The Universe Hates Me

by Andrew Passey

Chapter 5

A couple of days later I had a nightmare. I was kissing Daniel Watson when Alex caught us together. He threw up all over me screaming "You're fucking disgusting, how can you be gay? I never want to see you again!"

I woke up drenched with sweat. Losing Alex was my biggest fear in life. He'd been pretty cool about me being gay but then I remembered him looking uncomfortable when I talked about bum sex. Maybe he was a secret homophobe and was just waiting to cut me off when he could do it without it looking too obvious? My life would feel like it was over if so. My brain was overworking as always and came up with a possible solution. I needed to get myself into girls. Fuck this boyfriend stuff, Alex throwing up all over me made it pretty clear how he felt. Even if it was just in a dream.

I decided to eschew my normal pre school wank. After the dream I'd had I felt a bit discombobulated and I also wondered if going to school with full balls might help me in my quest to get into girls. I usually walked to school with Alex but he'd messaged to say he was walking with his older brother Michael. I could have joined them but Michael scared me a bit. I don't know why, he was nice enough but he did like to take the piss out of me. I just didn't like looking bad in front of Alex. So I messaged back to say I'd see him at school.

So I headed off to school on my own. My mind wandered and I knew I'd made a mistake not having that morning wank. Suddenly my mind was full of dicks. Daniel's big chunky black one, all the others I'd looked at, even Alex's which for some reason made me very hot under the collar. My own dick was now straining in my boxers and I knew today would be an absolute fucking nightmare if I didn't deal with it. So I did what I'd done before but I hasten to add only very very rarely. I went to my emergency bush.

The bush was big, just off the path that went through the park near school and if you went round the back of it you could squeeze into it. You could then stand up and do what you wanted all the while watching what was going on in the park. Now I know that makes me sound like a perve but I only ever wanked in there out of necessity!

I looked around and the path was empty so I quickly nipped around the back, squeezed in, pulled my school trousers and pants down and started wanking. I barely lasted any time at all before I was coating the leaves and the floor with my cum. I got a tissue out of my pocket and started to clean up. I looked up as I heard voices on the path outside the bush.

To my horror I saw Alex and Michael approaching, if they stopped and tried to look in the bush they'd see me with my trousers and pants down. What a fucking disaster that would be! I kept quiet and hoped they wouldn't see me. After all they would have no reason to just casually stare into the bush, that would be weird. Although perhaps not as weird as having literally just wanked in a bush but there you go.

I could see that they were engrossed in conversation and I knew I was safe. I could hear Alex saying, "gay people are rubbish…" as he walked past with his brother and a piece of my heart died. Clearly he WAS homophobic and so I needed to tread carefully. I might have wanted a boyfriend but keeping Alex was most important of all. So this was the clincher, I definitely needed a girlfriend. Then I could tell Alex the whole monster and gay thing was just me being confused. I'd blame my ND. Perfect!

It wasn't until break time that I had time to really talk to Alex, "So Alex......"

"Yes Freddie?" he replied, sounding worried. I don't know why, it's not like my brain makes me go to some pretty strange places. Actually that's not quite true, it likes to do that all the time. Like starting to wonder what would have happened if...Stop! Mind on the job Freddie.

"As you're not interested in Zoe, I was thinking I might try and kiss her at the party."

"Zoe?!?!, But you're gay!"

"Well….I thought I was but maybe it's because I haven't kissed a girl that I feel this way."

"Don't be ridiculous Freddie, it doesn't work that way. If you're gay you're gay."

"Oh suddenly you're the expert on what it's like to be gay? Straight boy gaysplaining to me!"

"I'm pretty sure that isn't a word and even if it was I wasn't. Anyway why do you want to suddenly not be gay. You think there is something wrong in being gay?"

"Um…no…well maybe. I wouldn't want anyone to think less of me if they found out I was gay."

"So you do think it's something to be embarrassed about! That's wrong Freddie. You don't choose who you fall in love with and god knows I've wished I could change that at times."

"What? You love someone? But it's not Zoe? Oh Sarah maybe?"

"I was was just a joke," Alex said looking awkward for some reason. "But the point remains, you didn't choose to be gay, you are gay and there is nothing wrong with that!"

"But......but I heard you say that there was something wrong with being gay!"

"What?! When!? I'd never say anything like that." Alex protested.

"I heard you say gay people are rubbish!"

"When did I say that! I'd never say anything like that because it's not true!"

I was in two minds about whether to confront Alex or not. If I do so I'd have to try to explain the incident this morning in as innocent a way as possible. If I left it then I'd just leave Alex confused. But ultimately he did say what I heard him say and I had to confront him about his homophobia even if he was my only and best friend.

" Wellllll......I um…I sort of overheard you and Michael talking on the way to school, I was hiding in a bush in the park for reasons I don't need to go into now."

Alex looked at me with a serious expression on his face, "Why the fuck were you hiding in a bush spying on us? You said you were going straight to school!"

"Um…well er….I wasn't spying, you walking past was just a coincidence. I was um…having a piss!"

Alex looked at me suspiciously which caused me to get flustered particularly when he challenged me again "And you couldn't have waited until you got to school?"

"God no!" I replied, sounding shocked at the thought of that. Surely he knew how bad it would be if I'd got caught doing what I was doing in the bush in the toilets? I decided I better spell it out for him. "What if I'd been caught wanking in the school toilets?! My life would be even worse than it already is!"

"I thought you said you were having a piss?!" Fuck. I'd messed this up. Now Alex was working out what was going on. Time to ND my way out of this.

"I was! The talk about wanking in school toilets was just another hypothetical scenario. Anyway, that's not important, what's important is I heard you say and I quote, "gay people are rubbish"

Alex looked at me intently and then sighed, "Freddie, whatever you think you heard you didn't. Or if you did, it's not as simple as that. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I don't think any less of you. I don't think less of anyone due to their sexuality."

"But I heard you say...."

"Something that you misunderstood. I...I just don't want you to think there is anything wrong with being gay and I'm totally fine with it. So forget all this Zoe stuff."

"So you can have her to yourself?" I asked Alex, who looked annoyed at that."Even if you don't have a problem with it, other people might, so operation kiss Zoe at the party is go!."

"What happened to operation get Freddie a boyfriend?"

"As you said I need to think more about that. Look, I'll try and kiss Zoe or some other girl and maybe it'll help fix me."

Alex sighed, "You're not broken Freddie. Maybe it would help if…."

"If what?"

Alex looked like he wanted to say something important but then shrugged and said, "Doesn't matter, maybe something for another time."

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