As They Say

by D K Daniels

Entry 39

All Our Little Quirks

14th July 1991

As expected I haven't budged all that much today. My legs have been confined to an assortment of spaghetti. I never thought that yesterday would've been so physically enduring. I imagined that when I came down yesterday. This would be it, and everything would be okay. Evidently when I woke up this morning the pain in the back of my legs was unreal. I suppose I am a little out of shape, though then again when you compare a straightforward climb or running up the mountain, I surmise that's not a fair comparison. I did, nevertheless, manage to crawl out of bed groggy and sore all over. I needed to take Ross to see the Sunday market. I don't believe he was ever to it and I doubt his grandparents had taken him previously. Therefore, I made it my business to get up and take him.

The Sunday market is a spring up venue that happens once a month on the last Sunday of the month. In all fairness, it had been years since I'd been there. The fair is not my thing. Still, they do make some homemade candy, and they often hand out freebies, so when sweets are concerned you can count me in no matter how dreadfully, painfully dull the experience might be.

Furthermore, if the liveliness was boring then at least, I had Ross by my side to make everything that more durable. Following yesterday I have this uncontrollable excitability to everything I'm doing. It's like I'm crazy in love or something. I'm so god damn happy when I'm making toast, sitting on the toilet, and talking to Ross... Not that Ross in any way is impartial to sitting on the toilet. But argh…. I exhibited crazy. Not a bad crazy, it's like an electricity inside of me. No matter what I had to do for the day, everything was spontaneously made great by reflecting my meeting with Ross. I have no idea how he does it; he is not even around sometimes, and he manages to make my day run efficiently and smoothly. Plus anytime he does cross my mind I can't help but smile. I guarantee shortly after dinner when I was washing the dishes that I resembled maniacal. I must've been grinning so hard that my mother asked me while she was cleaning and I was drying, "are you, okay honey?" And all I could do was nod… aw… sigh.

Oh yeah regarding the market; I believe Ross liked it. On the contrary, I enjoyed it too. I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I said let's go to the fair. Admittedly, I could've considered a more equivalent enjoyable pastime to take up. Only it was nice getting out. It was pleasing seeing all the familiar faces, the atmosphere, and experiencing the friendly vibe of the entire town folk. Having Ross right beside me for the whole of the day gave a superb feeling. Ross chose to browse because it took us a full hour just to get through the food stalls. Not that I had any problem with this, but he stopped up every single booth.

Something about how he observed all the offerings and inhaled the sweet heavenly smell of chocolate and whatnot made me realise honestly what a wonderful human being Ross is. The funny ideal of it all is that Ross does not try to be anything he is not. Ross remains himself, and that's how I love him. I would never ask him to change; if he did, I'd be distraught. On a few of occasions, he urged me if I wanted to try the candied preservative's and of course being the blubbering idiot I am considering I can't say no when Ross is about. I blatantly agreed to eat Liquorice. Mind you the red candied Liquorice is tasty. Ross wanted me to try the black and god I will never understand why people would eat the black. Thank god when the two of us ate the black the two of us didn't like it. We quickly excused ourselves and spat out the remains into a nearby been. The both of us immediately chuckled at the show of no fucks given. If there is one thing, I've come to notice it is that the both of us have grown extremely comfortable with each other. I would've in the past, spat out the entire mouthful worth of anything. I would've been a little sceptical as even to do that in the first place, considering I was trying to make an impression. Only it didn't appear that way when I did it today with Ross. It seemed harmless and relaxed. Everything that we did today was laid-back, and I savoured that.

When we got back from town Ross left it until the very last minute to tell me that his granddad had asked him to paint the inside of the shed. Now I would've postponed my plans if I had known that Ross had chores to do. I thought it was cute all the same that he put all that on the back burner just to spend time with me. That has got to mean something right? Anyway, as I was saying... stuff kind of happened again. And by stuff, I mean we… Fooled around again. I mean I didn't see it coming… No that's not a pun. Seriously Ross is spontaneous like this. I offered to help him figuring that four hands and two people are better than one person and two hands. That by the time we'd finished we would still be able to hang out for a little bit. We did get finished; only it took quite a long to wash in the shower afterwards because I was covered in paint. I mean there was a good proportion of colour all over my body. I think the worst of the tar-like substance was coated all over my hair. And I'm not in the mood to recount that particular scenario because I was scrubbing in the shower for a long time I will tell you that much.

Ross and I got changed into a pair of old clothes and then the both for set out to decorate. At first, it was all serious. I was set about trying to finish the task at hand as quick as possible and as sufficiently. When I glanced across at Ross, he seemed to be rooted in thought though he was still carried away with the brushing. Eventually, it got to the point that the two of us started cracking some jokes to break the monotony of the silence. Someplace between us breaking jokes Ross made a sexual joke and display with the stroke of a brush. He sensually let his knees waver and give way, and it gave a sexual kind of aura as he brushed up and down with each stroke of the paintbrush. Of course, it wouldn't take a genius to amount what happened to me. The site in front of me most undoubtedly captivating. It didn't take much to arouse me when Ross is concerned. Only I assume Ross has come to notice this little minuscule detail. Therefore perhaps he did it in a way to tease me and the teasing of the entire moment made me horny. I mean would you blame me if he was making a sexually submissive show. Though, I'm still not sure if it was implied as a joke. There is a possibility that what was employed as a joke and what led on after was our own doing. Because trying to be as playfully enticing as Ross was like; I dipped the edge of my brush in the paint and smeared it across his nose.

Ross immediately grew volatile; you should've seen the cheeky leer and grin he had to his character. It was like he was waiting for me to act on something and I guess I pressed all the right buttons. The two of us ended up in some paint war. Mind you we didn't waste a whole lot of paint, but still, his granddad was a little annoyed the with us afterwards. The two of us began swiping each other with the tip or painting devices and then eventually we dropped the brushes and started using our hands. I'd dipped my fingers into the vat of paint and then smear it across his face and into his clothes, and he was doing the same to me.

Ultimately, we started the cling out of one another and then that's when I initiated a kiss. Everything that had occurred momentarily merely came to a complete, abrupt standstill. Ross stood there, peeped down at his clothes and then reverted his attention up to me. That gorgeous smile bestowed on his face, and then a hearty chuckle followed. All I could do was sigh at how beautiful his smile is/was and that laughter of his turned into a giggle. I felt entrapped in another world. And even if I wanted to escape and run away for fear of being recaptured I don't think I would have also moved if I wanted to. I'd be like a seal laying on a rock not budging because everything is so subtly perfect. Inevitably his radiant chuckle trickled to a stop and then the both of us reverted to a stillness. It was so still that the both of us could hear each other's erratic breeding from the boisterous behaviour seconds before.

"You're a mess...," I brazenly said.

Ross's face was covered in white paint. The only thing I could make out was his two eyes and clumps of his chalked hair. Ross locked eyes with me and intensely observed me. I was petrified to move considering he had such a chokehold on me without actually having to touch me. Then like that Ross pivoted his head back toward one of the empty stable areas and then back to me. He interlocked his hand with mine and started to lead me to where he wanted me to go. Like that, I was powerless to resist. All I could do was follow. Let's say that what I had thought would have never happened today, happened. Ironically Ross held me down there. As did I, although it was a whole new approach to what we had already done. And of all places, I don't think I'll ever figure out why we decided to stay in the garage to do it. I recall a part of the experience was due to the fear of getting caught. I will not lie there was an airy mystic coolness to the atmosphere. It was as if what if someone walked by right now and they are only a brick wall between our naughty deed as to their subconscious stroll.

Squeezing my hand gently Ross guided me to the same stable that I had been in a while back. From their, Ross pulled me into the darkness and shut the door behind him. Right... there wasn't much light, but the bar of the crepuscular sun coming through the slip in the frame gave us enough light to make out where the both of us where. I could see his face; it was shrouded in darkness. Only the softness of his cheeks came through and the glassiness of his eyes. Everything fell silent until eventually, I felt the same process of elimination from Ross's behalf. He rubbed the front of me as he did in the room the other day and I immediately got harder in an instance. I have no idea what changed so quickly as to amount to us hiding in the horse stable doing what we were doing. Except I didn't care what brought us to that conclusion; because I was enjoying the sensation of Ross's palm rubbing my crotch.

Ironically the two of us couldn't contain ourselves, so we re-enacted the entire process. Everything got hot and heavy rather quickly till the both of us were holding our dicks in our hands. The both of us became bashful at how quickly it had all amounted and the both of us reverted to gazing at each other and masturbating at the sight in front of us.

The exposure was erotic; how Ross would let a slight whimper of excitement come from his securely sealed lips; or the faint sigh of pleasure. The intensified seclusion blanketed us in a warm embrace. With the stroking and steamy visage in front of me, I felt like I got a tingle that shot from my dick to my brain and suddenly I had the overwhelming urge to kiss Ross. Like that I dove in; like a bomber would freefall and pressed our lips together. A sinking feeling presented itself in my chest and made me internally happy. Not realising what I was doing exactly I reached out subconsciously and took Ross's penis in my hand. Its soft velvet cover was a gratifying sensation in my hand. I enclosed my palm around it and began to apply a deliberate and sensual up-and-down motion. The moment was reappreciated when Ross worked his way to my hardness and began to fondle me with a light grasp. His touch was electric and ambiguously delightful. There were so many wild and raw sensations and emotions running rampant in my head at that point that I had wholly dropped whatever reality remained on its head. All I could focus on was his breathing and the euphoria exhilaration between my legs. It was at that moment that the two of us began to get a little more hands-on.

Something shifted in the air about what we were doing, and it was more intimate. Before I knew what was what, the two of us were holding each other up. I let my left hand draped loosely on Ross's shoulder; likewise, Ross hung his left arm over mine.

I masturbated with my right, and when the two of us reached the point of no return, we both bow our heads toward each other. Everything about the time was perfect, the sound, the texture of his hardness, the hot, ragged escapes of air, then finally the finale. I don't believe I've ever cum so hard. For a moment afterwards I was lightheaded, and whatever energy I did have left, it was zapped out of me.

The two of us stood there giggling for a second as we regained our composure and cleaned away any of the evidence of what had happened. As with the time before Ross and I, we reverted to our usual ways and spoke nothing of what had happened to each other. Although secretly the both of us would give sly glances indicating what we had just done didn't go unnoticed, though to say something directly about it, it hasn't happened yet.

Anyhow, I think that's all that is what noting for today. I said I'd help my dad around the house for a little bit tomorrow before heading out with Ross. I know I would love to spend every waking moment with him, but I can't precisely ditch my house chores at the moment. Plus it's not fair seeing my dad struggling to do a two-man job when there is only himself around to do it.

So, night – Adam.

15th July 1991

I still can't believe Emma is ignoring me; that bitch needs to sort herself out… okay well, that came out of nowhere… I'm sorry… She's so personal, and I can't help but take it to heart when she doesn't even hear me out for an honest mistake. I have attempted three times to mend the wound with her, and she won't have any of it. Anytime I turn up at Eli's she scampers off and doesn't return for my duration. What I did: was it that bad for to warrant such an ignorant response from her. She could at least try and hear me out instead she's stubborn about the whole thing. I think my patience now at this point is bearing then. Any energy I did have to try and fix the problem is now turning into aloof energy that doesn't appear to care about the issue anymore.

I mean why should I fix a bickering that is never going to be set when the other party won't even hear you out. At this point, my tolerance level for any niggling that should be sorted is testing my self-control. Mind you know I thought I did have a reasonable amount of control over my emotional support mainframe. Nevertheless, with all the shit that's going on here, I feel like I want to explode and that whatever heated exchange of words leaks out leaks. I mean I have been honest with Emma; I have apologised numerous times, and all I get for my effort is a grunt and a fluttering of the eye or maybe a little face of disgust.

I tell you this much it's not precisely exhilarating from my end. I presumed I would've been able to trust her to be mature. I mean she didn't just let me down by not turning up for Ross's birthday, plus not hearing me out, and furthermore I thought she would have understood what I said at the lake, but apparently, it went in one ear and out the other. The reason I'm mentioning this now of all days is that I ended up stopping by Eli's with Ross around lunch to see if he wanted to meet up or do anything. Of course, while I was there, I ran into Miss Fucking Bonanza. She believes she's more superior than everybody else. When you realistically think about it, she's a farm girl. I know it's mean when I put it like that but I'm getting grouchy at this point because it's ridiculous that in this day and age since we've known each other for so long that she won't accept a fucking apology.

Anyway, I promised myself before I'd sit down to write this that I wouldn't harbour on about her and ironically that's what I've done. Never mind let's move on from this I guess she doesn't want to know me anymore so I should attempt to get on with it. But that is going to be a little bit of a predicament considering I'm still friends with her brother. Anyhow as I was saying when I got up this morning, I did the chores that I said I'd do with my dad and then I knocked in for Ross. It was like he was waiting for me again to show up. I remember when we first started becoming friends that he would be already dressed and fully alert when I knocked early in the morning. Then again this was around 11 AM, so I suppose most of the country would've been awake. I guess I operate in a different functioning time zone like most other humans. I mean there can be days that I do nothing but sleep all the way up to lunch, and then another day I wake up at 6 AM. What's up with that? It's funny how no day is ever the same. I'm either groggy the one and an exuberant the next, but hey that's me.

We decided that we'd head over to Eli, of course, like I mentioned and see if he wanted to hang out with us. I ran into Emma at the bottom of their drive, and she entirely acted all stubborn and sarcastic toward me, the worst part was it was in front of Ross. All he could do was stand there like a dull tool and observe because he didn't exactly know how to handle it himself.

I was more annoyed at the fact that she treated me that way in the presence of Ross. I mean I would've been able to handle it if Ross wasn't with me, I don't imagine I would have cared regardless of the matter if he wasn't there. Though as one of the unlikeliest of scenarios, Ross was there for the showdown between Emma and I. I suppose from afar it looked a little bit cold and detached. I'm not trying to be unfriendly or callous or anything like that. It's just Emma is a hard person to talk to at the moment. Perhaps she will be this way for the rest of eternity, which I don't care all that much for because from the very start she has been a pain in my balls. We said a couple of heated words, and then the two of us brushed past each other and carried on with what we had set out to do. She left her house, and I marched up the driveway with Ross in toe to knock for Eli.

The first thing out of Eli's mouth was, "did you bump into my sister?"

With a nod, I confirmed his question. Eli said, "yeah I hope it wasn't too bad. She's in a real cranky mood today." Unlike that, he invited us in.

We sat in the small nook under the stairs, and Eli brought us drinks. Only this time he wasn't as nearly as long as he was the first time that he did this for me. Eli said that his sister had had her period. At the time he said it I did not need to know that sort of information because it's disgusting. He could've just left it at yeah... No problem she is just cranky. But no, it got much worse than that because now all I can think of when Emma's name comes to mind is that all she is offering to the world today is blood and sarcastic one-liners. I'm not trying to be derogatory or anything here. I mean that's my observation of her today. Mind you I have heard that the experience is supposed to be very painful for women. I'm not that accustomed to the process, but all I know is that when my mam used to get them, she'd go nuts. Thankfully boys don't have to endure that amount of pain. I don't know what I'd do if I had this uncontrollable pain in the base of my nuts; and once a month at that too.

So, when we finished talking about the menstruation process, which I have no idea how or why it was needed. We decided to go down to the GAA grounds and play some football. It was a refreshing day away from all the drama. I can already tell that I'm going to miss the soft mutual feeling. I can't explain it all that much, but it lingers in the air when everyone is together. Possibly it stays when Ross is around; it gives a sense of sunny nostalgia to our meetings. It adds warmth, texture and colour to our conversations. It's like a security blanket; only it's not needed for protection, it's beneficial.

I assume when Ross leaves that unique perception that presents itself anytime he is around will be gone. For the most part, we kicked the football around and enjoyed ourselves. The last week or so I haven't had as much one-on-one time Ross. In some shape or way, everyone has wanted to be in his company including me.

Anyway, as I was saying, we played kick about for nearly an hour in the afternoon sun. There was a time when all three of us was each man of our own; then we'd change it up and alter the progression of the game. At one point it was Eli and me against Ross, and you know what Ross is a pretty good tackler. Although from what I seem to notice his aim is not very good. But that's not something I would class as a bad thing because I still love him all the same. I don't know how quite to explain what Ross means to me. I know I love him; you know like your best friend, and you have that particular vibe you only get from a good friend. Yeah well… that vibe, except it, seems to be stronger. Everything I want to do with Ross makes me feel wonderful, adventurous and that I could take on any ridiculous scenario in a video game. Eventually, all three of us grew tired, and we sat for a little bit on the grass to catch our breath and regain stamina. While we were seated, we chatted amongst ourselves. The conversation shifted from topic to topic. However, I increasingly liked one discussion when Eli asked, "if your life had a team song, what would it be? and why?"

When Ross came back and said, "The Simpsons song…" all three of us took a moment of silence to recall how the theme went and then we began to snicker.

When Eli asked me I stated, "I don't know…"

The funny part of the situation is that Eli blurted out, "yours is the Murder She Wrote theme."

All I could do was smirk at the joke; though I took it personally I don't know why and I sternly rebuked… "fuck off…" and then started laughing. There were no foul and stale disputes. Everything appeared fresh and in good humour. I found it funny that Eli called me boring by using a song from a tv show later in the day.

After about an hour or so of discussing various topics, we concluded that we were a little peckish. Of course, when it comes to real food for boys our age what is considered normal and acceptable food by our parents turns into a trip to the sweetshop when we are hungry. Eli had some money on him, and we each bought something that we'd all like to have and then left the shop. We decided that we'd head back towards Eli's house and when we were about halfway there the idea loomed that we could go to the hill in the O'Neill's field. The concept was made clear, and everyone agreed, firstly Eli wanted to get rid of his ball. So we decided to take the quickest optimum route back to Eli's house. The walk along the deserted backroads never seemed so short in all my years. The pleasant conversation, playful antics and banter kept life in the gathering. It was great to see that no hard feelings were lagging with Eli and I and that Ross was laughing so much that I don't think he could get any happier.

Dropping his football off Eli tossed it over his garden wall, and we all turned off at the next switchback road and walked the dusty gravel drive. We snailed down the gravelled path past many gates that led into numerous fields, of which were separated by a gully and mound of earth each side of the trail. After a bit of a stroll we turned back out onto the main road, and the O'Neill's field was on our right. Momentarily we stopped at the gate and observed to make sure that there were no bulls in the area and proceeded to hop the fence. The was cattle a ways off the two fields over what the distance but we didn't see any cause for alarm. From there we trudged the distance to the hill and clambered up. After all of that we were slightly spent, so we plopped down harshly, and like that I let myself drop abruptly, and my tailbone hit the hard earth, and a surge of pain surged in my body. Eli immediately started laughing, and Ross looked over at me in alarm. I gave him the signal that I was okay, and then I recalled that day when Ross was here alone, and I had sat down violently, and he came to my aid. Maybe Ross does not like to see me get hurt, aw... that is sweet.

Everything was fine, and the ambience was brilliant. I was worry free and relishing the sun. I even lay down to take in the rays and listen to the gentle wisp of the wind, the faint rustle of the trees and a nearby bird communicating with its fellow companions. The stillness was delightful. We all did our own thing; Ross remained sitting up with an arm on his knee, staring off into the field, and Eli resorted to making a musical instrument with his hands, from a large blade of grass and his mouth. Eli has done it on more than one occasion. You know where you place a large thick piece of grass between your two thumbs, yeah that.

Anyhow so he resorted to making that sound occasionally when it would work with him, others not so much. I began to drift off from the peacefulness of the entire experience. I was immersed in the visceral solitude, not even the nearby rook that was crowing was enough to rouse me. That was until Eli began talking again. I wasn't paying attention at first. I was trying to zone out to the conversation, but eventually, it seemed that it was something worth hearing. Like that, I used my arm as a sun shield, opened my eyes partially to make out Ross sitting beside me. The exposure to the bright radiation made my vision obscured with an opaque green tint. Though all the same I could still make it Ross who was intently listening to what Eli had to say. I remained in my reclined position and alerted the boys that I was joining in on the conversation. And just like that, the discussion continued.

Eli said, "you know Ross it was nice getting to know you... You're sound man."

Although I couldn't see Eli I could hear him all that perfectly clear. He took a second before continuing and then mumbled out, "Em… Adam's lucky... I mean both of you guys are lucky... To have found each other." The topic of discussion dwindled and trickled to a halt, and I set up from my reclined position and shot my attention over at Eli in disbelief. I was nervous about the conclusion he was trying to draw. Did Eli finally make out what was going on between me and Ross. My heart was running rampant in my chest, and all I could think of was oh god. If I was sweating at the time it was beginning to turn to a cold sweat from fear. I don't think I was quite ready to hear such a statement coming from one of my friends. Though given that I had told Eli that I was interested in someone else he must've put two and two together because I don't think Eli stupid. It's even more worrisome that he actually does know now. I mean what happens if we ever have a fight in the future and I'm still in the closet and he outs me. I wouldn't say that that would be Eli's primary motivation. On the off chance that it could happen I'd say it would be a small chance of it ever happening considering he has never divulged any secrets I have ever told him before. Any time we've ever been in an argument he has never said anything that I have shared with him in secret.

The three of us persisted quietly, and the seclusion was pulled in around us. It was like as if time had entirely come to a standstill and Ross and I was the centre of the attention. I looked across at Eli hoping that whatever he was going to say next wouldn't destroy my reputation or work me into a frenzy. He seemed to be having trouble trying to find the right words because he stopped and then started, likewise, he began again and then halted. "I just want to say…," He nervously ushered. "It's… It's okay to be not like the rest... Normal... What's normal," he chuckled.

The relief I felt after that had left his mouth brought comfort to me that I'll never truly understand. Whatever the source of such material originated from I'll never know. Only it sounded poetic to my ears at the time, deep even because Eli does not want to speak consciously out of turn on something like that. It is a little worrisome contemplating all the different aspects and the difficulty ratio of what would happen if anyone else found out but for the most part, I'm unusually calm about such a situation. I just returned my attention to the visage of the village in the distance. Ross was as quiet as a mouse. Then when the silence had grown on me, I just shifted my attention back to Eli and gave him a smirk. That was all that was mentioned. It's admirable that he took such a daringly leap without me having to get all awkward about it.

When we decided to leave, all three of us got up and ambled down the hill toward the gate. The cattle that were in the field had gotten substantially closer. That was when I noticed a bull. Now you'd think I'd be scared shitless considering a beast was in proximity. Except I was more calm and rational than the boys. Ross was the one that noticed it, he said, "that does not look like a cow."

When I asked him to point out what he was talking about, I looked around to my side, and sure enough, it was a big black bull. Now the animal was minding its own business, and it would occasionally glance up at us. But if we didn't panic and walked at a leisurely pace toward the gate, it wouldn't alert it. I distinctively told Ross not to run; however, he did just that. I've never been so petrified in all my life. I mean Eli could follow that simple demonstration, only the second I told Ross not to run he took off for his life.

Then of course when I peered back around at the bull, the bull was beginning to charge. All I knew was that I didn't want to be gorged to death so in a panic I started sprinting as hard as I could. Eli was right next to me, of course, he wasn't stupid he wasn't waiting around for a bull to kill him. We made it to the gate, and all three of us hopped over it without any real problems or getting trampled. It appeared like a reasonable thing to do at the time, but after that near-death encounter, everyone started laughing and giggling. I don't think it was funny in any way shape or form. It was more or less the fact that we hopped the fence before the bull could even get near us. Then again, I haven't seen a beast in that field for years, so I'm not going back in there for a while.

Later that evening we parted ways, and Eli seemed to be genuine in his approach. Ross and I were somehow comforted by the fact that Eli had accepted us no questions asked. It's rather bizarre because I thought it would have been an exemplary notion to learn about coming out. Perhaps my ideals are wrong; considering that any time someone comes out, they are always scolded for being that way. Oddly Eli reacted the opposite, and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to make of it. It's lovely of course but the most prominent hurdle, of course, is going to be my parents if I ever have to tell them, but if I can get away with it I don't think I'll ever tell them. Ross and I didn't want to split up just yet considering we only had a limited amount of time left in each other's company we decide to make most of it.

We ended up back at my house in the garage. I resorted to continuing my railcar model while Ross yapped on about other matters. I even found out that Ross can juggle. I know it seems like an odd talent now that I think of it but I found it amusing at the time. When he stated that he could, I challenged him. So, I intentionally left him in the shed, and I went to get apples. When I came back, I handed them to him and asked him to perform the trick. Of course, he got all bashful and shy about it and said that he shouldn't. I, however, insisted that he had to show me how he juggled.

Eventually, I got Ross to relent which was cute to see that he has a pressure point. If you keep nagging and nagging and nagging, he will finally give in. The first time he started juggling he tried it with two apples so that he could get into the swing of things. Ross said that he hadn't done this in a long time, so he said he needed the practice. I was like yeah right… you said you could juggle you've got to juggle. It took him a couple of tries to get three apples going at the same time, and then eventually he got four operating, and then I threw in the fifth apple. It was funny to see him struggle trying to watch all the apples going at the same time. I, of course, had to be evil, and I tossed in a sixth apple and then he lost it. All the momentum that he had built up plummeted to the ground, and Ross let out a sigh of relief. He was trying hard to keep all the apples going one time.

Anyhow, I think today turned out pretty well. Ross seems happy, and I found out a new thing that he can do. And on the contrary, I feel lighter about the whole situation with Eli. The sudden notion of Ross leaving has hit me again. I think I'm going to leave it at this for the night. I'm going to crawl up into bed and practice what it feels like to be lonely. Night – Adam.

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