The Universe Hates Me
by Andrew Passey
Chapter 6
I'm usually the one who gets angry or frustrated or weird and Alex calms me down. So it was a slight surprise to have a role reversal situation on the Sunday before the party. Alex had come over to my house when me and my Dad were just finishing lunch. I'm not always the most observant as my ND doesn't always help me read emotions but I could tell Alex was agitated.
"You okay?" I asked. He looked at me then my Dad and said we needed to talk.
"I'll get us a drink. Let's go to my room and chat, away from flapping ears!" I said pointing at my Dad with a smirk. Alex went upstairs and I got us some drinks from the fridge. Dad clearly decided to get a bit of revenge for me flapping ears comment as he cleared his throat in a ridiculously theatrical way.
"Freddie....leave the door open a bit."
"Leave the door open!? Leave the door open!?!? Dad, It's only Alex! What do you think is going to happen!?
Dad gave me a look and just said "Seriously?!"
"Yes!! Seriously!! He's my best friend, you're being weird. He's straight and likes girls."
"Hmmm I know they say neruodivergent kids can be incredibly intelligent and to be fair academically you're always at the top of the class. In other things though....well maybe you aren't the smartest. one day maybe you'll open your eyes and see what's staring you in the face. In any case, door open please."
"Honestly, you're so annoying!" I said stomping upstairs. Alex was already sitting on my bed and looked up when I came in.
"Sorry, Dad says I have to leave the door open, BECAUSE CLEARLY I"M GOING TO START SNOGGING MY STRAIGHT BEST MATE!" I shouted the last bit as loud as I could so Dad could hear. I turned to look at Alex who looked red and flustered and I instantly felt sorry for him.
"Ignore Dad, he's just being stupid. He likes to make my life hell. Honestly, "leave your door open". Why would I have to do that with my straight best friend?!"
"Look Freddie, there's something I need to..."
Then his iphone rang, "Fucking hell, leave me alone!"
"What's going on?!"
"I have to take this......Hi......Yes I am at Freddies like I said....No I still don't want to entertain him......look Mum it's not my responsibility.........but.............i just want...........fine. I'll come home now. Can I bring Freddie so at least I don't have to deal with him on my own? Thanks.....for nothing" he said as he hung up.
"What's going on?!" I asked. Alex usually didn't lose his cool and I could see he was agitated. He started waving his arms around, "It's Mum. Am so pissed off with her! Apparently one of the host families for her bloody school's Spanish exchange programme is sick so we have to look after one of the students for a couple of nights. Well it seems I do AND he's sleeping in my room. Mum has made me give up my bed and sleep on the floor. Am fucking fuming! Please come and help me entertain him."
Alex did so much for me, I thought of him as the "Freddie whisperer", he knew how to calm me down when I was agitated. He knew how to make me laugh, how to relax and how to pull me back from having a full on meltdown. So I was more than happy to step up and help him entertain the Spanish exchange student. I headed out the house after throwing my Dad a look of daggers for his earlier comment although he just looked at me innocently and checked I'd taken my medication.
An hour later I wasn't sure if Paulo was the most annoying boy in the whole world or the sexiest. Or maybe both. His skin was tanned and his hair dark, his face was unbelievably handsome. He looked a lot older than he was although it turned out he was a year older than us so that sort of made sense. He was basically sex on legs and didn't he know it. Thank god Alex was straight or I'd have been very jealous of him sharing a room with him. Or maybe I'd not have cared. One moment Paulo was nice, next minute an utter arsehole.
It was obvious to me straight away that he thought he was too good for the world. He made snide comments and oozed arrogance, as if everyone should fall down and worship him. Yes he was good looking and yes he looked like a male model. He was handsome with what looked like an expensive haircut and he had a very muscular body. I knew that because he appeared to be wearing a shirt that was too small for him. Probably deliberately to make it look like he was about to burst out of it. He was one of those arrogant pricks who was incredibly good looking and knew it. A classic case of great looks, a complete arsehole of a personality.
We'd been talking about something trivial and I was getting bored. I'm easily diverted and before I knew it my brain was off in it's own world thinking about some crazy stuff. I came back down to earth to hear Paulo crossing all sorts of boundaries.
"So...what's the best way of finding a boy to fuck around here?"
I had a coughing fit while Alex just looked annoyed.
"This is a exchange programme Paulo not some fucking Grindr event. If you want to do anything like that you can sort it out at school. The school neither I or Freddie go to. They'll be no fucking in this room, or this house."
"You're such a little kid Alex. I bet you haven't even started puberty!" Fucking hell Paulo was a complete arsehole. How dare he insult my best friend! He was a guest in their house, a guest!! Did he not know how to behave?! I sprang to Alex's defence
"Actually Paulo, Alex has started puberty. He has a very nice looking dick which is bigger than mine but I'll grow at some point. Also we're only fourteen so you shouldn't be thinking of us like that particularly as Alex is straight. And just because I'm gay doesn't mean you get to fuck me either. God you are so traditional with your viewpoint, not all gay people are sex maniacs. Get your mind out of the gutter!"
I could see Alex had his head in his hands while Paulo just looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Are you mental or something?! But it seems you've outed yourself to me so if you want to come and have a ride on "little Paulo" then that's all fine."
"First of all that ableist, just because I'm Neurodivergent and have ADHD doesn't give you the right to insult me. And as for riding on "Little Paulo", I assume you're referring to your dick and I'll be honest, it's really fucking weird to refer to it as "little Paulo". Do you have conversations with it? Good morning little Paulo, I see you're standing to attention and need some hand action. Nice orgasm little Paulo, would you like me to clean you up? Honestly that's some crazy weird shit you've got going on and that's coming from me with my ND!"
Paulo shook his head, "Wow, you really are weird. Fine, I'll put you down as a no. I guess I don't stand a chance, I should have worked that out straight away with the sexual tension between you two. Just get a room and get it over with. Then I'm happy to have sloppy seconds."
Alex had gone bright red at this, I guess he was just feeling pretty fucking pissed off that Paulo was disrespecting him so much. I couldn't blame him. I was about to throw another insult when Catherine called us downstairs for some food.
After we'd eaten Alex pulled me aside, "Sorry about what Paulo said. I think it's best you go home so he can't insult you anymore. I'll see you at school tomorrow." He looked unhappy and uncomfortable which I couldn't blame him about. Paulo was being very strange. It was only later on my walk home that I thought about what Paulo said about the sexual tension. How dare he! How dare he try and make out I wanted to have sex with my best friend. And how dare he try and erase Alex's heterosexuality as well!
Sometimes when something like this happens or if I get a thought stuck in my head I can't quite move on so I was a bit angsty all evening. Eventually Dad tried to find out what was on my mind. For some reason my brain didn't say anything about Paulo or the sexual tension, instead it went in a weird direction. So when he asked me what was wrong I just blurted out
"Alex likes someone and I don't know who so I want to help him make her his girlfriend but I'm worried that he won't want to spend time with me anymore. I don't know who it is but I don't think it's Zoe. I hope it isn't Andrea as she's pretty toxic and I couldn't quite imagine having to spend anytime in her presence even if Alex liked her. And the thought of watching them kiss each other? Urgh it makes me want to be sick. His my best friend and I want to support him even if he does want her to be his girlfriend. Wow, where did all that come from?!" I said amazed at what I'd just said.
My Dad snorted in amusement, "I can pretty much guarantee he doesn't like Andrea. I suspect he likes someone else but hasn't told them yet, he's probably waiting for them to work it out first."
"But why hasn't he told them? Did his parents tell you who he fancies? Do I know them?"
My Dad put his arm on my shoulder and squeezed, "Yeah I think he's just waiting for them to actually wake up and see things how they really are. Don't worry Freddie, am sure you'll work it out eventually."
Hmmm it's not for ME to work out who Alex fancies, he should tell me! But it's also his choice when to do that and it's very important you don't pressure people. So I knew I had to wait, maybe things would be revealed at the party. If they did and it was someone as toxic as Andrea I knew I'd just have to try and pretend to be happy for Alex even if he did end up choosing someone who he was definitely too good for.
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