Strong Enough
by Nico Grey
V
Caleb and Tyler planned to take full advantage of the sixteen-day holiday break. They wasted no time putting their plans into action. Tyler arrived at Caleb's house before nine o'clock Saturday morning. Caleb was already waiting, propelling himself around the property with long, lazy strides and glides.
Tyler caught Caleb's attention and motioned toward one of the trails leading into the woods. Without waiting for Caleb, he pushed off in that direction.
Tyler worked Caleb steadily for the next few hours. He didn't venture onto terrain that his friend couldn't handle, but he didn't go easy on him. By the time Tyler led the way back to Caleb's house, both boys were ready for a break. Caleb desperately needed one.
"When I asked you to teach me to ski, I didn't think you'd try to kill me," Caleb groaned.
Tyler snorted.
"You're not dying." He thought for a moment. "You're actually making a lot of progress," he encouraged. "We covered close to twenty kilometers this morning."
"Is that good?" Caleb asked.
"The world record for twenty kilometers is about four times faster," Tyler said. "But for someone who has only been on skis for a month, you're doing great."
"So you're giving me that afternoon off?" Caleb was only half joking.
Tyler grinned.
"We'll do something less challenging this afternoon. I don't want to make you so sore that you can't ski for a few days."
Caleb thought that was great news. He kicked out of his bindings, stacked his equipment on the deck, and led Tyler into the house.
Nicole had a hot meal waiting for them. She was delighted to see Caleb so eager to be involved with a new activity and a friend. It had been a long time since he had been enthusiastic about anything.
"Mom!" he complained as soon as he noticed her in the kitchen, "Tyler's trying to kill me!"
"Is it working?" Nicole wondered. She gave Tyler a smile and a thumbs-up. "With the pay-out from that life insurance policy I took out on Caleb, I might be able to give up my job."
"Mom!" This time Caleb sounded alarmed. "You know you'd miss me."
"Well," she reflected, "I really do enjoy that job. I suppose there's no hurry." She winked at Tyler. "Let's give him a few more weeks."
Tyler grinned back at her uncertainly.
"You know, Mom," Caleb chided, "Tyler is probably getting a terrible impression of you."
"Oh, no!" Tyler interjected, "You make delicious sandwiches. And the soup smells great, too! I don't mind waiting a few more weeks, if that's what you want."
Nicole tipped him a conspiratorial wink.
Caleb sighed.
"Do you know how to give a good massage? Or is emotionally abusing your son the only thing you know how to do well?"
"Tyler likes my sandwiches and soup," she reminded him. "But if you're really in such agony," she drew out the word, "maybe we can have a conversation about that hot tub you keep whining about."
"Yes!" Caleb leaped to his feet. "I knew you'd see it my way!"
"Caleb," she cautioned, "we can talk about it. But a hot tub is expensive. If you want something like that, there will be a lot of other things you want that we just won't be able to afford."
"Mom!" Caleb insisted. "You're killing me!"
Tyler had been watching the exchange cautiously. He didn't have much recent experience with social repartee, but he did feel safe with Caleb and Nicole.
" The insurance payout should be enough for a hot tub," he suggested. "If you want to move our timetable up to this afternoon. . ."
Nicole's eyes lit up.
"That's a brilliant idea!"
"No!" Caleb clutched his chest. "You're my sensei! You can't betray me like this!"
Tyler smiled to himself, a gentle warmth spreading through his body. It had been years since he last felt so comfortable around other people, he realized.
Tyler finally persuaded Caleb to come back outdoors with him. He enjoyed spending time with Caleb and his mother, but after two hours he decided that break time was over. While he didn't have anything challenging planned for the afternoon, he was in the mood to enjoy the natural beauty of the nearby woods and the views afforded by the surrounding hills.
When Caleb saw Tyler pulling his camera from its bag and checking the equipment, he stuck his head back in the house and asked his mother to grab a sketchpad and pencils for him. The silver tones of the winter sun reflecting off bright white snow would create some interesting lighting to capture landscapes, he decided. And he was eager to exchange ideas with Tyler about a photographer's perspective on the scenery they would experience.
That turned out even better than Caleb had hoped. Tyler led them to the top of the overlook behind Caleb's house. They spent the better part of an hour capturing images from that vantage point. When they were ready to find a different perspective, Caleb even managed to persuade Tyler to ski part of the way back up the hill several times, while he captured some quick impressions with his pencils and stored images in his mind to help him complete the sketch later.
By mid-afternoon, Tyler decided that he needed to head home. He lived a little more than three miles away, and less than ten kilometers even using the meandering trails through the woods, but Tyler explained that it was always best to leave plenty of daylight when out in the woods, and to avoid the risk of delays and having to ski part of the way home in the dark.
Caleb couldn't help himself. He suggested that they could plan for Tyler to spend the night some time, rather than having to cut their visits short, before he realized that they still hadn't really known each other very long.
He was relieved that Tyler appeared comfortable with the idea, although he suggested that maybe soon Caleb would be ready for an excursion as far as his house. Then, spending the night would save Caleb the strain of two long treks in a single day and would allow Tyler to ski with him in both directions. That would be a lot safer than having Caleb ski ten kilometers alone through terrain that was still rather unfamiliar to him.
By the time Caleb bid Tyler goodbye, he was feeling excited about the progress they were making in their friendship. He had been a long time without a friend. And not only was his friendship with Tyler progressing rapidly, he was finding their shared interests and Tyler's temperament holding out promise of becoming better friends in time. Caleb hadn't had a best friend for almost four years.
Caleb recognized the irony in their blossoming friendship. His initial attraction to Tyler had been almost entirely physical. But after almost a month spending time with each other, he found himself appreciating Tyler far more for their shared interests and for the kind of person that he was. Although he still thought that Tyler looked fantastic.
And that gave Caleb something to worry about. Sooner or later, Tyler was going to figure out that he was gay. And that he was attracted to Tyler. That was something that he was sure wouldn't change. He just hadn't figured out how to handle that revelation and to assure Tyler that he was far more interested in him as a friend than in anything else.
After he stored his ski equipment in the mud room, Caleb decided to work on the sketches he had started that afternoon. Conversations with his mother about hot tubs could wait.
Sketches of landscapes would also wait, he decided. He set a rough sketch of Tyler powering up the slope on an easel and considered how best to complete the image. Pastels didn't seem the right medium for the scene he had in mind. A watercolor might work. But Caleb decides that colored pencils would really give him the best tools for color saturation and shading to bring that image to life. Tyler was a bold and powerful skier. The pencils would best bring out that quality in the scene.
His work was interrupted first by supper, then when Abby called to check on him an hour later. She seemed concerned that Caleb make productive use of his time over their break.
"I didn't waste any time today," he assured her. "Tyler was here all morning and for part of the afternoon. He ran me ragged!"
Abby feigned sympathy, but only for a moment.
"That's not what I heard," she told him. "I heard that your complaining was the most difficult part of the day."
Caleb was shocked.
"You should join us," he suggested. "Then you'd see how badly he treats me. I can barely walk! Hey!" The idea suddenly occurred to him. "Do you know how to give a massage?"
It took her a while to respond. Caleb wasn't sure, but he thought he heard a whimper at the other end of the connection.
"I can learn," she finally suggested. "In fact, I'll go on line now and find a video tutorial."
Caleb thought she may have broken the connection, except the line still sounded live.
" Okay!" she came back on brightly, "I've found something. Just save your sore muscles for a few days. . . Tyler's, too," she added. "I'll take care of you both."
"Abby?" Caleb was becoming suspicious. "Don't you need to go to school or something to learn massage?"
"How hard can it be?" she wondered. "It isn't like I'm going to charge you for anything."
Caleb did consider the possibility. He may have been prone to exaggeration, but he was sore.
Practical considerations put paid to the idea in the end. Reluctantly, Abby concluded that her parents wouldn't be very eager to transport her to visit a boy they had never met, even for a medical emergency. But she did resolve to continue her online massage tutorial, just in case. . .
Tyler arrived at Caleb's home before nine o'clock again on Sunday morning. Caleb was waiting for him. But he wasn't on his skis yet. He decided that he really needed to conserve his energy.
Tyler led Caleb on a grueling circuit of the local trails. He concluded their morning by driving Caleb up the hill behind his house.
Caleb wished that he hadn't. His technique had improved enough to ski a fair part of the way up the hill before switching to the herringbone technique. But he was completely exhausted after more than two hours or trying to keep up with Tyler. Muscles ached in ways that he had never experienced before as he struggled to maintain his stride.
Caleb almost collapsed when he reached the top of the slope. Tyler observed him with wry amusement.
"Right back down," he ordered. "If we hurry, we can make it to Abby's house before noon."
Caleb regarded him like he had lost his mind.
"Why are we going to Abby's house?" he asked.
"She was telling me something about learning massage for you," Tyler snickered. "I don't know why, but she seems to think your life may be in danger."
Caleb had a hard time meeting Tyler's eye.
"I have no idea why she'd think that," he lied. "But if I try and ski down this hill right now, it might be."
Tyler smirked and gave Caleb a gentle nudge. Then he took off straight down the slope.
"That was good for you," Tyler explained when Caleb finally caught up with him at the bottom of the hill. "You're able to do more than you think you can. And the harder you push yourself, the faster you'll make progress.
"You are doing really well, but you can do better," he assured Caleb. "And I promise I am keeping an eye on you. I won't push you to do anything that could hurt you."
That, Caleb concluded, was reassuring. He did often catch Tyler observing him carefully. And while trust didn't come easy to him, he decided that he could trust Tyler.
"Do you think it would hurt me to take a break for lunch?" Caleb asked.
Tyler laughed.
"That sounds like a good idea now. You'll need some energy to prepare you for your afternoon training session. We're going to ski some new trails today. Abby's really sounds eager to try out her massage skills."
'Where did he even hear about that?' Caleb wondered. But he didn't have time to ask before Tyler had bolted off into the trees.
Caleb arrived home exhausted that afternoon. He and Tyler had skied what felt like dozens of miles, although Tyler assured him that it had been less than twenty-five kilometers. He had learned quite a lot about the layout of the parts of Judah that didn't depend on local roads and the state highway network.
They had even dropped by Abby's home and visited with her briefly. She had asked polite question about how they were enjoying vacation, their skiing, and plans for Christmas, although Caleb was pretty sure that she wanted to offer to help with aching muscles. He would have even considered taking her up on the offer, if it was made, except that he was concerned about having enough time to return home before they started to lose light along the wooded trails.
Tyler appeared to have the same concern. He pointed out a trail leading north behind Abby's house, indicating that his home lay in that direction, before setting a steady pace in the opposite direction and back toward Caleb's house. Caleb was willing to find his own way back, once they reached familiar trails. But Tyler insisted on staying with him, just in case Caleb ran into trouble.
Caleb was concerned about Tyler having to ski back to his home in the fading light. He checked with his mother before inviting Tyler to spend the night with him. But Tyler was obviously concerned that they hadn't made plans.
To Caleb's relief, his mother offered to drive Tyler home. When Tyler politely declined the offer, Nicole insisted. She didn't want to risk the possibility that something might happen to her co-conspirator in their life insurance scheme. Tyler was amused and appreciative enough about her concern to offer no further resistance.
When they returned home, Caleb resumed work on his colored pencil sketch of Tyler. He would have enjoyed having Tyler spend the night, but was just as happy to have the freedom to continue his work. The more he considered the project, the more he was thinking that he would like to have it done before Christmas so he could give it to Tyler.
Caleb didn't make a habit of sharing his art. But he really did want to give Tyler something to show his appreciation for their friendship and for the time Tyler was taking to teach him to ski. And the more he worked on it, the more pleased he was with the way the sketch was coming together.
Tyler continued to meet Caleb daily. Their skiing adventures were becoming more about the adventure and less about instruction, a development that Tyler was pleased to point out to his friend.
They spent time learning new trails and seeing new sights around Judah. On Tuesday, they spent some time visiting with Abby in the morning. They continued on into Antioch, stopping at Tyler's home to break for lunch.
Tyler's mother was at work, but she had left Chicken Parmesan that Tyler heated in the oven. Two generous portions in the baking dish made it clear to Caleb that Tyler had planned the day in advance.
That last thought felt important to Caleb. He considered the possibility that he was reading too much into his observations, but it seemed that Tyler was putting real effort into the time they were spending together. Their friendship wasn't just a casual sharing of interests. It was something that Tyler thought about, even when they weren't together.
As Caleb put the finishing touches on his sketch of Tyler Tuesday evening, he realized that he was also putting time and effort into their friendship independent of the time they spent together. It was a new experience for him.
Tyler wasn't Caleb's first friend. He had any number of casual friends during the years he spent in elementary school and middle school. Abby was his friend. But having a friend that was important to him twenty-four hours of every day had never happened to him before. Thinking about that, Caleb decided it was a pretty cool thing.
When he introduced himself to Tyler, Caleb knew something of his background. He understood that Tyler was socially isolated, probably lonely, but having a hard time trusting other people. Taking the time to show Tyler that he wanted to be his friend, standing up for him, then demonstrating consistently that Tyler could rely on his friendship, was probably something that Tyler hadn't experienced in years. Their shared interests were something that brought them together, but probably were less important than proving himself trustworthy in Tyler's eyes.
Tyler, in return, was giving Caleb both his time and his trust. Caleb assumed that Tyler would get more enjoyment out of his skiing and his time exploring the natural beauty of the Vermont environment if he were on his own. But he valued Caleb's friendship, so he was willing to harness himself to Caleb's limited ability. And if Caleb interpreted Tyler's investment correctly, he appeared to think it a worthwhile exchange.
Caleb wasn't sure what to make of that: another person thought that his friendship had value beyond just the time they spent together, engaged in shared interests. It certainly made him feel good. It also motivated him to remain worthy of the effort that Tyler was putting into their friendship.
When Caleb and Tyler took a break from skiing at noon on Wednesday, Caleb was already feeling a sense of loss. It was Christmas eve. He and Tyler wouldn't see each other again until Friday morning. Christmas with his mother would be nice, but he knew that he would miss spending time with Tyler.
He invited Tyler in for lunch. While he was preparing hot cocoa— and brewing coffee for Tyler— he noticed a message from his mother on the countertop.
"Pork quesadillas are in the refrigerator. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees, then put them in the oven for fifteen minutes.
"Help yourselves to the Christmas cookies in the jar.
"Please wish Tyler a Merry Christmas for me and give him the package next to this note."
While Caleb was following his mother's instructions, he realized that she was also putting her own effort into his friendship with Tyler. That gave him a weird, warm feeling that he couldn't quite identify. But he knew that it felt good.
Caleb was reluctant to say goodbye to Tyler once they had eaten. But it was Christmas eve. Tyler needed to go home to start preparing for the holiday.
Caleb hurried up to his room while Tyler was getting ready to leave. He returned with a mailing tube in one hand and a poster storage tube in the other.
"Merry Christmas! This is for you!" Caleb handed Tyler the mailing tube. He had hurriedly drawn a green and red bow on it. "It's probably a good idea to carry it in this storage tube, to protect it in case any snow falls on it."
Tyler's expression was a mix of surprise and delight, with just a hint of disappointment in himself.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think to get you anything."
"You shouldn't be sorry," Caleb assured him. "You've given me so much over the past month. I just want you to have this to remind you that I really appreciate all the time you spent with me."
"Can I open it?" Tyler asked.
"It's yours. Open it now or at Christmas. Whenever you want to."
Caleb enjoyed the shy pleasure on Tyler's face as he slid the sketch out of the mailing tube. He was even more satisfied by Tyler's expression of amazement when he unrolled the sketch.
"This is incredible!" Tyler breathed. "I've never seen a painting that looked so realistic!"
Caleb didn't feel the need to explain that it was done with colored pencils. . . although he did take real pride in achieving something so lifelike in that medium. He considered telling Tyler that the subject really inspired the quality of his work, but decided that might be a little too much sentiment for their friendship. He chose to simply enjoy Tyler's reaction.
Caleb could tell that Tyler was torn between wanting to say more and his need to start for home, so he helped roll the sketch back up, slid it into the mailing tube, and then put the mailing tube into the storage tube. He handed his mother's package to Tyler.
"I'm pretty sure those are some of my mom's maple sugar cookies, so don't eat them all at once," he cautioned. "The sugar rush is intense!"
He followed Tyler outside and helped him gear up and safely store his gifts.
"I know it's only a couple days, but I'm going to miss skiing with you."
Caleb and Tyler hadn't really been physical with each other, but Caleb decided that a side hug would probably be acceptable.
"Merry Christmas, Tyler. I'll see you Friday morning."
Tyler grinned and offered a brief wave as he skied away toward the trees.
His mother still hadn't arrived home from work when Caleb's phone rang.
"Why didn't you tell me you were such a good artist?" Abby demanded, without preamble. "Am I getting a sketch for Christmas, too?"
Caleb barely had time to draw breath, let alone figure out what she meant.
"I want the naked one!" she insisted.
"Naked one?" Caleb was having trouble making sense of the conversation. Although he did realize which sketch she was talking about.
"I know you drew a naked one that you kept for yourself," Abby insisted.
"What?! Abby!" he complained. "Tyler did not get naked for me!"
"Yeah. But I know you imagined it. You drew that one for yourself," she concluded with self-satisfied logic. "I want it!"
"Abby!" he took a moment to calm himself. "Why would you even think I'd do that?"
"I saw that sketch!" she accused. "You put a lot of effort into drawing his butt perfectly. I couldn't miss that! Of course you kept an X-rated version for yourself."
"Drawing his butt perfectly?" What did that even mean? he wondered. "I just drew what I saw."
"Well I guess we all know now what you were looking at!" she asserted smugly.
"Oh, god!" Caleb groaned. "Please tell me I didn't draw his butt perfectly!"
Abby started cackling.
"Well, he does have a perfect butt. And you drew it so well." She sighed. "Even if you didn't do it for yourself, I'm sure you can draw me a naked version of that picture."
"You know, Abby," Caleb decided, "I'm really starting to have second thoughts about trusting you to be my masseuse."
"No!" she whined, "You can't do that! My fantasies aren't going to prevent me from being a great masseuse. I never have any trouble riding a horse, even when I'm watching 'Brokeback Mountain' in my head.
"This is getting me so turned on," she confided with a malicious cackle.
"Abby. . ."
Caleb really wasn't sure how to continue. He understood that Abby was just teasing him. But the conversation had started to become awkward. It made him feel extremely uncomfortable.
He tried again.
" I'm not angry or anything. But something happened to me a few years ago. . . when some of my friends found out that I was gay. They had a little too much fun and it. . . it just ended badly for me." He sighed.
"I'm really not upset. I know you wouldn't hurt me. This is all in my head, but we need to talk about something else."
It took Caleb five minutes to assure Abby that he was serious and that he wasn't upset with her. Then another five minutes to convince her that he really wasn't ready yet to talk about what had happened to him.
He hated to end their conversation on a sour note.
"I promise that I'll explain it all to you someday," he insisted. But he kept his fingers crossed, just in case. "I'm not upset at all. I still love you."
And that, at least, seemed to satisfy her concern.
"Merry Christmas, Abby."
Caleb joined his mother in front of the living room fireplace for a late Christmas eve supper. It was a Bradford family tradition.
"What's this?" Caleb asked.
Jambalaya wasn't part of that tradition.
"I thought it would be nice to do something a little different for our first Christmas eve here," Nicole informed him. "It's not too heavy, kind of spicy, and I was able to let the slow cooker do most of the work for me while I was at my job today."
Caleb loaded his mouth and nodded enthusiastically.
"I like it!"
"So our first new tradition is a success?" Nicole watched Caleb's reaction.
He was busy keeping his fork and mouth full.
"I thought we might try another new tradition," she handed Caleb an envelope.
"Christmas cards?" he wondered.
"Open it," she suggested. "I think you're probably old enough to pick out your own Christmas present this year."
Caleb's eyes widened as he spread out the handful of large-denomination bills.
" There's enough for a good mountain bike, if you decide you're ready for that, honey," Nicole smiled. "You might need to find a little more money if you want something really top of the line. . . or a hot tub. We can figure something out. Or you might decide to save the money toward a car next fall."
Caleb really didn't know how to respond. It was a lot of money! It was even more responsibility. He chose to wrap his arms around his mother and hug her tight.
"Wow! You must be excited," Nicole observed. "You're vibrating!"
"My phone," Caleb held up the offending device sheepishly. "Somebody's sending a message. Probably Abby," he apologized.
It took him a moment to recognize the caller. It wasn't Abby.
Caleb opened the message of a Christmas greeting and a photograph. The greeting was tasteful. The image of the abominable snowman made Caleb growl in frustration.
"You're evil," he keyed in a response. "My mother is sitting here right next to me. I hope you're getting a lump of coal for Christmas!"
"Christmas eve is a wonderful time for sharing precious memories," Tyler messaged back. He included an 'rofl' emoji and another photo of Caleb half-buried in snow and cross country skiing gear.
"I'll get you for this, you bastard!" Caleb promised.
"Caleb Bradford!" Nicole feigned shock.
"No 'Caleb Donald Bradford'?" he smirked. "I guess it couldn't be that bad."
"I'm trying to avoid using that name," his mother sighed. "It might be best for both of us to forget about it for a while."
Every two or three minutes a new photo arrived. Nicole insisted on 'borrowing' the phone to send Tyler a Christmas greeting. She held onto it as the photo barrage continued.
"Oh, this one is nice!" she remarked after chuckling through the first fifteen or so messages.
Caleb moaned and dropped his head into his hands.
"No, honey. Look!" Nicole insisted.
Caleb was surprised to see a candid of himself standing casually on his skis, enraptured by a beautiful winter scene. He thought it could have been taken by a professional photographer.
Several more photos followed. Each showed Caleb, cheeks flushed with healthy exertion, obviously delighted to be skiing through the landscape around him.
"I might just hire Tyler to create a series of portraits of Caleb at fifteen," Nicole remarked.
Caleb groaned because it was expected of him. But part of him thought it might be a good idea. Tyler could certainly do brilliant work with his camera
"Merry Christmas, Tyler!" he texted. "Luv U."
And then, because it suddenly struck him that might be too revealing a sentiment, "But you're still going to pay!"
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