My Best Friend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 6
Todd and I met, as always, just before our first class. For the first time, I felt uncomfortable around him. I knew I was being a coward, but I really didn't want to be seen with him. I was afraid of what someone might think. I was getting paranoid.
"Hey, Scott, you busy tonight? I thought we could catch that new horror film."
"Uhm, I'm not sure."
"Well, let me know if you can. Brendan and Robert are going. I thought we could all grab a pizza after the movie or something."
"Uh, I'll call you later, if I can. Uh… listen, I need to get to class."
"We've got almost twenty minutes. What's the hurry?"
"Ms. Kelly wants to talk to me about something. I just remembered. Sorry."
I took off, leaving him a little flustered. I'd just done something I'd never done before. I'd lied to my best friend. I had no plans at all for tonight, even though it was a Friday. Ms. Kelly didn't need to see me either. I felt like a real dick. I'd seen the look on his face. He was hurt. I wasn't a very good liar and I think he knew I was lying. Hurting him hurt me. I didn't know what to do.
I needed a little time to think. I wondered if maybe I should call up Allison when I got home and see if she wanted to go out. I'd avoided doing that because I wasn't sure I wanted to see her. She'd already roped me into going out on Saturday and I didn't really want to spend Friday night with her too. I wanted to be with her, and then again, I didn't. She was a lot of fun, but spending time with her was just so difficult for me. I felt like I was being pulled back and forth, unable to decide what I really wanted. It made me want to scream.
I really would like to go out with Todd. There was little I liked more. I was being ridiculous. It was just a movie and some pizza after all. Brendan and Robert would be there too, so what was the harm?
I decided to take him up on his offer. I felt immediately better when the decision was made. I couldn't let my feelings run my life. I couldn't let them keep me away from my friend.
I saw Todd again at lunch. He sounded cautious when he started talking, and kind of sad. I knew for sure that I'd hurt him. His tone changed completely when I told him I wanted to go. His voice became animated and cheerful. It was as if his hurt feelings were erased in an instant. I was gladder than ever that I'd decided to go. He was a good friend and I sure didn't want to hurt him. I was thrilled that the damage was so easily undone.
He said he and the boys would pick me up after practice, around six. I was excited. I didn't get out all that often and it would be really fun hanging out with the boys. Normally, I would have wanted it to be just Todd and me, but under the circumstances, a small crowd was better.
When I got home from practice, I quickly finished my homework, then waited until I heard a car horn outside. I ran out and hopped in the back seat with Todd. Brendan was driving and Robert was in the passenger seat. I looked at Todd as he smiled at me and slapped me on the back. He was looking fine, wearing a red shirt and black shorts. I looked at Robert and Brendan in the front. Brendan was really good looking too, with dark eyes and dark hair that never failed to draw my attention, while Robert was looking good, with his light brown, almost blond hair, and green eyes. Both boys were hot as hell. Brendan never failed to draw my attention. I thought about that for a moment. I did pay a lot of attention to other guys. I never failed to notice when one was good looking, or well built, and all three boys fit that description.
All my self-doubts rose to the surface and a wave of depression flowed over me. What was wrong with me? My thought plagued me.
No, I wasn't going to allow that. I wasn't going to allow my evening with the boys to be ruined. I pushed all those thoughts out of my mind and just tried to enjoy myself. Brendan and Robert were talking loud to each other, trying to be heard over the radio. I guess it didn't occur to them to turn it down. We sped off toward Joplin, the car rocking with loud music and crazy boys. It was great. In mere seconds I was having a good time.
We reached the theater and took our seats right before the previews came on. Todd was sitting next to me and we got into a small popcorn fight. We calmed down as the screen came to life. The first preview was for a great action film with lots of destruction and violence. It was my kind of thing. I wanted to see that one for sure. The next was for some drama that I didn't think looked to interesting. I didn't usually get into that kind of thing. I liked action or comedy, or both. Horror could be pretty good too.
The movie started. I got into it from the very beginning. Two teenaged couples had a car wreck and were forced to take shelter from a wicked thunderstorm in a big old abandoned mansion. I loved the idea of a haunted house in a storm. The darkness, the flashes of lightening, all of it was just so cool. Of course, it didn't take long for one of the couples to start making out. While exploring the old mansion they had conveniently found a bedroom and just couldn't resist lying down to do a little tongue wrestling. I didn't exactly think it was the right time for such a thing, but hey, it was a movie.
Lightening flashed as they undressed each other and really got down to business. The boy had a nice smooth chest. I jumped a little every time there was a bright flash of lightening and peel of thunder. I knew something was going to happen. The music was building too. I sat there in anticipation, almost as if I was in that room. Sure enough, a dark figure stepped out of the shadows and stabbed right through both of them as they lay naked, pinning them to the bed as they screamed in terror. I jumped a little in my seat. Todd jumped even more. So much for those two. Teenagers never could have sex in horror films. Anytime they tried it, they ended up dead.
Soon, the murderer was after the other couple, even though they were not having sex. It almost didn't seem fair. The boy bolted out the front door in terror, leaving his girl behind. What a pussy! The girl almost escaped, but naturally she was wearing high heels and tripped at the last second. And of course, it took her forever to get back up. She was slashed to death before she ever got off the floor.
Maybe it wasn't very realistic, but it was a good film anyway. It scared the crap out of me at times. It scared Todd too. He actually grabbed me once. I thought that was funny as hell.
After the movie we all went to a little Parrot's Pizza , a little place just up the road from the mall, and ordered two large meat lovers pizzas. I noticed both Brendan and Robert kept looking at our waiter, a cute high school boy, and then looking at each other and smiling. I also watched as they kept looking at another group of boys on the other side of the room. As I watched them, I began to wonder about them. Could they possibly be like me? It seemed impossible, but then again, it seemed impossible that I could be gay, but more and more I was coming to the realization that I probably was. Brendan was probably the hottest, most popular boy in school, he played football. He always had girls after him, and even went with Lakin, a very popular girl. Robert was almost as nice looking and he was somewhat popular, but his parents were real religious, and his older brother who had graduated about three years ago was just as bad. He wasn't allowed to do a lot of things. In fact, from what I'd heard, he wasn't even supposed to go to movies or anything like that. He must have lied to his parents in order to be here now.
Todd couldn't keep his eyes off a cute girl who was sitting at a table across from us, and the rest of us teased him about it. He was my best friend and I knew he was girl crazy. He had eyes for every girl in the place, including a couple of college girls, but they were way out of his league.
I watched him, wondering why I wasn't more like him. Why wasn't I girl crazy like that? I pushed the thought from my mind before it had a chance to ruin my fun.
We laughed and ate and joked around. I was having a great time. I love hanging out with my friends. We talked a lot about the movie and the foolishness of getting it on in a haunted house. Todd said he'd be willing to take the risk. No surprise there. I think he would have gone to any length to get it on with a girl. As far as I knew, he'd never done it. Maybe that was why he was so desperate. Then again with his looks, I had no doubt he could land a girl. Maybe he was one of those guys who just couldn't get enough.
We piled into the car after devouring both pizzas and headed for home. Once we arrived back in Chouteau, Brendan cruised up and down Main Street a couple of times. It was getting late, but no one wanted to go home just yet. It was a Friday night and it was meant for fun.
As I lay in bed that night, I thought about Brendan and Robert, and about Todd. I'd hardly let myself admit it, but deep down I had some doubts about my sexuality, and I was thinking about it more and more all the time. Something just didn't feel quite right. I still couldn't bring myself to think about it too much, however. I just couldn't. I tried telling myself that my difficulties were nothing more than a phase, an adolescent adjustment on the way to adulthood. Everything would work out in time. I'd stop being so fascinated with the bodies of other boys and become just as girl crazy as Todd. But what if I didn't? What then?
As I'd done so often before, I closed off my mind to the possibilities. I simply refused to think about it, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get away from the fact that I was probably gay.
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