Johnny Come Home
by Rafael Henry
Chapter 21
The Hut. Endellion Cove.
Johnny hasn't changed one bit. He's just as sweet as ever he was in every way.
'Still love me?' I enquire, not expecting anything particularly positive.
'Of course. Am I still in your thoughts?'
'As ever you are sweetheart. Some things never die.'
'Some things seem to last forever too. You teasy person.'
'You just keep me hanging on.' I hum the Motown tune, as he replies with his own refrain, 'A taste of honey………tasting much sweeter than wine……' Ta ta tata; ta tata ta……and so on.
'It's good to be back Alex. Thanks for having us.'
'It's good to have you back too John. And Sis, and that brother of yours. Goodness he's come on hasn't he?'
'Oh yes hasn't he just. I'm insanely jealous of that bottom of his.'
'Yes, it's like a perfectly formed peach. And Sis. He's lovely isn't he?'
'Oh yes. He's incredibly special.' He said. 'I should think he is to you too Alex?'
I didn't respond to that, but of course he is, as the prickling starts behind my eyes. Time for a diversion I think.
'And our new boy Duncan. Did he fit in ok last night?' I ask.
'Umm. All quite tentative at the moment as they circle around each other weighing it all up. I think Richard will come up trumps with him. Duncan's like a little teddy bear isn't he? Just waiting to be cuddled.'
'Have you said anything to Richard?'
'No. He can work it out for himself easily enough. If he wants to he will.'
'It would be nice though? A little extra sparkle?'
'Yes it would. They went to sleep with a couple of feet between them last night.'
'And this morning?'
'The gap had closed a little. No more than a foot. Let's see what the day brings shall we?'
We keep dozens of refilled four litre water bottles behind the hut for body rinsing purposes, always performed by a partner. You stand there on the decking while he or she pours the water over your head and body. One large bottle usually completes the job if you're careful. After breakfast Richard and Duncan had taken themselves off for a bathe, clad in their brief bathing suits, Duncan's are an attractive pale blue as opposed to Richard in navy blue and alarmingly cut very briefly, looking like he's severely divided up his bottom. Back at the hut, Richard wanted to show Duncan the rinsing off process so it was a pleasant opportunity to witness the boys together. I took the cute little bathing suits from the boys and handed Richard the first bottle to pour over Duncan's head and body. Normally one uses one's own hands to spread the water about the chest and legs, and between everything, but Duncan seemed unaware and just stood there.
'I'll pour the water Richard. You rinse Duncan off.'
Duncan stood there transfixed as Richard smoothed the cascading water around the boy's back and front.
Unprompted, Duncan moves his feet apart, inviting a final rinse to remove any residual sand lurking between his legs and around his genitals. As I direct a gentle flow of water from the bottle, Richard does the rest. The front first, and then the boy's behind. The two boys know now that it's ok to touch.
But would Duncan do for Richard what Richard had done for him?
I held the bottle up over the boy's head and tipped. Chest, tummy and back all done now, and then, yes, the lightest of touches where it matters most to a boy. Duncan shot me a glance as if to ask; am I allowed? I smiled and nodded.
Finished now, Duncan looks up into Richard's face. What they are thinking doesn't show on their faces, but there's just the faintest evidence elsewhere.
I threw the boys a towel which they shared. John and I went back to the kitchen area to peel a couple of apples and two oranges and set out some breakfast bowls and cutlery.
'Where did the boys go John?'
'Into the bedroom presumably. Getting dressed I suppose.' He says, eyebrows raised and a tongue rather obviously in cheek. 'Shall I go and check them?'
'No. Best leave them.'
They were gone ten minutes and when they emerged in close fitting summer shorts and bare chests, they surely looked the part. Those are not Duncan's own shorts. Probably a suggestion from Richard.
'Try these Dunks. You'll really good in them.'
For the word good , read sexy. They're cut-offs from old school trousers, cut of high. Very high, underpants just visible. Richard is amused at his successful attempt to sexualize his new friend. Duncan looks down and feels himself.
'I can't wear these can I?'
'Of course you can, silly. Anyway I want you too. If I say you will, you will.'
Duncan could feel his face warm with that last remark from Richard. He felt for a moment that he was going to be dominated by Richard. He felt a flutter inside him. Then Richard had second thoughts.
'Sorry Duncan. I shouldn't make you do stuff you don't want to do. I'll find you some others to try.'
'No. These are fine thanks.'
We barbecued six mackerel that evening, plus a fantastic mixed salad Anna had put together. John and I had spent the day wandering the beach and village, and talking generally. Anna had supervised Sis and the boys on the beach. Duncan and Richard were in giggly mood after their late evening rinsing off just before their bedtime at nine. Sis had been read to and settled down in our bed by seven. We all went in to say goodnight to him and give him his last of the many pecks on the cheek he'd had that day. He had his night time nappy on, one hand inside, fiddling and clearly enjoying the feeling. That's my boy. You're learning! Just for our amusement, John undid Sis's nappy for a quick peek before reattaching the side tapes. The infant's foreskin was stretched tight.
Anna sent me in to the boys' room at half past nine. Richard and Duncan were in bed, their heads facing each other on the two pillows, side by side. There was no space between them, their hands under their chins.
'You boys ok there?' I ask, standing in the doorway looking into the darkened room. Not a word from them. Asleep already? Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps they just didn't want to answer.
The next evening we had drinks on the deck before dinner, but just Anna and I allowing ourselves a small amount of alcohol in the form of some chilled white wine. Within ten minutes it had gone directly to my nether regions, inspired by the sight of Richard and Duncan in those cut-off shorts. With his legs up on the edge of the wicker armchair and knees wide apart, all very deliberately provocative, I had sight of escaping genitalia. Although he's a distance away from Anna and I, it's a sight that would put many off their supper. Anna had noticed too. She called Richard over.
'Either sit properly or go and put some pants on please. Like Duncan has.'
'Ok mum.' He says suitably admonished, retiring to the bedroom to sort himself out. My guess is that all this bravado is for Duncan's benefit. Meanwhile Duncan doesn't put a foot wrong, keeping his knees together far too nicely for my liking. Sis with his tiny javelin shaped willy continues to munch on a slice of dripping melon, knees wide apart, and in just a grubby tee shirt, and as happy as Larry. I watch, amused, as another drop of melon juice joins the others in his groin and bare thighs, attracting another fly. Sis likes to run around nude most of the day. We leave a few water bottles in the sun all day, if there was any, to warm them so washing little bodies like Sis's after another hard day at the office isn't too much of a temperature shock just before bedtime.
I still feel pangs of guilt about all this. Those Thursdays. Anna knows the small creature is of our own making.
She wasn't far from coming herself as her fingers kept rotating as she lay on her side. Those lovely sighs of her rising pleasure went unheard by me. All I heard were Johnny's cries loud in my head as I forced myself ever deeper between his buttocks. The shoulders I grabbed and kept within my hands were in reality, hers, but to me they were his. Just one month after my sixteenth birthday.
I didn't think for a moment that I would or even could ejaculate sperm that afternoon up in Anna's bedroom. But as my imagination really started to take hold of me, the possibility dawned that I not only could, but would. Not only could I in these most unlikely circumstances, but I actually was going to orgasm, and soon. It was the sounds John always made. He knew I loved to hear him being pleased by me.
'You won't stop will you?'
'No of course I won't!'
'I think you're going to make me come.' He says breathlessly.
That had never happened before, nearly I think, once or twice. Oh those noises! Frankly I could never last that long listening to him. He would react to every sensation with different sounds, all intended to give me encouragement and pleasure.
It was too late. The pleasure was far too deep for me to stop. To make matters worse, it must have been a week since I deliberately wet my pants in the good old S. Endellion dormitory tradition. At sixteen, that's quite a long time to be storing up trouble. Once, as an experiment, I made myself wait two whole weeks just to see if there was any difference in intensity, and of course, the amount of semen I could rid myself of. It was a disappointment as I came far too soon. Two days would be something of a record now.
I read to Sis tonight. Postman Pat and his Little Black Cat, Jess. He wanted it read twice. Near the end of the second reading, his eyes closed. I stopped reading, looked down at the pure pink skin of his face and upper body, and wept. How could this little body, this little person be so impossibly beautiful? I stayed with him for another ten minutes before I leant over this wonderful creation and kissed his cheek.
When I think about how easy it was to make him, easy for the man that is, but not quite as straight forward for the woman, and what a responsibility he is, I'm terrified.
'Success?' Asks Anna, putting her hands on my shoulders.
'Yes. Sis has just wandered happily into dreamland.'
'Great. Thanks Alex.'
Don't thank me Anna.
To our great relief and pleasure, Richard and Duncan have hit it off. Being reasonably close in age helps I suppose. We are into our third day now and the good weather today has encouraged the boys to stay out and wander the magnificent Cornish coastal path as well as basking in the gentle rollers coming in off the Atlantic. When the weather is kind here, there's no better place on earth, but when Mother Nature turns against you, it's a different experience! Yesterday was one of those, windy and driving misty rain all day. Richard and Duncan decided that they would brave the conditions and do everything they wanted to do anyway. By two in the afternoon they were back at the Hut, cold but happy. Stripped off, John and I gave them a bottle rinse and sent them to their bed for a couple of hours to rest and recuperate.
I closed the bedroom curtains and left the boys together in bed, on their sides facing each other and about six inches between them. I'm jealous. If that were Johnny and I in that bed back in the day, I know what we'd be doing in a couple of minutes time.
We would always start with touching faces mixed in with some conversation.
'Are you alright John?'
'Yes thanks. You?'
'Umm. Fine thanks. You know I love you don't you?'
'Yes. You will show me won't you? That you do?'
'Yes I will. Soon,'
'How soon?' He says, smiling.
'Very soon.' I said smiling, one hand heading south to find what I need right now.
Ears, cheeks, eyes and lips. Then momentary touching of mouths before our hands guage the sexual mood of the other. What I found was already in a perfect state for sex. It always was, as was mine. Making love to Johnny came in different forms. Just talking was one way. We could make love with our eyes across a room. Other people noticed the frisson between us.
'Did you see those two? They just can't wait to get their hands on each other can they.' That rainy afternoon at the Hut, Richard and Duncan, alone in their bed in the darkness, might have made love for the first time. Perhaps they already had out there in the wind and rain wandering the beach earlier, in a different way, their hands touching; holding hard. Held tightly, inward smiles, thrilling to those feelings. Perhaps nothing had happened. Perhaps they are enjoying each other's company in that wonderfully platonic way boys and girls do, sex being a million miles from their thoughts. And sweet Duncan. Is he a happy boy here with us? I think he is.
Duncan stayed for the first week. The arrangement was that he would be returned to his granny in Truro, and then only if he wanted to, come back for our third week [out of four] at the Hut. After all, his parents up in Padstow might have other plans for him.
Anna drove Duncan back to Truro with me in the back seat with him. Richard had said nothing about their, by now, successful friendship, and Johnny had nothing much to add to the mystery.
'How well do think they've got on Johnny?' I asked, back at the Hut after dropping Duncan off at his granny's house, 32 S. George's Road.
'How do I know Alex. I didn't hear them fucking each other if that's what you mean.'
'I didn't mean that John.'
'Yes you did. I know you better than you know yourself matey. I saw you looking often enough.'
'Well he's a thing of beauty isn't he? Do you agree?'
'Yes he is, but Richard's thinking seems to be moving on. I think he's wasted on a girl personally. Do you think Duncan will come back for another week?'
'Yes I think so. Probably our fourth week. If he does, maybe we should alter the sleeping arrangements? I'm going home for a couple of days. I've got to look at the head's computer yet again. He says it's acting up. I might see if I can talk to Duncan whilst I'm there. On the 'phone or something.'
My holiday arrangements with the school 'on top of the hill' in Truro was a bit odd in that I was on call more or less all the time even though I'm entitled to four weeks off. An exception would be made if I was actually away somewhere, in which case I would be expected to answer a call, not that I have one of the new mobile telephone devices. Not yet anyway.
I woke early this morning and left them all still asleep in the Hut. My reliable but elderly Austin Mini got me close to Truro around seven thirty. I passed the turning to our place and carried on into the City with a churning in my tummy. Last night I had made up my mind to catch Duncan early. To catch him early? As I said those words it meant more than one thing. I hadn't realised. Not really. Duncan had been sleeping these past six nights with Richard in a double bed with John on the put-u-up in the corner, and they appeared to great mates. In every way? I have my doubts.
I parked the car close to Duncan's front door. He's due to be picked up by his mother sometime today and returned to their house up on the north coast at Padstow, a good hour's drive away.
'Goodness you're an early bird Alex.' Says a surprised Granny.
'I'm sorry to be so early but I was passing so I wondered if Duncan is still with you?'
I knew he was.
'Yes he is. Mum's coming late this afternoon to collect him. Do come in. I've not heard him this morning so he's no doubt still in bed. Do go up and find him. I know he'll be pleased to see you. I've heard a lot about you; and the others of course. It all sounds wonderful! '
Going up the steep stairs at number thirty-two Saint George's Road I hear the only lavatory flush and seconds later, a boy in a pair of neat white underpants crosses my line of sight in the hallway above me. He doesn't see me as he walks past rubbing his eyes. His bathing suit must cover more flesh than what he's wearing at this moment. There are slithers of pale cream skin untouched by the sun. Just a minute or two from his bed, then waiting for a badly needed pee, he continues to look down, gently moving his fingers and thumb. He looks into the mirror again. Finally it's done as he flips the waistband up and back over and into place. He would never want his granny to see him undressed. His bare body was for his bedroom only. The boy looks himself in the mirror once more. He makes an adjustment that pleases him. Yes, that's nice. The way it shows through now.
He hasn't heard me so when I reach the door I gently tap on it.
'Hello?' Is the surprised response.
'It's me, Alex. May I come in?'
There's silence for a few seconds before the door handle goes down and the door slowly opens. Open mouthed he stares back at me. He appears to take a deep breath, and then another.
'Are you alright Duncan? I'm sorry to surprise you. Shall I go?'
He shakes his head and puts a thumb inside the gathered waistband of his pants and lifts it higher. Another deep breath.
'May I come in?'
He nods, still open mouthed as he steps back, hand on the door handle, giving me the room I need to go into the low-lit space, the single divan style bed to the left looking like someone just left it for the first time in eight hours. The air smelled warm and sweet.
'I just wanted to talk to you. That's all. See how you are? I just wanted to make sure you're alright. We didn't say much yesterday so I'm not sure if you really enjoyed yourself with us? We loved having you and Richard will miss you. I will too. And Sis. He adores you. Last night he wanted to know where you were. Where's Dunky gone, he said. He kept saying that. I told him you had to go home for a few days. Do you want to get dressed now? I can talk to you downstairs when you're ready? I'm sorry to intrude like this.'
I don't think there was much conviction in my voice. To intrude into Duncan's space was exactly what I intended.
'No. Here. Will you talk to me in here please?'
Those pretty eyes of his. Those glossy abundant lips with the tiny golden hairs above the top one. A boy's mouth with that beautifully heart shaped top lip. Such ordinary hair really, neatly trimmed and forward, and perfect on him. Light brown hair would seem so ordinary compared to those butter-coloured beauties that stand out in the crowd. Not this one. You have to pick him out from the background, but it's worth it I can tell you. At first sight you might look elsewhere, but when you find him as he is, you'll not be sorry. He's worth every second you spend with him.
He sat himself in the corner of his bed into the angle of the wall, staring back at me, his hands locked around his bent knees. As I cast my eyes down his legs, there's that triangular shape of stretched white in sharp contrast to newly sun-affected skin.
'May I sit with you?'
He nods, not moving.
'Where?'
'Here.' He says, moving one hand to touch the sheet next to him.
We're touching now, my shoulder against his, one of my feet on the floor, my left leg stretched out on the narrow bed.
'Is this ok Duncan?'
He nods again.
Then I feel his head fall against my shoulder as my left hand finds its way to Duncan's back. There's no way in the world I can keep my hand still. Soothing warm flesh is a sensation to rival all others.
We naturally changed the way we were, uncomfortable as it was. We're both lying full length now, face to face, hands held between us. It's both a necessary physical separation as well a psychological one.
'Would you like to tell me about Richard? Did you make friends with him?'
'Yes. We made friends. He's nice.'
'Good. It must have been fun to sleep in the same bed? Talking for ages?'
'Umm. Then he'd go to sleep. He always went to sleep before me. I stayed awake for ages. I was wondering where you were.'
'Me?'
'Yes. I didn't know where you were.'
'Did that bother you. Not knowing?'
'Yes. I didn't know where you were. I thought………'
'What did you think sweetheart?'
'I thought I would be with you , like we are now.'
'Oh dear. I'm sorry.'
I had some explaining to do concerning some of the things Quintus Beer should have explained to an infatuated twelve-year-old boy. Me. Some facts of life. A few things boys can think will happen but can't happen. Well they can, but they shouldn't, according to the laws of this land, and natural laws regarding our sexual behaviour. Quintus understood well enough, but I didn't.
I remember Quintus talking about 'allowable' sexual activity. I knew it had something to do with me, and possibly him too, but I didn't really want to understand what he was saying. He touched me in loving and tender ways, many times, and he touched me in other ways too. He got deep into my head. My whole being was touched for the better. I have no idea how much it hurt him to leave me, but I know I was in pain that day as I wept in my mother's arms.
'Here he is. You can have him back now. He's no longer needed. Not wanted any more. He's yours again. Take him; please.'
The pain of rejection. Knowing you're not wanted. I started crying and couldn't stop as I felt my mother's arms tight around me, pressed into her breasts that gave me sustenance and safety.
'I'm not sure where you've been my darling boy, but you're home now. We've been waiting for you. It's wonderful to have you back with us. Does it hurt so very much?'
So very much? Yes. Very much and as painful as any pain can be. But I've come home now, out of the storm.
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