The Universe Hates Me
by Andrew Passey
Chapter 10
We had round two there and then on Alex's bed. In fact we did a lot of dick sucking over the next few weeks. Any chance we could get. My Dad was certainly right about that although we did a decent job of keeping it to ourselves. We tried to only do it to when parents were out or when we had sleepovers. Sometimes it was difficult to fight the lustful hormones raging through our bodies though!
In any case, by the end of the summer we were pretty much experts in oral. Dad hadn't made too many inappropriate jokes for a while and the universe hadn't shit on me either. However we were about to go back to school and that's usually where a lot of the bad stuff happened. Neither of us wanted to come out publically, in fact only my Dad, Michael and Zoe knew that we were together. Alex wasn't parrticuarly worried about telling his parents he was gay but at the same time he didn't necessarily want to open that can of worms. After all coming out is supposed to be a personal thing that benefits you, telling your truth to the world at a time of your choosing. Alex had me, we didn't tell people about us so what was the point of letting people know he was gay? Of course having a ND boyfriend can sometimes mean things happen in ways you don't really want them too.
We'd been back at school for a couple of weeks. It was the last lesson of the day and one of the only ones Alex wasn't in the same class as me for. He always came and met me in the classroom afterwards and we'd walk home together like always. Sometimes we'd go home to one of our houses and do homework, which usually ended up with our dicks in each other's mouths!
The lesson was coming to an end and I'd drifted off into a different world like I often did. I doodled and did dome drawings in my book. Drawings of Alex naked, of us kissing, even one where I imagined him as a big green orc with the large appendage to match. I'd lost track of time and was still drawing at the school bell.
"What the fuck is this gay shit!" Ryan, a sometimes nice, sometimes not nice but always loud boy said snatching my school book out of my hand.
"It's nothing, give it back!" I said loudly.
"Oh my god, you're fantasising about Alex being naked and you kissing him and what the fuck is this weird fantasy stuff with…is that a monster with Alex's head shoving its dick up your arse. You are fucking sick! And clearly fucking gay. Hey everyone, Freddie is the class puff!"
Puff?! Puff?! Did anyone really use that word anymore? Better than fag I guess but I thought it was only used in old TV shows. Other boys were crowding round and giving me distasteful looks.
"Just give me my book back please," I asked beginning to feel overwhelmed. Suddenly my secret was being exposed, actually it already had been, everyone was now connecting the dots.
"Only if you give me a blowjob, I guess gay cocksuckers like you get off on that!"
"Getting your cock sucked sounds pretty gay Ryan but I won't be doing that to you anyway," I replied my breathing starting to get a bit out of control. My chest felt tight and I could feel a panic attack approaching. I didn't want to be out at school and I didn't want to out Alex either.
"Leave him alone Ryan," Zoe said coming to my aid.
"But look at these drawings, he's gay as fuck!"
"So what?" She said.
"Being gay is wrong! There's something wrong with Freddie!" Ryan replied losing his cool.
"There's nothing wrong with me!" I shouted, The temperature changed in the room, Ryan had lost support particularly once Alex did something I'll always love him for. He'd come into the classroom while this was going on and with a reassuring smile he walked over and took my hand.
"Being gay isn't wrong. So Freddie is gay, so what? I'm gay too. Is there something wrong with me. Freddie's my boyfriend and he's amazing? I can't believe you're being homophobic about boys being gay, it's 2023. Very disappointing Ryan."
I breathed a sigh of relief as Alex stood there.
"So you're gay too?" Ryan asked nervously realising he was now looking really bad in front of everyone. He put down my drawings which i snatched away before anyone else could see them.
'Well clearly and Freddie is my boyfriend."
"Wow that's so cool!," Sarah, a girl in our class said. I could see from people's expressions not everyone felt the same but Alex was very popular. Pretty much everyone loved him and if he was out as gay too then it would certainly make it less of a pariah status for me. Everyone began to leave the classroom and I could breath again. I sensed Alex was a bit frustarted but that might just have been my paranoia.
Alex was quiet on the walk home until he touched my hand gently, "Fancy a sleepover at mine Saturday night? Parents are out and Michael is away so we'd have the place to ourselves!"
"Sounds good!" I replied already thinking of what we might do together which did excite me and freak me out in equal measure. "Um…are you annoyed with me?"
"About what?"
"All those drawings I'd done... you...we had to come out because of it."
"I'm not annoyed Freddie," he replied taking my hand and squeezing it. "I'd rather you hadn't done all those drawings of me though. Anyone could have seen them! What we do together is private, it's just for us."
"Yeah but you're always showing off your naked body in the changing room!"
Alex giggled slighty, "True but that was more to try and entice you! Anyway, I'm not embarrased or ashamed of my body but it should be my choice who I show it to."
"I know I'm sorry, I just get carried away sometimes."
"I know you do," Alex said squeezing my hand tightly again.
"I'm sorry I'm weird." I did feel bad that Alex had to put up with me and my weirdness and some of that sadness and guilt must have leaked into my voice.
"Don't be! One of the reasons I love you is you're weird. I'm weird too..what?! Why are choking and spluttering, have you swallowed something!?"
"You um…er………..you er………said you loved me!" I could barely get the words out, my face bright red and my heart on fire.
"Did I!? Shit," Alex said looking shocked and embarrassed. Then he smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well, what I meant was….actually fuck it. I do love you. I have for years and I don't care who knows. I LOVE FREDDIE AND HES MY BOYFRIEND!" Alex shouted. There were still some of our fellow pupils walking nearby who turned to look at us but Alex didn't care. He put his arm around me and pulled me in to kiss me softly on the lips.
"I um….." I wanted to tell him I loved him too but for some reason I couldn't get the words out.
He smiled at me, "Freddie, you don't have to tell me you love me until you're ready or you sure you do. I love you and I don't care who knows but that's my choice. Do it when you feel comfortable."
I really wanted to tell him I loved him. I knew it was true even if it had all happened so fast but I couldn't say those words. My brain was misfiring, so it ended up saying something which was in theory harder and even more embarrassing really, "I er…..do you want to have proper sex this weekend?"
Alex stopped dead in his tracks, "You sure?!" he asked me with a nervous smile on his face.
"Um I think so?"
"You don't sound sure!"
"I er...No, I am sure. I want this. I want you. Just make sure of Dad asks you say you wore a condom or he will kill you and maybe me! Don't worry I'll do all that enema stuff before hand so am all squeaky clean. If a bum can be squeaky clean. Sorry, I'm ruining it aren't I?!"
Alex turned to face me and smiled, "This is the sort of thing we have to talk about together although ideally not with your Dad! I want to do it with you so much but only if you want to. If you never wanted to then I wouldn't care, I love you and I want to be with you. Do you er...do you want a hand with the, you know, enema stuff?"
I thought about it, blushing at the thought of what we were planning and feeling my body respond, "I think that might be a job I need to do on my own. Once you've seen what comes out of there you might not want to shove your dick up there!"
Alex laughed, "You sure have a way with words! Well if you change your mind I'm happy to help!"
We walked the rest of the way home comfortable in our silences. I knew Dad would be out so I invited Alex in for some "homework". By the time I was in bed that night we'd sucked each other off twice and I lay there with a warm glow. Alex had told me he loved me! We were going to have sex on Saturday! I was so excited, happy and shitting myself about all of it. My mind was racing about what might happen, what might go wrong. Maybe I'd be awful at it and he'd fall out of love with me? It took me a long time to clam my thoughts until I finally drifted off to sleep.
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