So Cal Summer 69

by Flip McHooter

Chapter 9

"I was going to lick your butthole like Coach was telling us about, but before I could do that I guess I did something to you that felt super groovy, judging by the way you shot your wad all over the place," I told Jake, walking out of the shower while toweling off my long blond hair. I was going to have to get a haircut soon because my mom always gave me grief about my hair being so long and she didn't like it to go past my shoulders. She didn't want me looking like the longhairs that were on TV every night. I longed for the day that I could wear it any way I wanted.

"You have no idea how fucking good that felt, Ry. I tried to make the feeling last as long as I could, but I just couldn't help myself. I guess you hit some spot deep inside me that just about made me lose all control of my body. I have never, ever, felt that good before. I sure am glad that I was leaning on the side of the shower for support or otherwise I probably would have fallen over and crashed on top of you." Turning around and looking at me all sexy-like, he said with a grin, "Hurry up and dry off. I want to get to the treehouse and have some more horny fun with you and that foreskinny dick of yours!"

"Okay, I'm almost dry. Foreskinny? Is that a word, or something that you just made up? Where did you get that from? Why don't you go grab us a couple of cold Coke-a-Colas out of the fridge, so we have something to drink up in the treehouse. The sleeping bags are still up there too, so all we have to do is take our clothes and then get Sloan up there with us. She'll probably want to run around outside and sniff along the bushes for a second, and she really needs to take a wiz, because I don't want her waking us up in the middle of the night whimpering to go out, and I sure don't want her pissin' or crappin' up there."

"Roger that, Dicky McForeskinny."

I turned the lights off in the pool house, closed the drapes and slammed the sliding door shut behind me. "Sloan, this way girl," I said so she wouldn't head back down the hill towards the house. It was quiet outside, just a few chirping crickets and the sound of someone practicing the accordion somewhere down the street. The air was tranquil and warm, and you could still smell the sweet perfume coming from the Star Jasmine blooming down by the edge of the pool. The waxing moon was overhead and was casting a bright enough glow so that Jake and I could easily see our way to the treehouse.

"You climb up first and run down the pulley. I'll send up our clothes first, and then I'll send up Sloan."

"I know what you're doing. You want me to go first so you can perv on my naked ass," Jake said laughing, wiggling his hot ass at me.

"Yeah, you got me, bud."

A few minutes later, the three of us were relaxing up in the treehouse. Sloan doing circles in the corner looking for the perfect place to lie down, while Jake and I sprawled out on the sleeping bags. I would have offered Jake a hit of some of my weed, but I was almost out and wanted to save the last little bit. I'd have to run down to my best friend Cooper's house pretty soon, and buy a lid or two with my allowance. Since I was sharing my stash with my new friends, I thought I better ask my dad for a raise in my allowance. I wondered what he would think if he knew I was spending his money on grass?

I lit up a couple of old camp lanterns that I had swiped from the garage a while ago and turned them down low. I set them on the rug next to the nicely-worn sleeping bags with the red flannel cowboys and horses print on the inside. I lit up a stick of patchouli incense that I got at the record store to give the treehouse a warm and cozy feeling. It felt like we were miles and miles away from everything and everybody. Luckily, the screens on the windows did an excellent job of keeping all the bugs out.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked Jake with a leer, sitting down next to him on the sleeping bags.

"Lick your butt, of course!" he replied laughing. "I'm sure glad that no one can hear us out here."

"To use your phrase, Roger that, you silly hombre. Just hearing you talk like that has got me all fired up again. How do you want to do this?"

"I don't know. I was trying to think of what position we should be in. I really wish that we had a manual or a guide or a playbook or something to tell us what to do. It would be bitchin if it had pictures in it too. How neat would that be?"

"Yeah, that would be bitchin. Hey, I've got an idea. Since you took all of those pictures of Lisa and her football friends, maybe she could return the favor and take some pictures of us."

"Yuck. I don't want to do that. What we do is sexy. What she did was just sex, and she was taking advantage of them. But she probably would do it, if we asked. I don't think she'd care, and she just might get off on it. Who knows? Guys like watching two girls get it on, so why wouldn't she get off watching two guys?"

"Because you're her brother."

"So what? I watched her fuck all those guys. And besides, we've seen each other naked like forever. It's no big deal. She's seen my boner a hundred times. Anyway, enough about my sister. Too bad Coach didn't tell us how we should do this. Why don't you get comfy on the sleeping bag on your hands and knees and stick your saggy, flabby old man ass out in the air and I'll get in behind you. But I'm warning you right now. If you cut a fart in my face, I'm gonna kick your motherfucking butt, and then probably toss you out the window."

"I would never do that. And don't worry. I washed my asshole real good while you were drying off, and I even put some Hi Karate on my back down there. Doesn't it smell good? And I do not have an old-man ass, you motherfucking twat licker. I have a tight muscular ass from years of swimming, in case you can't see. I think you need glasses." Changing the subject, I said, "I wish we had a mirror in here so I could watch what you're going to do. That would be so freakin' hot!"

"No shit. Or a camera. But I bet your dad would wonder why we want to buy a mirror or strobe lights to go on the treehouse's ceiling. He'd think we're a bunch of perv's for sure."

"But aren't we?" I asked.

"Yeah, and I love it!"

I got down on the sleeping bag feeling kind of exposed, but super excited. I stuck my ass out into the air for all to see, then leaned the side of my head down on a pillow. The slight breeze blowing in through the windows was making my naked skin all tingly and fresh on my butthole.

"You know Jake, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. You can just blow me instead."

"No way! I wanted to try this with you ever since Coach Brian told us what he did with his friend at school, and it's kinda all I've been thinking about. Man, I still can't believe a groovy coach like that would tell us he licked another dude's asshole. And look. My dick is all hard again and dripping like a leaky faucet."

"Right on! I'm totally hard too. I really want to try this." Turning my head around I said, "Asshole, get ready to meet Jake's tongue."

I could feel Jake settling in between my legs from behind me, fondling my balls and pulling down on my cock so he could stroke it. After a bit, he let go of my balls and leaned in on one arm as he kept stroking my cock up and down, pushing and pulling the foreskin over my dickhead, getting it sweet and juicy. I could feel his hot breath blowing on my virgin hole, and it sent shivers up and down my back, making the hairs on my arm stand up. Next thing I felt was Jake's wet tongue licking the back of my ball sack, sucking one of my balls and then the other into his mouth. After tickling them with the end of his tongue, he let them go and started nibbling along the crease – my perineum – as Coach called it, and then very slowly and cautiously he began to lick all around my waiting butthole.

"Man. That feels so outrageous," I said, controlling my voice and sticking my butt out further to meet his hot, juicy tongue.

Sensing my excitement, Jake started to really lick my hole, though taking his time as he slurpped and tested my most secret place for the first time. Then, he went crazy, really getting into it, his tongue salivating and slobbering all over my pucker. He put his hands on each side of my exposed cheeks, pulling my butt crack wide open with his thumbs to allow his tongue better access to my nether regions.

He started to move faster now, and he was taking mondo licks from my swinging ball sack all the way up my crack and over and around my asshole. I could feel my pucker starting to relax, and open up. It felt crazy good – nothing like I had ever felt before.

"Every time you run your tongue over my asshole it sends shivers through my body. Jake, you have no idea how freaky fucking good this feels, man," I said, sticking my butt out even further for both of our enjoyment.

"Oh, so you like that, huh, hippie boy? Do you want me to do that some more?" he said, rubbing my ass cheeks with his hands and teasing me while taking a quick break to catch his breath.

"Oh yeah. Please eat my butthole some more. Please, I beg you, mister."

"Okay, if you insist. You know this really is super-hot for me, too. Your butthole and my tongue were meant for each other. If you had told me two weeks ago that I'd be doing this, I'd probably beat the shit out of you."

"Yeah, same here. But this is so hot."

"I know. Hey, let's try this out. Why don't you roll over on your back and pull your legs up onto your chest? I'll stick a couple of these big pillows under your butt, so your ass sticks up in the air. I think that might be a better position for both of us because I'll be able to keep licking your poopy and play with your cock," Jake said with a smirk.

"Okay," I said as I rolled over and got on my back. "Is this how you want me? This will be so bitchin. Now I can watch what you're doing."

Instinctively, I grabbed my legs and held them back with my arms, opening my butt crack up wide for Jake's hungry tongue. He snagged a couple of pillows and stuck them under me while I rocked back on my shoulders. Wow, this was weird being wide open and exposed like this, but super exciting too.

This time I was able to watch him as he dove back in on my tingly butt, grabbing my cock with his right hand as he slurped and slobbered all over my naked boy parts. What a sight! Not only was I turned on by the feeling of his hot tongue on my teen boy hole, but I was totally turned on by watching my new friend with the golden brown hair as he slurped and slobbered all over my nether regions. I wanted to do this again, but this time, trade places with him so he felt just as good as he was making me feel.

Then, he did something that I wasn't expecting. He was running his tongue over and around my butthole like before, but then, without any kind of warning, his made his tongue hard and darted it right into the opening of my hole, just for a second. Oh. My. Gosh. An electric current charged through my whole body, and it felt like he was fucking my butthole with his tongue! Jake sensed that this was okay and that I was really digging it, so he kept doing that, sticking his tongue in, then back out and then slurping along the crack and along the sides. Every time he did this my asshole would creep open up just a little bit further, allowing him to go in deeper and deeper. Plus, the whole time that he was doing this he was jackin' off my hot rod too, and all I could do was lay there in complete bliss.

"Jake. Jake. I don't think I can take much more of this. It feels sooooo fucking good, and it looks sooooo fucking hot!" I said as I rocked back and forth around on my back. I grabbed my cock away from him and started fisting it. I don't know where this deep voice came from, but I started telling him to "Eat me, man, stick that hot tongue in my hole. C'mon man, do it! Do it deeper. Yeah, man, that's it, deeper, oh yeah, oh yeah, do it deeper, deeper, oh yeah! You're such a good friend to eat my butt! Oh, yeah, that feels fuckin' great. Oh yeah, Jake, oh yeah. I'm gonna shoot. Stick that hot tongue of yours up my asshole. Eat me, man, oh yeah, oh yeahhhh!"

I shot the biggest wad of cum in my life, no lie. It felt like my cock was a fire hose and a gallon of cum shot out of my balls, which wasn't likely, but the four hard squirts went everywhere. My hair, my face, my chest and the sleeping bag were all drenched with my teen boy dick juice. When I finally came down, Jake was looking at me from between my legs with the sexiest, shit-eating grin on his groovy mug.

"You didn't like that very much, did you?" Jake deadpanned.

"No. I do better when Mr. Kravitz gets me off," I joked.

"That's just what I figured. Just after the old guy's money."

"Not hardly. But, holy shit! Oh, God, man. That was so bitchin. You have no idea how fucking fantastic that was."

"Come up here and let's cuddle for a while."

I twisted around and stuck out my legs so that Jake could move up and lay on top of me. He lowered his plumped-up cock onto my still leaking dick and ground it around in sort of a little dance. Once he got up in my face, he looked me in the eye and quickly licked a big wad of teenage cum off of my cheek, smacking his lips, giggling.

Taking control, I flipped him around, wrapping my long arms around his chest, pulling him into me and snuggling my face into the back of his hair while he pushed his butt hard into my crotch, a little bit of my cum gluing my chest together to his back. We spooned there for a few minutes catching our breath and enjoying each other's soft, warm skin, not saying anything and just relishing each other's scent. I casually rubbed his tight belly with my hand and every once in a while, rubbed the outline of his big nipples with my finger.

After a while, I quietly told him, "That really was the most fantastic thing, bud. Nobody has ever made me feel that good before. Up until last week, the most fun that I ever had was getting naked, getting high and jacking off nice and slow all by myself up here. But then you moved in next door, and now I've turned into a sex-crazed love puppy. I really like all of the things that we're doing."

Jake grabbed my wrists and pulled my arms tighter around him in our warm embrace, pushing his body harder against me, and said, "Me too, Ryan. It's kinda weird. I used to be happy just getting my rocks off, but seeing how excited you get when I play with you makes me get even hornier, if that's possible. I want to keep doing this sexy stuff with you all the time."

"Me too bud, me too." We cuddled there in silence for a few more minutes while I gathered up my courage to ask him about something that had been on my mind for a while now. I had been thinking about it a lot and really wanted to do it, but I was anxious about doing it, too. I had this yin-yang thing going 'round my head and spooning here with Jake like this was actually making my mind whirl. It was bugging the heck out of me because I didn't want to blow my new friendship with him, but I really, really wanted to do something with him. So finally, after taking in a deep breath, I asked nervously into his shaggy hair, "Jake, would you be mad at me if I said that I wanted to kiss you?"

Throwing off my arms and turning around quickly to face me, Jake smiled his big toothy grin, his dimples detonated and his eyes shined like deep pools of liquid energy. "Ryan, I've been wanting to throw you on the freakin' ground and press my lips against yours from the first minute that I saw you out in the front yard! Why in the hell would I be mad?"

"You don't think it's queer?"

"Who the fuck cares? The way I see it is that I like you, I like being with you, and I like making you feel good. And all of that makes me feel good, too. And I think you feel the same way I do. I don't give a shit if you are a boy and I'm a boy. It just feels right to me. Lisa likes boys, well, a lot of boys, but I still love her, and I don't really care what she does with them as long as she's happy and they are happy, and they don't hurt each other doing it. And I'm sure that she feels the same way about me, and you, too. Besides, if I can lick your butt, I certainly can lick your face! Now shut the fuck up and kiss me."

And kiss we did. We kissed so much that our lips, mouth, and tongues got such a workout for so long that we could hardly move. Around midnight, Jake fell asleep on top of me, our arms wound tightly around each other. I couldn't reach out and pull up the top sleeping bag over us, so I left it and hoped that we would keep each other warm for the rest of the night. We both slept like rocks though, connecting and touching each other in entirely new ways.


The next few days went by in kind of a blur. Jake and I hung out a lot, having a lot of fun and even more hot, drippy and sloppy sex. We kissed every chance we could when we were alone and when we could get away with it without anybody seeing us. We couldn't get enough. I was stoked we had finally started doing that, and I worried that our lips would become raw. We skinny dipped a lot, too, and of course, we did our practice laps and worked on our turns and dives.

One day I helped Jake get his room unpacked and put everything away. He had a really groovy bedroom with black light posters and two big black lights that we strategically placed on the wall up high next to the ceiling. We spent the afternoon painting each wall and the ceiling a different dark, vibrant color, and managed to do it without making a huge mess. It came out looking super-sharp. Jake took off his closet doors and hung up some strings of psychedelic beads, which made the room look bitchin.

The best part was the bed frame his Uncle Gus made for Jake's thirteenth birthday. It was crafted out of hundred-year-old redwood barn beams he had salvaged from some farm near Napa Valley that was going to be turned into a subdivision. The headboard was massive and took up most of the wall. It had four giant posts that commanded the room. The two at the head were almost six feet tall and carved with all kinds of weird animals, snakes, and gargoyles. It was the bitchinist thing I had ever seen. Jake had all sorts of other crazy stuff, too, that was lying around on old wooden crates and trunks that his mom had collected over the years.

Because we had some weird tropical storm that came up from Baja, it was raining like crazy, and our folks didn't want us up in the treehouse that night because of the lightning. We got his room together and slept in the purple glow of the black lights bouncing off the rainbow colors on his walls.

Before we jumped into bed, Jake dug out his secret stash of stuff he kept in the back of his closet that included the pictures of Lisa getting down with the guys from their old school's football team. I was shocked that they had gotten away with taking these photos, and even more surprised that they didn't get caught when they had them developed. And, finally, I was surprised one more time when I saw all of the different shapes and sizes of the footballer's hard cocks.

Wow-wee! I had seen plenty of boy's dicks in the showers at school, and from the times when we went skinny dipping at my house. But they were never boners, and I usually tried not to look at them anyway, because it would be weird to get caught staring. But it seemed to me like the bigger, more muscular guys in Jake and Lisa's photos had the smaller dicks, while the leaner guys had longer, fatter shaped dicks. Surprisingly, the shortest guy on the team had the meatiest, thickest cock I'd ever seen. It looked like a flesh-colored cucumber, and weirdly, sort of curled up at the end like it was snarly and set to go off. Kinda scared me. But, I think Lisa loved his cock the most, because in two of the pictures that Jake took, she was smiling like crazy as the guy plowed into her. I didn't spend much time looking at that. It was kinda gross. I just wished I had known Jake and Lisa back then so I could have helped take those pictures. That would have been so bitchin to see all those hard dicks.

Like I said before, we continued to swim our laps in the pool every day and I made sure that Jake knew how to swim his laps and make his turns correctly. I really wanted him to be on the swim team with me this year. Most days Lisa and Jordan went skinny dipping with Jake and me, too. At first, it was kind of weird for me to be naked in front of an older girl, and to see her hairy muff and big boobs, and for her to see my naked dick and swinging balls. But then I got used to it pretty fast, and it didn't bother me any more. If Jake and Jordy didn't care about it, then I guess I wouldn't either. Besides, I'd seen my mom swimming naked all the time, so it wasn't like seeing hairy pussies was all that new to me or anything. Actually, it didn't really bother Jordan at all because sometimes he'd crawl up in her lap while they read the latest music magazines, his head resting on her big boobs like a pillow. And she didn't seem to mind when Jake or I popped a boner in front of her either, which seemed to happen quite a bit. I guess she was used to seeing lots of hard, teen boy meat.

Almost every night, the four of us would hang out inside the air-conditioned pool house to listen to music, or watch a rerun of one of our favorite TV shows, like Laugh-In, Batman or Mod Squad or rarely, Bewitched. It was fun, and I was really starting to like Lisa. She was really cool and made me feel like I had a big sister. She even taught us another new dance, something by James Brown about Mashed Potato Popcorn or something like that, but he sorta screamed a little too much for me. But I always liked dancing with Jake to any song. That was always boss.

The Lulus and my dad were getting along pretty well, too. In fact, the Lulus were making plans for the adults to drive up north to visit Jake's Uncle Gus for a few days. That would be super-neat for the four of us because we'd have the place all to ourselves for the long Fourth of July weekend.

After Lulu was finished giving music lessons during the day and when my dad came home from work, they would all meet up with my mom in our big kitchen and whip up some of their favorite cocktails, and then make us all a really delicious dinner. Between the three of them, the food was always tasty. Mom had always been a great cook, and Dad was a star on the bar-b-que, but Lulu added an extra flair to everything. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but she was fun, and everybody liked being around her. So far, this was turning out to be the best summer that I could remember.

But two things happened that was kind of freaky and bothered me a little. The one night that Jake and I stayed in his room, Lisa came upstairs and barged right in. She caught us kissing on the bed, our rock-hard dicks sticking out of our shorts. We were really going at it too because we didn't hear her until she said "Gotcha!" laughing like a mad rabid hyena. Of course, we freaked out, but she just smiled and pushed us apart and sat down between us on the bed. Wrapping her arms around both of us and pulling our heads into her big knockers, she told us that she was really cool with it and said that she was delighted that her little brother had such a groovy boyfriend and that she really liked me a lot. Naturally, she knew that we fooled around, but somehow this was different.

I was still kind of embarrassed, and Jake just rolled his eyes and sighed, but then Lisa surprised us by telling us that Uncle Gus had a boyfriend, too! Jake seemed insanely excited about that and asked her a million questions about them. Jake had met the boyfriend a couple times before, but always assumed he was just a friend who lived on the farm and helped out with the chores.

Apparently, Gus and his boyfriend Boone had met when they were in high school and had never been apart. Of course, nobody back then knew about them, but now since they lived north of San Francisco, they didn't really care who knew. It wasn't a big deal any more, Boone always said according to Lisa.They were happy and hopelessly in love with each other, she added.

She went on to tell us how hard it is to find that someone special, and that we were beyond fortunate. She wished that she had a steady boyfriend, but every guy that she meets is only after her big boobs. She said that she had never gone out with the same guy more than a few times, but hoped that maybe here in Pasadena things would be different and she could find a real boyfriend. I told her when school started, we could find someone special for her since I could tell her who were the good guys and who were the dorky assholes.

Then she laughed and said, "Maybe we could even double date."

"We can't do that! Coach said we need to be – oop's," Jake said, putting his hand over his big fat mouth.

"Coach? What Coach? What did he say? What are you talking about?" Looking at Jake, then at me and then back to Jake again, she said, "Spill it, little brother."

"Oh, all right. A few days ago we ran into Ryan's swim team coach when we were riding our bikes around the school checking it out. We went back into his office to talk about swimming, and somehow, he figured out that we were fooling around," Jake said, leaving out the part about Coach's boyfriend – and girlfriend.

"He told us to be cool about it because some people might figure out what we were doing and might not like it. Not stop being together, I mean, but not to be so obvious. That's all." I added.

"Well, that's excellent advice. Some people don't get two guys being together, or two girls, or even three girls. Or nine girls, a guy, three cats, a feather and a jar of peanut butter, for that matter. But anyway, you just have to be careful so people don't find out. Here's the deal. If the wrong person finds out, you can be in deep doo-doo. Look what happened to me with that shit I did with the football team. Sex can get folks in trouble. But, and this is an important but, you still have to be true to yourself and do whatever makes you guys happy. You can't live a lie and be unhappy. Just follow your bliss, and everything will be groovy.

"But you know we can still double date," she continued. "We can go to the drive-in, and you guys can make out in the backseat. Or we could go to the submarine races where we used to live. It'll be fun. I promise we won't watch you guys. Is your coach really cool with it?"

"Yeah, he is. He's the school health instructor, so he knows all about sex and stuff," I said before Jake opened his trap again and said anything else incriminating that might get us into even more trouble.

"Well, I can't say that I know everything about sex because I don't. But if you ever have questions about any of this stuff, you know that you can always come to me, and we'll try to figure it out and find an answer, okay? You never have to be embarrassed to talk with your big sister. Either of you. I know all about boys and their hard, horny dicks."

"Great," Jake and I both said at the same time pretending not to have much enthusiasm, but secretly happy to have such a great ally.


The other thing that was weird happened the next night after we had slept over at Jake's. We had finished swimming our laps and had taken our showers, and were up in the treehouse kissing and fooling around with our dicks. Sloan was up there too, as usual, curled up in the corner sound asleep, or so I thought. It was later than usual because we had gone out to see the new True Grit movie starring John Wayne at the Lamanda Park Theater that had recently opened. It was unusually dark outside because of the lingering clouds from this morning's storm was blocking out the moonlight. The second Jake was about to gobble up my dick, we heard the sound of a twig snapping somewhere below us. We froze and looked at each other, not saying anything. Sloan slowly sat up and cocked her head, listening for something, but not barking like she usually would have done. Sometimes we get little critters running around at night, skunks or possums, and all it would take was usually one bark from Sloan to send them skittering away on their business.

But not tonight. Sloan starting growling, quietly at first, then Jake looked up at me and whispered, "What's going on?" He barely got the words out when we heard another stick snap, this time much closer, and then a thump. Sloan started barking for real this time, the fur on the nape of her neck standing straight up. Both Jake and I got up on our knees and slowly peered out over the bottom of the treehouse windows. We were just in time to see the back of something dark and glossy lumbering up from the ground a few feet away from the tree and then take off, staggering a bit, down through the yard, around the garage, and out the gate heading towards the street.

"What was that?" Jake whispered nervously.

"Beats me. Sloan, shush! Whoever it was looked kind of wobbly. Maybe they were drunk or something because it looked like they tripped on a tree root."

"You think it was a person and not an animal? Should we follow them? What if it's a bear? I hate those."

"Sure, let's run down and follow whatever that was," I deadpanned, "two naked guys and a barking dog chasing a bum or an animal out of the yard. How far do you think we would get before someone sees us? Although the idea of running bare-ass out on the street does sound kind of exciting. Maybe that's something that you and I should try sometime."

"Yeah, but don't you want to know who or what it was and what they were doing out here? What if they were here to shoot us?" Jake asked, starting to get freaked out. "What if it was my dad?"

"Calm down. It was probably an animal. Nobody's going to kill us. Why would they? Besides, I've seen homeless people up here in the foothills before, from time to time. Not very often, but on a couple of occasions. They find little clearings where they can make a camp and hang out and sleep, without the cops coming around and hassling them. You saw some of those beggars last week when we went to lunch, remember? You almost ran over that old guy wearing all of those coats when you took that corner too fast on your bike. I don't think we have to worry. And besides, if it was someone out here to get us we would have heard a car start up and take off down the street. Sloan is obviously over it. Look – she's already gone back to sleep. C'mon, let's get back to some tasty cock sucking and forget about it."

What I didn't tell Jake was that I didn't actually think it was an animal, but because whoever it was running away, I wasn't going to worry about it since no one could get to us up here in the treehouse anyway. Besides, whoever or whatever it was had taken off, I didn't think they would be back tonight. Tomorrow I'd bring out my BB gun and keep it up here. Maybe I'd bring out my baseball bat, too, just in case.

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