Strong Enough
by Nico Grey
VI
Tyler seemed inordinately pleased with himself when he arrived at Caleb's home early Friday morning. There were too many possible explanations to narrow down, so Caleb didn't even try. But he hoped it was one of the possibilities that had already occurred to him. He hated to think that Tyler was so smugly self-satisfied over something that he hadn't even considered and that might catch him completely unprepared.
"Did you have a good Christmas?" he asked.
"It was nice," Tyler agreed. "Just me and Mom. But I don't think I'd like a big event with lots of people around anyway."
Caleb couldn't argue. A quiet day with his own mother had suited him, too. Which was just as well. A visit with his father's side of the family was now completely out of the picture. And settling into a new home and community made it a poor year to pick up and travel to Arizona to spend the holiday with her parents.
Caleb had been hoping to see his grandmother and grandfather. But they were getting to the point in their lives where travel was demanding. And holiday travel was even more stressful. So Caleb and Nicole had settled for spending an hour with them on Skype.
That conversation had paid off rather handsomely. In addition to the time they were able to spend together, Nicole's parents had the pleasure of watching Caleb open their Christmas present that Nicole had been hiding from him. Another card. But Caleb was learning to appreciate Christmas cards.
When Caleb saw the size of the enclosed check, his eyes lit up. When conversation turned to whether or not he might now have enough money for the hot tub he wanted- unfortunately not- his grandparents revealed that they had set aside money to pay for him to visit them during his summer vacation. But if he really wanted that hot tub. . .
Caleb really did want that hot tub. But he wanted to spend a few weeks with his grandparents even more. And so while Caleb might still have to find another solution to get his hot tub, in the end it turned out to be a great Christmas present for everybody.
Tyler had been watching Caleb wistfully when he shared that part of his holiday experience. Caleb felt sad for his friend. He wanted to understand Tyler's reaction, but he knew better than to intrude unless Tyler offered to share. He was tempted to give him a hug. But that was definitely too much and far too soon. So he settled for reminding Tyler of how much he and his mother had liked the Christmas eve photographs.
That put Tyler back in a good mood. And it brought that smug and self-satisfied little grin back to his face. The way Tyler was eyeing him suddenly made Caleb feel very uncomfortable.
"So what did you get for Christmas?" He needed to change the subject.
"Some clothes," Tyler informed him. "And a new Nikon lens. It's pretty cool. I'm going to be able to take more action photos now."
That self-satisfied grin reappeared.
"And I got a job!"
Tyler turned and disappeared into the trees before Caleb could ask a follow-up question. But the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach probably answered that question anyway.
He wondered when his mother might have 'borrowed' his phone to get Tyler's number. But his mother was pretty smart. He realized that she probably just remembered it after participating in their Christmas eve photo barrage.
Caleb caught up with Tyler at the foot of the hill behind his house. Tyler wasn't making any attempt to hide his camera.
"I think you're ready to ski down this slope on your own," Tyler said. "Once you're at the top, just turn and come straight down as soon as you're ready. If the speed starts to worry you, you know how to slow down or change direction."
Caleb was determined to get as far up the slope as he could before relying on herringbone technique. But as he started to ski upward, he could hear a rhythmic whining sound pulsing behind him. When he glanced over his shoulder, he noticed that Tyler was following him with his camera.
Caleb couldn't imagine that his mother wanted portraits of his back. But he figured that Tyler knew what he was doing. He pushed harder to reach the top of the hill.
Even Tyler couldn't ski directly to the top of the hill, so Caleb wasn't too disappointed in himself when he had to switch to herringbone. It was only as he approached the top of the hill that he wondered if he could have skied all the way up if he hadn't taken such a direct path uphill.
"Whenever you're ready!" Tyler called, once Caleb reached the top of the hill and turned around. He had his camera focused on Caleb.
"I thought you already had your photos," Caleb called back.
"Those were for Abby!" Even from the top of the hill, Caleb could see the amusement on Tyler's face. "She's got some sort of thing for your butt!"
"Not just mine," Caleb grimaced. He gritted his teeth and surveyed the slope in front of him. "You know she likes your butt, too!" he called down the hill.
"I don't mind. I know she's just messing around. Besides," Tyler blushed, "I like Abby.
He gave Caleb a little more time to settle himself and prepare for his descent.
"Start out easy on the steeper part of the slope!" Tyler suggested.
That struck Caleb as awfully good advice. He brought the tips of his skis together slightly and turned to avoid taking a direct path to the bottom. He spared a brief glance for Tyler and noticed that the camera was still following his progress intently.
When the slope flattened out, Tyler encouraged him to turn his ski tips downhill.
"Let's make these shots good for your mom!" he encouraged. "This is going to look great!"
Caleb wasn't so sure.
"At least you're getting paid for this," he complained. But he turned the tips of his skis directly down the slope.
"I'm getting paid triple," Tyler snickered as he followed Caleb through the camera's viewfinder. "Once by your mother. Once by Abby. Then there's my share of the insurance money when you hit those trees."
Caleb's eyes widened as he glanced up. The trees really did appear to be closing fast. When his skis refused to turn and take him away from the danger, he panicked.
The results were predictable. He hit the ground in a cloud of snow, gear flying in all directions.
As Caleb checked to see if all of his parts were still functioning, he noticed Tyler trotting in his direction. The camera was still pointing toward him and he could hear the now-familiar pulsing whine.
"You bastard!" Caleb complained. "I could have died!"
He lurched to his feet and turned on Tyler. Tyler quickly stashed his camera in its bag. He didn't make any attempt to get out of the way when Caleb tackled him and shook his snow cover off all over Tyler. Both boys emerged from the tangle of bodies laughing.
"Those really will make some great pictures," Tyler chortled. "Your mother will probably want all of them."
"You did this to me for the sake of a few pictures!" Caleb had to try hard to appear outraged.
"They're good pictures," Tyler assured him. "You're a good subject."
He brushed the remaining snow off Caleb. He paused awkwardly for a moment, then wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
"Good subject?" Caleb wondered. "Why? Because I let you abuse me?"
"No. The camera likes you," Tyler was having trouble meeting Caleb's eye. "You know. You just look good."
He turned away and helped collect Caleb's scattered gear.
"Thanks, Caleb," he said. He paused to reflect uncomfortably. "I haven't had this much fun in years."
Then he turned and skied into the trees.
They spent the morning covering familiar terrain without straying too many kilometers from Caleb's house. Caleb was pleased to discover that every piece of ground they covered felt easier than it had as little as a week earlier. Taking Christmas day off to recover probably made some of the difference, he thought. But he also recognized that he was making measurable process both in his technique and in his endurance.
Every now and again Caleb was aware that Tyler had pulled out a camera and was shooting photos as he skied. It took a while before he recognized that something was different. The pulsing whine he heard after each shot was missing.
"That was the motor drive," Tyler explained. "It automatically advances the film after I shoot a frame. The camera is ready to shoot another photo a lot quicker that way and I don't have to spend as much time reframing the image."
"Why aren't you using it now?" Caleb wondered.
"This is a digital camera," Tyler said. "There's no film to advance in this camera. The image is recorded in the camera's memory, rather than on film."
That required some explanation. Caleb was surprised to learn that Tyler had several camera bodies, including one 35mm SLR that used film, in his camera bag. He had decided to use film for his morning shots because the direct sun reflecting off the white snow was so bright. Film did a better job of capturing such an image with high quality than a digital camera could, where too much brilliant white in frame could result in an image that was too hot.
Caleb didn't understand the technical explanation. But he did understand the effect that color imbalance could have on perception of an image, so he didn't feel like he was learning a completely foreign language. Besides, different media were better for depicting different kinds of scenes. It only made sense that some kinds of scenes were better captured by different camera technologies. And that, he decided, was really all that he needed to know.
Nicole had left a lunch ready for the boys for when they decided to take a break. She was working. But she would probably be home, and having a little fun at his expense with Tyler, if they took a break at the Bradford home on Saturday.
Lunch on Saturday did result in the predicted round of fun at Caleb's expense. Since the fun was good natured, he didn't whine too much. The rest of the day, both morning and afternoon, was spent on skis.
Caleb found the time he was spending with Tyler more enjoyable than any time he had ever spent with friends. It was just the two of them. That limited the kinds of activities that they could enjoy. But both shared a love of nature, an artistic perspective, and an appreciation for physical activity.
However, by the end of the day on Saturday, Caleb was starting to feel that physical activity in his legs. The discomfort ran from muscle, bone and connective tissue in his feet; through ankles, calves, and knees; into hamstrings, quadriceps, and hips. He could even feel the strain in his glutes, abdominals, and shoulders. By the time Tyler turned for home with a cheerful wave Saturday afternoon, Caleb could barely stumble into his house, up the stairs into a hot shower, and collapse onto his bed. He didn't wake until his mother called him for supper.
After a warm and comforting supper, Caleb crawled back up the stairs to his bedroom. He thought that he might have the energy to work on some of the sketches he has started during the past week. There was a hilltop panorama he thought would work nicely in pastels that he was thinking about starting.
Halfway through the evening, his phone rang.
"Have you finished my picture yet?" Abby demanded.
Caleb sighed. He considered putting her off by suggesting that she pester Tyler for some of his butt photos. But on reflection, he decided not to mention that. With a very great deal of luck, she might just forget about them.
"I can barely stand, but you're pressuring me to pander to your twisted fantasies," he groaned instead.
"You poor baby," Abby giggled. "Are you ready to experience these magic fingers yet?"
"You have no idea," he admitted. "If you were here, I'd probably let you have your way with me."
"Yes!"
Tyler could hear her happy dance through the telephone.
"Abby!"
"I'm on my way!" she announced.
Caleb was left holding onto a dead line, wondering what he had done and how he would explain it to his mother.
For the next hour he waited with trepidation for the sound of the doorbell. But as time passed, reality set in with an accompanying sense of relief. Caleb really doubted that Abby would be able to get a ride from her parents. And it would be a long way for her to walk in the dark. He tried to stretch aching muscles and wondered, not for the first time, whether it might really make sense to try to figure out how he could afford a hot tub.
Caleb was almost hoping that Tyler had other things to do Sunday morning. But he was ready for. . . something. . . when Tyler arrived with a cheerful wave a few minutes before nine o'clock.
"You don't look like you slept well last night," Tyler announced, looking Caleb over from head to foot.
"I didn't do anything well last night," Caleb admitted. "I'm beat."
Tyler measured him carefully.
"We don't have to do anything today," he decided. "But it's moments like this that separate the men from the boys." He smirked. "No pain, no gain, and all of that. It's good for you."
"I really hate you," Caleb informed Tyler. But he slipped his boots into his ski bindings and a minute later they were off.
Tyler did go easier on Caleb. But he didn't go easy. He led him off to the northeast on trails they rarely travelled. The pace was slow but steady.
"Where are we going?" Caleb wondered.
"My house," Tyler announced over his shoulder.
"But that's. . ." Caleb tried to do the math in his head.
"Ten kilometers," Tyler said. "Then ten kilometers back home after we have lunch. That's not a heavy day."
" Ten kilometers!" Caleb whined. "That's. . . double digits. It's a lot more than five kilometers."
"You'll manage," Tyler insisted. "If I have to, I'll carry you."
He kept their pace slow. Tyler stopped often to pull out his camera and take photographs of something that caught his attention. He didn't threaten Caleb with the camera. Not even once.
Tyler's mother was home when the boys arrived there. Caleb waited politely for Tyler to introduce her. He was surprised at how young she looked; several years younger than his own mother, if he judged it correctly.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Neeson," He was on his best behavior. "And thank you for the times you left lunch for me. It was delicious."
Tyler's mother was gracious. She appreciated Caleb's compliment.
"You can call me Grace," she invited, "as long as that doesn't make you uncomfortable. I'm really not used to being called Mrs. Neeson."
Grace had prepared another hot lunch for the boys. Caleb had the sense that meals were usually a more casual affair in the Neeson household, but that she liked to put in the extra effort for Tyler with a friend visiting.
When they were finished eating, Grace pulled Caleb aside.
"I don't know whether he mentioned anything to you yet, Caleb, but Tyler turns sixteen on Thursday."
That was news to Caleb. After a little math, he realized that Thursday would be January 1. That seemed like an interesting day for a birthday.
"I imagine that you and Tyler will be skiing during the day. But I was wondering if you'd like to join us for dinner that evening. I could drive you home after we eat or, if you're interested and your parents approve, perhaps you could spend the night. I think Tyler would enjoy the company."
Caleb's initial reaction was enthusiastic. He hoped that was something Tyler would enjoy.
He explained to Grace that he lived alone with his mother. Then he shared the home telephone number with her. He couldn't imagine that his mother would object. She liked Tyler. She seemed very pleased that their friendship was growing. And she might find it nice to have the house to herself for an evening, even if Caleb often spent his time at home doing something quietly in his own room.
After they had finished eating and visiting with Tyler's mother, Caleb and Tyler geared up and prepared to resume their adventure. That's when Caleb discovered a problem.
After sitting for more than an hour, it suddenly felt like his legs had aged fifty years. By the time they were out on the trail, he was so stiff that he could barely move without discomfort bordering on pain.
"Uh, Tyler!" Caleb pointed out, "I think I may have to take you up on your offer to carry me home."
Tyler examined Caleb skeptically.
"You're bigger than me," he noted. "And I think all your complaining might make you too awkward to carry. I could drop you."
"Tyler!" Caleb whined. "You promised!"
But he was grinning through the pain.
"We'll take it easy," Tyler suggested. "Let's try to get as far as Abby's house. Maybe you'll have loosened up by then. If not, we'll figure out another plan."
After four kilometers at a cripple's pace, Caleb was feeling a little better. But he was still wondering whether he could make it the rest of the way to his house without help.
Tyler suggested that they see if Abby was home. A visit would at least give Caleb a chance to get off his feet and rest his legs.
There were no cars in the Wests' driveway, but Caleb noticed lights on in the house. He and Tyler decided that it couldn't hurt to ski a few hundred meters out of their way and knock on the door.
Abby was delighted to see them. When she discovered the reason for their visit, she invited them inside. There was a gleam in her eye that made Caleb uncomfortable.
Once she had them settled in the living room, hot drinks in their hands, she got down to business.
"I won't charge for the first visit," she informed them. "Consider it an introductory offer.
Tyler looked confused. Caleb was pretty sure he knew what she was talking about. The awkwardness factor was extremely high. But his legs were crying out for relief.
When Abby explained her offer to Tyler, he burst out laughing. Even if he was eyeing Abby and Caleb rather uncertainly.
Once Abby explained that her parents wouldn't return until evening, and the three were stumbling up the stairs to her bedroom, the implications of her plan started to weigh more heavily on Caleb. His legs really needed some relief. But the intimacy of what awaited him triggered difficult memories.
Caleb trusted Abby. He trusted Tyler. But he had trusted friends in the past who had betrayed his trust.
He didn't want to turn into a drama queen in front of his friends. He also didn't want to run screaming down the stairs.
Caleb had already hinted to Abby that there were issues in his past. He prayed that a little reminder might help her to suppress her enthusiasm. He knew that he would feel a lot safer if she didn't get carried away by the novelty of the situation.
"Maybe you should go first," he offered to Tyler.
Caleb didn't press the issue when Tyler's eyes widened and his stare turned glassy. Tyler had his own ghosts. He hoped that reminder, and guilt, might help Abby to manage her excitement.
"I think you need to take some of your clothes off," Abby observed as Caleb went to lie on her bed. "These fingers," she flexed, "are delicate instruments. I can't risk damaging them on denim."
Caleb released a deep sigh as he stripped of his shirt and jeans.
"What are those?" she asked.
"Thermal underwear?" Caleb thought she might recognize what they were. She claimed to be a native Vermonter.
"These fingers!" she reminded him pointedly. "And I have scented oils. They'll make a mess on your pajamas."
"Abby," he pleaded. Then he whispered, "I don't have much on underneath."
She noticed his discomfort.
"All right. I'll be professional," she promised. "Let's handle this like mature adults."
She gestured again at his long johns. He shivered uncomfortably and shook his head.
"Oh, for god's sake, Caleb!" she rolled her eyes. "You see each other naked in the locker room all the time!"
"But you don't see us naked in the locker room," Tyler pointed out.
Caleb silently thanked him for the support.
"Just think of me as one of the guys," she insisted. "Let's go!"
Caleb appealed to Tyler. He just shrugged and started to remove his own clothes.
"Bikini briefs. Very classy!" Abby congratulated Caleb as he settled back onto her bed.
He braced himself. He was sure he was about to feel a very firm smack on his bottom.
Surprisingly, Abby just started to massage his legs in workmanlike fashion. It was a collaborative effort. Without any previous experience of her own, Abby relied on Caleb to tell her what was helping him feel better and what wasn't working.
She started with his feet. Caleb wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. It didn't involve jumping straight into the fire. But the fire kept climbing inexorably higher.
He distracted himself as Abby's fingers worked their way up his calves and started in on his hamstrings. Tyler had already stripped down to a very tasteful pair of boxer briefs and watching him kept Caleb's mind off what Abby's hands were doing.
But he knew that it wasn't a good idea to be paying such close attention to Tyler's underwear. He tried to keep that image in the corner of his eye and then used his imagination to avoid thinking about Abby's hands.
"Maybe you could take a picture," Abby cackled.
For a moment, Caleb was sure that he had been busted. . . until he realized that Abby was talking to Tyler. His eyes blared wide and he almost managed to leap off the bed.
Abby held Caleb in place with a firm hand in the middle of his lower back. Tyler was looking very flustered. There was no sign of his camera.
"Come on, Tyler," Abby teased. "Just one little picture."
"I can't do this," Tyler squeaked.
He turned away and started to climb back into his clothes. Caleb wasn't certain, but he thought he may have noticed some sudden swelling in the front of Tyler's briefs.
"Okay. Okay," it was a perfunctory apology. "I'll be good. Just stay there and let me work on the tightness in your thighs. You really are a mess."
Caleb shut his eyes tight and prayed that Abby wouldn't be inspired by any more excitable impulses. When he opened them again, he noticed that Tyler was watching him sympathetically. He held onto Tyler's eyes while Abby did her thing, hoping that he didn't look too pathetic.
"I guess that wasn't such a good idea," Tyler apologized as they skied away from Abby's house.
"I lived," Caleb noted wryly. "And my legs really do feel a lot better. It's just my self-esteem that was abused."
"I have trouble coping with some things," Caleb explained as they drew to a halt for a quick breather. "What Abby was doing, you know, in her bedroom. Most guys our age dream about stuff like that. But I had a bad experience a couple of years ago. I don't feel like most guys anymore, I guess."
Tyler nodded sympathetically.
"I like Abby," he agreed. "But I had an experience a while back, too. I know she's our friend. But it's hard for me to feel safe sometimes. You know, with sex stuff."
Caleb and Tyler shared an uncomfortable silence. It was a bonding moment. It was a moment grounded in shared discomfort and vulnerability.
Caleb invited Tyler in for a brief visit when they arrived at his home. Tyler would have to leave soon to return to his own home before dark, but Caleb didn't feel ready to let him go.
"Coffee?" he asked.
Tyler grinned.
"Your mom said you turn sixteen on Thursday." Caleb wasn't entirely sure where he was going to take the conversation. "There's not a lot of time. But I wondered if there's something you'd like for your birthday."
Tyler reddened immediately.
"Nothing special," he insisted. "But I'd like it if you joined us for dinner that night."
Caleb smiled shyly.
"Yeah. If you want. I mean," he injected enthusiasm into his tone, "I'd really like that."
"It would be after dark," Tyler considered. "My mom could drive you home afterward, if you want. Or you could spend the night."
To Caleb, it felt like déjà vu. Except he preferred Tyler's shy delivery of the lines.
Tyler was apologetic, "I've only got one bed. But it's really big," he assured Caleb. "If you don't mind."
Caleb didn't mind. He hadn't spent the night with a friend in almost three years. And he was starting to think that he'd never really had a friend like Tyler.
That just left the question of a present.
"Maybe the naked sketch," Tyler suggested.
Caleb almost choked.
"What naked sketch?"
Tyler seemed flustered.
"It was something Abby said," he explained.
"She was joking," Caleb insisted.
"I was pretty sure she was," Tyler agreed. "But I think she really would like to see us naked."
Caleb had to bite his tongue. He was very close to offering to draw a naked sketch if Tyler wanted to pose for one. It never even occurred to him to wonder whether Tyler would really want a naked sketch of himself.
"You know," Tyler admitted, "I really do like Abby. But she still makes me nervous sometimes."
Caleb couldn't help but agree.
"I like Abby," Tyler went on. "But you're my friend. If you want to go out with her, I won't mind. We'll still be friends. I don't want anything to change that."
Caleb didn't know how to respond. He knew that Tyler was offering to make a big sacrifice for him. He didn't want to diminish that sacrifice by dismissing his supposed interest in Abby. He also couldn't help noticing that Tyler was watching him very closely, trying to gauge Caleb's reaction to what he had said.
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