by Rafael Henry


I'm in Brighton now, getting over the end of my third year as a boarder in one of England's minor public schools. I suppose it's much easier to evaluate one's life there when you're at a distance from it. On the train down from Victoria Station I was torn two ways in terms of my thoughts. Quite a bit had happened last term…..loads of emotional stuff, and I feel a bit drained to be honest. There were no disasters thankfully, and I've got nine weeks away from all that.

David is still onside I think, but anything can happen over the long summer break. I could get back in September and he might not want to know me. I'll be sorry if he doesn't, in fact I will be devastated. We've had very nice gentle time together as friends and that will do me frankly. I like him so much and we get on well. He's in a different year to me which is difficult, but we can get over that if we're discreet. Anyway, a bit of furtiveness is rather exciting……and……I have my sculpture project to look forward to. Ah……forgot to mention it…..the sculpture specialist said I could do it……the three foot high piece from the human figure?

I had to go and see him in the room he does it all in a basement studio under one of the classrooms in a terraced house in the Close just along from the Cathedral. He asked me who the model was going to be……was it another boy? I said that's all there is round here and he laughed. Then he asked me if the model was clothed or nude. I went bright red! He smiled and said it didn't matter to him….it was art. Anyway, I said I thought it would be easier if the person was nude. He thought about it for a few seconds, and then nodded his head.

'You'll need photos then….can't really have a naked boy standing around here for goodness knows how long. You'll need loads of photos….all the angles. Presumably he's a friend of yours?'

In for a penny, in for a pound as they say… I answered


'And he won't mind?'

'No. I've already asked him if he'll do it.'

'Fair enough….next term then…….it'll have to be evening sessions. Oh, and you'd better read this before we start.'

Of course I will. He gave me one of those 'how to do it' books on clay modelling from the figure. I'm going to have more work pressure next term, and a pretty good chance that I'll be made a monitor too in the House which will mean a bit more commitment time wise possibly, and no doubt relocation to yet another dorm…….probably third formers just up from Dyers, the Junior School boarding house……including Cosmo probably. That fact had not dawned on me thus far. If you're thinking that, then that is not going to work. No. David is younger, but not by much, which just about makes it ok, but there's too big a gap in Cosmo's case even if we both wanted it, which we don't. Having said that, he has made an appearance in of my occasional night time reveries, but David wouldn't mind my straying in thought every now and again, but I've no intention of upsetting him by extending thought into word or last of all….deed. Anyway, I'm sure Cosmo will sort something out for himself if he wants to. I very much doubt if he'll be short of admirers.

Right at the last knockings of term, David and I attempted a pleasant 'liaison' but the gods conspired against us and it didn't happen. Never mind……there's always next term. I think we were both excited about the holidays, and personal arrangements tend to go on the back burner under those circs. I saw him just before he left for his train. The meeting wasn't arranged and he spoke first after a few seconds of looking at each other……looks that spoke a thousand words……

'Hi Jon………………have a good holiday then.'

'Yes. And you too David.'

'Thanks. Will you……..?'

'Yes I will……..I promise.'

We turned away from each other and walked off on our separate ways with our thoughts. I found a bench unoccupied in the Close. I needed a little time to reflect.

Homecoming, and Evert.

So that's was it really. I'm thinking of him as I write this. He'll be wherever he was going by now probably. Ibiza I think it was. By next term he'll be all the more beautiful and talking incessantly about a girl he met on the beach. Oh well. I'm not going to think about it……no point.

Anyway, it's time I told you about Evert. I'm not sure what I was expecting exactly . You know how it is when you get a vague impression of someone second hand, and when the person supplying the information is my mother….then it's going to be vague believe me. Suffice it to say he was not what I was expecting, but now I'm getting to know more about him, I'm coming round so to speak, and I mean that in a positive way. The curtains of the stage are about to open I think because…….well, we'll see won't we……but this morning I'm pretty sure he gave me the first sign…….a metaphorical bit of code…….a signal……..a small gesture…….a first vision…….a letting me see…….a wanting me to see……..from acquaintance to friendship. I want the seed to be sown, and for the plant to grow strong and flower wonderfully.

I'm physically at the end of this book now….no more pages left which is really rather convenient. I've already bought a new one from Smiths yesterday in anticipation…….in the form of a digital storage device. I've told Evert that I write loads for fun, and he seemed quite interested. This evening I will begin again………

With all my love…………….JON.

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