.
My parents picked me up in the library right after court. Andy's parents talked to him for a few minutes before my parents took Andy and me to basketball practice.
"Andy, you did a good job on the stand," my dad said.
"Thanks, Mr. Gibson. But I can't imagine what you must be thinking about me now."
My mom turned back. "Andy, you are like a member of our family. We love you like a son. Nothing that happened in court today changes that. Your parents feel the same way."
He dropped his head. "Thanks."
My dad glanced into the rearview mirror. "It must have really hurt when you found out Dillon had other boys in his life."
Andy didn't respond.
"Does that have anything to do with what the DA warned us about?" Dad asked.
I'm not sure why, but my dad let it go. Maybe he had his suspicions. He knew Andy, Randy, Thomas, and I had at least jacked off together, which of course wasn't true. We'd had a foursome. He'd asked me if we'd done more, and of course I lied. He looked in the rearview mirror again and I saw his eyes on me. "Matt, we love you. No matter what happens, we will always love you."
I didn't say anything. There wasn't any doubt in my mind, they'd still love me. But what about the kids at school, Gina, Emily, Alan, Ernie, and Ollie? How would they feel about me keeping this secret? They'd picture me and Andy fucking each other and the four of us sucking and fucking. What would they think of me? I always thought of myself as a squared away dude and a leader. My image was one of a nice guy with confidence and a guy who knew what he wanted out of life. But life was proving me wrong. What it really came down to was, what did I think about who I was and what I'd become? My grades had slipped. I lied to everyone as if it were second nature. Fear was my constant companion. My life was filled with knots of my own making. The worst part of it was there wasn't anyone else to blame.
My locker was still with the varsity and Jackass Barnes jumped me as soon as I entered the locker room. "From what I could get from the news, you had a pretty hot time with Dillon. Bet you liked every minute of it."
"Fuck you, Jackass. Sounds like you're speaking from experience."
He got in my face. "My name is Jack."
"Oh sorry, Jack. I thought maybe since you like guy's asses so much, that I should add that to your name."
He pushed me. "Watch your mouth, asshole."
I patted my ass. "I bet you'd like to lick my asshole."
I'm not sure what got into me, but knowing that all this shit was going to come out made me bolder than I expected.
Mel Jacobs and Tim Garcia showed up.
Jacobs patted me on the back. "Did we hear something about someone licking someone's asshole?"
I removed his hand. "Yeah, I was just saying I heard Jackass, you, and Tim wanted to lick my ass."
They pushed me into the locker. "Watch your mouth," Garcia said. "We heard what you had to say in court. Sounds like maybe you're the one who likes to lick ass and suck cock."
I slammed my locker and headed to the gym. We have two gyms at our school so the girls and JVs practice in one and the varsity in the other.
It was a relief to get away from them.
Andy was moving around the gym helping Coach Ward, the JV coach. Coach Ward was new to our school. He was a tall thin African American that always had a big smile on his face. I shot some baskets and no one said a word to me about the trial. Thomas was friendly, but not too friendly. I found out later that Coach Ward had talked to all of them, explained the situation, and told them to keep any prejudices they had to themselves because we are a team and he expected all of us to support each other.
Thomas had his shirt off. He's so hot. Slim, but muscular at the same time. He doesn't have Andy's abs, but his arms and chest are well defined. His legs are the best part of him though. They're perfect for his body. Some guys have large upper bodies and skinny legs. Every part of Thomas' body was well proportioned. And hell, if girls can have nice legs, why not guys?
Randy came up to me and nudged me out of earshot as he casually shot some baskets. "Nice testimony."
"Guess I'll have to testify in a few days."
"Were you scared?"
I motioned him further off the court. "Look, I've sometimes treated you like shit. I'm sorry. You're going through this hell just like the rest of us. We're all affected in different ways. I think I understand now."
"Yeah, Dillon truly fucked us all in more ways than one."
He spun around and sunk a twenty-foot shot.
I nudged him. "Nice shot."
Coach blew his whistle and everyone set the balls on the floor. "Get in the stands. I have something to say."
We dutifully got into the bleachers. He didn't mention the trial, but talked about the importance of team and playing as a team. Later Thomas told me he'd already said a lot of it to the team when Andy and I weren't there. He revised it some now that we were there.
Coach finished with, "Remember, there's no I in TEAM."
True enough. But there's no fuck or suck or foursome in TEAM either. Things were going to change for sure when they found out three of their teammates and the team manager had been sucking and fucking each other.
The evening news provided a short description of what happened in court using drawings of Dillon, the judge, the defense team, the jury, and the DA.
"The DA, Roger Wheeler, through his questioning of one of the alleged victims, whose name is being withheld, was able to show that Dillon Burke, the defendant in this case of statutory rape, lured the alleged victim to have sex with him by offering to help him become better in football, giving him rides in his BMW convertible, and inviting him to his house. According to the witness, Mr. Burke took him to his room and used homosexual pornography to encourage him to give into his sexual advances."
The camera focused on Dillon and the defense team. "The same witness admitted under cross examination by the defense, that at no time did Mr. Burke force him to have sex. The sex was consensual according to witness testimony, and it went on for a number of months. During that time, the defendant turned eighteen and the sexual relationship continued.
"The trial will continue tomorrow with the same witness. Four boys, under the age of eighteen are involved, and it is expected that all four will be asked to testify. One boy accused Dillon Burke of raping him. He testified yesterday. We will continue to cover this story until the trial ends."
You cannot oppress someone who is not afraid anymore. - Caesar Chavez
If you live in fear of the future because of what happened in the past, you'll end up losing what you have in the present. – Author Unknown
I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. - Rosa Parks
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