by Rafael Henry
Raf takes stock……………….
It's very odd without him. Linda is great company but she's definitely not Max. We didn't see him the first weekend but he did phone Linda, and I had a quick word at the end. He sounded happy I must say, with lots of hints about his new life in that lovely city, but no detail. He said he wanted to save all that for when he was home next weekend.
He's had a trial for the rugby team….the Under Thirteens……and he thought he'd done ok in it so you never know. I miss him horribly…………the feel of him close to me, touching like we do. His absence tells me how much I love him. We have never been lovers of course, in the full sexual sense, although plenty of boys have had and are having sexual relationships with much older boys and young men that they have chosen. He's far too young to understand that sort of relationship with an adult, as far as I know or understand at this point in time, and I don't know if we ever shall. Somehow I doubt it, because he will meet others, in fact he may already have done so.
He has mentioned Jonathan……Jonathan Fleet. He's the older boy in his dormitory……the one in the superior accommodation………..the better bed……….the thicker mattress. Max said he was 'nice'. I daresay we'll get told more about him in due course. Oh, and Tom did get a transfer into Max's room, so the assistant fellow kept his word. Good for him. Linda heard a fair amount about him on the 'phone, so that's all good news too.
For a teacher, the beginning of term is pretty hard going, although the general public's perception is that the whole job is a doddle. Well, if they think it's so easy and are envious, there's nothing to stop them doing the job is there? Linda is very conscientious and the first week I don't see much of her. I did stay over one night because it was a good time to 'donate' which I did, but only just. Her heart wasn't really in it and because I sensed her attitude, nor was mine. It did happen however, but she didn't come like she usually did, and when I eventually managed it she seemed relieved that it was all over. Since she's met Ana, she seems preoccupied, and I don't blame her. She's desperate for a relationship with another girl. Like Max, she's a sexual being and needs to be fulfilled on a regular basis. I am not a long term prospect…………..not as a lover, but I think and hope I am as a friend. I feel that I'm in the same boat, so to speak, as Linda. I need proper sexual fulfilment too, as well as requited love. With Max, I'm only a small part of the way there and it's not his fault obviously because, as I said before, he is far too young. Despite that, I love him because I can't help loving him, and there's no crime in that as far as I am aware. I don't think he's capable of a completely two way thing for a long time, in fact I know he's not. I know what I feel for him is something I shouldn't but I just can't help it.
We have to see what transpires at school for Max, and I can't imagine he's not going to turn one or two heads there, and it's just a question of how he reacts to that. Knowing him now as I do, he will want the physical side of a friendship. I will need to know if things progress in that area because there are some possible troublesome issues involved, and he will need to be aware.
I had given more 'volumes' of my diaries to Linda to peruse which she now has. She said she liked them.
'They're very graphic Raf, and I love the characters you describe. You were lovely with each other, really sensitive, like women would be to each other if you don't mind me saying so?'
'No, not at all. Was it a bit too graphic do you think?'
'No it wasn't. Describing the naughty stuff was important because it was to all you lot and therefore very much part of your lives. Are boys like that all the time then? Is Max do you think?'
'Boys……..but not all by any means, love sexual experimentation Linda. They're going to do it, but usually up to a certain age and then they move on to girls if they are available. In an all-boys boarding situation they're no girls obviously, so what's the alternative? There isn't one, so they need each other to amuse in that way, which they will do. You're not going to stop them. Max will have opportunities if he wants them I'm fairly sure, within his own age group, and with the occasional older boy probably…….or a younger one, or all three possibly. One or two of the younger ones, especially as he gets older, will want to be friends with him for a variety of reasons, one being their natural curiosity about sex. They will offer themselves to him for sure. He's one of those boys Linda…..a boy that other boys will want to be friends with. I've seen it over and over again, believe me. Max has everything a boy could want. He's attractive to them without any doubt because of his looks just to name one thing, and he's very caring too. If a boy is experiencing problems, they may well go to a boy like him rather than to an adult. That's how it works Linda, and once a younger boy relates to him on that level, it can easily become something more.'
'Do you think he'll tell you about it………if it happens?'
'Oh yes he will, but don't expect him to tell you. It's a very personal thing to do with his growing up, and it's a private matter, even from his mother. You don't need to know, but just go on loving him the way you do……the way you always will.'
It was a long ten days. Linda was working hard to get some momentum going with her new class at school…….and she had seen Ana more than once in that time. I'm not sure how girls, or women, clock on to each other sexually, but I know how boys do, but girls have that hidden sense I'm told which tells them things without the need for words. Linda and I have seen each other about four times in the last ten days and she's being very guarded about Ana. I know she's very busy, but I also suspect she's found time for Ana too. Something has happened but she's not telling me. I know she will eventually when she's ready. I guess she wants to be a bit more certain of the situation before she does.
Max has 'phoned home again and Linda said he was fine and getting into the swing of things well. He's made it through to the second rugby trial this Saturday afternoon, and I've volunteered to collect him after his game and bring him home. The boys are free as soon as they've finished games on a Saturday afternoon. I'm to meet him outside the main entrance to his House around four thirty with a signed note from Linda to authorize my collection of him. Once I'm known to the staff, I won't need a note in future.
The weather has broken this week. The summer has been good overall and the new term had started in July temperatures, but the westerly Atlantic depressions have gained the upper hand and it was all wind and rain today. I felt at a slightly loose end so I decided to go a bit early and watch Max's rugger game. I parked up the hill as usual which is very close to Bishopgate and the school playing fields. I crossed the old bridge and a little way up towards the Cathedral, I turned left into the large playing fields dominated to the west by the Norman tower and gothic spire of the church, all three hundred and fifteen feet of it, pointing to heaven. What an amazingly beautiful sight that is. In front of me was a game going on, and another one much further to my right in front of a new looking pavilion, and what appeared to be some school buildings. There was an obvious age difference judging by the size of the combatants so I headed for the game involving the smaller bodies.
It wasn't raining hard but enough to make the lush grass surface very wet, but as yet no mud……..too early in the season. The field is low lying and not much higher than the nearby Wensum river level so it looked like it was always going be prone to soft going.
There was a good deal of slipping and sliding going on amongst the boys, and a fair amount of misunderstanding of the rules of rugby. Not all the boys had experience of the game, and 'offside' didn't mean a great deal to most of them. Never mind………just get on and play the game eh? The boys were already soaked through……….that was obvious by the effect the water had on their shorts, rendering them interestingly transparent. Boys' bodies entangled one minute and then arched forwards in the 'scrum' was an engaging sight indeed. Most appeared to wear something underneath their shorts but not all. Matron's dire warnings came to mind………a few spares in the underwear department was indeed a very good idea. There was the odd injury too…….nothing of any consequence……one of which resulted in a boy quite small for his age but courageous, being sat down on the touch line near me holding his left knee in both hands and looking sorry for himself, with his soaked mop of hair clinging to his scalp, and with his generously sized new shorts, he afforded me an unobstructed view of his uncovered nether regions. Mud stains white cotton badly and this individual had taken the precaution of not bothering with underwear. Sensible boy. Taking a few steps to my right, I offered some sympathy to the forlorn creature.
'Are you ok?'
'Yes thank you sir.'
'Does it hurt?'
I realised that it was a very stupid question as soon as I'd said it.
'Not much…..it does a bit though. I'll be ok in a minute I think.'
Brave boy. I stood over him for as long as seemed proper…………..but not too long. Sitting on wet grass isn't particularly pleasant so within five minutes the boy had stood up, arms crossed in front of him for comfort, watching the game. He edged his way towards me which I noticed and I felt rather pleased about it. Nothing more was said until the master in charge called him back onto the field.
As an ex games player, I can recognize the stronger competitor and Max looked a very good average out there. At intervals the players were all called in and then tried in different positions. Max had been playing in the back row of the scrum, wing forward as I called it in my day, but he had been moved into the centre. To me he looked better there, bringing his speed and natural athleticism to the backs. He played the rest of the game in that position.
Much later when I had got him safely home to Blue Cottage later that afternoon, he was able to give Linda the good news…….that he had been selected to play in their first match against the old enemy in North Norfolk, and it was an away fixture at Holt. We immediately speculated whether Henry who had just started himself at that auspicious establishment, would be marking him…….or rather the other way round. Henry would be a handful for any defence with his speed and agility, not to mention his terrific ball skills. There was never any doubt that Henry will represent his year group at rugger.
'So who was the boy that got injured then Max?'
'That was Tom………don't you remember him from the visit?'
'Ah, of course it was. I didn't recognize him all bedraggled like that. Is he ok now?'
'Yea, he's fine……..he didn't get in the team though.'
That's possibly a lucky escape for Tom.
I had to wait for Max while he changed. We walked up from the field through the Cathedral Close, part of a long straggling collection of wet boys in clackety boots, past the rows of Georgian town houses to our left and right, many of them quite beautiful. Max pointed out the landmarks as we wandered up the road. We stopped as Max pointed to a very nice red brick Georgian town house.
'That's where the younger kids sleep………..in that tall house there. Do you see the bars on the windows at the top Raf? That's so they can't fall out if they sleep walk!'
I looked up at the barred windows. There was a teddy bear propped up in the corner of one of them. At the top of the road, with an imposing gateway in facing of us, we turned right towards the statue of our greatest maritime hero at the far end of a long grassed area…………..I guessed it had to be him…………and what must be the School chapel in front of us, then through the tall wrought iron gates and along the neat tarmac surface that led to the gothic doorway of Max's House with its elaborately moulded pointed gothic arch. There were two other adults waiting. I stood apart deliberately, not wanting to chat, under the massive copper beech tree that stood between the imposing building and what appeared to be a long refectory, quite modern in style. I met Max, recently showered……
'Can Tom come home with us one weekend please? His people live miles away. Can he? We are allowed…….Mr Webber said.'
I smiled, not so much at his earnest request, but at how he had put it to me. Ten or so days into his new life here and he's changed already…………just subtly………….but he has. This was just one of many changes we could expect.
'You'll have to ask your mum Max, but I'm sure it would be ok………..and well done for getting into the team for next Saturday.'
Raf tells us something about Tom…….
You couldn't not like Tom. I picked them both up the Saturday after the match and brought them back to Blue Cottage. They had lost that game the week before, but not too badly. Henry had played well against them needless to say, and scored two tries and kicked a few more points into the bargain. He's very good, and proved too much for the less experienced city boys. It seemed quite incongruous to me that Henry could be so dominant in such a rough game, with his almost too good looks and his gentle personality. Still, I suppose skill will out. I didn't have far to go to get Max that afternoon………..just to Holt of course. We didn't see Henry after the game.
The following Saturday I was to fetch Max and Tom from the school and bring them to the Cottage for the weekend. I got there about four thirty and both boys were ready and waiting for me, and busy chatting to an older boy who turned out to be Jonathan Fleet, the dormitory prefect or whatever his official title is. Jonathan was still in his rugger kit and looking very much the part I must say. He didn't look any more than fourteen but I know he's more than that and in his last year before the Sixth Form, if he stays on, which apparently almost all of them do.
Max is standing next to Jonathan with Tom opposite them, and looking quite animated. They see me pull up in the 'B', the soft top down. Max and Tom immediately come over, all smiles, as Jonathan stays put with arms folded looking in our direction. I smile broadly at Max and Tom as I get out of the car, and I look in Jonathan's direction. I don't want to look too long but it's difficult not too. He's a handsome devil, and even in the fleeting moments I can see he wears an air of authority. I look back again……….I can't resist……..and he's still looking in our direction……..and smiles nicely, which I return.
Tom being a little smaller than Max goes in the rather basic back seat of the car, sitting sideways in slight discomfort probably. It's a sports car made for two, or three at a stretch if the third person isn't too big. I can see Tom in my rear view mirror as we make our way up towards the airport and then bear left off the Cromer road towards Aylsham and the coast. It's latish September and chilly today so I run the heat on full bore to our feet and bodies which affords us some comfort while we enjoy our open motoring. There's nothing like it. Tom's ample hair catches the wind rising in sudden flurries of mid brown and then falling again, his eyes narrowed against the unpredictably rude wind sending gusts of air around us. I wonder if has noticed my eyes observing him in the mirror. I don't think so. He has his hands on his knees sitting sideways. He has long fingers and good hands. I notice these things. Before we left, Tom had asked…….
'What do I need Max? What should I bring with me?'
'Nothing……you don't need anything……come on hurry!'
The car drive was amazing. It makes a fantastic noise…..all deep and lovely! It was pretty breezy in the back but I could feel the heat coming out ok, so it was quite comfortable. I think Jon was a bit jealous because…………I think he quite likes Max, and he hasn't been anywhere all term because his parents live abroad. We waved at him as we set off from the school and he looked a bit sad. I wish he could have come with us. I like him…….he's kind.
Max only has a mum but she's nice, and made me really welcome saying that anything I needed they would have anyway. I didn't even have a toothbrush, let alone a flannel or towel…….or pyjamas.
After Raf had dropped us off, and we had eaten, we got ready for bed so we could watch telly for a while. At school they let us watch 'Match of the Day' last Saturday night in the Common Room where there's a massive TV set, as a special treat. Max likes Norwich City, but they're never on. They're Second Division so they never get on telly. If I had a team it would be West Ham I suppose because I live in Chelmsford, but I'm not interested really. The lack of pyjamas was solved easily as Linda, Max's mum, found me some of Max's. They were new ones………..a bit big and sort of new smelling…….with stripes down them. Linda…………..she told me to call her that………..collected up all our clothes to wash them so we went back fresh and clean tomorrow night. She hung up our blazers in the cupboard in the hallway. Mine's the same size as Max's but he's bigger. Mum always gets me stuff that's too big, saying it needs to be so I can grow into it. I think I look a bit stupid in mine because half of my hands are hidden by the sleeves……very annoying!
'What do I wear tomorrow Max?'
'Some of my stuff……….and stop worrying Tom, I've got loads you can borrow.'
Max had told me the day before that they only had two bedrooms and was it ok if I went in with him.
'Does it have two beds in it?'
'No, only one, but it's quite a wide one…………….there's loads of room for us both. Say if you don't want to, I don't mind. I could go on the sofa downstairs.'
All that came as a shock….I'm not sure why. I suppose I just wasn't expecting it. I had no idea what to think for a while so I said nothing, but as I thought about it I found myself feeling pretty much ok with the idea……well, more or less.
'That's fine……..I can share with you if you don't mind?'
I've never slept in the same bed as a boy…….or girl come to that! Max is my friend…….I know he is. You just know these things, and that's not going to change I sincerely hope, at least it's not going to on my part……….and there's no reason why I can't sleep in his bed is there? But what if he says he wants to do stuff? What do I do then? Say to him……..'No problem, but you don't mind if I carry on reading do you?' And what if I want to, not that I would in someone else's house. What if we both do? I've seen his penis stiff. It's bigger than mine, especially when it's small, like when it's limp. Mine's a bit titchy, but ok when it's stiff…….when it's comes up properly……..fully grown as it were. Max's is still bigger.
I'm feeling a bit weird about all this. Everybody does it at school. I do it most times at night when I think no one will see me, and sometimes in the morning as well. I'm always stiff in the morning when I wake up. So is Max, unless he's just done it. Gabriel doesn't though, or not that I've noticed. All he does is read all the time. Jon, our dorm monitor always gets dressed facing away towards the window, so we don't get to see him. We just see his bottom when he puts his pants on. I thought it would be a bit hairy but it isn't at all. The other day I saw right in it. I didn't mean to look but I just did. Max was looking too. He looked at me and I looked away quickly. Max does it because I've seen the covers go up and down, quite slowly to start with and then much faster, and then he slows down and then it stops and I know he's just got it. One night I hadn't done it, but when I saw him start, I started, and then I watched him as I did it and finished just after he did. It was thinking about him getting his feeling that made me get mine. I'm pretty sure he gets stuff because he fiddles about afterwards with a hanky so he must do. I don't get any yet. The way things seem to be, I doubt if I ever will. I heard that some boys don't ever get it. Maybe I'll be one of those. I hope not because I want to get it……loads of it.
I've seen it though……..in one of those condom things. There was this boy doing it in broad daylight on a bench on the path to the cricket ground at home. They were in their school uniform and the girl was sitting with her legs apart with her arms on the boy's shoulders and the boy was sort of kneeling on the ground prodding her in her middle….going in and out really fast. The girl looked at me, but I walked past quickly. When I went back ten minutes later they were gone but the condom thing was on the bench. I stopped to look at it. The end had some of that stuff in it……..you could see it all in there. It was quite exciting really. I felt really guilty because I wanted to look at it.
Jon's bed is the other side of Max's so I can't see if he ever does it. Max might know, but I've never dared ask him if he's ever seen him doing it.
At half past nine, Linda said it was time to go up because we both looked tired. I felt really nervous about certain things…….and about tomorrow. I asked Linda about what I would wear the next day.
'What should I wear tomorrow please Linda?'
'Oh sorry Tom……..wear anything of Max's. Just pick out what you feel comfortable with…….and there's a new tooth brush in the bathroom for you….and a flannel too…..the light blue one……and Max……look after Tom properly please? See you in the morning. It's Church at ten thirty, but not if you don't want to go Tom.'
I liked those words Linda said……'Look after Tom properly'. Then Max said…….
'I want to show Tom around a bit, so we might go jogging……maybe call in on Raf before Church? Is that ok mum?'
It is quite a wide bed. We did everything in the bathroom including the peeing bit, one at a time. I'm nervous as hell.
When we got into his room, Max asked me which side I wanted to be. I chose the left side. Then he said….
'I don't sleep in pyjama bottoms Tom…….is that ok? You can………….or find some pants in the drawer if you want. There're some in there…………..just choose ok?'
'Can I do what you do Max?'
Max sat on the edge of the bed on my side and undid the front of his pyjamas letting the cord hang loose, and then took off the top part and folded it neatly and put it on the floor. I could see his penis squashed between his legs. I undid mine and stepped out of them and folded them exactly like he had done his.
'Are you ok Tom? You're looking a bit funny.'
'I'm ok….just a bit…….'
'A bit what Tom?'
'I don't know……I'm ok though.' I tried to laugh but it didn't come out right.
'About us being in the same bed?'
'Don't you want to then? I can go downstairs if you want?'
I had an odd feeling of panic when he said that, like I was about to lose something of vital importance if I didn't do something quickly.
'No don't Max. Can we get in now?'
I undid my top and stood by him so he could see me………..and smiled. I felt suddenly relaxed as if something had been decided between us. He smiled back as he stood up and stepped out of his bottoms, and he looked at me……..and I looked at him.
'So…………….pants or no pants then?'
I managed to laugh a little this time.
There was about a foot of bed between us, and we were facing each other, eyes wide open. My hands were together in front of my face as his were. They were almost touching, and when they did, I didn't pull them back but let them keep touching. I could feel, almost hear, my heart beating faster and my breath coming quicker too. I let my fingers uncurl and his did too, and they touched properly. Max whispers……….
'Can I come a bit closer please Tom?'
I felt his first……….just touching my tummy. I knew what it was. It was when our hands touched. It made my penis go stiff. I moved my tummy a bit nearer to Max and we touched. He asked me…..
'Are you ok Tom?'
'Are you cold?'
'A bit. Are you?'
'Do you want to come a bit closer?'
'Yes please. What shall I do with my arms Max?'
'Put them round me if you want.'
I did. He was breathing quickly like I was.
I can feel his hand on my back now going up and down. I feel his shoulders and neck, and our breaths are all mixed up………….in my face and in my ear………near my mouth……………in my mouth now. Then I pull my head away.
'Sorry Tom………I didn't mean to do that.'
'It's ok…….but can we not please………not for a bit.'
I think that upset him a bit when I said that. Max turns over and all I can see is his back. He has a lovely back. He's upset because he thinks he's gone too far…….he's upset because he thinks he's upset me . I can't let that go on. I'm panicking now because I think I've upset him, so I get my hips close to his and I know he can feel me touching him as I sooth his back, his neck, his hips.
'It's ok Max if you want to. I want to if you do.'
'Do you mind if I feel you for a bit please?'
'No. Would you like me to feel you?'
As he turns back towards me, his hand goes down and he holds my penis. I put my hand around his too. I close my eyes and imagine him there naked in front of me. His penis is hard and very warm…….so hard as I squeeze him. I whisper to him……….
'Do you want me to?'
We put the covers down lower so we can both see our penises. We both wanted to see. He held me while I did it to him with my hand. He showed me exactly how. I began rubbing him up and down. I put my face close to his so I could feel his breath on me.
'Is that ok Max?'
His body started to move this way and that, and his feet too. I knew that if I went on long enough, he would come. As he got nearer he started to gently squeeze me in a rhythm……in time with my hand movements on him. I love the feel of him. I felt it get a little slippery in my hand. The end bit was shiny. I know what that is. I've never seen it actually happen before until now. When he started to make funny noises……like little short pants of breath……..I knew he was coming. He held his head up so he could see it come out.
'Tom…………..watch…………..Tom…… watch now!'
When I do it myself, I always slow down at the end, so that's what I did to Max.
Max had his arm around me when I came, and his mouth against my neck. I felt his lips on my skin.
I suppose it actually was a kiss, but a funny sort of one. I think he wanted to kiss my mouth. I'm not sure I was ready for it, I don't know. Anyway it didn't happen.
'Was I ok Max?'
'Of course you were Tom. Did you mind being all sticky?'
'No…….I like it. I've never seen it before. Did it feel good when it came out?'
'Umm…….it's a sort of a squirty feeling, otherwise it's the same as you get I suppose.'
'Can I cuddle you really hard?'
Max looked at me and smiled, and practically squashed the breath out of me.
'Like that Tom?'
It made me feel so warm and wanted.
Of course I didn't have to ask him. It only took him a couple of minutes. Just afterwards we both looked to see. Nothing.
We passed the night together……….two boys together, close and feeling. Us. Two boys together.
I woke in the morning and wondered where I was for a few moments…….then it all came back in a flood. Max had his back to me, just inches from my face. I ran my hand along its length…..top to bottom. I thought of the night before and wondered how Max would feel this morning. Will he regret what happened……..I know I don't. I don't, not for one moment. I feel small and insignificant while I'm with him. I hope he wants me, because I want him badly. I loved what we did last night and I want to do it again this morning. I shouldn't be touching him now because he's asleep and I'll wake him which I shouldn't, but I don't care. I keep think of that feeling I had…………when his penis was wet with his stuff and it went on me.
He wasn't asleep for long.
'That's nice Tom………keep doing that please.'
Oh dear, I've woken him…………. bad me! I love his voice, especially now when he's just waking………slightly husky and getting a bigger boy sort of sound. He's moving now…………turning over my way a bit……….now further. He's taken my hand.
'What are you going to do Max?'
'Go on your back Tom…………I'll show you……….just say no if you don't like it.'
I thought we would again but he didn't want to. I couldn't really understand that because it had been really nice last night. I wanted to do it again, but there was a reason why he didn't want to.
'Are we going running in a minute? It won't be too far will it Max? I'm nowhere near as good as you are.'
'No Tom, we can go really gently I promise…….just around the village, but we had better go soon or….'
'Or what Max?'
I realised later what that was about……the 'we must go soon' bit.
I borrowed some kit from Max. He basically told me what to put on. He had some proper running shorts which he put over a pair of pants…….small ones that you could still see through the silky material and looked great. He said I should just wear the shorts with nothing underneath because I didn't need anything else, the cheeky monkey. He said the shorts were small enough to act as pants anyway. Oh well. He got out an old pair of trainers that fitted me quite well………no socks, and we slipped out of the back door of the house, and round the side into the front garden. We avoided the main road to Blakeney and took the path through the farm, and then down past the lone pine tree which is next to a field that had a notice saying 'Pick Your Own' and overlooks the coast. They were building a shed thing nearby which Max said was going to be a little café or something. There's a mound of earth just beyond the tree which we stood on to get the best view. There's a bench there too. It was a chilly morning so we had our grey pullovers on over our white tee shirts. Mine's a bit long because it's new, so it almost covered my shorts, leaving about an inch of white showing. I like it like that. Max won't like it though. He would say it covers up too much. I really like Max.
'You look nice……..like that……with the little bit of white showing.'
Well that's a surprise.
Max says I have a lovely smile, maybe because I have a wide mouth and quite big lips too. I like it when Max tells me what to do. I keep looking at him.
'Where did you go Tom….in the summer holidays?'
'To France……..we always go there. We borrow a flat there from one of Dad's friends…….it's in Dinard……north west France……….opposite S. Malo. It's proper name is S. Enogat actually, but it's right next to Dinard. It's got a great beach with loads of other kids there. You can always find other boys to play with.'
'Umm……..it's good fun.'
I saw Max looking at my legs. My tan's fading fast but there's some of it left.
'Are you tanned all over……..it looks like it. Do you go to a nudist camp then?'
'No we don't, silly. I just wear those sort of swimming trunks, like our school ones, that's all. All the boys there do. Apparently they have to have them for school swimming in all the continental public pools. They aren't allowed shorts there because they think they're unhygienic. Look.'
I pulled up the side of my shorts to show Max where my tan stopped.
'There…….that's where it stops. Hadn't you noticed before?'
'No. Shall we pay Raf a visit? He lives in the High Street. He's always up early, even on Sundays.'
'How do you know he gets up early Max?'
'I just do……..anyway, he's slept at ours hasn't he. That's how I know. Shall we then? I'm sure he'd like to see you. He likes you.'
'Of course he does Tom. He draws me sometimes. He's an artist. What do think of him then?'
'He's nice…….really nice. Does your mum know he draws you?'
'Of course she does. I think he's done her too.'
'Umm……drawn her……and he's slept in her room.'
We said nothing for a while, looking out at the coast.
'Do you stay at his place then……when he draws you?'
'No, but I've spent loads of time there. He has a studio with tons of paintings in it. He said he'd paint me one day. I like being drawn. He just says stand or sit any way I want to….or lie down sometimes so I can read. That's the best one…..lying down. Then he walks round me and chooses the right angle and stuff.'
'So does he do all of you…..everything? Do you take anything off?'
'Yes Tom…..sometimes everything.'
Max went on as I thought about what he'd just said.
'My mum knows. He asked her if it was ok. She said it was fine so long as she saw what he did. I love doing it, especially looking at how it turned out.'
'Do you ever get…….you know……..get one of those?'
'I do sometimes, especially if I'm was lying on my tummy for a while. That always makes it go like that, and then he tells me to turn over onto my back. '
'Yeah, of course I do. I don't mind him seeing.'
'Oh wow. Has he ever tried to……you know….do things?'
'No, of course not!'
'Have you ever seen his?'
'What's it like?'
We ran on into the village, up the High Street, along the main road for a bit, and then back down to the far end of the village and then down another road past the fish shop to the quay, and then leftwards along a footpath for a while. After a half mile or so, we turned back and sat on a bench by the quay. A van was delivering stuff to the hotel there, and a man went by with a dog. The water was low and there was loads of mud. About two minutes later Max said……..
'Come on then, let's see if he's up. I know where the key to his flat is. We probably don't need it anyway. Remember what I said.'
We went up the wooden stairs at the back to the door which was not locked. We went into the large kitchen area which had a table and bench to one side of it against the wall. It was all quite dark. Max whispered…..
'Keep quiet ok………he must still be in bed . Follow me.'
We crept up to his bedroom door which was open a few inches. We went in and Max sat on the bed. I stood up just behind him as we looked down at Raf. The covers were off him and down to his tummy. I'm feeling nervous…….like I was last night. Then Raf turns sideways a bit and sees us…….
'Max? Is that you? What on earth time is it?'
'Ten to seven……….I've got Tom with me. We thought you might like to see us, but we're a bit hot and sweaty. We've been running.'
'Oh right……..well…….ok. Use the shower if you want. Where's Tom?'
Max moved me sideways so Raf could see me.
We'd discussed it all on the bench down at the quay. I had no idea that Raf had been such a close friend of Linda's……and Max come to that…….and that bit about Max being drawn with nothing on. I wasn't exactly shocked, just a bit surprised that's all. I imagined if it had been me and how I might have felt about things. I mean Max is twelve and Raf's…………I don't know…………way older.
I had asked Max earlier what we'd do if Raf was still in bed when we got there.
'It'll be a surprise for him won't it. He'll probably let us use his shower. Both of us could. It's in the corner of his bedroom. You can get two in there easily.'
'He'll see us won't he?'
'Of course he will Tom, but he won't mind……….that's the whole point of the game Tom. He likes you Tom. He'd probably draw you if you asked him. I'll show you the ones he's done of me if you want. I like teasing him. He's funny.'
'So, what about after our shower?'
'Dunno. We didn't do it this morning, but I quite feel like it now. Do you?'
'Surely you can't with him there……..can you?'
Secrets. Tom again…….
I suppose we all have them…..things we've done that we don't want others to know about, especially our parents. I suspect that Max will never tell me some things, and nor will I tell him some things. It happened a while back now, but I'm not about to forget about it. I felt bad afterwards, but it was so exciting for us at the time. I don't think there was anything that wrong about it really…….just very naughty that's all. I don't know if Max has ever done it………I don't think so. We were only kids messing about.
Max had said that it would be fun to tease Raf a bit…….like, use his shower with both of us in it at the same time so he could see us. Max said it was big enough for two smallish people to get in it easily and that Raf would like that………….to watch us washing……….getting all soapy and so on. Max said that he could imagine Raf watching us and what fun that would be. I like him lots, and Max says that Raf likes me too.
I don't mind at all if Raf likes boys. I agree with Max. I think it would be fun to tease him. I whispered to Max……..
'Have you ever done it in the shower Max?'
Of course I have, several times, and in the bath too. Mum caught me doing it one night. I remember it well because I was almost getting my feeling when she came in. I stopped, and after that I couldn't do it anymore. It just all went away. She said 'boys will be boys' and just laughed it off. My penis often got big in the bath when I was smaller so she's seen it loads of times, and when she dried me off with the towel. She doesn't come in now I'm older.
Raf was obviously half asleep……….at least half if not three quarters. After he had said hello to me, Max asked him………..
'Can Tom and I use your shower please…….can we get undressed in here Raf?'
He said we could and told us to leave our stuff on the bed. His head was on one side facing me with his eyes sort of half open. He just had a sheet covering him with just his head visible. Max said……
'Go on then Tom……you first.'
I bent down to undo the laces of the trainers Max had lent me, and I prized them off with opposite feet and stood back up again. I looked down at Raf and he smiled so I smiled back. I was right by his bed like Max told me to be….really close. I pulled up my tee shirt along with the grey jumper all in one piece, and then over my head. Then with both hands I pushed my white shorts down my legs……right down to my ankles so I could step out of them. My penis popped out and sprang forwards because I've got no pants on underneath. It looked a bit bigger than it usually does. I folded the shorts carefully, and put them on Raf's bed and I looked back at him but he wasn't looking…….not at my face that is! I took my jumper and tee shirt and folded them and put them with my shorts, and just stood there in front of him looking at Max who had been watching. I waited for Max to start. Max asked Raf…..
'Do you think he's good enough to draw then?'
Raf didn't say anything, but made this sort of quiet laughing sound. Max had his hand on my shoulder.
I sat down on the bed while Max started to get undressed. He made a bit of a meal of it. His penis was sticking out a bit inside his pants.
Raf was watching us all the time and smiling. Now I could really see what Max was up to……..trying to embarrass Raf, but he didn't seem to be at all. I think Max is being a bit naughty.
Raf watches with a degree of interest…………..
You've really got to laugh……..it's so obvious what Max is trying to do here, but it's not going to work. Mind you, Tom seems quite a willing victim in his devious little plan……..using Tom as the pawn in his game……..and what a pretty boy he is too. His features are so delicate and soft. They are both so beautiful in their different ways. Max was lucky to find him so easily that morning of the new boarders visit to the school, and to have him in the next bed too. Crikey! Mind you, that situation won't last forever because they will get moved around…………at least that's what we do to prevent friendships from getting too overheated………too habit forming.
I'm watching them in the shower now acting out their bit of boy fantasy, you might call it. Tom is very expressive with his hands as he moves the soap around his body. Max has got his back to me. He's just asked Tom to do his back for him. The shower has a glass door, so it's all very visible, and very erotic from my point of view. I'm actually rather impressed. Tom seems to have caught on to Max's game quite well.
This little performance is all for my benefit of course……….all part of the softening up process…………or the opposite. It's unbelievably erotic watching these two, and it's having an effect on me. I'm being sorely tempted here and experience tells me what I need to do to prevent matters from getting out of hand. I don't know Tom at all which is a potentially very dangerous situation for me. I'm due to spend time with Max's mother tonight and try to do the business again…..come inside her……donate some more semen in other words. Linda said that it would be a good time for her to 'receive' as it were. She wouldn't know how much I had given her, but I don't want to go through all that and I have nothing much left to give her.
I'm in an excitable state now, and the donation issue is, sadly, fading into the background. Watching these two in the shower is rapidly changing the plan. Tom is a jewel for sure. Just now I have been treated to a rather special view of Max's friend, and matters are rapidly coming to a head for me I'm afraid. This way I'm staying safe……..for the time being at least……..unless I fall victim to the little predator, which, don't worry, is not going to happen. If it ever did happen one day, who knows when, it will be his decision and at such a time and place of his own choosing, and with his mother's knowledge and consent.
It's happened. I wasn't intending to come, but watching those two in the shower these few minutes was too much to bear. You know what it's like. You get so far and everything changes. Suddenly it all seems like the only thing you want in the world! I'm unprepared. It involves getting out of bed, nude and eighty percent erect, and extremely wet in various places. Just as I'm dealing with the problem, standing by the chest of drawers in the far corner, the boys emerge from the shower. They can see surely? Oh well.
Max is rather proud of his penis as it protrudes to the fore proudly. As the boys use the one towel I can see not for the first time that Max is beyond the cusp of puberty now and the pale and very fine downy hair that adorns all boys in that area whatever their age is giving way to something new. Only a hint thus far, but it's there alright. The two boys are dry now, their hair all over the place. Max's is relatively short, but Tom's is longer and naturally parted down the middle with his ears more or less covered. I'm not back in the relative safety of my bed, but trying to get a pair of underpants on me. I get one foot caught, as you do, and almost fall over. I can see the boys approaching me, Tom being guided forwards by Max's hands on his arms. They giggle at my predicament.
'Can we both get in please?'
'Not with me in there Max, but yes if you want to, but behave Max please…..and I don't have to tell you what that means do I?'
He gives me one of those looks……a mixture of annoyance and mischief, teeth gritted.
I don't like these electric showers, but I'm putting up with it with some stoicism. Tom and Max have five minutes to themselves.
I didn't say they couldn't, and I think they probably have done. Five minutes would be plenty at their age. My earlier release has made me a bystander thank goodness. I've made myself decent and as far as I know, with not too much loss of dignity. The boys, overheated by hot water and activity maybe, are quiet now, eyes closed and resting on their sides, and completely uncovered. It's my chance to study them. I know Max's body well, so I can concentrate on Tom's…….his back…..from the unmuscled shoulders to his buttocks. He's quite perfect. Tom has a beautifully shaped head. I love his ears that hide under that mop of fine hair which I would dearly love to play with now. I can visualize his nose and around his eyes, set quite widely apart……..and of course his mouth. It's wide with lovely full lips ………..and the little groove that would take my finger tip to the bottom of his nose……….and then up to his eyes again………….along the eye brows, soft to the gentle touch.
The boys have heard the shower door close and my approach across the uncovered pine floorboards. They both turn onto their backs, hands behind their heads. I sit at the foot of the bed, almost touching Tom's feet.
'Why have you got that towel round you?' Max asks.
'Why do you think Max?'
Max draws his knees up, feet spaced a couple of feet apart. He's looking at me smiling. I'm not going to play the game. Sorry Max. I can't help looking at the view however. Now Tom has noticed and draws his knees up too. I try not to look at him, but this presentation is something to behold……..the small area of darker skin deep in the shadow, and the puckered skin at its centre. The two boys watch me, expressionless. Quite out of the blue, Max has a question.
'Raf…….how much do you like mum…….I mean, do you like her loads or what?'
'As much as I like you. Does that answer your question?'
'Raf. Have you been putting your sperm into mum?'
I wasn't quite ready for that one, but I dealt with it honestly.
'Yes Max, but I think you probably already knew that didn't you?'
'Yes, sort of. Will she have a baby then?'
'She might……it's just down to nature now I suppose….like you were……and Tom as well.'
'When will you know? Will you live with us all the time if she does?'
'No. Linda wants to stay as she is……just you two…….and the baby of course……..if it comes.'
'What's it like then……….putting your sperm into someone?'
'It's a nice thing Max, but not something you do just like that. You need to have a good reason to do it, usually because you care very much for that person and you have both decided you want to express your love for each other…..in that way.'
'So…….if you're boys like us…..me and Tom……we can only put it in a girl……is that right?'
'More or less, yes.'
'It isn't though is it? I've seen a picture of a boy doing it………to another boy. You can can't you?'
'Yes, it is possible Max, but obviously not in the same place. Boys don't have vaginas do they.'
Tom had turned his face into the pillow.
'And do girls get a feeling like we do? Is it the same?'
'The same sort of thing Max, but I'm not a girl so I'll never know exactly how it feels, but I do know it is a nice feeling…………..something like the ones we get.'
Another pause while we think.
'So……..when a boy does it with another boy……do they both get feelings then?'
'No, not really. The boy doing it will, if he does it long enough….and…….well……properly, but the other boy almost certainly won't…….unless he really knows what to do.'
'So where does it go then….the boy's sperm?'
'Well obviously……..wherever he's put his penis Max.'
'Where's that then?'
'Where do you think? Why are you doing this Max?'
It didn't stop him.
'So……does it go in easily? Would it hurt?'
'Maybe, a little to start with, depending on……'
'On what Raf?'
'Well, depending on how big the boy's penis is. The larger his penis, the more difficult it would be.'
'So that's why the Roman men liked boys is it?'
I laughed at that.
'Basically, yes……and the Roman women too. Look, I thought you were going for a run Max?'
We didn't stay much longer at Raf's place. I think Max's questions had upset Raf a bit, probably because I was there. There was an awful moment after Max had started his questioning session which really embarrassed me, not because they knew anything about what I'd done, but because I knew. I know I went really red. Max knows perfectly well where boys put their willies…………in other boy's mouths of course, and maybe even in their bottoms. He's put his finger near mine once or twice……….and in the shower this morning, and I've touched his last night.
He told me that he'd wanted Raf to do it to him as well, but that it was a secret.
Talking of secrets…..things I know we shouldn't have…..I've never told anyone about the garden thing. It was last summer .
Max was pretty quiet all the way back to his place. We'd got dressed in virtual silence and let ourselves out of Raf's flat. He was still in bed. Linda made us some breakfast and gave us our school clothes to take upstairs, socks, shirts and pants all washed and ironed….well not the socks presumably. Linda had made our bed. The next bed I would be getting into would be my one at school. When I looked at my blazer, I felt nervous like I did that morning on the first day. I always feel nervous going back to school. I want to do well there but I don't know if I will. Max probably will.
After church, Raf took us to lunch at the Red Lion, and we all had roast. We went back and changed, met Raf at the quay, and walked to Morsten. Church was ok, as church goes. We go at home too. Afterwards we stayed for the coffee thing at the back and the Vicar guy talked to us. He obviously likes Max, and a couple of the boys came over too……and a girl. Linda introduced us to her…..her name was Ana. She's really pretty…….in a way…….anyway I thought she was. Max didn't. He said she looked like a boy. He's been really weird today.
Back at school that evening……….
It was nice to see Jon, our dorm monitor again. He told us to call him Jon, not Jonathan, because his mother always called him 'Jonathan' when he'd done something bad. I sat next to him at tea. Max was late in and got told off by a prefect and had to sit right at the other end of the table, and looked sour the whole time.
'Do you think you'll ever go anywhere at weekends Jon?'
'Dunno…..maybe. It's ok here though…….so long as there's someone else around.'
'Who did you play with then……today?'
'Play with? I don't play with people Tom. You lot play together……we don't, ok?'
I must have looked a bit crestfallen when he said that because a bit later he said he was sorry for being mean to me….and did I want to play something with him after tea, like draughts or something.
'What about badminton Tom? I can get the key to the gym. Ask Max too…….I'll take both of you on.'
Jonathan's good at badminton…….very good. He's obviously played a lot because there's a House 'ladder'….a competition for badminton that goes on for the whole term. You go up and down the 'ladder' by challenging the person immediately above you, and if you beat them, you jump above them, and so on. There's a similar competition for table tennis and chess……Junior and Senior. Max and I are in all the junior ones, but at the foot, so to speak…..….so far.
Jon beat us needless to say, but it was good fun. It's a strict rule that we have to wear the correct clothing for games, even when it's in our own time. Badminton is a sweaty business, and Max and I knew it would be……all part of our naughty plan to get Jon in the showers afterwards. We changed in the House changing rooms, not in the Gym ones, and after the game we walked back to shower. No one else has any reason to be down in the changing area, so we were on our own. The shower heads are in a row of six, so we put the first two on. Max and I got under the first one, and Jon in the one next door. Jon noticed of course and smiled every so often as he washed himself. It must have been very obvious that we were staring at him.
'Well go on then……aren't you going to use that soap?'
I thought he'd have more hair than that. Max has a tiny bit, not that you notice really, but he has. I don't have any, and probably never will the way things are not going. Jon has two little dark patches of it above and to the sides of his willy. His willy is nice too…….like Max's but the skinny bit doesn't hang off the end….it's sort of at the end but not over it if you see what I mean…..and his balls are way bigger than Max's, and as for mine……..they're barely visible, although Max says that mine are nice. His are lovely……..and Jon's too by the look of them. Max made a big thing about washing his bits……all for Jon's benefit of course, and Jon was looking.
That night, in bed, Max went to sleep early, with his back to me which was unusual. We usually talk quietly for a bit although we're not supposed to. Jon came up before I'd gone to sleep, and earlier than usual. I watched him get undressed and fold his clothes up neatly. There was just the light from the hallway but it was still light enough to see everything. I turned over and thought about tomorrow……..yuk……Monday morning.
Gabriel's looking at me. Do you remember me mentioning him? He's the boy in the bed next to mine who rarely says anything and reads all the time. He's one of those 'little' boys…….with delicate and rather girly features……curly blond hair and all that……too long as well. He's one of those boys who looks like he should still be in short trousers. My hair is a bit long, but not like his. Anyway he's looking at me which he never normally does. I whisper to him……
'What Gabriel……..why are you looking at me like that?'
He didn't actually say anything…….but sort of flicked at his bedclothes. Then his hand appeared a little way down the bed where he'd managed to untuck the sheet and blankets.
'What are you doing Gabriel………what do you want?'
'Can I see it please…….your willy…….can I please?'
'I just want to, that's all. Please?'
'Are you sure? It's not some stupid game is it?'
'No……..I just want to see it…….. please? Is it stiff? Mine is.'
'No it's not actually…….hang on……..'
I loosened the covers so I could get them back properly. I got myself over to the edge of the bed so I was closer to Gabriel. I was faintly amused by his completely unexpected request, but it seemed innocent enough, so what the hell. I pulled aside the covers and pulled the white stringy material that was done up in a bow to hold up my pyjamas. As it came undone, I pulled the red plaid material away so that my penis was visible. It was really odd. It must have been the thought of him wanting to see me that I found quite exciting………..and that it was such a surprise. Within a few seconds I was as stiff as anything. I pushed out my tummy so I was as close to him as I could get.
Gabriel smiled……which he didn't often do. He wriggled his way nearer as I had done and showed himself to me. It was actually rather nice……small, but perfectly formed as they say.
'I like yours Tom.'
'Oh, thanks Gabriel……and yours is nice too.'
I told him to go to sleep, and he turned over, hopefully satisfied, at least for now. The unexpected experience had rather woken me up. I lay awake for a while still amused at Gabriel's cheeky request, and slightly shocked at my response to seeing his penis. It's all rather changed my view of Gabriel.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. If the email address pastes with %40 in the middle, replace that with an @ sign.]