Knots, Book 2
by Elias Scott
Matt and I never thought we'd be writing a second book. But here we are again telling you about our personal lives. LIke Matt said earlier, we do not write about sex just to give the reader an erection, and in the case of any female who might be reading this, a wet vagina. They are here because we want you to feel what we felt, at least as well as we can express it. I suppose words can never do it justice, but we're doing our best.
I was into sex long before Matt, but when he tried to comfort me the night after Dillon went to jail and we found out he was messing around with two other boys, Matt changed. Of course sex can do that. It scared me some. I knew what it had done to me and I didn't want it to happen to Matt. But we fucked for a whole week and he never let up. Like I told him, "I created a monster." But it almost ended when we happened to run into Thomas and Randy Tuesday afternoon.
Matt and I tried everything and anything I could think of and even some things he could think of. But you know, it got to be like having as much ice cream as you wanted. Our sex became sex for the physical need rather than the emotional need. The first night I felt Matt's love and tenderness. But the second day and night, I only felt his sexual need. Maybe it was just me. Matt was so horny that some of the tenderness fell away in his unconscious desire to satisfy his lust, not because he loved me less, but because the physical passion overcame the emotional passion. It was then I realized that what I thought was love with Dillon was only his desire to satisfy his needs. I'm not sure if at the moment I tied or untied a knot with Matt. Looking at it, it seems I untied one and tied another.
Now, don't get me wrong, because my sex with Matt was awesome. But unlike the first time sex for Matt, it was less than what I expected. He was a newbie and horny as hell. Once he got a taste of it, he wanted more and more of that delectable delight. All those years I thought about how awesome it would be to have sex with Matt and how everything would be perfect once he was mine, unfortunately, it wasn't near as awesome as I expected. I think it was because of Dillon. It's hard to top the sex we had because as long as I thought he loved me, I felt complete and whole. Then once it was gone, it left a hole in me. But you know, if he and I had sex today, it would be a chore. I'd never do it no matter how much he begged me.
I started to worry about Matt. He'd always lived a solid and balanced life while I was off screwing my life away with no concern about the consequences. It scared me that the same thing might happen to him. I could become his Dillon. While I didn't choose to be, Matt's desire for me and his sexual cravings shot fear through me. I loved Matt, but I was scared. That's the only way I can describe it. And fear is a dangerous thing.
Fear of what lay ahead also bound us together. We still had to face our first day back to school since Dillon had been arrested.
Late Tuesday afternoon, after Matt and I had had Monday night and all of Tuesday sucking, fucking, kissing, licking, hugging, laughing, and crying, Gina and Emily came by and knocked us back into reality when they brought our school assignments. The coaches had signed a card which had a football player wearing one of those barbarian helmets with horns. Obviously, they weren't thinking when they bought the card. What do you expect from dumb jocks? The football player was leaning against a blocking sled saying, "I don't understand why the guys won't let me play with them." It was funny and it made us realize that at least we didn't have to worry about their attitude when we returned to school.
Gina and Emily tried to act like nothing happened. Emily sat next to me on my parent's love seat and Gina sat next to Matt on the couch. Matt later told me he wondered if she could smell the sex he'd been having two days.
"So what have you guys been doing?" Gina asked
"Oh, nothing," Matt answered. "We've been watching TV and playing video games. You know, the usual."
Emily put her hand on my knee. "That's all you've been doing?"
I knew she couldn't suspect something. There wasn't any way either of them would believe Matt would be fucking around with me. The thought made me a little sad. "We threw the football around some. Ate a lot."
"Sounds boring to me, " Gina said. "How 'bout we go for a coke?"
Matt shook his head. "What if we see someone we know?"
"You're with us. No one will say anything. Emily rocked her head from side to side, showing an air of confidence.
"Guess you're right." I turned to Matt. "I'm sure we can handle it. What do you think, Matt?"
"Yeah, it will be nice to get out of the house. We pretty much stay in the house all day."
Emily grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Gina stood and Matt followed. He surprised me when he grabber her hand.
It felt good to get out of the house and into the fall air. It was even nice to be with Emily and Gina after spending two sex filled days with Matt. He glanced over at me and smiled.
"You guys are awfully quiet," Emily volunteered.
Matt smiled at me. "All this stuff that's been going on is wearing us out."
Gina squeezed Matt's hand. "It's going to be tough when you go back to school on Monday."
"They're not going to be as nice as Gina and me," Emily acknowledged.
I gave Emily a quick kiss on the cheek. "Yes, you two are the best. What have they been saying around school?"
Gina and Emily glanced at each other and Emily went on. "It's all the buzz. Dillon was the starting varsity quarterback, Matt is the starting JV quarterback, and you're the starting running back. No one knows what to think. Of course Dillon is getting most of the blame, but the fact that it's athletes and not weird wimpy effeminate guys has everyone baffled."
That kind of irritated me. "That's just one more stereotype. Not all gay guys are weird effeminate wimpy guys. And besides, they shouldn't be criticized because they're gay. After all there are some weird wimpy, effeminate hetero guys too."
Emily backed off some. "I guess you're right. I was stereotyping. Dillon's hot and I guess guys might also find him hot. Obviously, he found you and Matt hot and those two other boys, Thomas and Randy. What a terrible way to begin their freshman year. Who knows how it's going to affect them. I don't know them, but someone said they haven't been at school either."
"Can't we talk about something else?" Matt put in. "This isn't something we really want to talk about."
"Sorry," Gina said. "We just thought it would help to talk about it."
"And besides," Emily explained. "You asked us what was going on."
"You're right. But knock off the stereotyping." I said as we passed a small restaurant we never go to. "Let's go in here. Maybe we can avoid seeing anyone we know."
Everyone nodded as we turned and entered. The place had nice atmosphere. The walls were paneled with wood and decorated like it was in a small country town. There were pictures of cattle grazing in green fields, cowboys riding on the range, and a big bull's head hung on the wall. I guess that's why it was called The Country Kitchen. We found a booth. Emily and I sat on one side and Matt and Gina on the other.
"What are people saying?" Matt asked with trepidation. "I'm afraid to find out."
"Some say you both wanted sex with Dillon. That you're at fault for leading him on. That's mostly coming from the juniors and seniors," Emily acknowledged. "The freshman and sophmores, especially the ones who know you guys and Thomas and Randy think Dillon's at fault. And I hate to say, think you guys have been turned gay."
I laughed. "Turned gay? That's stupid."
Matt looked at Gina and then Emily. "What do you think?"
Emily gave us a serious look. "We don't really care. You guys were our first dates. We love you no matter what." Her faced broke into a smile. "And I can see why Dillon would love to get his hands that fine body of yours, Andy. You too, Matt."
"And besides, you didn't do anything wrong," Gina added. "Dillon raped you guys. You didn't rape him. And then there were the other two boys. He went after them too."
Of course all this time I'm thinking I was a willing participant and lied about Dillon raping me. I knew eventually the truth would come out. What would they think of me then? And what would they think if they knew what Matt and I had been doing for the last two days? Would they still love us? Right, just a few more knots.
"Yeah," I explained. "Dillon must have had them brainwashed because they kept me busy at his birthday party in order to give him a chance to lure Matt up to his room and rape him."
Matt was looking down at the table the whole time. It was like he was having second thoughts about everything. It's one thing when it's just the two of us locked together in our personal sex extravaganza and another when we're out in the real world and all the heat of passion has been left behind. I think he was still having trouble getting over what Dillon did to him.
Gina put her hand under Matt's chin and pulled his head up. "This must really be hard on you. Let's talk about this later. We'll be back again with more work on Friday."
Matt let out a smile. "Sounds good to me."
Then there was silence. What do you talk about when all that happened poisons everything in your life. And to make matters worse, Thomas and Randy walked into the same restaurant just as we were trying to move on. They stood at the door for a few seconds trying to get used to the light, when they saw us. They nodded and were going to sit down when Thomas nudged Randy and they both headed to our table.
I hate to say, but those two boys were hot, still are. No wonder Dillon went after them. My mind slipped away from Matt to a vision of those two having sex with Dillon. I tried to block the image, but couldn't. Did they have a threesome? The question and the images of the three of them sucking and fucking at the Oxford Suites flashed through my mind. Suddenly I was pissed because Dillon didn't include me. "What the fuck's the matter with me?" I thought.
Matt seemed to know what was going through my mind because he gave me a dirty look. There was an awkward silence as the boys stood in front of our table. Thomas spoke first. "We wanted to get out and go somewhere where we wouldn't see anyone and here you guy are. It's probably good because we've been thinking we should talk."
Randy followed with, "But not here." He glanced at Gina and Emily.
I guess he was wondering why we were with the girls. After all, they must have known Dillon and I were having sex. Well, I assumed they did. And of course gay guys do have friends who are girls. Maybe they didn't realize it then.
Matt looked at me and then at them. "I think it's a good idea. Can you meet us at Andy's house in about an hour?"
They looked at each other and nodded before Thomas turned to me. "Are your parents going to be home?"
"Shit, what do they have in mind?" I thought. "Yes. Gina and Emily brought us our school work. But my parents are cool. Don't worry about it."
I looked Thomas and Randy up and down. Both were about the same height and build. They were only freshmen so hadn't gotten their full growth yet. They looked like children to me and then it flashed through my mind that Matt and I were only a year older and I was the same age when Dillon and I began what I now call our affair. Both were trim and athletic looking. Thomas had sandy brown hair and Randy was blond. Cute might describe them. Dillon was handsome, but they were cute. I looked at Matt and he was cute too. If there was a mirror, I'm sure I'd have thought I was cute. We were just kids posing as adults.
Now understand this is an observation I'm making some ten years later. I didn't realize it then. Matt's dad loves to say "Hindsight is 20/20," and I think he's absolutely right.
When I turned away from Thomas and Randy, Gina, Emily, and Matt were all staring at me. I passed it off with a smile.
I turned back to them. "Be at my house in an hour. We can talk then."
"See you in an hour," Thomas said as they walked over and sat at a booth.
Emily spoke with concern in her voice. "Aren't those the two boys Dillon was having sex with?"
Matt cleared his throat. "They are the two boys. Maybe that's what they want to talk to us about. I'm anxious to hear what they have to say."
"Me too," I volunteered, while thinking maybe they wanted a foursome.
As we walked back to the house, Gina changed the subject to our classes and what the teacher's expected. Matt and I kissed them goodbye. They said they'd be back on Friday with more work so we could do it over the weekend. All the time I'm wondering if we'll have time for any school work, what with all the fuck sessions Matt and me are planning. And of course, maybe Thomas and Randy might join us.. I just couldn't get the thought out of my head.
As it turned out, my parents weren't home. There was a note on the sink that said they were going out to eat and then shopping. My heart started pounding.
I read the note to Matt and fear crossed his face. "What the fuck you think you're doing, Andy? I saw the way you were looking at Thomas and Randy."
"Cool your engines, Matt. They're hot looking guys, don't you think? And we know they like gay sex. And they're coming over in about fifteen minutes. To top it off, my parents aren't home."
"So. I'm not into that kinky shit," he offered as he sat at the kitchen table. "Sex between you and me is one thing, but a fucking orgy with two guys we hardly know isn't something I'm interested in. Besides, they're just kids."
I sat across from him. "And what are we, Matt?"
"We're kids too. Maybe we should just stop."
Like I said earlier, fear can be a terrible thing. At that moment I didn't fear for Matt, but I feared for myself. Matt and I had planned to fuck all week and now he's having second thoughts. "Come on, Matt. You're reading too much into this. Let's see what they have to say."
That calmed him. "You're right. I'm overreacting when we don't even know what they want. But I gottta tell you, I'm a little concerned about what you want. Are you going to throw our friendship away for these two guys?"
I quickly gathered my words. "Matt, calm down. Of course not. I love you. You love me. We are forever." There were those words I love you, which for some, are so easy to say. And at that moment, they were for me too. But I wondered if I really loved Matt or just loved his body, his dick, his ass, and the dream of him, just like I loved the idea of sex with Thomas and Randy. I gotta tell you, at that moment I really felt fucked up.
Gina and Emily
Gina and Emily were heading away from Andy's when Emily said, "Wasn't that a bit weird? Did you see the way Andy looked at those two boys. He looked like he wanted to eat them."
"Just your imagination, Em," Gina pointed out. "What was he supposed to do, ignore them?"
"I'm not sure, but it bothered me. We know Andy's gay, right? Why wouldn't he be looking at them that way. He knows they're gay too."
Gina took a pack of gum out of her purse and offered some to Emily. She shook her head. Gina put a piece in her mouth. "I suppose you're right. We know Matt's not gay. At least he wasn't before Dillon raped him. So it only seems logical that Andy might be looking for other gay guys."
"Matt gave Andy a couple dirty looks while he was eying those two hot looking freshmen. Makes me wonder," Emily stated.
"Well, with Andy, you never know. What do you think those boys wanted?"
"Like they said," Emily pointed out. "They just want to talk. Maybe they wanted to talk about what happened. I don't think they've had a chance to discuss it with Matt or Andy."
"I suppose you're right. But something funny was going on," Gina noted.
"Well, it's none of our business. We can find out more when we come back on Friday.
Andy and I slept the day away on Tuesday. We were exhausted from the night before and that morning. We didn't wake up until we heard a car in the driveway. We got dressed and sat at the kitchen table just as Andy's mother walked in. "How come you boys are sitting here instead of watching TV?"
"We were just talking and thinking about getting a coke," Andy volunteered as he walked to the frig and pulled out two Pepsis.
His mother smiled. "Looks like Pepsi to me." She paused. "Oh, by the way, Gina and Emily are coming over with your school work."
That was the first time I thought about schoolwork in the last forty-eight hours. Anyway, Gina and Emily came by and we went to this little out of the way place called The Country Kitchen. We figured we'd avoid running into anyone we knew, but who do you think walked in, but Thomas and Randy.
We'd been talking about what the kids at school were saying and while I wanted to know, I didn't like what I heard and really didn't want to talk about it. Thomas and Randy didn't help matters any. They walked over to our table and said they wanted to talk to Andy and me. It was obvious they were concerned about Emily and Gina so I suggested they come by Andy's in an hour. I'm not sure why I did that because Andy's looking them up and down like they're dinner. We know they're into gay sex and I think I might have given everyone the wrong impression. I figured they wanted to talk about school on Monday. Gina or Emily said Thomas and Randy stayed out of school too. I wonder if the two of them were fucking around like Andy and me.
I'd like to say that the thought of a foursome didn't go through my mind, but it did, just for a second. The look on Andy's face made it look like he was giving it a lot of thought. I made up my mind right then, that gay or straight, I wasn't going to be having sex for the sake of sex. It had to mean something. But you sure wouldn't know it by how sex crazed I'd been for the last two days. My only hope was that the desires would diminish with time and my life would get back to normal. Obviously, they didn't for Andy.
Emily, Gina, and I were staring at Andy as he looked Thomas and Randy up and down. I'm not sure what Gina and Emily were thinking, but fear began to grow inside me. I thought of what Andy said about his inability to feel love except when he was having sex. I began to fear that I wasn't enough for him. I felt stupid. I gave myself to Andy out of love, and now in only two days, I was beginning to have doubts. I'd become so consumed with sex that I was afraid there was no turning back. And if you're thinking it's one more knot, you're right.
Thomas and Randy
Thomas and Randy were surprised to see Matt and Andy sitting with two girls when they entered The Country Kitchen. They'd both stayed home and kept each other company just like Matt and Andy. They'd been having sex with each other and with Dillon all through their eighth grade year, through the summer, and through the first three games of the football season and their freshman year. Their passions had cooled some after Randy's parents found out what was going on and reported Dillon to the police.
Randy's mother had been concerned that he was spending too much time with Dillon. She kept asking him why an older boy would want to spend so much time with two younger ones. They gave the easy answer which was he wanted to help them prepare for football when they went to high school. At first, she accepted that. But the longer it went on the more suspicious she became. She mentioned it to her husband, who didn't think much of it until one day Randy came home later than usual. He questioned him about where he'd been and he said Dillon had taken him and Thomas for a ride to the small resort town a short drive away so they could go to the amusement park.
They grounded Randy and everything might have blown over except Randy snuck out of the house on a Saturday night to hook up with Dillon and Thomas. He got caught in the morning sneaking back through his bedroom window. His mom and dad were in bed when his dad thought he heard some unusual noises coming out of Randy's room so got up to check. The window was open, the screen removed, and Randy's bed was empty. Mr. Gibson laid on Randy's bed to wait for him to return through the window.
Randy didn't see his dad until he was halfway through the window. "Oh shit," he thought.
"Where the hell have you been?" his father questioned. "Have you been with Dillon again?"
Andy's mom heard the ruckus and came running.
"No. Uh. Uh. Thomas and I just wanted to get out. He got grounded too and we had to get out before we went crazy."
His father turned to his mom. "I caught him climbing in through the window."
"So where did you go?" his mother snapped.
"We went to the park and talked."
His dad shook his head. "Are you trying to tell me you talked all night?"
Randy shrugged. "Kinda."
"Something fishy is going on here," his dad said. "I'm going to call Thomas' parents."
He dialed and Thomas' mother answered. He explained the situation and she said they were unaware that Thomas had been gone. "Let me get him." There was silence and then Randy's dad could hear her questioning Thomas. She came back on the line. "Thomas says he and Randy sat out in front of our house and talked."
You could hear the irritation in Randy's dad's voice as he talked into his phone. "Randy said they went to the park to talk and Thomas says they talked in front of your house. Something's not quite right. I hate to say, but I think Dillon's somehow involved. I'm going to call his house, and I'll get back to you." He hung up and turned to Randy. "So what's going on? Were you with Dillon last night?"
"I told you. We were at the park."
"Thomas said you were in front of his house. Which is it?"
Randy could feel the noose tightening as his father called Dillon's house. His mother answered. Randy's dad said, "We really appreciate the time your son is spending with Randy. The boys said they had a great time last night."
"I'm so glad," she responded. "The boys just love the amusement park. Dillon even paid for them to stay overnight so they wouldn't have to drive back late at night. He thought they'd enjoy it. He got in late this morning."
Mr. Gibson dad gave Randy a stare as he spoke into the phone. "Thank him for us and tell him we really appreciate it."
Of course, the shit hit the fan after that. They called Thomas' parents and a couple hours later they were all together pulling out the facts. The boys told them about how Dillon seduced them with the promise of football glory, porn, money, the amusement park, and the Oxford Suites. Their parents' hearts were broken because they felt their boys' childhoods had been stolen. They called the police, the police interviewed Thomas and Randy, and Dillon was arrested. Andy's name came out during the interview and you know the rest.
Randy and Thomas didn't mention that they'd been promised a night at the boardwalk and a stay at the Oxford Suites in exchange for them entertaining Andy during Dillon's birthday party. Dillon never told them of his plan for Matt, but the lure of a sleep over and uninterrupted sex clouded their minds.
Chapter Quote: "There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life." ― John Lennon
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