A Matter of Perspective

by Elias Scott

Chapter 4

I wrote the author, whose name is Frank again in August. By that time, I wasn't sure I could make it through the year. I think our correspondence best describes what happened between us until we were forced to end our friendship. I started with my first email to him in April.

Reading these early emails makes me realize how desperate I was. I knew I was miserable, but seeing it in writing brought it all back to me. This line caught my eye just like it probably caught yours. "Sad as it sounds, if it wasn't for my lab, Max, who listens to me and loves me unconditionally, I probably wouldn't be writing this note, or any others. Nuff said about that."

Suicide had gone in and out of my mind many times. We live in hunting and fishing country so there are four or five guns in our house. I pictured myself taking one of my dad's pistols, putting it in my mouth, and shooting it through my brain. I figured it would be the quickest and safest way to make sure I died, didn't maim myself, and become a vegetable.

My memory must be slipping because I don't remember writing about suicide. But it must have embarrassed me because I added, "Nuff said about that."

Sure I talked about going into the Army, but I didn't want to. But when you're trapped, you'll do anything to get free. The Army became my temporary alternative to suicide. The thing is, I hadn't even started my senior year where I'd spend the whole year being pushed into lockers and called names. Plus, if I wanted to go into the Army, I had to put on at least twenty pounds, which was a lot for me.

Frank wrote me back the next day.

I wrote him back the same day.

My phone let me know he'd written me back so I answered him right away.

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