Just Hit Send - Summerfire

by Grasshopper

Part V

I got to the lake late, the five hour drive a nonstop. Stiff, I stepped out of the car and stretched my arms up and back behind my head feeling the tight muscles loosen. I had thought and thought about how to contact Deacon with no phones, did he have a cell? And I wondered if he even really wanted me to come back. He probably regretted saying anything.

I unpacked the food and left the rest for morning. All I wanted to do was know whether he wanted to see me again. I was like this little kid that had to get up for 'show&tell' and was scared to death of what someone would say. My "show&tell" was totally exposing my feelings, risking that I would get laughed at or yelled at or who knows what.

I decided to leave it totally up to Deacon. If he wanted to see me, he could. I walked down to the end of the dock and saw nothing but blackness across the water. Here goes nothing. I flipped the switch and my light glowed yellow across the dark water.

I turned to go back to the house when I caught the flash of an answering light from across the way. Then, I laughed out loud as the answering light blinked on and off 3 times. "Hi, Deacon." I whispered.

Let's see........15 minutes around the lake......that would be how many minutes? I sat down on the end of the dock, waiting for the rumble of that old white truck, smiling, almost giddy, when I heard it like 8 minutes later.

"Hi, Josh." He settled by my side, not on me but near.

"Hey, Deacon." I liked just saying his name.

"So........you came back?"

"Haha ! No."

"Shut up!" he slapped at my arm and I laughed at his response.

"You asked me to."

His face fell. "You didn't want to?"

God, yes, I thought. "You asked," I repeated.

His eyes twinkled. "So, you'd do whatever I asked?"

"Depends," I answered, watching how his nose crinkled up when he grinned.

"I won't run naked through the streets of Wilmington; I won't eat live slugs; I won't vote Conservative; I won't............."

"Okay, okay," he laughed.

"But," I said softly, "I will come when you ask." He leaned into my arm and I just naturally slipped it around his shoulders. We sat quietly for a few minutes watching the tiny white moths circling the yellow light, crashing into the hot bulb and frying themselves in their search for the sun.

"I talked to your light," he murmured.

"What did you say? Did you wish like you wanted to?"

"Yes."

"Am I going to have to hold you upside down and shake it out of you?" I teased.

"No." He snuggled closer on this warm summer night and let out a deep sigh that must have been inside him for years.

"Can feelings happen this fast, Josh?"

"What feelings, Deacon?" I was pretty sure I knew but I needed to hear him say it. I really needed that.

"I," he stumbled, "I want to like you. I want to be with you. I couldn't stop thinking about you all week."

God, this was painful. "Like me how, Deacon?"

"I know you think I'm a kid, but I'm not."

"I don't think you're a kid. I think you're a beautiful young man." Lord, was that the right thing to say? I can't believe I'm playing Kenny's part now. I didn't want this to turn out the way it had all those years ago.

"I like you, Josh. You know, like you."

Okay, JD, take control of this conversation. "Are you trying to say you're gay, Deacon?" You have to remember that both of us are walking on unfamiliar ground here and any form of subtlety or coolness was flying out the window.

"Your dad told me something when I was 14, Deacon. When I told him I had tried to like girls and it wasn't working, he said, 'You love who you love; you want what you want.' I've always thought that was true."

The words seemed to settle Deacon down. He sighed and I could tell he was thinking hard.

"Josh?"

"Mmm?" It seemed so natural for him to be inside the circle of my arm.

"Have you had lots of......you know.......lovers?"

I sat quietly for a minute, sounding out my words. "No, I've never had a lover."

He turned, wide eyed, staring at me. "You mean you've never......?"

"Yeah, I have but I've never been in love with anyone." I could feel him glowing and it made me smile.

"Tell me about loving someone, Josh."

I thought about my dads and what they have. I thought about Kenny and what I had felt for him. I thought about the warm bodies I'd enjoyed and finally I said, "Loving someone is opening your heart; risking hurt; risking everything. Giving someone the power to hurt you and praying that they never do. My dads' love like that."

"What about my dad?"

"I loved him the way a puppy loves his boy, I guess. I followed him everywhere. I had him on a pedestal so high, I got nosebleed from looking up.

But love like my dads have, I've never had that."

"Do you want it, Josh?" His voice was soft and his arms slid around me.

Truth time. "Oh yes, I want that. I've wanted it since I was 8 years old and knew what it felt like to dream."

I felt him move and he turned to face me, his hands resting on the old wooden planks on either side of me. Almost as tall as me, his chocolate eyes tried to read what I was thinking.

"Do you trust me, Deacon?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I know you're good and kind and funny and everything I've ever wanted."

No more words. I slid my hands to his back and pulled him to me so I could find his mouth. God, he tasted like peppermint, soda and Deacon, just like I knew he would. I felt his lips press against mine and his hands grab my shirt trying to get closer. I opened my eyes and found his brown ones staring at me.

Laughing, I pushed at him. "What ARE you doing?"

"Looking at you kissing me," he smiled.

"Well, close them for a minute. You can look at me all you want in awhile."

He sassily closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, waiting. I looked at his face, eyelashes lying on flushed cheeks, the corners of his lips curved into a soft smile......waiting for me. "Kiss me," he sighed.

I wrapped him up in my arms and we sat in the warm night air, kissing and whispering and giggle-licking; trying to get to know each other; trying to see where this would lead.

Propping my legs up, he leaned against my thighs, spread all over me, trying to ease his breathing. I found the little curls at the back of his neck and twirled them lazily around my fingers.

"Josh, I want..........," he started, running his fingers down my chest.

"No more than I do, lil one."

"Then.......?" He turned those big brown eyes up to capture mine.

There was lots of "hard evidence" that we were talking about the same wanting, but my body was warring with my mind. You know exactly what my body was yelling in my ear, but my mind, my conscience, that little guy with the halo, who perches on your shoulder and whispers, 'Think' was definitely whispering 'Go slow, JD. Make sure'. I tried to collect the right words.

"I want to get to know you, Deacon. I don't want to start at the Finish Line and go backwards."

"Oh....," he frowned and then that beautiful smile broke across his face. "You mean...........?"

Papa D told me to talk to him. Struggling with the words, I said, "I've been searching for something for a few years. I want to think maybe I've found it."

His eyes dropped and then when I tucked under his chin with my finger and raised his face, I saw shimmers of tears. "Okay, Josh. I like that. But you do know that I'd jump you right this second, right?"

Well, that broke the tension that had settled over us and kisses turned into tickles and tickles to laughter.

"So, we have to like go on dates and stuff and I have to wait till the 3rd date to.....oops, no.......I already kissed you," he teased.

"I just don't want anything to be 'Been there-Done that' now I'll look for something better," I said quietly.

Deacon stretched out on top of me lying there on the end of the dock and answered me. "I may be young. I may not have done as much as you but I know, I really already know, that there isn't anything better. Would you hurt me?"

"God, No!"

"Did you think about me last week?"

Lord, why is it so scary to tell the truth? Because when you do, you open yourself up to hurt. "Yes."

"Well, I thought about you all week long non stop. I couldn't wait to see if you'd come back this weekend."

I couldn't help asking, "What did it mean to you that I did?"

Deacon smiled that little impy smile that I was totally in love with. "It meant you, my friend, soooooooo like me." He giggled and I was gone. I wanted to just put him in my pocket and throw away the key......haha ! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

"Okay, how many 'dates'till I can touch you?" he asked innocently.

When did I lose control of this entire situation? When did Chocolate Eyes begin to run the show? Why was I grinning like an idiot?

"Hmmm," I pondered. "Maybe by August or September?"

"NO WAY!!" he snorted and jumped up off me. "You are so not getting that long. Can I stay with you tonight? We don't have to do anything. I can just cuddle right next to you." I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"You're so full a shit, Deacon Phillips."

"I know but I thought I'd give it a try," he giggled. We walked up to the house and he tugged me toward the back door. I tugged him towards his truck. We pushed and pulled and by the time we got to the truck, we were stuck together like Velcro.

"Sure?" he murmured.

"Go away," I groaned. "Go home, brat."

More kisses and I shoved him in the truck. This was more than I bargained for, much more and I wasn't even sure I didn't want to cross that Finish Line right now myself.

Hanging out the driver's window, Deacon smiled that smile and said, "Tomorrow night. My house. According to my calculations, it will be our 2nd date. Hmmm, what is allowed on a second date? Be thinking, Josh."

He started the truck but then pulled on my shirt to get me closer. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Uh huh."

He licked my ear and whispered, "You're beautiful," gunned the engine and was gone, leaving me totally hard, totally undone, totally in love. How can one boy take one man's heart and get such a hold on it that the world stops?

I spent the next day lazing around, wanting him here, knowing he was working, fixing someone's drain, someone's steps, someone's something. I was tempted to go break something so he could come fix it. No, damn it, these were my rules! But God, were they hard to keep.

About 4:30, my cell rang. Caller ID showed unknown number. "Hello?"

"Josh.....come early......come now.........I just got home and I can't stand to wait for like 2 HOURS for you to come.'

I laughed. "Me either, this has been the longest day. How did you get this number?"

He giggled. "Called my boss and told him I needed to check on your roof."

"Sneaky devil. Can I have time to clean up?"

"Is that cause we might like.......touch?" he laughed.

"Might."

"Then I give you permission, but hurry up."

"Bring anything?"

"You."

Scrubbed and shiny, I drove the few miles humming and smiling. I'd never felt like this before, all jittery and alive.

I drove up to the Phillip's place, Kenny's old house and saw all the work Deacon had put into it. The house was solid, green shrubs growing all along the deck, bright flowers splattered all around. He had painted the house gray with yellow trim and it looked warm and inviting. The dock was smooth with new planks and tiny lights wired along from pole to pole. The lawn was deep with rye and a gorgeous coal black cocker lay on a bed by the front door.

Deacon burst out the front door more beautiful, if possible, than yesterday,

his long tan legs shown off by white cutoffs and his tight muscled arms and chest hidden behind an A&F white pullover. Barefooted, hair still damp from the shower, he was every dream I'd ever dreamed times 100000000. The smile on his face matched mine.

"Hey," he smiled as he bounced towards the car.

"Hi yourself," I grinned. "You look.........," I couldn't finish my sentence.

"Half as good as you," he answered.

I am in sooo much trouble here. This can't be happening. No one finds this. No one gets this chance. I thought about my dads and realized that I was wrong. Some few people do.

Suddenly awkward, Deacon stepped back.

"What?"

"Nuthin," he mumbled, scratching in the grass with his toe.

"Come here, cutie."

"Yessssss !" he laughed and launched himself into my arms. The kisses were just as sweet in the hot sun as the cool night air. This was definitely something.

He took my hand and pulled me to the house. He was obviously proud of what he had done. The walls were painted a soft butter yellow with warm natural wood furniture and big oval rag rugs on the wood floors.

"This is great, I mean really great," I praised him, turning around in circles. It really was great. My awe of this man/child grew as I saw what he could do with his hands.

"I find old furniture and strip it and leave it natural," he smiled broadly at my words. "Mr. Freedlich gave me the paint and my Mama left the rugs. I just had to strip the dark green paint off the floors." He watched me look around shyly. "I want you to like it here."

"I love it here," I answered. I love you, I wanted to say.

"Come see the kitchen and the dock and everything." He pulled me this way and that way and I ohhed and ahhed truthfully over every little detail. This was a home. I'd never tried this hard with my little house on the beach, it was just a place to sleep.

"This is my bedroom," he sighed, opening the door. My heart on overload, I could hardly look at the spindle bed with the blue and yellow patchwork quilt. That other little voice, not my conscience, the little guy with the horns and little spiked tail, whispered, "He wants it. You want it. Don't be doofy". I shook my head to throw him off my shoulder.

Deacon looked at me and back at the bed. I put my hand on his face and ran my thumb over his bottom lip. "Soon," I said softly. He leaned in and kissed me gently. I think I could hear our hearts beating.

He had a small tv and a boombox and a small stack of CDs. I saw a box and picked it up. "Wow, I am soooo good at these old games," remembering when I spent hours in the Arcade at the mall.

"We'll have a challenge match after dinner," Deacon grinned. "I will so whip your butt."

"Not in a million years, buddy," I bragged.

Supper was really good. Was there nothing he couldn't do? "When did you make this?"

"I got up early and cooked it all," he blushed. He actually blushed. "I had a little trouble sleeping last night." Another wave of blush. If he gets any cuter, well, dang! Just if he gets any cuter..............

"But fried chicken and macaroni salad and you so did not make this pie?"

"I did too. My grandma taught me."

"You're gonna make someone a really terrific wife one day," I teased him.

"Maybe," he grinned from under those loooooong eyelashes.

We played PacMan and DonkeyKong and he beat me every time. "I used to be good at this." I protested, slamming the stick right and left. "Maybe this doesn't work right."

"It works," Deacon crowed, "You just stink."

"What? Trade with me. I think your stick is better than mine or something."

I saw Deacon bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing. "Well," he snickered, "mine may be better but you can't have it."

The words caught up with me and I burst out laughing. "You little devil, give me that stick." He shrieked and jammed it behind his back.

"No way, Jose. Mine's better. You said so."

The air seemed to suck out of the room. I had his arms in my hands, he was struggling, laughter gurgling from his lips and, all of a sudden, I wanted that 'stick' so much I couldn't breathe.

"Please?" I said quietly. That 'please' encompassed much more than any toy.

My breathing came back full force in small quick pants and Deacon's eyes widened and then shot full of lust.

"Oh yes."

I laid him back on the braided rug and touched his face. "I would like to touch you now."

He sighed and put my hand to his heart. "Here's where you touch me first."

I didn't deserve this. I never wanted anything this bad. Just touching his face was enough, that laughing, adorable, mischievous beautiful face. He dragged me back out of my thoughts by slowly unbuttoning the button on his cutoffs. "Please?" he whispered, arching his back towards me, showing me what he wanted.

I felt like I was opening the biggest, most beautifully wrapped present under the Christmas tree. The joy was that it had my name on it. "For JD" the little card read.

My hand reached for the zipper.

"Your hand is shaking," his voice sighed and he placed his hand over mine. "I want this." He ran the zipper down and the white of his briefs glowed against that tan skin. I had done this act before but I had never done this.....never wanted to cry at the simple want I could see in his eyes and could feel in my heart.

Tugging off his cutoffs, he kicked them away and waited for me. I could see how excited he was, how ready, already wet. He wanted me to love him. Not jerk him off......love him. I ran my fingers under the elastic and eased his briefs down so that he sprang free. He impatiently threw them off and lay still, spreading his legs, waiting for me.

I wished I could draw at that moment, wished I could keep this picture in my head forever. No sunset, no waterfall, no garden, nothing was ever as beautiful as his face waiting for me to touch him.

"I've been waiting all my life," he whispered, "For you."

I leaned over and touched him, silky and smooth, hard and pulsing. My boy, my Deacon. "I've waited for you too." I took him slowly in my mouth and pleasured him, pleased him, loved him. He sighed, he moaned, he grabbed my hair and tugged. I kissed inside his legs, everywhere I could reach and back to what he wanted. Slow and easy, all the time in the world. Heat, wet, whispers, cries, "Josh, make me cum...Oh God, let me cum".

After, I lay beside him, pulling him to my side, tasting him on my tongue. He kissed me and tasted himself. "Josh?" he breathed in little gasps.

"Mmm?"

"Let me?"

I wanted. I hoped. "Please."

He was more anxious than I had been. He was almost giddy with excitement and tore at my jeans. I laughed, not at him but at how much he wanted me.

He tugged at my shirt and I pulled it over my head. He let out a long sigh. "OMG, I want to just eat you for dessert."

"That's doable," I grinned. "Need a spoon?"

"No," he giggled, "I think I can manage."

The sun had gone down and we still lay on the rug bathed in moonlight. I could see the white of Deacon's t-shirt glow as he tugged off my sneakers and my jeans.

"Josh?"

"Uh huh?"

"I may not be as good as you." He sounded nervous.

"Hush, sweetheart," I whispered, knowing that whatever he did would feel better than anything I'd ever felt. He eased my briefs down over me and I felt the night air catch me. He nestled between my legs and sat back.

"What?"

"Just looking."

I felt his fingers touch me, his thumb dip into the drops forming, rubbing them between his fingers. He brought his fingers to his mouth and slowly licked my taste. His eyes darkened. Gone was the laughing boy, Deacon was just as much a man as I was. He leaned forward and took me into that sweet hot mouth and I died. My back arched and couldn't breathe. I felt one hand go to my chest, tugging at my nipple and the other stroke between my legs. My eyes widened and I tried not to scream, the feelings were so intense. I tried to pull him off, to make him stop before I died. He burned into my skin and I came, hot and fast.

Crawling up me, he spread himself along my body, stopping a second to throw off his shirt. "Ahhhh, skin on skin," he sighed. The moment was ruined when a cold wet nose shoved at my arm.

"Get off him, Jack. He's mine. Find your own man to slobber on," Deacon laughed and pushed the cocker off me.

"Jack?"

"Well, short for Jackson. A friend of mine from school who gave me the dog.

Let's swim."

"What?" I said sleepily. "What?"

"Get up, old man," he teased. "I feel like I could run around the lake in like 5 seconds."

"Go ahead. I'll be right here when you get back."

"Joooooossssssshhhhhhhhhh."

I laughed. Back was my cute little devil. "Yes, Deacon?"

"Come play with me in the water."

Well, am I gonna say 'No' to that? I think not.

We dove off the end of the dock, found each other in the water and 'played'. I had never felt so alive. He'd dive under the water and take me in his mouth and make me come.........no, wrong, let me come. I paid him back on the steps of the dock, his hands kneading in my wet hair.

"Stay with me."

Forever, I wanted to promise. "Yes."

The night was warm, the bed was soft, Deacon was soft and hard and warm all at the same time and I could smell the jasmine. I was beginning to think, to hope, to imagine that maybe, perhaps, by some fluke of luck in the mystical forces of life that had always thrown me for a loop, that I had my life in my arms.

Sunday morning brought sunlight streaming through the windows and real life back to the wonderland we had lived in last night. I was still me and he was still Deacon but everything was different. What would we say today?

I watched him wake up, watched him wiggle his nose and brush at the finger I was tickling him with. He sniffed and scrunched up his face and then let out this God awful yawn and flung his arm over me, jerking back when he realized there was another body in the bed.

"Morning, Deacon," I laughed.

"Oh.......," he smiled that huge Deacon smile. "That wasn't a dream. That was you." He rolled and pounced and snuggled kisses down my neck and onto my chest.

We fixed breakfast and ate out back, watching the sun travel up into the sky. "Another great day," he said absently.

"I have to go bac...............," I started.

"Will it be like this?" he asked quietly. "Will you come see me when you can?"

I hadn't thought beyond all my fears of whether Deacon even wanted me. I hadn't thought about tomorrow and tomorrow and all the other tomorrows.

"It will be all right if that's the way it is," he said and I could hear the sadness in his voice. "Really, Josh."

"What do YOU want?" I asked.

"To be with you."

As simple as that. To be with me. Is it really that simple? Just come and be with me? I thought about what Kenny had said all those years ago, "No one hassling me, taking my time. No one to answer to but me". Was that the way I wanted to live? I always had. But maybe that was where Kenny messed up. If you tell yourself that you don't need anyone and you don't want to answer to anyone then you won't. Right? And then you're alone.

Snap decision. "Wanna come meet my dads? See if you like the beach?"

His leap into my arms was an answer. I think. Plus the, "Oh YESSSSS !!"

And the big wet kiss. I was gonna take my boy home to meet the parents.

Things were barreling along, okay by me, but I needed to make sure Deacon was really okay with it.

"You really wanna do this?"

"I know it's fast and I know you're scared but Josh, I know this is right. I just know it."

He packed a duffle, called his boss and we locked up the house. Jack jumped in the back and we headed over to get my gear. Out on the highway by 12:00, we'd be home by 5:00. We sang to the music on the radio, Deacon played a couple of CDs and finally he snuggled down with his head in my lap and slept the last bit of the trip.

Pulling into the yard, I shook him gently. "Wake up, sleepyhead. We're home."

Home......I couldn't help but panic, in a good way, about what the next days would bring. Would he like my house? Would he like my family? Would they like him? Am I crazy? I only knew one thing....I adored him.

Jack jumped out and ran around smelling and peeing. "Wanna see the beach first, the shop or meet my dads?"

I loved him even more when he said, "Oh, meet your dads. I can't wait." Was he that sure?

We walked over to the big house and found them on the veranda lying in the big cushiony porch swing. Papa D had his head in Daddy's lap and Daddy was tugging in Papa D's hair just like he liked. Daddy leaned down and kissed Papa D.

"Oh," Deacon whispered.

"What?" It looked usual to me.

"I don't know," he smiled, "Just oh."

Walking up the front steps, I held onto Deacon's hand. "Daddy? Papa D? I brought home a stray."

Deacon jerked on my hand and grinned.

"Hello, Deacon," Daddy said. "We've heard a lot about you." I grinned.

Papa D sat up and smiled. "You look just like your father. Kenny was a good man."

"Thank you," Deacon answered. "Josh tells me he was happier when he knew him because he was always sad around me."

"Josh?" my Daddy's eyebrow went up.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Deacon gritted his teeth. "JD."

"He wanted a name no one else called me, Daddy."

Papa D smiled and answered for Daddy. "Bout time someone used that pretty name, right Jordy?"

Daddy sighed and smiled. "Yes, definitely."

I let out the breath I'd been holding.

"We'll be having supper in a bit. Staying?"

"I think we'll go to the house. We just got here and Deacon hasn't seen anything else yet."

"K," Daddy smiled. "Deacon, good to meet you and this house is your house."

"I love them," Deacon said as we walked down the beach. "They're perfect, just like you." I ruffled his hair and hugged him tight.

I whistled for Fiddler and he and Jack came running. "This is my dog. His mama was my dog when I was little. She left me Fiddler here so I'd always have her around, right boy?" I said as I scratched him behind the ears.

"What was her name?"

"Fiddlesticks," I laughed. "Not too original, huh?"

He loved the little house by the ocean. It was different from his and needed fixing up. "Know anybody good with houses?" I asked.

"Why?"

"I think this one needs some work."

His grin answered my question. "Meeeeeeeeeeee."

"You got yourself a job, cutie."

"I can stay?"

"You aren't a stray puppy, Deacon. Do you want to stay? I think it's more what you want than what I want."

"But it's your house. Your life."

You know that moment when the words get stuck and you miss an opportunity because you didn't say them and then you hate yourself forever? This was that moment and I wasn't gonna miss it.

"Your house if you want it. Your life if you want it. Me if you want me."

"Oh."

Oh God.........

I turned to walk away. God, what an idiot ! His hand stopped me. "Josh?"

I didn't turn around, waiting for him to say whatever.

"You want me?" his voice was shaky.

I felt his hand on my back and I turned. I had to turn around. I wanted this so much. "Of course I want you."

"Can the house be gray with yellow trim?"

His eyes were full of tears and I grabbed him and swung him around in circles, trying to kiss him and laugh at the same time. Mine! I wanted to yell.

That night we sat on the log with the dads and I told them that Deacon was coming to live with me. Deacon was trying to be good and casual about it but he was practically crawling on me and I finally gave in and pulled him into my lap. Daddy and Papa D laughed.

"Remember how we were?" Daddy said.

"You still are," I grinned and they had to agree.

"I want to hear all about everything," Deacon said innocently. "Josh says you had lots of stuff happen when you were my age. Will you tell me?"

"Danny here is the storyteller," Daddy ruffled Papa D's hair and they smiled over memories, some wonderful, some not so. Life is like that. "He'll tell you about two boys who fell in love at 15 and still are in love today."

That night, in my big bed, listening to the surf, Deacon loved me. We both wanted it. He rolled on his tummy and smiled and I smiled back.

"Do you still feel like a stray puppy, Baby?"

"No, I may be younger and I may make mistakes, heck you know I will, but please don't stop caring about me. I want to be equal partners in this."

Sharing is equal.........loving is equal........"Then, love me, Deacon."

His eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip. "Yes?"

"Yes."

I stretched out on my back and he climbed between my legs. He never took his eyes away from mine as he used lubed fingers to make it easy, to ease the burn. "Josh," he whispered, as he made me moan. "I love you."

There....the words........just words but I had wanted them so.

"I love you, Deacon," I huffed as more pleasure than I could take jolted through my body. I slid the condom on him and he took my hand and touched his heart. "Yours," he sighed. I raised my legs and he slid into my body, filling me with the love I had waited for all my life.........Deacon was home.

Epilogue

We went back to pack all Deacon's gear and close down the house a few weeks later. He had paint in his hair, yellow and gray, and I'd never been so happy. The U Haul would carry all his beautiful furniture back to our house.

I walked down the path a ways with Fiddler and Jack while Deacon emptied the fridge. I loved this place. My best memories were all here. Trotting along behind Kenny all those summers, wishing for I didn't know what, just that he would see me. I'm glad now he didn't. If he had, I wouldn't have Deacon and that beautiful brown eyed boy was my whole life.

I passed the old tree where Kenny and I had secreted our treasures and brushed away the leaves. I saw something carved in the trunk. Someone had carved a heart and the names Kenny & JD. He had cared after all. He must have done that after I left. 'Kenny, I loved you like nobody's business with all of my pure young heart'. But I was "Josh" now. I had my love and I would make damn sure he always knows it. I'd always make sure Deacon saw the summerfire in my eyes and felt the pinwheels and the magic.

I knew we'd be back in years to come but it would never be quite the same. You grow and you move on. I hoped Deacon and I would grow up and move on together, like my dads. Danny had told Deacon the tales of him and Jordan and how, if you want something bad enough, love someone hard enough, you get your dreams. I hope one day some boy named Danny or Jordan or Deacon or Josh will tell our story of a boy I loved in a heartbeat.

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[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. Note: If the email address pastes or arrives with %40 in the middle, replace that weird set of characters with an @ sign.]

* Some browsers may require a right click instead