by Rafael Henry
Max learns more.
I opened one of the exercise books……not the first one, but the second one in I think it was. It was all about this boy called Tommy. Raf had caught him doing something bad at school, stealing money from another boy's blazer pocket in the changing rooms at school, and now Tommy had to make up for it. Tommy sounds nice, but quite naughty……..and I can tell that Raf liked him despite that. A bit later they started to get friendly with each other. I've never read anything like that before, but it's good……..really good! Then it was the holidays, and Raf meets another boy who's ten I think………he's called Adam…….and they meet in the holidays when Raf goes on a bike ride. Later on in the day he does drawings of him. Then there's a good bit, but rather rude when he does the sun cream bit. Adam sounds a bit like me……..more than Tommy does. I wish I had been Adam that day, and I wish I could tell Raf that I've read some of his book but I can't can I? He'd be furious. I think he likes boys……you know…… really likes them. I hope so anyway. Near the end of the chapter as I said, he puts sun cream on Adam, all over his legs and arms and his back, and then his tummy. It made me feel really funny in my tummy…..that nice feeling you get down there? My penis started to get stiff as I was reading it, and I really wanted to play with it for a while. I went back and read the interesting bits again…….and again! Willy had gone totally stiff and I really felt like doing it right there and then. Then I heard the door go downstairs………
Moments later, Raf returns………….
Max was standing by the table in my makeshift studio……….he looked incredibly awkward.
'What's up with you Max…….you're looking very furtive. What have you been up to then?'
I know that particular answer from my experience of dealing with boys. 'Nothing' means the opposite. It means that, without a shadow of a doubt, he has been up to something. Boys say 'nothing' or 'I don't know' when they have patently done something , not nothing. I've heard it a million times. I looked around the room for evidence of something spilt or broken, or something that he didn't want to admit to. Then I saw it……..my exercise books of essays had been moved. One was sticking out more than it should, and I know he's moved them because I always put them neatly in line so they're all level on the shelf…….it's something that I always do.
He saw me looking at the shelves and I look back at him and then he knows I know. He's standing the other side of the table in front of the window with his hands together in front of him, like an anxious schoolboy summoned to the headmaster's study. Well, I'm just as anxious as he is. There's a whole list of possible scenarios here, and most of them potentially disastrous. I'm mentally kicking myself for my lack of efficiency….a lack of security to be more precise. Normally I'm extremely careful about such matters which is why I keep anything sensitive near me. I decided to come straight to the point.
'So………we both know what you've been doing don't we? How much have you read Max?'
He looked panicky.
'Only a bit Raf, honestly…….only a few pages that's all.'
'Which bit then Max? What was it about?'
'It was about a boy called Adam…..he's nice. I like him. You met him on your bike ride.'
Oh dear. I remember that bit very well…….in fact I remember everything I've ever written rather well. Adam……..yes, it was my first summer holiday after I'd started at the Abbey. He was on a bike ride from his home nearby and we coincided on this path, then……well……things went on from there, and I don't hold back on the descriptive stuff……not like now when I try to be a bit more circumspect. Bloody hell, if he's read all that…………
'I did indeed……and you're right, he is nice, and I'm glad you like him and I think he would like you too.'
'Is he real? Can I meet him?'
'Well he is ….but he's in a story, if that makes him real. Yes, he's real alright.'
'So did it really happen then, like in the story?'
'Yes it did, just like in the story. I'm sorry if it shocks you, but it happens sometimes.'
'No it didn't shock me, but why does it happen?'
Then as if distracted by another thought……..
'I'd like to be Adam. Can I pretend to be Adam?'
We looked at each other for what seemed a long time but was probably no more than a few seconds. I didn't say anything, but he let go of the edge of the table and walked over to me. I sat on the nearest chair feeling slightly dazed, and still standing, Max stood next to me with his knees against the side of my leg and his hands together.
'Will you draw me soon please…..like you did Adam?'
'Yes Max, but it would need to be here probably…….unless mum would prefer me to do it at yours. Is that ok?'
'Yes, I want it to be here too……..and like the ones in your sketch books. I don't mind being drawn with nothing on. I want you to do them like that. Will you?'
'Yes of course, once mum has said that's ok.'
The pressure he was putting on my leg was increasingly tangible. At first it was just touching, but now it was a bit more than that. I think he's hiding something by the way he's holding his hands together…..you know, like boys do?
'Are you ok Max……..you're very quiet?'
'Uhuh………I think so.'
'What do you mean, I think so? Don't you know then?'
'Well, it's just that I think I'd like to try……to see if I can now……you know…….about the problem I told you about? I want to pretend I'm Adam. Can I?'
'Oh, right. Is this the result of reading about Adam then? I don't honestly think there's anything wrong with you Max.'
'There is ……there must be! It just won't work. I'm really worried about it.'
'You're listening to other people too much. You don't have to do what they do, and everyone's body is different. You're quite young and there's plenty of time for that stuff. Just be patient.'
Max looked, in old language, crestfallen. I looked at him waiting for him to come out of it. It was quite a while before I gave in.
'So what do you want to do then Max?
'I want to try, that's all…..just for a few minutes. Will you stay with me please?'
I put my hand on his back…….not low down…….just gently, about in the middle, and moved it up and down lightly…….enough for Max to register the sensation. I realised that this was the first physical gesture I had made towards him…….and in response to the first real sexual invitation from him to me. He moved his hands from in front, and his right palm now rests on my shoulder and the other hangs by his side. I look at him and I know now. I'm afraid my judgement is to be severely tested. All the alarm bells are ringing, but I'm having some difficulty saying no to Max.
'Would you be more comfortable in there Max? It might be a bit more relaxing for you.' I'm pointing to my bedroom.
'Yes, if that's ok. You will come with me won't you?'
He sat on the edge of the bed and I sat next to him to his left. I smiled at him and he returned it, but now he's looking down. He's both excited and nervous.
'Sandals off Max?'
'Shall I do it for you?'
He nodded again, still looking down. I stood up and knelt between his legs and undid the two chromed buckles and took them off. I could smell the skin of his knees, one with what looked like a recent scar about an inch long.
'Shall we start then Max? Would you like me to help you?'
'Umm…….can you do what you did with Adam please……I really liked that bit.'
Max sat on the edge of my bed waiting. His feet reached the floor with a little to spare, as I moved forwards slightly, and in doing so I moved his knees a little further apart.
'You have beautiful legs Max……shall we start with them?'
'Umm, just like you did with Adam.'
Just like I did with Adam. I remember it so well……those legs…..and the little shorts at the top….at the very top I might say. There was precious little material in boys' shorts in those days, and they left little to the imagination.
Max is lying down on his back now…..his head slightly propped up by a pillow.
'Can I have another pillow please…….I want to see.'
The evidence in his shorts is telling me he's more than ready for what's about to happen, in all probability. I'm very interested to see him as he looked very much the average boy for his age when we swam at the Point, albeit perfectly formed. From my present perspective, he looks very adequate. I suspect that he will be a popular boy at his new school.
'Do you think it'll work this time……if……?'
'It'll work Max…….don't even think about it. Just relax and let it happen. You'll be fine, I promise.'
'Yes. We have as long as it takes Max. There's no hurry. I want you to enjoy it for as long as possible.'
'Can we start then please? When should I?'
'Not yet ……….you'll know when. Just be patient.'
I began below his knees running my hands up and down his calves……around the backs of his knees, and then along the tops of his legs, not too far up……and then I repeat the cycle several times. He likes it…….it's very obvious that he likes what I'm doing. He's right handed, and now he feels for his penis over the material of his shorts. He finds it and begins to squeeze his hardened penis in a steady rhythm. I let him continue as I concentrate on his upper legs now. He moves them further apart inviting me to go further. With both hands I'm stimulating his inner thighs….and now the outsides…..back and forth……..back and forth……up and along…..up and along…….
'Shall we take these off now Max?'
He doesn't speak, a little breathless now, but manages a nod of his sweet head, looking at me, mouth open……head propped up…..
It's one of those double clip things that holds his shorts together at the top……easy to undo, and when I have, I lower the zip fastener carefully, deliberately allowing the backs of my fingers to apply pressure where he will like it. It's the first time I've touched him, and I've crossed a line. I've decided……..I'm going on……..the Rubicon…….. that fateful moment of decision.
'Lift up a little please Max……..that's it……..there………you're a beautiful boy Max………you're perfect.'
Oh he is ……..oh yes……..as perfect as you can imagine him to be……..everything you can imagine, there in front of me, still delightfully white cotton clad…….and ready…….completely ready.
There's not a lot of room for his feet, but they're raised now and resting on the edge of the bed, the boy's knees spread wide as I kneel before my boy.
I don't need to tell him. As I pull the waistband of his briefs clear of him, he's not waiting and takes himself in hand and begins the inevitable process of sexual fulfilment. He's neat, and just uses his four fingers and thumb quite gently…….the top finger under, or perhaps just below the glans, the others spread out towards what I imagine because I can't see it……..the tightly packed textured skin that holds what I need to feel now. I know he'll love this particular sensation, and I love what I'm about to do to Max…….no, what I'm going to do for Max, and of course for myself.
Yes, I can feel them…..the little hard forms tightly held by the contracted skin…..they respond as I move them gently between my fingers. They are wonderful little things…….my touch made more effective as they are still covered…..the soft material diluting the sensation to send pulses of pleasure through his entire abdomen. I know that feeling so well.
He's moving now………tummy contracting and now expanding again as he approaches the threshold….legs widening and now back again……..and now wider than ever inviting me.
He's not aware, but he's free now, and so am I. My thumbs have parted him……..and my head is lowered. He's wonderful there too……..my head is yet nearer……..almost there……and now he might feel it……if he does, and if he remembers……
Whether he was aware, I do not know……or whether it was that final touch, but moments later he was fulfilled with a series of exhalations of his sweet breath mixed with his little boy whimpers………the beautiful sounds of a boy experiencing orgasm…….. and the two sylvan pearls ejaculated hard onto sylvan skin.
I was just aware that I was lying along his bed with him beside me. At the end of it, what has just happened that is, I remember almost breathless, just after it had happened, but this was different…….it had never been like it was just now. No, this was different. He was on his side and stroking my head. I felt myself because I was still feeling something going on in my tummy. He's got my pants up again……..I don't remember him doing that, and I certainly didn't do it…….and it had gone stiff again…..or maybe it had never gone soft like it usually does just afterwards. He was playing with me again, like he was when I started……..not tickling exactly, but just moving them about really gently. I love the feeling that gives me…….yes……I absolutely loved it when he did that.
'So what was that about a problem Max? It all went nicely and according to plan as far as I can see. I think that's problem solved don't you Max? Listen….there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.'
'Don't you think so?'
'No I don't. This isn't some sort of a trap by any chance? I shall be very cross if you've made me do something I shouldn't have.'
'Can you go on doing what you were doing please?'
'What….again? That's twice in ten minutes you bad boy. What happened to that problem of yours then?'
It took a bit longer this time but it was worth waiting for……and the feeling lasted longer too. He propped up my head on the two pillows so I could see everything which I liked. This time he told me to have the skinny bit pulled down a bit so the end showed……so sexy! He said to go really slowly when I felt it coming and then when it started to fade away, to go a bit quicker and then it would come back harder and stronger, and then when I just had to let it come…….let it come as gradually as I could and then it would feel extra specially good, and then to practice it……to see how long I could make it last. Near the end he pressed against my bottom…….you know…..my actual bottom. He pressed against it quite hard, and then I let it come……. then it came fast and I couldn't stop it……no way could I. He calls them my little pearls. I thought about that first time with Raf on the bench when I cried and told him about my 'trouble'. I feel a bit bad about that now.
'I thought these were for school Max………you'll have worn these out by September, you naughty boy.'
'Mum's thrown the others out Raf. Gran's taking me tomorrow by the way…….to get all my stuff. Will you come too?'
Mum's doing me a birthday tea on Friday…….it's Tuesday today. I can't wait for tomorrow, but Raf said he's not coming. He said that it should just be me and Gran….but he would like a fashion parade later on…to see what I looked like with it all on. I can't wait for that. He asked me what I would like for my birthday and I said nothing more from him……just him would do! Then a bit later I knew what I wanted but I didn't dare tell him, anyway I don't think Mum would let him.
I think he's staying again tonight, but Mum will want him in with her. I wish he was always here……with us. I get sad when I think about it….you know…..when he's not here. He won't be here always, I know that, but I don't want to think about that.
He told me to put my pants on properly…..not like I had them. They make me feel so sexy.
I stayed lying down while he tried to put my shorts back on. I pulled my jumper up so I could watch him struggle with them.
'Well lift your bottom up then Max……..thank you!'
I was laughing while I deliberately made it difficult for him, but he succeeded eventually. I can be very naughty sometimes can't I!
'Right, you can do yourself up.'
I didn't. I left them undone at the top…open a bit too so that the top of my pants showed. Actually I have to admit something that you've probably already worked out. I never did have that problem……no, not really……..but I did feel a bit guilty right at the end when I was thinking of him which didn't help much…but it didn't stop me. It was always going to have my come.
'Can we lie here for a while please Raf……..can we talk a bit more?'
'About what Max?'
'Can I ask you something please…..if you don't mind?'
'Go on then, but I may not answer.'
'Are you a homosexual Raf…………I mean, do you do things with other men?'
'No Max, I'm not. There are lots of men I like……..as friends……..but we don't have to spend the night with each other…………in their bed, or anything like that.'
'What about Mum then? You've spent the night with her haven't you? I know you have. She likes you even though she liked Laura. She stayed all the time. Mum told me about how they felt about each other…..she said they loved each other.'
'We're friends Max……….and adults can do things they want to do. We enjoy each other's company………you must have noticed that……..and sometimes it's nice to be with each other…..to be physically close when you sleep…….to feel another body close to you. It's really good to do that Max.'
'So have you ever done it with another man then?'
'Yes…….sort of. Well yes, I have if I'm honest……just the odd occasion, that's all.'
'What about boys then? You like me don't you?'
'Yes Max, of course I do. You're different, and I do like you very much. Do you believe me?'
'Yes………..yes of course I do. Will I be a homosexual do you think?'
'Don't even think about that Max……you're not even thirteen years old for heaven's sake……..think about it when you're sixteen or so…………and promise me something please.'
'That you'll talk to someone about it if you feel anxious…..even me if I'm about……..or Mum. She will understand perfectly………in fact she's the first person you go to ok? She would be very upset if she thought that you wouldn't talk to her. Do you know that?'
'So do you promise then?'
'Good. Love is a very powerful emotion Max. Love is about caring for someone whatever happens….whatever the cost.'
He didn't actually cry…….not really……..just some tears came down that's all. But I did……when I thought about what he's said, and Mum and all that…….yes, then I did…..but it wasn't sadness or anything……..just that someone cared so much that's all. He was lovely…….he just held me to him quite gently, and stroked my shoulder. I was soon over it though. I felt all warm and……well I just wanted to know, that's all….I wanted to be sure.
'Thanks Raf…….you do care for me don't you?'
'Oh my sweet boy………surely you've realised by now haven't you? Of course I do….probably more than you'll know. I love every bit of you……all of you…….inside and out.'
This time it was my turn. I hugged him so hard……as hard as I could. It is true.
'Which bit do you like best then……..which bit of me?'
'Hmm…….that's a hard one.'
We both laughed. I'm sure he didn't mean it like it sounded, but it was funny.
'Well…….is it that then? Go on…….be honest.'
'No……it's not that……but having said that, it is very nice…….but so is your face…….very boy like……not pretty…….just boy like…….just like you should be…….just you.'
'What about the other things………very close to the other thing you mentioned…….what about them then?'
'Those too……just perfect……perfect boy's things.'
'They liked it Raf……they want to play with you again……they do.'
'Hmm…..do they indeed?'
'They do Raf…….go on……please?'
I put my legs up so he could………and he did….just for a bit….but not long enough.
'Can we go on talking Raf……..but don't stop please……..it's lovely.'
'We can't stay here all day Max……and I know what you're thinking. Am I right?'
He was right. I'm perfectly capable of another, but he said no I shouldn't……I'd wear it out!
'It's only titchy isn't it……do you think it'll grow then?'
'Uhuh……it will grow. In two years you won't recognize it……or those things…..but not too big I hope.'
'Oh…..I think I agree with the Romans……they liked little ones because they thought all the people who had very large ones were like the Barbarians……..so small ones were quite sought after by the ladies….and the men I suppose.'
'Hmm………you'd have gone down very well in Rome…….boys of your age were highly sought after, and not just by the older boys and men…..by the women too.'
'Crikey. Did boys have to do it with women then?'
'Oh yes…….in return for favours of one kind or another……and of course the men loved them because……..well……..it was a lot more comfortable I would imagine. There's an old Roman proverb………women are for duty, but boys are for pleasure. Oh yes, the right boy was very highly regarded……and the smaller he was in a certain place, the better they liked it.'
'Is it because of this bit Raf?'
I took his hand from where it was, and made it go further under. I pushed his hand a little further until I could feel it there……I think it was his middle finger……I could feel it against me…….right on top of it. I put my hand on top of his and pressed on it really hard.
'Is it about this bit Raf? It is isn't it?'
'Umm…….yes……and how do you know that Max?'
'All boys know that……everyone does. It's how boys do it to other boys isn't it……..and men do it too. Why Raf? There's something inside them isn't there……..something that makes them feel nice when they do it like that. My friend said that you can rub it….right inside and that feels good. Is that right Raf? Where is it………this thing? Have women got one too…..or not? I don't think they have………it's to do with sperm and stuff isn't it?'
'Crikey Max…….I wasn't expecting to deliver a biology lesson this morning……….…but yes, a man's body is obviously different to a woman's…….and yes, there's a small organ inside that part of a man that is sensitive to friction…..and it's the organ that expresses the semen out through his penis…..it suddenly contracts several times and literally pushes the semen out of the tip of the man's penis. Simple.'
'So…….the Romans got boys to do it to them. Why boys exactly?'
'Because they were physically smaller…….their penises were smaller so they would go inside the man more easily without it hurting at all, and they were shorter too so the end of it rubbed his insides in just the right place. Sometimes they had several boys lined up so if one boy had his feeling and had to stop, another would take his place, and so on, until the man had……whatever he wanted. See?'
'Umm……..so where is it exactly?'
'About two and a half inches inside your bottom.'
'Can you feel it yourself then?'
'Have I got one then?'
'Yes of course you have.'
'I may not have.'
'On the other hand, it's highly likely that you do have one.'
'Have you rubbed it ever? Go on, tell me……have you?'
'Yes I have.'
'Have you ever had it r ubbed…by someone else?'
'Yes of course I have…….lots of times.'
I said it sounded like fun and he said it was fun…….but if I thought he was going to do it for me I had better forget it.
'Why not Raf? I want to know that I've got one. Why won't you? Is it all…….you know……not nice in there?'
He explained some details about hygiene……..quite surprising really. I thought it would be much worse than that……and anyway, mum had always made me wash properly…..especially there. She said she couldn't be washing my clothes constantly. I've always hated the idea of being dirty. I always have clean stuff every single day……apart from my shorts and my grey jumper that is. I love them.
'Well…..it's not on my priority list frankly.'
'To go rooting around inside your bottom……..anyway, when did you last go……..I don't want any surprises ok?'
He was really gentle. I was on my back with my knees up and a pillow under me so I was up a bit. He used some sort of jelly stuff that he put in my bottom to start with and then some on his finger. It didn't hurt at all……it just sort of happened quite fast once he had got past the first bit……..he said that would be the only difficult bit and to be patient until my bottom got used to it, but when it had it would be easy.
'Can you feel that Max?'
'Umm………are you moving it about……it feels like you are.'
'Uhuh…..just a little. You've definitely got one by the way……….can you feel what I'm doing now?'
'Umm…….that feels a bit weird…..not bad, just a bit weird.'
'Do you want me to stop now?'
'No………no, keep doing it please……..it feels a bit nicer now.'
He told me to relax and put my head to one side on the pillow, and to concentrate on the feeling in my tummy. Nothing much was happening apart from one thing that definitely was! I had taken, or rather he'd taken off my shorts and underpants completely this time and willy was fairly shrivelled and tiddly when I lay down. It wasn't now. It was as stiff as anything and kept twitching this way and that. I put the end of it between my fingers and thumb and squeezed it a little……and kept doing that.
'Are you ok Max?'
I didn't answer, but I think I must have nodded or something because he kept doing it………whatever it was. I remember it started to feel really weird… right inside me…..in the middle of my tummy.
'I'm going to stop now Max.'
I remember not being able to say anything. I wanted to tell not to stop. I wanted him to go on…and on, and on.
As he withdrew his finger from inside me almost completely, he put it back in again……then out again and then in again, gradually going faster……and slowed right down and stopped, and came out of me completely. Then he went off to the loo for a minute to wash his hands presumably. When he came back I asked him……
'Is that what it would feel like if a boy was doing it to me with his willy?'
'I would think so. Now perhaps you might understand why the Romans liked it?'
Not half. I have experimented with it a bit when I did it to myself in bed, but this is different……..and this was right in……or rather right up inside. I'm pretty sure that he'd liked it too. How do I know that? I'm not saying, but have a guess. I saw it.
He came round the next night to have supper with us. He'd brought some crab meat with him and we had a salad with potatoes……..lovely! The three of us walked until about ten that evening……all the way to Morsten and back. I wasn't awake when he came to see me as usual, so I didn't actually see him, but I'm sure he came.
Raphael says to Linda………..
'I've got him something for his birthday………I hope you don't mind Linda?'
'No of course not. What is it?'
'Ahaa……that would be telling wouldn't it. You'll just have to wait and see…..and him of course, but I think he'll like it…..it's quite imaginative I think.'
'Really? That might be a bit of a problem because I can't wait Raf……..and I'm not talking birthday presents here.'
'Oh, are you not? Is it time to be a bit imaginative ourselves then? Are you going to treat me to another story? I have to say I do like your stories Linda……..very thought provoking!'
You might guess what I'm thinking here. It's quite interesting to hear about the female equivalent……Linda's romantic experiences as a young girl.
I try to get her to tell me more about young Eric and their little excursions down to Trowse Junction……that expanse of meadow not far from her home in Bracondale where she and her young man went for some privacy and play. He sounded rather nice, if a little naïve, but naivete can be rather attractive I think. But she had her adult mentor in mind for this session however. A twelve year old girl who is putty in the hands, literally, of an experienced lesbian woman in her twenties. Yes, I think that'll do me nicely.
We decided that her bed was the best place to be, so if it all ended satisfactorily, we were in the right place…….to drift off to sleep well satisfied. And so it was……but not before I was required to reciprocate her tales of quite intense passion. I had checked on Max and he was fast asleep, so no delays there. He was under a single sheet as usual and on his back and appeared to be thinking nice things. I gently lifted the sheet to confirm my suspicions and to be honest…..enjoy the sight of a boy in a state of sexual reverie. He had one hand on his tummy, just an inch or two from his erect penis. He's been playing with his foreskin again, which was almost fully retracted. I stood and admired him for a few moments before replacing the sheet. I was more than ready for anything Linda might have to offer.
I went back to Linda's room a couple of minutes later quite anxious to listen to her latest offering. Her description of being ritually undressed was very erotic I must say, and I agreed to experiment with a technique she described in detail which occurred towards the end of their lovemaking in the teacher's flat. I was a little apprehensive but also rather curious as I've never done it before…….not that way. In the event I rather enjoyed it, particularly as she is well blessed in that department, and with a little imagination she might have been a boy, so large was she. I could never compete with the skills that the Deputy Head of PE had evidently acquired, but she did say that my technique was, at the very least, creditable. Starting at the top and working down, it all took about fifteen minutes by which time I was badly in need….the whole thing being accompanied by her delightful tale of passion…….until the very last bit. I also found something else out about her……..like many men, and boys, she enjoys other kinds of stimulation. I already know that Max does, and so does Linda.
'What is it…..are you ok now?'
'Umm……..would you like to then……..not like the other night. I'd quite like to feel you inside me. Would you mind?'
'No…….no, not at all. I'm going to need something soon……I'm leaking here. The only problem is I haven't got anything………you know…..to stop it all…….unless I put it where it won't matter?'
That was the only feasible idea really, but after some clumsy messing about we gave up on it, and settled for more immediate relief. Inspired by her description, well told, of one of Eric's performances at Trowse, I knelt between her knees while she handled me very nicely underneath. I'm not one for boasting or anything like that, but I know I must be running on a pretty full tank. It turned out that her experience with men is very limited, and although she had seen Eric ejaculate his semen on occasions, she was a little taken aback by what happened next.
'Where on earth did that lot come from then…..not from those things did it?'
'No…….not from those things, although I have to say what you were doing to them helped quite a lot.'
'Well……if you're going to keep doing that, you're not coming in here anymore……..you'll have to get in with your friend in the next room.'
'I assume that's your sense of humour Linda……I don't think that's a particularly good idea do you?'
'But what? Go on then……….tell.'
'Oh nothing………………..it's just something he said yesterday………about his birthday.'
'Ok…..what did he say then……….come on tell…………..or I'll do that again…….only this time my aim won't be so good.'
'Really? I doubt if you've got it in you…….so to speak.'
'Ahaa, you'd be surprised……..especially if you go on doing that, you naughty girl.'
'Naughty girl eh? What are you going to do then, you bad schoolmaster person you……smack my bottom?'
'Maybe……but only with your knickers on please. It would be far too improper to do that to a nice girl like you wouldn't it?'
'Umm……it wouldn't be the first time though…………..not by a long chalk.'
'Really! Oh, you must tell me more.'
'No I won't you old pervert. So am I nice then?'
'Yes you are…….very.'
'Just like him………Master Max?'
'Oh yes, just like him.'
'So will you then? He wants you to. He told me, but he doesn't dare ask you himself.'
'You'd better tell me exactly what then.'
'Go in with him………after the tea party…..you know………sleep with him…..spend the night in his bed. I think he sees it as some sort of affirmation of your friendship, a kind of sealing of the knot like blood brothers and all that boys stuff. What do you think……..bad idea?'
'So you obviously wouldn't mind.'
'No, not at all, providing……'
'Providing it was all……..sort of……..decent……..loving, but caring too.'
'That is loving isn't it…..caring?'
'Umm. So what do you think? Can I tell him you will?'
'No, I'll talk to him and make sure he's not got his wires crossed……….it's quite a good moment actually, the age he is…..a good time to talk about relationships and the different kinds he might get into. That would be a loving thing to do don't you think?'
'Yes I do. You know how he's feeling about you don't you? You must do by now surely?'
'Yes, I've an idea. I know those feelings myself. I never regretted anything I did, but the person I did it with must be wondering about it. He was quite a bit older……about my age……and I was Max's age, so you see it's sort of the other way round. The boot's on the other foot if you see what I mean.'
'You mean the condom is?'
'Condoms had nothing to do with it with him. They should have done.'
'Why? The older boy you seduced? Don't worry……..and anyway, Max is a sensible boy and not unintelligent either……I think. He's aware of what it all means. So what's the birthday present then…go on, tell.'
'I've bought him a week's dinghy sailing course at the Youth centre in Burnham Overy Staithe. He told me he'd love to learn…….now he can. What do you think? He'll have to leave his beloved grey jumper behind though. I'd hate to see that get damaged. I've got to rather love that object. He looks so beautifully 'Swallows' in it don't you think? '
'Umm, he does. He loves all that stuff, and he'll love the sailing too Raf……it's a brilliant idea…..he'll really enjoy all that stuff I'm sure.'
'Well, they usually love it or hate it. We'll see. If it doesn't work, nothing lost, and if it does?'
Linda lay quietly with her head on the pillow, hand in front of her face looking away. I put my hand on her uncovered chest and felt her raised nipples once again. They felt hard and alive in my fingers. She lay still.
'What's the matter………are you ok?'
She didn't answer for a bit……..I knew why now………..but in a minute or two she was fine.
I asked her if we could talk about Max for a while, and she said yes, she'd like that. After that she knew everything……well, nearly everything about me. If I was going to sleep with her son she might as well know what makes me tick. It was odd how similar we were and I know that whatever secrets I have, I share some of them with her in more senses than one. We had made love just now, in our separate but shared ways……joined together in a way, but each of us in our separate domain at the end.
'Did you know he wants you to draw him?'
'Yes I do know……and I will of course. Where do you think? Here, or at the studio?'
'Up to you I suppose, but here would be quite good wouldn't it……..assuming you could get all the kit here easily. Can you?'
'Yes, there's no problem with that, it's just paper and pencil. I'd like him nude. Is that ok with you?'
'I assumed you would, and yes, great. Is he worth it? I mean, is he a good subject?'
I didn't answer for a moment or two.
'Oh yes Linda, he is. In fact it would be a record of him at this age. He's at that perfect stage some people say………..just at that transition from boy to youth.'
'Puberty in other words?'
'Umm. Their bodies are racing away often leaving their genitalia far behind in the development stakes. Surely you've noticed?'
'Yes I have, but I haven't exactly studied the genitalia part have I Raf……….I don't get to see those bits these days, which is a sure sign I suppose as he becomes more aware of the changes going on. How's he getting on?'
'Fine………still very much a boy in the genitalia department, but very beautiful……..pretty much as you will remember him really, but all that will change soon. By the way, he's learnt to retract his foreskin.'
'Is that significant?'
'No not really. It does mean that he's taking more than a passing interest in how his penis works though.'
'Because he's found out, or been told that in some boys they may experience an enhanced orgasm if they stimulate their frenulum directly…..without another layer of skin in between. If they can pull their foreskin downwards onto the shaft, they can masturbate to a more intense feeling. I assume that's what happens when uncircumcised men have intercourse of one sort or another…..the gentle thrusting naturally forces it out of the way.'
'Right. But you haven't got that anyway have you.'
'No. I had no choice in the matter.'
'So does this mean hankies under the pillow then?'
'Yes it does. Just provide a box of tissues on his bedside cupboard next time he has a cold or something, and then just leave it there. You may find something on the bottom sheet from time to time but that's normal. Don't start panicking.'
'Right, I can phone you then if I do?'
We had a giggle at that one. Beautiful Max, in every way, and I'll make sure he knows what he needs to know, and before he starts school.
'Can we talk about you now Linda?'
'It's not that interesting Raf, but ok, if you want. By the way, I found all that a bit of a turn on.'
She wasn't the only one. I can just picture Max approaching the final moments before another orgasm. I'm kissing him gently on the mouth as he comes. A few seconds later……well, I suppose anything is possible.
'So, just the one child. Didn't you and Laura ever consider another?'
'No, not really. The one was a problem anyway………other girls don't want your attention divided……diluted by a kid around the place. That was the problem I'm sure, although she never actually said so……..never really admitted it. I want another woman Raf, but they don't want what comes with me. Maybe one day. I'd have another anyway, but there are obvious difficulties there, and I can't do it the usual way because I don't have a male partner, so that's it really. No offence Raf, and I'm getting to be very fond of you, but you're not a woman are you? Maybe I should ask you to donate!'
'Yes………you know, donate . Donate some of that stuff you seem to have in abundance. You wouldn't miss it would you……the odd teaspoon full of it on occasions?'
'Teaspoon? Cheeky monkey! Well that's a thought isn't it……..rather a nice thought. Do you fancy doing all that on your own again then? It must have been hard the first time round?'
'I could cope ok……..no problem. You needn't be involved at any stage…..and anyway it might not work. You don't know do you……how effective it is?'
'No, I have no idea. How do you feel about normal intercourse then? I mean, I have no idea how you and Laura……'
'How we did it? There are ways Raf, and we did most of them, so having yours inside me isn't going to worry me, although I'm not used to the real thing I must say. Apart from Eric, there was only one other and he was pretty horrible. Big mistake. Do you think you can manage it then?'
'Oh yes, I would think so. I told you, I'm not a gay man. Having said that, there's no way I'm a rampant hetero either.'
That seemed to amuse Linda. I like her.
'So……a straight……ish…….man, and a gay lady with a twelve year old son, more or less…….an interesting mixture wouldn't you say?'
Oh yes…….indeed so.
The conversation had made me consider the very nature of my sexuality, not for the first time. In the past I had agonized over it all, but now I take the attitude that it is what it is. I'm not going to change from whatever I am. I take the view that, to use the old cliché, nature made me this way…or that way, so it's nothing I should feel bad about. I'm pretty sure that I can successfully inseminate Linda, and probably enjoy the experience. I'm not one of those men who bear to touch a woman. No, some I find quite attractive, usually the younger one's it has to be said. Something else about sex with Linda…….she's very boy-like. That helps. I imagine, biologically, she's closer to the male than most women. The female organ that, had things turned out differently, would have developed into a penis…..almost did in her case. You might find this a little distasteful, but I've seen a new born boy on two or three occasions. Linda is that sort of size. I imagine another woman making love to Linda would find that of some interest. Imagine the delight of the woman teacher at Linda's school when she found that for the first time? Anyway, enough of that.
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