The Universe Hates Me

by Andrew Passey

Chapter 7

I hate parties. They're noisy and cause my brain to overload. No one likes me or wants me there. Something almost always goes wrong. Whether it was me spilling something or saying the wrong thing it didn't really matter, they were just designed to be torture for a ND like me. I'd usually end up hiding in a quiet corner until Alex came to save me. Loud music, loud voices, hormonal heterosexuals, ugh it made me feel very uncomfortable.

So it was with some trepidation I went along with Alex to Andrea's party. As always he looked effortlessly cool. He was only wearing jeans and a hoodie covering a t shirt but he carried it off. I felt awkward next to him with my jeans and a patterned shirt. As I looked Alex something in my stomach jumped. Must have been nerves at having to got to a social event even if he was there to support me. Oh god what if he ended up snogging Andrea in front of me?

" on the pull tonight?" I asked wondering if I might be able to elicit some information about who Alex had his eye on. We weren't too far from Andrea's house and I wanted to be prepared..

"Of course not," He replied with a shrug.

"But you're definitely not into Zoe? So if I made a move that would be fine?"

Alex sighed, "Freddie, stop all this kissing Zoe bollocks. You're gay. Be proud of who you are."


"Just relax," Alex said interrupting me and putting his arm around me pulling me close. I loved it when he did that, it just calmed me instantly. Something I really needed as I could already hear music blaring out as we approached Andrea's house.

An hour in and the party was everything I'd feared and more. It felt half the school year was there and it was just so noisy. I tried to hang around with Alex but he got swept off to talk to people. I tried to make small talk with Zoe at one stage but she just ignored me. I saw Alex and Andrea so went to try and get in the way of them getting together. Although Andrea saw me coming and whisked Alex off somewhere else.

Basically it was shit. It was giving me a headache and I wanted to go home. I went and sat in a quiet corner and hoped Alex would find me.

"He's upstairs in one of the bedrooms," I jumped slightly at the intrusion but looked up to see Zoe standing over me.

"Who is?" I replied.

She shook her hand and smiled slightly, "Your bodyguard or whatever weird thing you and Alex have going on. We had a chat and I think you should go and speak to him."

I did as suggested, worried that Alex was going to tell me he actually did like Zoe and they were now a couple. I tried to keep calm and opened the first bedroom door I came to. Big mistake as there were a couple of my fellow students looking like they might be about to undress each other. I slammed the door shut and opened another door. Alex was there pacing nervously.

"Freddie, am I pleased to see you!"

"You okay mate?" I asked nervously. "Zoe suggested I come and find you. I.....I'm not sure I totally like the idea of you and her together but if you want to be with her then I'll try my best. I just don't want to lose you, you're everything to me."

Alex walked over to me and took my hands and looked into my eyes. I always struggled with eye contact but didn't instantly look away

"You're so blind Freddie," He said with a sad smile. "I don't want Zoe. All I want, all I've ever needed? That person is in this room right now!"

I spun around looking to see who he meant, was someone spying on us? Maybe they were hiding under the bed. Maybe Alex had been kissing them and then heard me coming to find him and they'd hidden? I bent down to look under the bed but couldn't see anyone. Alex giggled,

"Even now you can't see it can you?"

"See what?" I asked completely unaware of what was going on.

He looked like he was wrestling with himself then sighed as if he'd made his mind up. "What the hell, I guess some things are worth taking a chance on. I guess talking isn't working, maybe I need to show you," he said and then he leaned forward and touched his lips to mine.

What the fuck was going on?! My best friend was kissing me! His mouth was on my mouth He then wrapped his arms around me and kissed me even more enthusiastically. I opened my mouth slightly in shock. He then slipped his tongue inside my mouth . Wow tongues! This was next level kissing. I should really have broken off the kiss to ask what was going on but I didn't want to upset Alex. I needed time to process all of this so the safest thing to do was keep kissing him. It weirdly felt so right to have my tongue in his mouth and his in mine. I kept kissing with our tongues in each other's mouths answer adrenaline flooding through my veins. I had no fucking idea what was going on but I decided I'd keep going as long as he wanted. I didn't want to upset him or anything. I just thought I should go along for the ride and to be honest it was a pretty wild one!

After a while Alex then broke the kiss and smiled nervously at me.

"Um....." I said not sure what to say. Something that virtually never happens in my life.

"It's you Freddie. It's you I want and need. You're all I've ever wanted or needed."

"Me?!" I replied in complete shock and surprise despite the fact Alex's tongue had been in my mouth a few seconds before. "But I thought you liked Andrea? Or Zoe?!"

"Whatever gave you that idea? I told you I don't fancy Zoe, or Andrea. Or any girl."

"Well I guess you'll find a girl you fancy one day!" I replied trying to be supportive.

"I don't fancy girls. I fancy boys. I fancy you."

"Um…er…. Don't be silly. Um, you just haven't met the right girl, I mean person yet."

"I have. He's right here. I literally just told you that AND kissed you a lot. How more obvious do I have to make it?"


"How many more fucking times do I have to say I fancy you Freddie?!"

"So you're gay too?"

"Well clearly given I fancy boys rather than girls. But do you fancy me too? I can't tell and you seem to have your eye on other boys."

"Er....I think....ummmm....yeah I think I do, Er...I...kiss me again to be sure!" Suddenly the clouds in my brain cleared, I realised I did feel the same way, hard as it was to admit to myself and to Alex. Maybe I'd always known but had locked it away in my brain as something that could never happen? My brain was wired weirdly after all.

We kissed again and it was amazing. But then a thought hit me. Alex could do so much better than me. I guess because he was gay he wanted to kiss the first gay boy he found but I wanted better for him. better than me. I broke away and thought I should leave.

"You deserve better than me Alex. I'm crazy. Can't you find someone less crazy?"

"Don't say that Freddie!" Alex said angrily, "You are not crazy."

"Fine, I'm weird then. Too weird for you. You can have any boy or girl you want."

Alex sighed and took my hand, "I like your weird Freddie. I like you. I understand you like nobody else, I get you and you know what? That's probably a little bit strange as yes you are weird at times. But as I said I like your weird. And you understand me better than anyone else. You're gay, I'm gay. I fancy the pants off you. I'd like you to feel the same way but if you don't that's fine."

"What about the gay people are rubbish thing?!"

"I don't know what I said exactly but Michael was asking me about whether a girl fancied him and I must have said something like "Don't ask me gay people are rubbish at working out who straight people fancy." Or something like that. Although it seems some gay boys in this very room aren't great at working out who fancies them anyway!" "Why didn't you just tell me you were gay?! I came out to you weeks ago."

"Well first of all you outed yourself accidentally and I'll be honest I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stand up size wise to those big orcs you were looking at," Alex said with a smile.

"I wasn' was an accident!"

Alex then looked serious again, "Truth is Freddie I've only fairly recently come to terms with being gay. Well in the past year anyway. I've always liked you, I knew it was more than friends really but I had to be totally sure in myself that it wasn't just hormones or something. You mean everything to me too and if I was going to risk blowing up our friendship I needed to be sure. So I was worried. Worried that if I did come out to you'd accidentally tell my parents and I wasn't quite ready to come out yet. Then when you outed yourself I was worried you might think I was only saying it because you were gay. Worried that things would change between us and get weird, well weirder than this is anyway. And worried because I thought you might think I was only saying it to try and take advantage of you."

"Wow and I thought my brain was wired funny and had weird thoughts!"

"Very funny," Alex said looking a bit miffed but I thought I could see him fighting a smile.

"So when you say that you might try and take advantage of me did you stuff?!"

Alex blushed bright red, " Um...well first of all I didn't say I WOULD take advantage of you just that I was worried you would think that would be why I was telling you I was gay. But that was all silly thoughts anyway. Apart from Michael you're the only person I've told I'm gay. And definitely the only person I've ever kissed."

"For the record Alex, you can take advantage of me anytime you like. So I guess....this means we're boyfriends?! So my best friend can be my boyfriend?!

"Seems like it!" Alex said with a smile putting his arms around me and kissing me gently on the cheek.

"Great!" I replied excitedly. "So all of the ace stuff I get from you as my best friend I still get but then there's all the great boyfriend stuff I can get off you as well like kissing and dick sucking and bum stuff!"

Alex went bright red and started spluttering, " thing at a time."

"True, now kiss me again!"

All my brain was thinking was that it couldn't quite believe I was kissing Alex and it felt so amazing. It was the most awesome thing in the world. All the blood was leaving brain and heading downwards leaving me light headed. Then my dick was hard and I thought I could feel Alex's poking into my leg. My brain started to short cirucit at the thought that we might be about to have sex! Then I corrected myself. Don't be silly Freddie. As Alex said one step at a time. I felt Alex smiling as he kissed me and he pulled back briefly to look at me.

"You're going to tell me to stop overthinking aren't you? I asked.

He smiled back, "Yes and to concentrate on the kissing!"

"Good plan, let's see how long we can go for!" I said and then lost myself in the dancing of our tongues against each other. At that moment, as the two of us kissed together I didn't care what else was going on in the world. It was just the two of us. Two best friends becoming more than that. My first kiss but definitely not my last. Surely nothing could go wrong, could it?

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