Knots, Book 3
by Elias Scott
I tried to talk my parents into not letting me go to school, but all they said was, "You made your bed, now lie in it."
At first I was pissed until I realized they were right.
Andy and I met to catch the bus and there was utter silence at the bus stop. Kids looked at us, and it seemed like they didn't know what to do or say. They probably had images of the four of us sucking and fucking. Hard to tell. A few gave us smiles. Even the guys who we expected to give us a hard time didn't say anything. It was weird and scary because it wasn't what we expected at all.
Andy and I stood by ourselves. Andy asked in a low voice. "What the fuck's going on?"
"Hell if I know. I was expecting we'd get a lot of crap."
He grinned. "Well, we haven't gotten to school yet."
Things were so weird we didn't even try to talk to anyone.
The bus driver gave us a suspicious look and that was followed with a pursing of his lips and a shaking of his head. "Good morning boys. Seems like you've been participating in a few extracurricular activities other than football and basketball. Maybe you should stick to football and basketball."
We ignored him. I looked toward the back of the bus and the aisle looked a mile long. I turned back to Andy. "Let's sit up front." He nodded and we sat. The idea was that we wouldn't have to walk down that aisle and look into the faces of all those students.
This seemed like a good idea at first until Jerrod and Ted got on at the next stop.
Jerrod got just past the bus driver and sucked on his middle finger. You'd have thought that what they did next would have embarrassed them, but they're such assholes, I guess it didn't occur to them to be self-conscious. They each stuck their middle finger in the other's mouth and pushed them in and out. The girls yelled, "GROSS!" Even I thought it was gross.
Andy, ever ready with a response, asked, "Are you gay or something?"
The bus driver turned back. "You two, get back to your seats."
Ted gave Jarrod a quick kiss on the lips. "Honey, let's find a seat so we can hold hands."
Andy started to get out of his seat. The bus driver saw him in the rearview mirror. "Mr. Gibson, sit down."
Andy sat. We could hear whispers behind our backs. Andy nudged me. "I'm not sure if I prefer assholes like Jerrod and Ted or the silence. We don't have any idea what the others are thinking."
"I'm with you."
Peter and Jeff got on next with about eight others.
Andy saw them waiting to get on last. "Peter and Jeff are going to give us shit. Just watch. I'm not going to give the bus driver a chance to stop me."
"Don't be stupid. You'll get suspended."
"I don't give a damn. At least we wouldn't have to put up with the silent treatment or these assholes."
I shook my head. "Andy, we're responsible for the knots. Don't blame anyone else. We'd probably do the same thing they are if they were doing stuff and we weren't. Like my parents told me this morning, 'you made your bed now lie in it'."
He frowned and groaned. "I guess you're right."
Peter and Jeff got on the bus holding hands. Jeff asked, "Peter, will you be my boyfriend?"
Jeff smiled and squeezed Peter's hand. "I thought you'd never ask. I'm so anxious to make love to you. Maybe we could get others to join us."
"Knock it off," the bus driver said. "Go to your seats."
The whispers continued and you could hear Jeff, Peter, Jarrod, and Ted's voices above everyone else's. A lot of the boys were laughing. The girls occasionally said, "Gross."
We had no idea what was going to happen when we got to school and had to face Gina, Emily, Alan, and Ernie. As it turned out nothing happened. They were nowhere to be seen.
"Shit, Matt. I didn't expect this from our best friends."
Ollie came running out the front door. "Boy, are you guys in deep shit."
I rubbed my hand over my face and frowned. "Why? They know Andy's gay. What's the deal?"
"Nobody expected you were gay, Matt. Never mind that you not only were having sex with Andy, but with Thomas and Randy. You guys must be a couple of really horny guys. Can I join you next time?"
Andy smacked him upside the head. "There won't be a next time. And how come you're the only one talking to us?"
"I'm talking to you because you guys were my friends when everyone laughed at me and treated me like shit. My life is a whole lot better now. Wish I could say the same for you guys. Your lives have turned to crap. Alan and Ernie are just pissed because they thought they were good enough friends that you should have told them. Gina, well, Gina is the most pissed. She really likes you, Matt. She feels betrayed. Emily, well, let's just say she and Gina are best friends and Emily expected you to confide in her."
Andy and I just stood there looking dumb. Ollie went on after a short pause. "No more orgies? Hell, I was looking forward to getting it on with you guys." He gave us a broad smile. "I overheard some guys talking in the hall about how hot it all sounded. Maybe they're gay too. Before you know it all the closeted gay guys will be after your fine asses." He laughed again.
"Shut up, Ollie," I said. "I don't want to hear this shit."
Andy tried to make things sound better. "Orgies sound terrible when you hear somebody else say it. It was a foursome."
I couldn't help but give him a sad smile. "Well, you can call it whatever, but anything more than two people is an orgy."
Andy kept looking around hoping someone else would show beside Ollie, but no one did. "Maybe we should have just kept our dicks and our sex between you and me."
"You think? Remember, I didn't want to do it. You twisted my arm."
"Don't blame me. You have free will. You could have said no."
"Right. I made my bed and I swear it's like lying in a bed of shit."
Ollie grinned and slapped us both on the back. "That's what you get for thinking with your dicks."
The bell rang. Of course this wasn't one of those saved by the bell moments. Walking through the front door was like walking into hell. Well, at least our own idea of hell.
Again there were stares and whispers as we entered the hallway. Some students pointed at us. It looked they were saying, "Those are the guys that were involved in an orgy and are accusing Dillon Burke of raping or molesting them."
Andy, Ollie, and I didn't say a word. We just kept walking down the hall until a junior stopped us. She had dyed black hair, an earring in her nose, and Goth clothing. "Hey, heard about the orgy. Do you think I can join you next time?"
"Yeah," Andy said. "We'll let you know when we're having the next orgy, but you'll have to look normal by then."
She flipped us off. "Fuck you. Oh, I almost forgot. That's what you guys do to each other. You missed your chance." She moved in close. "I have the hottest wettest pussy in school."
Andy started walking to class and then turned back. "I bet. Probably smells too."
As you know, Andy doesn't always know when to keep his mouth shut. She caught up with us, tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around, she punched him in the stomach. He bent over clutching his stomach. He managed a squeaky, "Thanks, that felt good."
She put her hands on her hips. "Lucky I'm a lady and didn't hit you in that beautiful face of yours."
She was right. He'd already had enough damage done by Evan, who was out on bail but expelled from school. Who knows what might have happened if he was around.
Further down the hall, another junior who wasn't bad looking, and known for keeping to himself, walked up and introduced himself. He lowered his voice. "I think I might be gay. Can I talk to you guys sometime?"
Hell, I thought. How many more times is this going to happen?
I heard myself say, "Yeah, sure. But not today. Wait for things to settle down. Okay?"
A smile crossed his face as he shook our hands hard and fast. "Thanks a lot. You don't know what this means to me."
Of course we really did. But our lives were in such turmoil, talking to him now wasn't the right time. Hell, I figured I was bisexual. The fact that Gina wasn't talking to me hurt. I actually think it was harder for me. At least if I was really gay and committed to the gay lifestyle, I wouldn't be split in two. But I liked Gina. I liked Emily. Yeah, guys have their advantages, but so do girls.
Andy walked off to class as I entered my first period and spotted Gina right away. Everyone in the room stared at me except Gina. I ignored the rest of the class and walked up to her. She walked away.
"Gina, we need to talk."
"No we don't."
"But you don't understand."
"I'm afraid I do."
Emily was in the same class. She came over. "Gina, is this liar and fake bothering you?"
Gina just shook her head in silence as tears rolled down her cheeks. She ran to the teacher and asked to be excused. He saw her tears and nodded. I chased after her.
"Mr. Spence, get back here and sit down. You've obviously upset her and she doesn't need you chasing after her."
I figured he was right and went to my seat with Emily's eyes staring lasers through me. The rest of the class just looked at me like I was a freak or something. Class finally got started, but it was obvious there were more knots in my life than I realized. I figured our friends would stick with us no matter what. But then maybe they felt we hadn't been honest with them and we'd betrayed them. At the time, I blamed them and not us.
I'm not sure what we were expecting, but none of it was quite what we anticipated. First of all, there were the stares and the whispers. Second, while there was some harassment on the bus, the bus driver managed to quell most of it. What hurt the most was that no one showed up to meet us except Ollie. Sometimes you just never know how one good deed will come back to you and give you hope. Ollie being there did that. We still don't know if he's gay or not. He's just loyal.
Matt had a class with Gina and Emily and I had no idea until later what it was like for him. Of course I had Mel Jacobs, Tim Barnes (Jackass' brother), and Jim Garcia in my first period PE class. It's bad enough when girls are around, but when it's all guys, they make the bus incident seem like nothing.
Tim Barnes came up to me as I was changing. "Mighty fine ass you have there. Your asshole must be as big as a two-inch PVC pipe considering all the cocks you've had in it."
Believe it or not, I ignored him and continued getting dressed.
Then the three of them lined up one behind the other and acted like they were humping each other. Jacobs said, "Hey guys, there's only three of us. We need one more to make a foursome. Come on Andy, join us."
They laughed as they moved away from each other. Barnes was already dressed for PE so he pulled down his shorts so his cock was hanging out and getting hard. "How 'bout a blow job? I know you're used to doing three at a time, but one will do for now."
I grabbed his dick and gave it a hard pull.
"Asshole," he said. "I know you like touching my fine cock. But I want a blow job."
His cock was getting harder by the second. I gave it a quick squeeze. "Um, look what's happening here. You must be gay. Your cock's rising to the occassion."
"Fuck off, Andy."
Tim and Mel couldn't let this slide. They yelled loud enough for everyone to hear: "Hey, Barnes has a hard-on for Andy Gibson. Come and see!" There was a rush to our area as Barnes quickly pulled up his shorts and tried to hide his hard-on.
"Fuck all of you," he said and walked off.
The other guys lingered in the locker room for a while until all but one guy was left. He was a sophomore too and looked a bit soft and shy. My first thought was this guy looks so typically gay. Shitty thinking, I know, but hell, sometimes you have no control over what gets into your head.
He whispered, "I'm Jason Settles. Can we talk sometime?"
Hell, this was the second guy who wanted to talk. I wondered how many more there were going to be. Matt and I were going to become counselors to all the closeted gay kids in school.
"Yeah, of course. Join me at lunch. It looks like none of our other friends will be there."
A scared look crossed his face. "That's what I'm afraid of. I only have a few friends as it is. What'll happen if they find out I'm gay?"
"Are you gay?"
"I think so. How do you know? How did you know?"
"This isn't the place to talk. Let's wait until lunch. We can go outside somewhere. I'll see if I can get Matt to join us. Thomas is still testifying, otherwise we could all get together."
He nodded. "Thanks. This means a lot."
Thomas' Day in Court
Thomas was called back to the witness stand and was reminded that he was still under oath. Wheeler continued with his questioning. "Yesterday we discussed the defendant's suggestion that you had what you called a circle jerk. Is that correct?"
"Did you or Randy touch his penis at any time?
"In other words he was the aggressor?"
Banta stood and yelled, "Objection! Putting words into the witness's mouth."
"Objection denied. What else would you call it, Mr. Banta?"
Banta sat down. "And if I understand your previous testimony, he brought you and Randy to a climax. Is that correct?"
Thomas lowered his eyes and played with his fingers. "Yes."
The eyes of the jury were riveted on Thomas. Sympathy showed on their faces. If Matt had been in court he'd have thought, see, even they appreciate Thomas' beauty. Maybe beauty isn't the right word. He had an innocent handsomeness about him. It's hard for anyone not to take notice.
Wheeler continued. "Was this the only time he did this to you?"
"Please tell the court what happened over the course of the next few weeks."
Thomas looked up at the ceiling and then down at his hands again. "What he did to us felt good, so we let him do it again the next time we got together. After a few times, it didn't seem scary or wrong anymore. One day he asked us if we wanted to touch his penis."
"I was hesitant, but Randy said, 'Yeah. I'd like to see what it's like.' Dillon grabbed Randy's hand and placed it on his penis. Randy seemed to enjoy it. It was obvious Dillon did. Randy turned to me. 'Come on Thomas. You need to try it.' I shook my head and just watched, but after a while my curiosity got the best of me. I pulled Randy's hand away and grabbed hold of it myself." Thomas lowered his eyes and stopped.
"Did you like it?"
"Yes, but I'd have never done it if it hadn't been for Randy and Dillon. None of it was my idea."
"Did you and Randy masturbate the defendant any time other than that one time?"
"Yes. It became a regular thing until Dillon told us we should put our mouths on it."
"Not at first." Thomas paused. "I'm embarrassed."
"I understand, but you need to answer the question."
"He said he'd show us how and he put his mouth on us."
"Did he keep your penis in his mouth until you ejaculated?"
"When you say us, do you mean on you and Randy's penises?"
"Why did you let him do it?"
"Like I said, I never thought I might be gay until Dillon did stuff with us."
"So why did you do it?"
"I'm embarrassed to say…" He paused, glanced at the jury, looked down, and said in a low voice. "It felt good."
"Did I understand you to say, 'It felt good'?"
"Does it embarrass you to say this in front of the jury?"
"Are you ashamed of what happened between you and Dillon?"
"Why is that?"
"I would have never done any of those things if it wasn't for Dillon. I feel ashamed because I let him do it and because I liked it."
Wheeler turned away from Thomas and did a quick turn back. "Do you think it was unnatural for you to feel pleasure from what the defendant did with you?"
"I never thought about it before. I don't see how anyone wouldn't find pleasure in it. But neither Randy nor I went after it."
"So you're saying that while you found it pleasurable and continued in this relationship with the defendant, you would not have initiated any of it yourselves?"
"Right. We would have never started any of it."
Keith Leonard objected. "The witness can only testify to what he would have done."
"Objection sustained. You are right on this one, Mr. Leonard."
"Let me rephrase. So you're saying that while you found it pleasurable and continued in this relationship with the defendant, you would not have initiated any of it yourself?
"I would have never started any of it."
Wheeler glanced at his notes, walked toward the jury, and then came back to stand near Thomas. "Did you or Randy ever put the defendant's penis in your mouths?"
"Not at first. Like I said, I never thought I might be gay."
"So why did you do it?"
"I'm not sure. I guess I wanted to see what it would be like."
"You mean you were curious?"
Wheeler gave Thomas a sad look. "I know this is hard, but I have to ask you. Did the defendant at any time penetrate you with his penis or did you ever penetrate him with your penis?"
Banta rose. "Objection. That's two questions."
"Objection overruled. I'm not aware that asking two questions at the same time is wrong, but I'd suggest Mr. Wheeler rephrase his question."
"At any time did the defendant penetrate you with his penis?"
"How often?" There was a long pause and Wheeler saw Thomas trying to count in his head. "Let me ask it in a different way. Would you say a few, like one to five times, or many, like over ten times?"
Again, there was a long pause. "Many."
"Did this happen with just you and Dillon or was Randy involved?"
"Randy was involved."
Wheeler walked over to the table, scribbled something on a piece of paper, and then came back to stand in front of Thomas. "Did you ever penetrate Dillon?"
"Did you ever penetrate Randy?"
"Did Randy ever penetrate you?"
"Was any of this sexual activity instigated by you?"
"Yet, you did it. Why?"
"It felt good. I've always felt ashamed because I believed I was responsible, but in answering your questions, I realize I wasn't responsible and that yes, it was pleasurable and I liked it, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Dillon has to be held responsible."
"If you didn't think you were gay before this, do you think you're gay now?"
Suddenly Thomas seemed confident. "Yes. I don't know anything else. I enjoy sex with guys and I would like to have a boyfriend someday."
Thomas glanced at the jury as he said this. Many of them looked down because they couldn't look him in the eye. It was hard to tell if they felt sorry for him, if they were shocked that he wanted a boyfriend, or ashamed for having to listen to Thomas' testimony and the actions of Dillon Burke.
To be able to love and live in freedom means to be able to make godly decisions. To make godly decisions we have to surrender our egos and all the falsity and shame that goes with it. -- James McGreevey
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. If the email address pastes with %40 in the middle, replace that with an @ sign.]