The Universe Hates Me

by Andrew Passey

Chapter 9

We were in my room kissing with Alex on top of me. We'd been making out for at least fifteen minutes, grinding up against each other as well.. It was the Saturday after we'd got together and Alex had come round my house to do "homework." Dad had gone out before Alex arrived and I'd neglected to tell him he was coming over. After all Alex came over to do homework all the time, why should things be different now just because we were together?!

We'd started with the best of intentions but the problem was Alex was just so damn kissable. I'm not sure at what point in our maths homework I'd lost interest but I'd basically jumped on Alex who had squeaked slightly but soon gave in once I started kissing his neck.

I heard the front door go and realised Dad was home. We quickly broke apart and went back to our homework.

"You in Freddie?" he shouted.

"Yes, me and Alex are just doing maths homework in my room."

"Okay, Hi Alex! When you're done can you both come downstairs for a quick chat."

This sounded ominous. I tried to concentrate as best as I could but after a while I put my pen down. Alex was studiously ignoring me until I touched his arm.

"Let's go and see what he wants, it's probably nothing bad," I said lying my teeth off and fearing the absolute worst.

Alex nodded grimly and followed me downstairs. It felt like walking to an execution, my only hope was that it was just me worrying over nothing. Hopefully he just wanted to say hi or something trivial like that.

Whatever optimism I had didn't just drain away slowly when we walked into the kitchen, it disappeared instantly and my heart fell. In front of us on the kitchen table with Dad sitting there smiling broadly was a pack of condoms and a cucumber. The cucumber was unwrapped but I had very clear fears that it wasn't going to stay that way.

"Sit down boys sit down!" Dad said as Alex looked like he might expire on the spot. I took him by the hand and led him to a chair while Dad rubbed his hands enthusiastically.. "So Alex, given you're likely to be doing the penetrating I want you to practice putting the condom on the cucumber."

Alex made an unintelligible sound and looked like he was about to sick.

"Come on Alex, If you're going to stick it inside my son I want to at least know you can put a condom on it first!"

Alex's eyes looked like mine did when I was about to have a brain meltdown. I could never quite work out if my Dad was doing this to amuse himself, humiliate me and Alex or just try and put us off having sex forever. Then again maybe it was all three?

"Dad!! Leave him, leave us alone! We're NOT HAVING SEX!!!"

"Well one day you will do and I want you both to be prepared. I just want you to use condom sense!"

I groaned and grabbed Alex's hand, squeezing it tightly. For someone so effortlessly cool, all it needed for him to lost that was for his boyfriend's Dad to talk about sex in front of him. Actually I suspect almost everyone would find that awkward. I found it awkward but I was used to it, I also knew it came from a place of love. Even if it was definitely overstepping the mark!

To Alex's credit he dug deep inside breathing heavily as he picked up the condom with shaking hands, peeled it over the cucumber and almost slammed it down on the table.

"There, I've done it!" he said through gritted teeth.

"Well done, see it wasn't that hard was it? But remember if it DOES get hard wrap it up with a condom!"

"That's enough Dad!" I said trying to close all of this down. Dad of course had other ideas.

"So next step... enemas…for anal sex you need to make sure your clean inside Freddie. I've bought an anal douche for you that I'll put in the bathroom cupboard, you fill it up with saline water, up your bum it goes, squeeze and then wait for it to all come out. Cleanliness next to godliness. Although I'm not sure they intended that to refer to anal sex but who knows!"

Alex ran out the room and the slam of the door told me he'd left the house..

"Nice work Dad you idiot!" I said angrily as I ran out of the house to catch up to Alex. He was standing on the side of the road with a thousand year stare, like he'd seen more than he'd ever want to see in his life.

"I'm so sorry!" I said catching him up and putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Condoms...enemas....your Dad. It's all too much."

"I know, he's just having fun at our expense. It's all very new for us. Let's just kiss and grind away for now. There's no rush."

Alex looked at me with a smile, "Grinding and kissing sounds pretty good but....."

"But what?"

"Part of me thinks if your Dad is going to act like we're doing more than that then maybe we should? I"m not embarrassed at the thought of us doing stuff together. I want to. I'm not embarrassed about talking with you about it. It's just…really fucking awkward talking about it with your Dad!"

"Tell me about it! There's absolutely no rush....but what do you suggest?"

Alex looked at my slightly shyly, "We could go to my house and see how far we get. You can tell me what a nice dick I have again and maybe you can get all hard again like at the swimming pool! And…last night."

"Ah well at least I kept it covered both times, Dad would be pleased!" We both giggled at that I could tell Alex was much more relaxed about things. We walked the short way to his house in the the sunshine, our fingers touching each others when we could.

We approached his front door and he pulled his key out, "Mum and Dad are out visiting friends and Michael is out as well. It's just the two of us for a while."

We went inside the house and suddenly I felt really nervous. Just the two of us. Something I'd fantasised about earlier that day but also it all felt very real. What if I wasn't ready for more than kissing? What if I was really bad at whatever I did and it made Alex not want to my boyfriend anymore? We'd only just got together, I couldn't face being dumped so quickly.

Luckily Alex knew me. Not in the biblical sense, not yet anyway. But in the sense he could always tell when my brain was overthinking things. "Freddie," he said squeezing my hand. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just relax. "

"Thanks I know…it's just…what if I'm rubbish at whatever we do?"

"Then I'll be rubbish too. Depends on what it is, I reckon both of us are fairly experienced in using our hands! So I don't think that will go wrong Anything more is a jump into the unknown and we don't need to take that now. However whenever we do it'll be us doing it together. You and me. Together. Not alone. Now let's go to my bedroom!"

He took my hand and led me up the stairs into his room. I wondered if Catherine and Bill even knew about us? Would they be telling us to leave the door open? Who cares because I know one thing, I was hornier than I ever had been before. Alex threw himself at me as soon as he shut his door and we were snogging on his bed and grinding very quickly.

"Let's get these clothes off," I gasped coming up for air. Alex gave me a look that I hadn't really seen before but one that I knew I'd recognise in future. Pure unadulterated lust! We stripped off quickly until we were down to our pants. Then with shy smiles we pulled them off. My heart was beating faster and louder than I could ever remember it doing.

"Still think it looks nice now it's hard?" Alex asked with a smile.

I grinned back, "Better than ever, I want it everywhere it will possibly go! But maybe not right now, let's kiss until our lips are swollen and wank each other dry."

Alex snorted in amusement, "You really have a way with words Freddie!"

I shrugged, "You know my brain doesn't really work like everybody else's."

"Yeah but it works perfectly for me. I was really nervous earlier when your Dad was talking but I"m not anymore."

Alex then moved in and kissed me. Our bodies pressed up against each other, my hard dick touching his. Our hands roamed all over each others bodies apart from our dicks. Neither of us had touched the other one there yet. Alex then broke the kiss, "Is it okay if I touch your dick?"

"I fully consent to whatever you're going to do to me now and in the future!" I said with as gasp as his hand then moved down to take my dick in it.

"How is this?" he asked as he gently moved his hand up and down my shaft.

"Oooh....nice...squeeze a bit harder though....yeah....FUCKING AMAZING!" I shouted enthusiastically. Alex wanked me faster as I let my head drop onto his shoulder making appreciative noises. Alex then stopped and I lifted my head to look at him in surprise.

"I want more Freddie, the things you make me want to do to you.." After he said that Alex pushed me onto his bed and then got between my legs. He took my dick in his mouth and I almost came there and then. Honestly. I couldn't believe how good it felt. In between my moans I ran my hands through his hair, whispering "So good...mmm....sooo good."

Despite the discussion around consent I suddenly realised that my orgasm was approaching but we hadn't actually discussed if I was supposed to cum in his mouth. In fact we hadn't really had a conversation about blow jobs full stop.

"Fuck....I'm gonna blow....pull off....pull..offfffffff.....FUUCCCCCKKK!" I didn't hold back. It was my first orgasm that wasn't caused by myself and fuck i couldn't control myself. I writhed in ecstasy as my dick shot cum into Alex's mouth, he kept sucking until I had to tell him it was too sensitive and to pull off.

"How was it?" Alex asked me shyly.

I grinned at him and pulled him up so I could kiss him.

"Fucking fucking fucking amazing! OH my god. Like the best thing ever. I guess I'm not a virgin anymore, or only half a virgin.

Alex grinned back, "I don't think it works like that Freddie! But glad you enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed it! I loved it! So.......can I..can I do the same to you?" I asked slightly nervously. I didn't want to fuck things up but Alex's grin widened flashing me all his teeth.

"Of course you fucking can!"

Alex had given me his consent to give him a blow job. Who wouldn't consent to that?! But it was important we were both happy with what we were doing so I was glad he agreed! I'd said his dick looked nice before. I'd never been as close as I was to it now. Alex was lying on the bed and I was lowering my head down to his hard dick.

It was gleaming. Well the tip of it was anyway. It was rock hard and I flicked my tongue across the bead of precum that glistened in the sunlight streaming through his window. I'd never sucked a dick before but I spent most of my life online. I'd done EXTENSIVE research! Apart from making sure I didn't catch him with my teeth i had a few tricks up my sleeve. I pulled his foreskin down and licked all around his dick head. I licked up and down the shaft, then made my way to his balls and bathed them with my tongue before making my way back up to take his hard dripping dick in my mouth.

I might have been very inexperienced but I more than made up for it with enthusasiam. Whatever I did was working as Alex was making the most adorable appreciative noises and it m,ade me feel so good bout myself. I was making my boyfriend, my best friend, feel things he never had before in his life.

"Yes....oh're doing...soo welll..." he whimpered. I kept going and I began to work out he was close. His noises were getting louder and he was almost thrusting into my mouth. I knew what was coming and I was going to stay on his dick until every last drop was swallowed!

Alex made a half arsed attempt to get me pull off him but there was no way that was happening. I looked up at him as the hands he ran through my hair clasped the side of my head and with a surprisingly loud grunt he came in my mouth, shooting what felt like a load of cum.

I swallowed it all down as his dick pulsed a few more times before he begged me to get off.


I knew what he meant having just been through the same a few minutes before! I crawled up to his face and he gave me a long long kiss, our tongues dancing in our mouths.

"Wow. Just wow." Alex said breaking the kiss and still looking shellshocked by what had happened/

"It was good then?" I asked giggling slightly.

"The best! You're the best!"

"So NOW I have seen your cum face! This time yesterday my life felt very different to how it does now!"

"Things have moved on fast Freddie but I think we both had a few years of lust to get out. I want to hold you like I never want to let you least until we go round two!"

I put my head on his chest and I let his wrap his arms around me. I felt safe. Protected. For once it didn't feel like the Universe hated me and I didn't want that feeling to disappear. I'd spent so much time feeling everything was against me yet here I was in the arms of my best friend, my boyfriend and now my lover. Maybe the Universe had decided it had hurt me enough, then again there was usually always more pain around the corner.

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