A Matter of Perspective
by Elias Scott
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 12:13 PM
Just lost my motivation to run with Max. No, not unhappy or depressed, just the opposite actually! Happier than I've been in like fricking ages! Just tired, but not in the sleepy way ya know. Mom n dad just left to go bowling with the same two couples that they do this with every other Saturday. And I'm glad cause suddenly I just kinda feel kinda like being alone and chilling out. I'm fine really, but it's like I suddenly just want to sit and take it all in alone and quietly for a while. Does that make sense? I mean think about it! This last like 7, 8, 9 days or whatever has been fucking wild! And now that I'm alone feel like I just want to sit with Max and my guitar on the back porch and kinda take it all in and process it. U need to know that I HAVE TO HAVE U HERE FOR GRADUATION next year. Please! I know we can do it! I know we can! Harder things have been accomplished ya know, plus we got like months to figure it out. You can fly to Boise then catch a commuter flight to Coeur d'Alene and that's only about a 90 minute drive to here, actually less. PLEASE!!!!!
Things have changed SO much round here (shit!) in just a week that I can't imagine them not changing enough by next spring to get u here for one lousy weekend at least! PLEASE FIGURE SOMETHING OUT! I know u wil.
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!! Will n Max!
Frank wrote a short note back and said he'd be at my graduation. He sounded a little unsure. I'll be 18 by then, but he's concerned people might get the wrong impression. What difference does it make? I'd be an adult anyway. But I have no interest in Frank other than his being my mentor. The same is true for him. For two years I didn't have an adult I could talk to about these things. As far as I know I'm the only gay person in town. Frank saved my life and I want him at my graduation.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 12:28 PM
AWESOME! !!! And trust me bro, we don't need to establish some fake contrived time line of communications! This is brilliant! My rents aren't either tech savy enough or distrustfull enough (at least I don't think!) to like demand to read communications between us. Especially if I tell them, over a period of calculated time, how we met and how much u've helped me! It's perfect and brilliant! But I would expect no less from the guy who came up the perfect plan! Wow! Another perfect book title, "The perfect plan".
Seriously bro, u hafta be here for graduation next year!!!!! It just has to happen! It just won't mean the same thing to me if yer not here.
And Max will bite your ass if you're not here!! HA! LOVE YA BRO!
Frank agreed with me and we decided to keep in simple and he'd come out to graduation just like we talked about in our emails.
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 1:24 PM
I will be at your graduation. Just say I'm your mentor and you felt comfortable talking about the things going on in your life with someone you didn't really know and who, over time, you came to trust. This is true after all. He will understand from everything that has happened that I have been a good influence on you and not a bad one. And lastly that I'm not like Pastor Todd. Plus I have the credentials as a teacher and coach and have a Master's Degree in education. I've had three books published. I was MVP in football in high school and junior class president. This should establish my credentials for talking with you.
I'm looking forward to being at your graduation and spending time with your family.
My son's in-laws are conservative religious people and I hate to say rather hypocritical, narrow minded, and tight with their money. They have plenty of it. (money as well as the rest of what I said) I can't imagine how they'd react if one of the grandkids said they were gay. Everyone in my family would be fine with it. You can see I brought my children up with open minds.
God bless. Love ya.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 1:43 PM
Awesome! It's a plan, it's a great idea, it's a perfect idea, a perfect path, and it's A DATE!!! I just know this will work!!! And it means so damn much to me u don't even know!!!! I love u so much! U've changed my whole damn life and I just want to share whatever comes next with you! (And so does Max! Ha!) Will! Xxxoop
I got the impression Frank wasn't too excited about all this. I put him on the spot by insisting that I have him at graduation. I'd like him to meet my parents. We have nothing to hide, but as I'm reading these emails, I understand why we were trying to set up a scenario that would explain why Frank was at my graduation. I had my doubts too. I already knew how people could react when an older man and a younger man passing emails back and forth. It might make people wonder what was going on. Of course, nothing was going on, but shit, I could imagine what people would think if they new I was sharing all my secrets and feelings with a stranger. But as Frank likes to say, "It's a matter of perspective." Not that Frank was a stranger. I'd read his writing and just needed to make friends with him. As you already know, I didn't think he'd write back or be interested, but he's a caring guy and it's too bad that people are narrow minded and stupid like the people in our church. Hell, in our whole town and school for that matter. I was getting the feeling things were rapidly changing for the better, but you just never know.
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 2:05 PM
I've been writing most of the day so have been on my computer. Just as I got back to work, I get a notification that you've written again. This has been a busy day.
Wouldn't have been nice if they had just accepted you as being gay? I feel sorry for them in many ways.I personally think it would make a great movie. That's cool. Just tell your parents you started writing me after going two years without a friend and them barely talking to you. That should make them feel a bit guilty, and they should feel guilty.
Get back to me with your thoughts on this.
God bless. Love you.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 2:35 PM
K. Got it! God now I feel like a double agent! But I can do it. I can do anything now cause I am the chameleon! Ha! I'm glad we can continue writing as here. personal intimate stuff and tell u I love u because I do! And I need that! And I need u!!!
Will and Max (woof)
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 2:55 PM
To be honest, I don't feel comfortable with any of this behind the scenes stuff, but I'm not sure what else to do. I know the goal is to get you through your senior year without being slammed against lockers and being ignored by everyone. Everyone else has already played their hand and don't leave us much choice.
So I'm saying it's ok that we do a small bit of deception if you want me to come to your graduation and meet your friends and parents. The wisest thing I suppose would be for me not to come. But you'll be eighteen by then and I'm not sure why it should make any difference to anyone, but you know, "it's all a matter of perspective."
You are right. This feels a bit odd to me too. We're both double agents. But we are not doing anything evil here. It would be different if we were hurting someone to get what we want. You know how some people think the end justifies the means. Well, for some, the means are quite cruel.
What we're really trying to do is make everything easy for those involved so everyone will be happy. What more can we ask for? You will be happy. Your parents will be happy, the kids at school and your friends will be happy, and hopefully the people at church will be happy, and I will be happy.
Yes, we will continue our correspondence here as we always have. That's a must.
Love ya. God bless.
I wrote Frank a quick note and didn't get anything back right away. I wrote and and asked if I'd done something bad and told him I was worried. He finally got back to me and said he'd been busy and apologized.
We finally got it straightened out, but so much had happened that in such a short time, but hell, I didn't know which end was up.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 3:15 PM
Sorry about all the confusion. I just need a few days on an even keel before I'm ready to jump off a new cliff. Been jumping enough lately and just need u and me to be u and me while everybody and everything else is changing so quickly. Right now the steady things in my life are u and Max. Sorry I got confused.
Love ya. Will n Max
He wrote back and said, "Ok, Cool." You'd think he was a teenager.
I wrote him back "Thanks so much!!!!! Will n Max"
It's lucky he's on his computer quite a bit, otherwise I'd have to wait to hear back from him. His phone lets him know if he's received an email, so he checks the emails on his computer. I'm not sure how I'd have handled it if I had to wait a day or so to hear back. You saw how paranoid I got when he didn't write me right back. He understood that and was always there for me except this one time.
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 4:32 PM
We're going to keep it simple. Tell your parents you were interested in writing and started a conversation with me at a writing website. This will establish why we're in contact. I don't think much else needs to be said.
Life can be crap sometimes. As things smooth out in your life, you can tell your parents how you began talking to me about how terrible things were at school. (You don't have to mention how terrible things were at home. I'm pretty sure they already know that). Tell them how I helped you over the rough spots. Let them know you've never met me, but you'd like me to come to your graduation because you consider me a mentor. Let them know I want to have a chance to meet them. You can tell them about my educational background and that I was a teacher and a principal. Tell them I'm 71 . (Of course they will probably think I can hardly walk and will need to use a cane)
If anything is unclear, feel free to ask me a specific questions Brave Prince. I love that name for you. Good name for a book.
I realized that I got this prince thing from the book, Cider House Rules. Each night before the boys at the orphanage went to bed he said, Good night Princes of Maine and Kings of New England. Of course I had to go back and find out what he really said and was kind of disappointed. But anyway that's how you got the name Brave Prince. And of course it's also because you have been so brave.
I'm actually going to church today to thank God for all His help. I went to church every week for years, never missed, and like I said, played the organ. But the hypocrisy of some members pissed me off so much I quit going for a time and have started back slowly. But I feel I really need to go today. It's like nothing could keep me away. Plus, just because some people are fools, doesn't make God a fool.
So enjoy the rest of your day. God loves you and so do I.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 4:53 PM
Ok. Whew! I got it now. I can do this. Sorry I got worried. We got our wires crossed for a little bit there, totally my fault bro, sorry. Guess I'm just a little wound up still ya know. It has been kinda crazy ya know!?? Your helping me so much and I just need ya so much and well...just it's been hard and I kinda got scared. Sorry. Won't happen again. Everything's been so crazy ya know, and I just can't handle anything more until I get what's real settled down and just kinda deal with things ya know? Is that ok? Does it make sense? Frank I think I'm ok but it's kinda been more than I've ever dealt with. I just wanna talk to ya like me and Maxx talk to ya as we always have and while I'm still trying to get things off the ground with Gary and Jason and Jennifer and Gavin and mom and dad. Can we do that? Please?
Love ya. Will
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 5:58 PM
Will, relax. There's no hurry. You asked me to come to your graduation, begged me to come to your graduation, and I'm just trying to see what we can do to make that happen.
We're doing this for you and not for me so take your time and whatever it takes when you're ready. I just wanted to get it set up we we'd be ready and have a plan. You don't have to do anything until you really feel settled down.
You do sound a little stressed. So kick back and know that no matter what, I'll always be here for you. Don't forget God loves you and so do I.
Take your time. Relax. No need to hurry. You have enough on your plate right now. So relax and enjoy the rest of your day. No hurry. Do it when you're ready.
God bless. Love you.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 8:47 PM
Ok, so I may have screwed up. Big time. Well, maybe not BIG time. I don't know... Here's the deal. Mom n dad went out tonight like they do pretty much every Saturday, which is cool because I like having the place to myself at least one night per week. Anyway Gary stopped by around 8 o'clock unannounced, also very cool, kinda just like old times. Ended up staying until just about half an hour ago when the rents got home. It was nice, we watched videos, played video games, ate popcorn, played with Max etc. Well...we got to talking about asshole and why he hit me and so I put "the plan" into play and laid it all out, except for the part about James.
I don't think anyone I know even remembers James so why even bring him up ya know. I carefully put it out there that I'm not gay, I was just confused, and mom n dad thought it'd be best if I talked with asshole to help me along the path of righteousness etc., whatever, and that asshole walloped me upside the head because I gave him so smartass reply to something that wasn't any of business.
Then Gary kinda blindsided me with the whole line of questioning and I stumbled and fumbled around the answers like an idiot! I think I sounded totally unconvincing and unbelievable and I think he thought that too. Matter of fact I KNOW he did! He had that look in his eyes that just screamed "you're fulla shit and I KNOW you're fulla shit". But, he was totally cool too at the same time.
He said "I'm totally cool now with you being gay or whatever, and so's Jason, so u don't have to lie to us about what happened with Todd". I immediately shot back with "I'm not lying", and was about to continue on with "and I'm not gay" when the front door opened and in walked mom n dad. Shit! End of that talk! And it was so frickin obvious that Gary was so totally unconvinced by me. I think he'd have believed me more if i said I was dating Max! Crap!!! Anyway mom n dad had a polite little chat with Gary and said how nice it was to see him around again and said it was getting late so he'd better go before his parents got worried. He said goodbye, told me he had fun, gave me a weird smirk and left. Damn I SO totally suck at lying!!! And I just wasn't prepared!!! Crap!!! Now what?!? Double crap!!!
Love ya! Help! Will
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 8:56 PM
Well, maybe Gary didn't make much of a big deal out of it, but you still have to wonder where the hell they were for the last two years. But it's summer and maybe after all that's happened, they realize they were being assholes. Who knows?
Just be cool and don't panic. Easy for me to say isn't it?
I'm just not a liar, but these assholes didn't talk to me for two years and all of a sudden they're like we're cool with it. Frank is right. If that was the case, where were they before I went back in the closet? Why didn't they come by my house or talk to me at school or visit me this summer? My email says it all. Double crap!%!!
Frank got back to me with a short note telling me he was working on the next chapter of Knots and he'd get back to me as soon as he could. He likes to post on Sunday so had a deadline to meet. He was concerned about me staying up too late.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 9:22 PM
I'll be up trust me! I'm normally a night owl anyway, especially on the weekends. Plus I've got myself worked up into a tizzy as grandma would say about this whole mess! Jeez! What now! It was so totally obvious from what Gary said that all the kids are talking about me and asshole, and that everyone thinks he was trying to smack the gay out of me! Oh man this so totally sucks!!!!
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 9:34 PM
Well, he wasn't trying to slap the gay out of you. Tell them about the locked door and his asking about your personal life and you telling him it was none of his business. Don't mention James. Tell Gary he got pissed because he kept trying to get you to tell him about your sex life. There was nothing to tell, but he wouldn't believe me or something like that.
I have to tell you. I know how you feel. I remember how empty I felt the day I got caught smoking behind the school and I knew they weren't going to let me run for student body president. I'd have won easily. I came home and knew I'd screwed up. I can never remember a time I felt so scared and alone because I felt helpless to do anything about it. I'm sure that's the way you feel now. But we're going to fix this somehow.
I'm still writing on the other email. I want it to be right.
<Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 9:53 PM
That's all like exactly what I told gary, to the letter! Like I said he so totally didn't believe me I know it! His whole look and sound was just like "yeah yeah, whatever Will, whatever you say man". But like I said he was cool too! He did say, and I quote, "me n Jason are totally cool with u being gay or whatever...". I just never got the chance to re-refute that. Is re-refute even a word? Oh well... And it seems having Todd hit the poor little gay kid has like totally vaulted me into some like new quasi celebrity status amongst all the kids around town, even though it was ok for other kids to hit me. (?). It's almost like being hit by an adult gathers the troops and circles the wagons with other kids in kind of like an us (kids) vs. Them (the adults) kind of way. Holy crap Batman, now what!???
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 10:12 PM
Okay, I think the best thing for now is to read this and then get back to me with your questions and thoughts. I'll be up for a while and will stay with you until you are comfortable with whatever we decide. OK?
Will, things don't always go as planned. Don't panic. Of course they're going to be skeptical, but you have to wonder why, if it didn't bother them all this time, why they treated you with such disrespect (I was going to say like shit). Did you ask him that? Probably didn't have time because your parents came home.
Obviously, he doesn't feel threatened by you since he spent the evening with you. He's come over so often now, who knows what's up. Maybe he's gay. lol You just never know now days. You and I think it shouldn't make any difference if you're gay or not, but it obviously makes a difference to your parents because they don't want to see you go to hell and they want to see you get along with your friends. Their motives are good but misguided I suppose. But after what happened at the church, who knows. And I can see where the kids at school would think he was trying to slap the gay out of you. But you can let them know that you had already told the pastor and your parents that you weren't gay and therefore he couldn't have been trying to slap the gay out of you. And then add, "Why would he bring me into his office and lock the door? Does that seem right to you? "
Your parents seemed to have accepted your story, so you might talk to them as to what they think you should do about your friends. I may have mentioned in an email a while back that the kids at school might be more skeptical. But hell, the ball is in your court in a way.
Look at it as if they're testing you. Stick with your story. Tell them (him) that regardless, it shouldn't make any difference if you're straight or gay. But for now, you are straight and that's it. You want to be cool and laid back about it. Maybe it's my lack of trust, but maybe Gary has been sent over to feel you out so he can report back. Who in the hell knows. Tell him, "I'll let you know when I become gay again." That should get a laugh.
Gary and the others are skeptical. That's understandable. They can be as skeptical as they want, but they don't really know whether you are gay or not. Tell them to eat shit and die. Tell them to prove that you're gay. They won't be able to. If they do know about James, you can say, Don't tell me you guys have never experimented around a little when you were little kids. Be sure to emphasize little kids.
That's what I'd do. I just play it off as it's not important one way or another. You've never had sex with another guy, those are the facts, and they can think whatever they want. Ask them if it makes any difference to them if you're gay or not. When they say no (which they probably will), ask them why, if it didn't matter, they haven't been your friends for the last two. This should clear the air some because you might find out what the hell has been going on. But just because they say they don't care is no reason to believe them or say you're gay. You'd still have your parents to deal with and everything could go back to the way it was. I hate to say this, but don't trust anyone except your parents.
Now that I said all this, there is another option. Just let it alone. Hang with the guys and don't even discuss it. Go out to football practice. Get together with them this weekend and next week and act like it's the good old days. Only discuss it if they begin to turn a cold shoulder to you or they ask you about it. Then you can tell them it shouldn't make any difference one way or another and leave it at that. It a no denial denial. I think that's a journalism term. It really shouldn't make any difference to them if you're gay or not. But given that, then they should just leave it alone and accept you as straight until they or you prove otherwise.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 10:18 PM
As usual what u say is solid, makes perfect sense. Don't know yet how I'm gonna proceed except to say with "extreme caution!".
Plus the plot just thickened a bit too. Just got a on line text from gary. It says "don't worry you're cool with us now". Well now I KNOW he's not buying the I'm not gay thing for sure. I'm not responding to his text til tomorrow, gonna pretend I'm already asleep. I need time to think! Each word with him and others now carries serious weight and has potential consequences and is obviously gonna be shared with everyone else too. Gotta think. Jeez...just a few days ago life was a whole lot more depressing but it was a whole lot simpler too! I know I know, that's life right?
Well, got a lot to think and consider.
Night bro, me n Max love ya!! ;-)
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 10:23 PM
Given his one line note I'd keep it simple. Just write him a short note and say. "Thanks, that means a lot to me" and leave it at that. You could even do that right now. There's nothing to think about. You don't want to make this thing too complicated. I think I'm a little guilty of doing that myself. He didn't say he was cool with you being gay or straight. You're cool with them now so be cool. I wouldn't discuss being gay or straight at all with them again. Just be one of the guys. Do things like you always did and act like nothing has happened in the intervening two years. He's helped you out a great deal with that short note. So keep yours short too.
Well, tomorrow's another day, like that's really news. Be sure to touch base with Gary and Jason as soon as you can, but don't discuss being straight or gay unless they bring it up. And then basically leave it. I know I keep saying this, but It shouldn't really make any difference whether you're gay or not, but for now you're straight, and they should accept you that way. Is there some reason why they should want you to be gay? Does it have something to do with their desire for truth and justice? I doubt it. They just don't want to be played. Enjoy your celebrity status. I like the idea that the kids start to gather the wagons once an adult attacks another teenager. You're right. But where were they before?
You're caught between a rock and a hard place. If you go back to where you were, you have your parents and the church to contend with. So be the Brave Prince and charge forward. Take the battle to them and hold your ground. There's no reason why they should care if you're straight or gay so you have to wonder why they're making such a big deal out of it.
God bless. Pray for wisdom. Give yourself and Max a hug from me.
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 10:26 PM
Just thought I'd do a quick follow up on my last note. You are too young to remember the Cuban Missile Crisis, but I was in college and we thought we were going to have a nuclear war with Russia because they were sending missiles to Cuba.
The clever thing that the Kennedy administration did was to ignore a transmission sent to them by the Russians. Kennedy wrote back as if he'd never received it. It kept us from going to war.
You're doing the same thing with Gary's note. You're just saying, "Thanks Gary, that means a lot to me." Enough said. No commitment one way or another related to the gay/straight issue. They'll be happy, you'll be happy, and your parents will be happy.
That's my final wisdom for the evening. God bless. May you have the wisdom to weather the storms that life throws your way.
He may have intended to have given me his final bit of wisdom for the evening, but I couldn't sleep so wrote him again.
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 11:05 PM
Can't sleep yet too much on my mind ya know? Ur right about everything u said, and u have this weird knack for making everything seem so simple too. Must be the teacher in u I guess. I did just reply to gary with a one word note. I said "thanx". Keep it simple stupid right?
We are going to church in the morning, probably why I can't sleep. Mom said something about not burying our heads in the sand or something, I don't know, kind of went in one ear and out the other. The side of my face is fading to yellow but the broken vessel in my eye still looks shitty. God damn that fucking hurt when he clocked me. Asshole. Plus this is turning out to be like the shot heard around the world like we learned about in history class.
I'm thinking after both the last two years and tonite with gary that it's gonna be like impossible to make other kids believe I'm suddenly not gay. And Todd didn't fucking help that cause either. My parents I think believe me because they want so badly to believe me. Make sense? I think so. But as far as all the kids go I think that ship has sailed bro. But gary said it's cool now. Why I don't know, maybe everybody's finally growing up a bit, who knows. But if u could've seen and heard gary tonite you'd know sure as shit he wasn't buying "the plan" for one hot second. Not a one. Nosireee Bob. I think he'd have sooner believed I'm a double agent for the Russians. So, bottom line here is I'm like feeling like I'm heading in two directions simultaneously, one with the all the kids, and one with my family. The problem is in a small town like this, and my church with the kids there, these two worlds will collide. Unavoidable. Remember that boredom I was wishing for Frank? Ain't never gonna happen now bro. Never. Knots...
Gonna try and relax enough to sleep soon but who knows. Church in a few short hours has got me all hot n bothered. No gettin out of it either, not with my mom. Oh well, guess it'll be a helluva litmus test for the next few days, weeks and school too. Hmmmm....
Love ya Frank! Will n Max. Woof!
Will Waters <willw521K@*-----*.com> Sat, Aug 16, 11:27 PM
Good nite. Gonna try n sleep. I'll let ya know soon as I can how church goes, probably be about noon my time when I get to ya. I'm kinda sure, unfortunately, that it's not gonna be a dull morning. No nodding off to sleep during the sermon this time bro, and I can't wait to hear what the topic is gonna be.
frankf4321s <frankf4321S@-****-.com> Sat, Aug 16, 11:30 PM
Like I said. Just leave it alone. In Shakespeare or somewhere there's the quote, "Thou protests too much." So don't protest too much. If anyone wants to talk about it, just say you prefer not to discuss it and leave it at that. To your friends say that and then, "let's just be friends and not worry about all that shit. Believe whatever you want to believe." They will anyway. Same with the church people. It's really no one's business and you can just let the kids at school believe what they want to believe. As long as they don't shun you anymore, who gives a damn whether they think you're gay or not. Live your life as a regular guy, neither straight or gay. Worrying too much can only make it worse and you can find yourself saying something you wished you hadn't.
This way your parents will be happy. I'm sure they don't care what the kids at school think. The church people, hell, who knows what they will think except you're a victim. You go to church every Sunday, what more do they want from you. Again, if anyone expresses sympathy just say thanks. If they want more facts, just say you'd rather not discuss it. As far as anyone knows you are neither gay or straight. No evidence either way.
The less said the better. Lawyers always tell witnesses that in court.
Hope you're feeling better now. Good idea just saying thanks to Gary. Cool, Brave Prince. I bet It's harder being brave than you thought. Well, maybe not. You're making it man and you will be stronger for all this and be better able to cope with problems in the future.
So keep on keeping on.
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