Knots, Book 3
by Elias Scott
It seemed strange being on a date with Thomas. I knew all along we'd end it by having sex, but it was fun acting like we wouldn't. As you know, he played along. I didn't get the same relaxed feeling when I was with Gina. I always felt tense. Looking back on it, I realize it was because I wanted sex and she was not ready. I was tempted to talk her into have sex but didn't. Gina and I talked and had a few laughs, but it wasn't like when I was with Thomas or Andy. Maybe it was just because they were boys. It just didn't seem as see to talk to a girl about it.
When I saw Thomas at school on Monday, I had trouble looking him in eye. Of course Gina knew about our date and asked about it.
First thing Gina asked, "How was your date with Matt?"
Thomas scratched his head. "It was great. Matt's a real gentleman."
Gina took out her lipstick. "What makes you say that?"
"He opened the door for me and paid for dinner. What more could you ask for?" He paused. "And of course there was the…" He paused again. "Good conversation."
Ollie took a bite of his sandwich, turned toward Matt, and asked with his mouth full. "What did you do after dinner?"
I wanted to strangle the little shit. "We drove around a little and went out by the pond."
Ollie wouldn't let it go. "What did you do out there?"
Andy sat there watching it all like a guy watching a tennis match. Emily sat with her arms folded, shaking her head.
Everyone at the table was silent, waiting for my answer. Thomas spoke first. "We parked and talked. The moon was out, and it was nice. Just like a real date."
"No sex," Ollie asked.
I gave him a stare. "None of your business. It was a date. It was nice. And what we did or didn't do is no one's business."
Ollie pleaded. "Come on. Can't you tell us something juicy?"
Thomas took a sip of his Pepsi. "Nothing juicy."
Alan followed with a question of his own. "Matt, who are you going out with next?"
"Can't we talk about something else other than my dates?"
Alan leaned in like he had a big secret. "Well, it's not every day a guy goes out on a date first with a girl and then a guy."
"That's for damn sure," Emily said.
Gina tossed her a dirty look.
Andy put his sandwich down. "Well, if you must know, he's going out with me."
"Damn," Ollie said. "I hoped it was going to be me."
"Maybe later," I said. "But don't get your hopes up."
I couldn't believe it when Matt asked me out on a date. Shit, we'd been best friends all our lives. What guy asks his best friend out on a date? At first I told him no.
We talked about our possible date while walking home from spring football practice. He gave me this sad look. "Come on Andy, it will be different. I sure know it was with Thomas.
"Yeah, and you fucked Thomas. What's so different about that? I want you to know right now, that I'm not that kind of guy. Maybe Thomas is, but I'm not. They'll be no fucking unless you say please."
"Oh, all right."
We both laughed.
He quit walking and got serious. "Andy, this isn't funny. I know we have sex and all, but I want you to act like this is a real date because it is. I'm going to pick you up and treat you just like I treated Thomas and Gina."
"Did you fuck Gina?"
"Okay, almost like I treated Thomas and Gina."
"Are you ever going to fuck her?"
He grabbed my arm and forced me to look at him. "Do most future dates talk about other guys' dates? I don't think so. So please be more respectful of my dates."
I wanted to kiss him right there on the street, but managed to keep my lips tight and far away from his. "I'm sorry, but isn't that the issue between you and Gina? I'm talking as your best friend now, not as your future date."
"Yeah, kinda. But it's different with a girl. We can't get pregnant. They think sex is something special and don't want to just do it for the sake of doing it. You know what I mean?"
I started walking slowly. "I think sex is special. Why are Gina and I so different?"
He punched me lightly in the shoulder. "Yeah, special in that you want it all the time. Before the trial and before Dillon, you weren't very selective."
"That's true. But I'm more selective now. That's why I'm going out with you. In fact, I think I'll ask Thomas out on a date too. There's no reason why you should be the only one to ask him out."
Matt looked a little surprised. "This is a free country. I have no hold on Thomas except that he thinks I'm hot and wants my mind and my body. I'm not sure how he feels about you."
"I tell you what, I'll ask him out and we'll see what he says."
"Fair enough. Like they say, 'all's fair in love and war.'"
I walked up to his door with him and sat on the front porch. "Are you going to ask Gina out again?"
He sat down beside me. "Yeah, but I think I'll wait until school starts. We'll be juniors and maybe things'll be different."
"You mean, you think she'll be ready to fuck?" I asked with a laughed.
He hit me on the thigh with his knuckle. "Knock that shit off."
"You know something, Matt. You're full of contradictions. All of us guys talk like that about each other, but when it comes to talking about a girl, you don't think it's right. Come on. It doesn't hurt to be honest."
He folded his hands between his knees. "I guess you're right. It really is about sex. Maybe it wouldn't be if I wasn't so experienced. I'd be a little afraid. But now, after so much guy sex, I think it would be easy to have sex with a girl. Hell, they have breasts and nipples to suck just like you. Theirs just happens to be bigger. They have soft lipstick-covered lips to kiss and a love canal that like you once told me, is self-lubricating. That's more than you can say about your asshole. What more can you ask for?"
"But she's a girl, Matt. She doesn't have a dick."
He punched me on the thigh again.
"Knock that shit off,"
"Damn, Andy. You have a way of pissing me off."
"Yeah, because it's the truth of which I speak," he said in his Yoda voice.
He dropped his head. "You're right. It is the truth of which you speak."
I decided to back off. "All I know is that you and I are going out on a date this Saturday and I can't wait. Pick me up, take me to dinner and a movie, and then fuck my brains out."
"What if I want you to fuck me?"
"I'll be happy to oblige. That's more than Gina will ever be able to do to you."
"Fuck you, Andy. I think I'll take you to Burger King for dinner and we'll watch a movie on TV."
I stood and looked down at him. "Whatever you want, as long as we have a lot of sex afterward."
Matt rose, gave me a friendly pat on the back, and said, "I don't have sex on the first date."
Spring football started before Andy and I had our first date. The lack of respect we had when we were sophomores was gone. Guys might not approve of our gay sex, but most players had put it behind them. We got the occasional razzing from Jackass Barnes and idiots like him, but most of the guys told them to knock it off.
The best part of spring ball, for me at least, was having Coach make me the starting quarterback over Frank Kutcher. Kutcher was pissed, and he let me know it every day after practice by coming over and calling me a fag and a suck-up. "You must be fucking Coach or letting him fuck you."
"What would you know about such things? You can't even get a date, never mind keep hold of your QB job."
This went on for a few days until he got so fed up with my smartass remarks that he jumped me during practice. He wanted it to look like it was just two ballplayers getting a little angry in the heat of the moment. We were taking a water break and I had my helmet off. He took a swing at me and hit me in the mouth with the first blow and on the nose with the second. Blood came pouring out and I went after him, tackling him to the ground, and hitting him in the face until he had more blood on his face than I did. All Coach saw was me going after Kutcher. "Spence. What the hell are you doing?"
"He hit me, Coach."
We got up off the ground and stood there with blood all over our faces.
"Well, I don't know who started it, but it looks like both of you got your licks in. Wash your faces and let's get back to practice."
I stood beside Kutcher the next time we had a water break and whispered in his ear. "Maybe you should put more energy in fighting for your job by putting in extra time before and after practice instead of expecting Coach to hand it to you or blaming me."
He pushed me away with his elbow. "Fuck off."
I put my helmet on and turned back to him. "Oh, I almost forgot. Dillon Burke helps young guys with their quarterbacking skills. Maybe you should contact him."
He took his helmet and struck me in head with it. Helmet on or not, it shook my brains a little.
He held onto his face mask as if he was going to hit me again, but he only said, "Like I said, faggot, fuck off." Then he walked away.
Matt was having trouble with that asshole Frank Kutcher, but everything was going great for me. I was second string behind a senior and was happy just to be out there on the grass playing ball. Yeah, I still had a little of the hot dogging in me, but becoming a junior made me feel somewhat more mature. I figured I was good enough to get some playing time and was happy to settle for that. I didn't need the crap Matt was going through.
Although I gave Matt a bad time about asking me out on a date, I was excited about it and couldn't wait for Saturday to come. He picked me up at 6:30, opened the door for me, confidently slid into the driver's seat, started the engine, and headed to the Outback. It was still light out and there were a lot of people out and about so he didn't open the door for me when we got there. I sat there and waited. That pissed him off. "Come on Andy. We have reservations."
I didn't move. He stood there with his arms folded, staring at me.
"Shit," he said as he walked over, opened the car door, and walked off.
I climbed out, walked over to him and said, "I thought this was a date?"
He smiled. "It is, but I'm not about to tie any knots that we don't have to. Understand?"
I laughed. "Yeah. Can we hold hands and kiss during dinner? It would be so romantic."
He pushed me ahead of him and gave me a light kick in the ass. "Let's just get in the restaurant and eat."
I responded in a low quiet voice, "Yes, dear."
He rushed past me so he could hold the door open for me.
"Thanks you, Matt. That was very nice of you."
The hostess saw us, gave us a funny look, and seated us at a booth near a high window.
I opened the menu. "Do I get to order whatever I want?"
"That could be five dollars for all I know."
Matt kicked me under the table. "Anything under thirty dollars is fine. These dates are cutting into my lawn mowing savings."
"You can solve that by not going out on dates."
The waiter came by to take our order. He turned to Matt. "Weren't you in here a while back with another guy?"
Matt simply said, "Yes."
The waiter gave me a suspicious look. "Are you both going to have ribs like you did last time?" He paused for a second. "I mean you and the other boy."
"No we're not," Matt replied.
I ordered a steak and Matt got some kind of chicken pasta. The waiter gave each of us another one of those suspicious looks and walked off.
"You and Thomas must have made a big impression on him. What'd you do? Kiss and hold hands."
"He asked if Thomas and I were involved in Dillon's trial. You know, two young, hot, good looking guys out to dinner together. He probably pictured us fucking each other on the table. He probably won't get the same idea tonight."
I kicked him hard in the shins. "You make a lousy date."
He gave me a serious look. "The one thing I've learned is that no two dates are the same. I had a great date with Gina except for the unspoken concerns about sex. Thomas was easy-going. We talked a lot and I learned a great deal about him I didn't know. With you, I already know everything. I hate to say, Andy, it's not the same going out on a date with you."
I smiled. "Boy am I happy to hear you say that. I don't much like this either. We're friends, fuck buddies, and teammates. I couldn't ask for anything more."
"Don't you miss having someone special like you thought you had with Dillon?"
"Sometimes, but I'm not going to worry about it until someone comes along. Like I said, I'm hot for Thomas. So I think it's time for you to step out of the way."
The waiter returned to fill our almost full glasses with water. He set the pitcher down on the table. "I know I asked this last time, but weren't you guys involved with the Dillon Burke thing?"
I grabbed Matt's hand. "What are you referring to?"
He looked down. "You know. The Dillon Burke case."
Matt pulled his hand away and I kicked him under the table. "I still don't understand what you mean."
"You know there were a number of young guys having sex with Dillon Burke," he managed to get out while leaning in and lowering his voice.
I wanted to grab him by his shirt and smack his face in the table. "Do we look like guys that would being having sex with other guys?"
"Well, no. But you're the right age and you're out on a date."
Now Matt spoke. "Just so you know, this guy and I have been best friends since second grade. We are not on a date. We decided to go someplace other than Burger King to have dinner. Is that okay with you?
I figured he'd walk off, but he asked, "Who was the other guy then?"
"None of your business," Matt snapped. "Get your ass out of our faces and do your job before I report you."
He looked like he wanted to tell Matt to go fuck himself, but he picked up the water pitcher and left.
Matt looked pissed. "Is there ever going to be an end to this bullshit?"
I would have liked to have been able to say yes, but hell, we'd probably be in college before it all ended. "I don't think so." I paused. "And what's the idea of telling him we weren't on a date? My feelings were hurt," I said with a frown.
"Andy, let's just enjoy dinner. And what the hell were you thinking when you held my hand?"
"Just playing. I figured it would embarrass him."
"Didn't seem to make any difference. So what do you want to talk about?"
"I want to start a LGBT club."
"You've got to be kidding."
"No, I'm serious. There are kids on campus who would join. I have guys and girls coming up to me all the time."
Matt rolled his eyes. "Me too."
"So what do you think of the idea?"
"I don't want to get involved. We already have to put up with so much bullshit and starting a club like that would only make it worse."
"I used to respect you for your courage, but now you're like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz."
"Look, if you want to do it, fine. But leave me out of it. I'm thinking about running for junior class president and the last thing I need is that on my resume."
That made me angry. I leaned in. "You know what, Matt? You really piss me off. You walk the fence. Why don't you take a stand once in a while. I may do dumbass things sometimes, but the one thing I have is courage."
"What bullshit," he snarled. "You fucked up your life, whined about it, thought about killing yourself, and then you have the balls to tell me you have courage and I don't? I warned you about that asshole, Dillon, and you ignored me. You fucked up your own life and mine too."
I raised my voice. "Don't blame me for fucking up your life. You did that yourself. I didn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do."
The waiter and the manager came running over. "We don't allow language like that in our restaurant," the manager squeezed out. The waiter stood behind him with a shit-eating grin on his face. "You'll either have to lower your voices or leave."
It's strange sometimes the small things we do when we're angry. I stood, and when my napkin fell to the floor, I bent over, picked it up and put it on the table. I pointed at Matt. "I can't speak for him, but I'm leaving."
Matt didn't move and turned to the waiter and manager. "He's leaving. I'm staying here to finish my dinner."
I slammed my chair in and headed out the door to Matt's car where I leaned against it and waited for almost a half-hour before I saw him walking toward me.
"Matt, you're a real asshole."
He went to the driver's side of the car and unlocked the door. "You have a lot of nerve calling me an asshole. You made a scene in there, embarrassed both of us, and then stomped out like a little kid."
I tried to get in as he moved into the driver's seat, but my door was locked. "Open the door."
"Fuck you, Andy. You can walk home."
He started the car while I was beating on the window. "Open the fucking door." People exiting the restaurant started gathering around. He flipped me off and drove away.
I couldn't believe it. This was supposed to be a date and my date drives off and leaves me. Life can really be shit sometimes. I didn't want to call my parents and tell them what happened so stood there for a few minutes, hoping he'd come back. He didn't, so I started walking the three miles home.
Great authors are admirable in this respect: in every generation they make for disagreement. Through them we become aware of our differences. - Andre Gide
The beginning of thought is in disagreement - not only with others but also with ourselves. -
Writers should provoke disagreement. - V. S. Naipaul
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