Strong Enough
by Nico Grey
III
"What should I do?" Caleb wondered. "If Tyler is ready to reach out to someone, I can't let him down."
"There's another problem," Abby reminded him.
When Caleb looked confused, she explained. "Me. Tyler probably won't want to talk to you if I'm around. Maybe he's ready to trust you because you're a new face and you're nice. But he's been closed down to absolutely everyone here for almost three years. And I was on stage with Lexxi." She winced as she added the final point.
"But if I go sit with Tyler, assuming he'll let me. . .?"
"Complications," she explained. "Even if she doesn't attack you in front of Tyler, and PTSD him even more, she'll come after you as soon as she thinks I don't have a claim on you.
"Sorry. It's girl rules," Abby explained when she noticed Caleb's expression. "And if she comes after you, your choices are to go along with her plans until she gets bored, or reject her and deal with the consequences."
Those ill-defined consequences felt completely unnerving to Caleb. Experience had taught him that they could go places he had never even imagined.
"So what are my options?" he asked.
"The witness protection program," Abby suggested. "Well, that one is for when you piss her off. But I think maybe your best plan is to stick with me until some other pretty face distracts Lexxi." She smirked. "And maybe you could say something to Tyler? Let him know you still want to be his friend."
And that did seem like a reasonable idea.
Caleb was still struggling to reconcile his conflicted social agenda when he arrived in the cafeteria on Friday. His biggest challenge was trying to understand the 'girl rules' that made any boy fair game if he wasn't accompanied by a 'qualified' female escort— and what it took for an escort to become 'qualified'.
Caleb suspected that qualification was a matter of class, that anyone of lower status than Abby wouldn't have protected him from Lexxi. But he really hadn't made complete sense of the distinction yet. Fifteen years as a boy with little romantic interest in girls simply hadn't prepared him to understand how girls conducted themselves in the battle of the sexes.
He was feeling particularly lost as he surveyed the lunch room and prepared for the long walk to his customary table. He would be dining alone. On their bus ride home the previous day, Abby had complained about feeling the warning signs of a winter cold. When she didn't appear on the bus in the morning, Caleb assumed that he wouldn't see her again until Monday.
And that created a dilemma for Caleb. He really wasn't sure whether someone like Lexxi would strike if he dared enter the lunchroom without escort. He certainly didn't feel comfortable about that prospect.
He had even considered skipping lunch. But Caleb was a growing boy. And Friday was burger day. The school's crack dietary crew usually managed to pull that meal off without casualties.
As he was planning a stealthy approach to his lunch table, Caleb realized that there could be another option. He checked to see if Tyler was already at his usual table.
Caleb didn't want to presume. But he also didn't want to set his lunch tray down at his own table, then have to walk all the way across the cafeteria as many as three times. That was bound to attract the wrong sort of attention.
So he approached Tyler cautiously. He made sure that Tyler could see him approaching the table. He gave him time to prepare.
"Can I eat here today?" Caleb asked.
Tyler seemed reluctant.
"Is Abby coming?"
"She didn't come to school today," Caleb assured him. "I'm alone."
Tyler hesitated, then nodded. Caleb thought he could sense some relief.
"I'm sorry about Monday," Caleb said, after he set his tray down. "I was hoping you'd join us."
"There were only two chairs at your table."
That was reasonable. But Caleb sensed some evasion in Tyler's reply. He also sensed an opportunity. . . potential complications, too. But there was an opportunity to do good.
"Abby wouldn't have minded sitting in your lap." Caleb wondered if he was being too forward. "She really likes you."
Caleb hoped that Tyler would welcome the news. Instead he became suspicious immediately.
"Is that what this is about?" he demanded.
Caleb was shocked. He thought Tyler would be encouraged. It took him several minutes to assure Tyler that his remark hadn't meant anything, except that Abby had said a lot of good things about him.
It hurt Caleb to watch how conflicted Tyler became over that news before he quietly accepted the assurance.
"I guess I stepped in something," he apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Tyler had recovered enough to brush off his reaction.
"It was just something that happened years ago," he said. "I had no idea that she liked me."
Caleb decided not to pursue the subject. He hoped that Tyler would think about what he said. But he didn't believe it would help to say any more yet.
Caleb kept up an awkward conversation with Tyler throughout lunch. He found himself doing most of the talking, first offering a little of his own background and interests, then asking the sort of questions any newcomer might ask about Silver River High School and the surrounding area.
Tyler really didn't reveal much about himself. But at least he was conversing more freely as the lunch period went along. Caleb found himself wondering if Tyler had really isolated himself so much over the past three years that he had to relearn how to carry on a normal conversation.
He was a bit surprised when Tyler offered his first conversational gambit.
"What did you do to piss off Van Cross?"
Caleb had no idea that he had pissed off anyone.
"Who's Van Cross?" he asked.
"Some junior," Tyler informed him. "He kind of acts like he thinks he's important or something. He's been staring at the back of your head for the past five minutes, like he's trying to burn a hole right through it."
That made Caleb anxious. He couldn't think of anyone he had upset, or any reason a local might have a grudge against him.
"Has he gone to school here long?" he wondered.
"All his life, I think," Tyler said. "I can remember him being around here all the way back in grade school."
That put a damper on the conversation for the final few minutes of the lunch period. Caleb was still insecure enough about his experiences in Keene to be wary of conflict.
"Do you want to eat together again on Monday?" Caleb asked when the bell rang to end the period.
"Won't you be eating with Abby?" Tyler asked.
"We can find a bigger table," Caleb offered.
But Tyler shook his head.
"I don't think so."
"Think about it, please?" Caleb didn't want to pressure Tyler. But he did hope that he would change his mind.
Caleb had grown up in northern New England. He wasn't a stranger to winter snow. But a late November snowstorm in backwoods Vermont was a different experience from what he had been used to in Keene.
Snow fell in a small city and was quickly removed from streets and sidewalks by road crews. There was more snowfall in the higher elevations of the Green Mountains. And aside from what the road crews cleared from state highways and town roads, the remainder of the snow removal was done by the local residents themselves.
Once he had finished shoveling the driveway and walkways around the Bradford home, Caleb realized that all the scenic, wooded trails that he enjoyed exploring were now covered in a foot of snow. He had discovered that half the fun of living in such a rural area was exploring the surrounding countryside. Now he would be trapped in the house. Maybe for months!
Fortunately, Nicole Bradford had been anticipating the arrival of winter weather. She was prepared.
Nicole had purchased used cross country skis for herself and for Caleb. They spent the remainder of the weekend familiarizing themselves with the equipment. By Sunday evening, both Caleb and his mother were comfortable enough on skis for short adventures around their property. Caleb was already looking forward to another weekend and getting out onto the trails in the surrounding woods.
Over the weekend, Caleb had given some thought to how he might persuade Tyler to eat lunch with him and Abby on Monday. As it turned out, he needn't have bothered. Abby called Sunday night to tell Caleb that she would be out of school for one more day, mostly as a precaution. She was feeling better than she had on Friday and Saturday, but her parents thought that an extra day of rest would be a good idea.
Tyler didn't mind Caleb joining him for lunch once it was clear that he was alone. Caleb even got the sense that Tyler might have welcomed having some company while he ate. He had eaten alone for his first few weeks at Silver River and had survived. But he couldn't imagine being alone for more than three years.
He didn't want to push Tyler too hard and annoy him, but he did mention the idea of making their lunch date a regular thing. It was hard to interpret Tyler's reaction. He declined the invitation. Caleb thought that he looked very uncomfortable, even if Abby's was never mentioned directly. But he also had the sense that Tyler was conflicted.
Caleb filed that information away and decided that he'd look for opportunities to raise the subject again. He wasn't sure, but he thought that Tyler probably wanted to take a chance on more social contact. But past experience had taught him to fear the risks. Caleb could relate to that sentiment.
Once the conversation moved past that moment of discomfort, Caleb was able to encourage Tyler to open up a bit about himself. He learned that Tyler did live in Antioch, close to the border between that town and Judah. He lived alone with his mother. There was no mention of a father. Caleb assumed that whatever his past involvement, it was now ancient history.
Caleb was surprised to discover that Tyler was also planning to continue his education after he graduated high school. Caleb just assumed, since he and Tyler shared no classes, that Tyler wasn't on the college track. But apparently, somehow or other their schedules had simply failed to intersect yet.
The more that Caleb was able to get Tyler talking about himself, the more comfortable Tyler became. The conflict between his long-standing social insecurities and reticence, with any young person's desire to find other people that valued them, was resolved in favor of making a social connection. If Caleb hadn't also been eager to make a social connection for himself, Tyler's increasing enthusiasm for their conversation would have amused him.
They had been talking steadily for more than fifteen minutes when Caleb noticed that Tyler had become distracted by something happening behind him.
"That Van guy again?" he wondered.
Tyler nodded.
Caleb was annoyed.
"I have no idea what's bothering him. I've kept a low profile ever since I got here. I'm surprised that any people have even noticed me."
"People notice you," Tyler said. "But I've never seen a reason for anyone to be upset with you."
"He isn't armed?" Caleb asked. It didn't seem likely. But it did seem like a good idea to ask.
Tyler snickered.
"He's just a dick. If he starts to do more than stare, I'll warn you."
There was something calming about Tyler's reassurance. It had been almost two years since Caleb felt like anyone he knew would really have his back, but Tyler seemed like someone he could trust. It didn't take long for Caleb to dismiss the distraction and resume their conversation.
They continued talking quietly for another ten minutes. Caleb was feeling good about the connection they were making. He was starting to hope that he and Tyler were building the foundation for a friendship that would help them both start to heal wounds and learn to trust other humans being again.
When he noticed that Tyler had become quiet, Caleb was surprised that he hadn't been given any warning. He felt something ominous looming behind his right shoulder, turned, and understood why.
He was surprised that the menace didn't look more masculine. But it only took him a moment to realize that it might be even more dangerous. He had never been formally introduced, never even been shown a face to connect with the name, but the girl that was eyeing him was too attractive, too well put together, and too self-assured to be anyone other than Lexxi Sprague.
If that hadn't been enough to clue Caleb in, her entourage certainly would have done it. She didn't look like the kind of girl who went anywhere without her backup singers.
For a second, Caleb was tempted to reach for Tyler's hand. . . although whether to reassure Tyler or to reassure himself, he wasn't entirely certain. She looked friendly enough. But the vibe he was getting from her didn't completely align with her mostly benign appearance.
Her smile was focused entirely on Caleb. Something about it struck him as predatory.
"Somebody really should have introduced us by now," she said. She glanced around the cafeteria critically, like she was trying to locate the individual responsible for that dereliction. The girls with her appeared to be suitably concerned, as well.
"I'm Lexxi. I'm sure that Abby must have mentioned me to you."
Caleb wasn't certain how he should respond. He was annoyed by her implied criticism of Abby. He was irritated that she had interrupted his conversation and was completely ignoring Tyler. And he was becoming very uneasy. He had known many girls like Lexxi. He once had a number of close friends very much like her. That hadn't ended very well at all for him.
"Maybe," he shrugged. "Abby has been telling me a lot about Silver River. I probably haven't remembered everything."
He turned back to Tyler and tried to resume their conversation.
"I'm over here!" Caleb could feel the irritation in her voice.
A year ago, a confrontation with a power girl like this would have been more than Caleb could handle. He could already feel his feet trying to creep toward the cafeteria exit. But knowing that he was standing up both for himself and for Tyler helped give him courage. He tried to match the irritation in Lexxi's voice.
"I'm talking to my friend!" And because he didn't quite have all the courage he needed, "Maybe we can talk another time."
"Look, blondie," Lexxi snapped. "Ordinarily you wouldn't be worth my time. But I'm trying to be nice. And maybe if you made some effort to get that hair under control, you might actually be kind of cute."
"Then maybe we can talk when my hair is up to your standard! Right now, I have someone much more interesting to talk to." Caleb cringed when he realized what he had said. But on reflection, he didn't regret it.
Even when her eyes narrowed, Caleb still didn't regret it. But he hadn't thought through all of the possible consequences.
"I don't know why I even tried to be friendly. Anyone who would rather eat with a seventh grader couldn't be a real man, anyway," Lexxi declared.
Caleb couldn't decide how to respond to that. He wanted to say something harsh back to her. But he didn't want to give her any more opportunity to abuse Tyler.
"You know, he may not even be a seventh grader," Lexxi hissed. "Some of the guys in his gym class say he doesn't have a hair on his body. . . unless you count that tiny thing he calls a penis."
Since she made the decision for him. . . "At least he's keeping his penis in his pants. You're a massive cunt. And you're a real exhibitionist, flashing it right out where everyone has to see it."
The enraged look on Lexxi's face brought Caleb up short. He suddenly realized all too clearly that he wasn't any bigger than she was. And sitting down, he was at a real disadvantage if she decided that words alone weren't enough to make her point.
Caleb got to his feet deliberately. He didn't want to move suddenly and risk setting her off. And he certainly didn't want her posse to think he was threatening to do anything physical.
"I decide who I hang out with," he punctuated his statement with a firm index finger. "I'm particular about the kind of people who are my friends. Tyler's cool. You're not. We aren't going to be friends. You can go back to wherever you came from now," he dismissed Lexxi with a wave of his hand.
Caleb cringed a little when he realized that he had mentioned Tyler's name. He really didn't want to drag him any farther into the middle of such a nasty situation. And with more than half the students in the cafeteria watching the drama intently, he really regretted that either Tyler or Abby were mentioned during the confrontation.
Caleb felt surprise as much as relief when Lexxi gathered her posse with a curt gesture and stomped away from his table. He really hadn't expected her to give up so easily. But maybe she simply wasn't used to having people stand up to her and hadn't been prepared to deal with it. He decided that he'd have to ask Abby about that.
"You just made a bad enemy." Tyler sounded rueful. But he didn't seem to be very disappointed.
"I'm sorry I put you in the middle of that," Caleb apologized. "But I'd much rather have someone like that for an enemy than a friend. I just wish I hadn't dragged you and Abby into it. She really isn't going to be very happy about that."
Tyler didn't respond. But he did look thoughtful.
Rather than waiting to see if Abby would call that evening, Caleb called her right after dinner. He was pretty sure she would want to know what had happened at lunch that day.
Abby had seemed to take the news fairly well. But Caleb was still pleased that she sat with him on the bus the following morning. He was even more pleased to find her waiting at their usual lunch table.
"You really don't have to," he told her. "You shouldn't have to lose friends over what I said."
"She insulted you and she insulted Tyler," Abby insisted. She had made the same point during their telephone conversation. "You just insulted her back. If she expects me to take sides over that, then maybe she and I won't be friends anymore."
"It could be worse than that," Caleb said. "And she might try to turn a lot of people against you."
"If she does, I won't lose much. Besides, I've never felt good about being part of that crowd after what we did to Tyler."
Almost as if he had been summoned by the use of his name, Tyler cleared his throat quietly.
"Can I sit with you?" He blushed.
Caleb looked around.
"I think we have to find another table," he decided.
Tyler set his tray down and wandered off. He returned a minute later with a folding chair that he had found somewhere.
"We should have enough room," he said. "Besides, I like this table. There aren't too many people around."
There was an awkward moment once everyone was seated. Conversation began slowly. But once it started to flow and become comfortable, Caleb excused himself to return to the serving line for more milk. He sensed that Abby wanted to talk to Tyler and that it might be easier for both if it was a private conversation.
When he returned to the table, both Tyler and Abby appeared to be much more at ease. Caleb never did learn what was said, but it had eased the tension between them.
Caleb accepted that Tyler was probably straight, so he didn't feel threatened as he and Abby became increasingly comfortable with each other.
Caleb might have hoped that he stood some chance with Tyler. The more time he spent with him, the more attractive he found him. But he could also see him becoming a friend. He was certainly intelligent. Spending time with him was enjoyable. And both Abby and Tyler made it a point to keep him included in their conversations, even when the subject turned occasionally to their shared experiences growing up in the area.
Caleb decided that he could be happy for Abby and Tyler if they grew closer together. He just hoped that they all could remain friends.
When the bell rang to signal the end of the lunch break, there was another awkward moment between the three, each waiting for one of the others to speak.
Abby finally broke the silence. She reached out and touched Tyler's hand.
"Thanks for eating with us. I hope you'll join us again tomorrow."
Caleb was pleased to see Tyler's face relax. His eyes seemed to take on a little additional life. He didn't say anything. But he did smile. Caleb was pretty sure that he would need to start finding that spare chair when he arrived in the cafeteria every day.
By the time school let out Friday afternoon, Caleb was thoroughly conflicted. He had enjoyed the time he spent with Abby and Tyler each day, building their friendship. But he was starting to find other social developments around the school to be less pleasant.
He had felt completely justified, and more than a little satisfied, when he told Lexxi Sprague off in the cafeteria on Monday. By Friday, he was definitely having second thoughts about his life choices. He was getting a lot more attention from his fellow students as the week progressed, and he wasn't really enjoying most of it.
Much of the attention wasn't particularly aggressive. Most of it was long stares and hard looks. But Caleb really wasn't comfortable with any negative attention. He knew it could turn harsh pretty quickly. He had experience.
There had been a couple of encounters with boys in his class. Most of it was just posturing and threatening. Caleb suspected that they guys involved were hoping to gain some credit with Lexxi and her crew. He had enough experience with that sort of harassment. Too passive a response would only encourage more harassment. But if he responded too strongly, delicate male egos might also lead to escalation. So Caleb pretended that he wasn't intimidated. But he was also careful not to press any Neanderthal buttons.
Caleb was more spooked by another, far less aggressive series of encounters. It felt like stalking. He kept noticing an older guy that appeared to be trailing around and keeping an eye on him. Whenever he noticed the guy, Caleb got a hard stare for a few seconds, then the guy pretended to turn his attention elsewhere. But it was only a matter of moments before the guy was looking at him again.
Caleb wondered if his stalker might be the Van Cross that Tyler had warned him about. He looked a little older and more mature than the rest of Caleb's sophomore classmates. But he never heard anyone address the guy, and he wasn't wearing a nametag, so Caleb decided that he'd have to ask Tyler to point Van out sometime.
It had been a long week. By Friday afternoon, while he knew that he would miss seeing Abby and Tyler for the next few days, Caleb was at least half looking forward to a few days away from school.
Saturday dawned sunny and cold. Caleb's mother declared it perfect winter weather. She was disappointed that she had to drive to Brattleboro and spend a few hours catching up at work.
Caleb decided that he would spend the day outdoors, getting some practice on his cross country skis. He could tell that his mother wasn't comfortable with the idea. But she didn't object. She only insisted that he stay close to home, bring plenty of water, have his cell phone with him, and make sure that it was fully charged.
Caleb debated bringing his sketch pad and pencils along. He had been wondering about the view from atop the overlook with the ground covered in snow. But on reflection, he decided that he should probably worry about becoming more familiar with his skis first. There would be months to capture the winter scenery before warmer weather arrived again.
After an hour in the snow, Caleb was glad that he'd left his sketch pad at home. The only part of him that was still dry was the sealed pocket that contained his cell phone, and possibly the soles of his feet. He wasn't sure about the feet. They were cold!
There was no part of his body that wasn't sore. Cross country skiing was hard work! It looked easy enough. It had even felt like something he could master quickly while he had been getting the feel for the equipment the previous weekend. But as soon as he tried to set out on nearby trails, Caleb realized that there might be more to the sport than had immediately met the eye.
His spacious backyard gave Caleb room for clumsy maneuver and a number of options when the skis wouldn't do what he wanted them to do. As soon as he entered the narrow wooded trails, Caleb wished that he had stayed in his yard. Sometimes the narrow spaces between trees left him no room at all for flailing.
Caleb managed to keep his balance and maintain a steady diagonal stride through the trees. But sometimes he had trouble judging where to place his poles or how much space he had to glide. It was frustrating.
It became even more frustrating when he got to the bottom of the modest hill behind his house. He thought that the idea of climbing to the top of the hill, and the overlook, sounded dangerous. But the slope provided much more open terrain than the surrounding trees.
Inspecting the climb, Caleb noticed that he wasn't the first skier to attempt it. He didn't think his mother had come out that way yet. And the track up the slope appeared to be made by an experienced skier.
It started with a simple path. Diagonal strides and shorter intervals between his push-offs and the set of poles suggested that the skier was powerful. About halfway up the hill, the slope increased and the skier had switched to a herringbone technique. Judging from the tracks in the snow, it had been a smooth ascent for the other skier.
Caleb had practiced the herringbone technique in his back yard. He wasn't particularly confident in his ability to use it successfully all the way up the hill. But he reasoned that if his attempt went badly, he could always turn and ski back down. And if he got close but couldn't quite get to the top of the hill, he could take off his skis and finish walking up the slope.
He didn't even try to stride up the slope. Caleb knew, with his lack of experience, that could turn ugly if he lost momentum. Instead, he turned the tips of his skis outward and rolled his ankles slightly to dig his edges into the snow. In a matter of moments he was proudly making progress up the slope!
A few minutes later, Caleb realized that he was becoming uncomfortable. The herringbone technique stressed muscles that he wasn't accustomed to using. And as far as he could judge, he was barely halfway up the hill.
He stopped and looked back down the slope. The view terrified him! What had looked like a gentle slope from the bottom of the hill, took on an entirely new dimension when he considered turning the tips of his skis downhill and letting gravity carry him toward those menacing trees.
Caleb was ready to remove his skis and endure the walk of shame back down the hill when he remembered another technique from a video he had watched on cross country skiing. Turning both skis sideways and facing perpendicular to the slope, he experimented with cautiously sidestepping up the hill. Pushing off with the downhill ski, he took a careful sideways step up the hill with the uphill ski. Then he braced his weight on the uphill ski and brought the downhill ski up alongside it.
After several dozen steps, Caleb realized that reaching the top of the hill was going to be a long and tedious process. But it also seemed like something he could do. One way or another, he was going to get to the top of the hill while still on skis! Someone else had already done it. He was determined that he could do it, too.
As Caleb inched his way up the slope, he wondered how the other skier managed to get down the hill. The only tracks he could see led up the hill, so the skier must have found another way down. Caleb couldn't imagine that skier had gone over the top of the overlook. There must, he reasoned, be another path.
He certainly hoped that there was another way down. Because the higher Caleb climbed up the hill, the more aware he became that there was no way he could risk skiing down the gentle slope he was climbing. He didn't have enough control of his skis yet, and the trees waiting at the bottom of the slope looked extremely unforgiving.
When Caleb finally climbed within shouting distance of the hilltop, his heart sank. There wasn't going to be an easy path down the hill. The reason he didn't see any tracks down the slope was because no one had come down the hill.
Gasping for breath like he had just run a marathon, Caleb noticed a small figure in gray out of the corner of his eye. The other skier was standing comfortably on his skis. His gaze was fixed beyond the overlook and he appeared to have a camera in his hands. Caleb thought that it was probably a boy. He didn't look to be more than twelve years old.
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