As They Say

by D K Daniels

Entry 16

Down By The Lake

29th May 1991

I know I know; I was supposed to crawl out of bed this morning, walk up to Ross's door- knock and then tell him I love you. Though it did not happen anything like that; instead I crawled out of bed; came down the stairs and when I got to the bottom them, I unintentionally missed the last step and face planted the wooden floor in the hallway. I busted my nose, but hey I'm still okay. I don't think I have any permanent brain damage; okay that was a bit dark, but I swear I'm okay. So let's get on with the show; after my mam patched me up; followed with some unwanted intentional kissing and hugging- which might I add is suffocating; I finally got out the door and to pick up Ross. I was secretly praying and hoping that he wouldn't notice my nose. I guess it did look a small bit swollen, but I think I was shit out of luck if I could try and ask for a nose job considering they cost thousands.

When I reached the door, I knocked and nervously waited; any courage I had built up when I was coming down the stairs had gone when I hit the floor. You can imagine how dumb I must've looked standing there at the door. It felt like something was lodged in my throat, I wanted to get something, but it wouldn't come out. So instead Ross broke the ice and said, "come in." His grandparents were both awake. They were in the kitchen making breakfast when I arrived. Ross animatedly brought me into them without much regard; he just dragged me along. I shit you not; he latched onto my wrist and guided me there. When I got there, his grandparents were gathered around the large island in the centre of the kitchen. They were making breakfast, and on top of that, they were baking bread. Homemade bread is tasty. My mam never really made such things, and if they were, they were very far in between. So when I sat down Ross's grandmother offered me breakfast though considering I had already eaten I didn't want any, though she insisted. So, I took some of her nice bread. When I bit into it, it was so nice and warm. When I glanced across at Ross, he was just snacking away like a child would be eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He looked like he was in heaven, he was obviously savouring the taste. And then his grandmother out of nowhere said, "would you like to come to dinner Adam?"

I thought I heard things at first because; I've never eaten Ms Wilson's dinner before. In all the years I've known her- sure she's given me a couple of chocolate bars and the odd drink: now and then when she was watching me when my parents had to run out. Though this was new, and when I saw the look on Ross's face, I just knew that I have to accept the invitation. Was this some little setup or something between his grandmother and him. Either way, I went to the dinner, and it was nice. And afterwards, Ross and I hung out in his bedroom for a little bit. Though I will get to that in a minute.

After the breakfast, we head out. We mounted the bikes, and we rolled off toward the town. Instead of going straight, we took the right road on the intersection that led away from the town. After what felt like ten hours cycling, which in reality it was probably twenty minutes. I turned off the path and into a secluded area where trees shrouded over us. I've known about this place for a while now. Carl had shown it to me a couple of months ago. I don't understand why I'm only thinking of it now, but I taught that he would like it. Sure it's dangerous, but at least we didn't kill ourselves.

We cycled deep into the woods then got off the bike's and propped them against a tree. I never attempted to climb such a vigorous thing without Carl. After all here's the brave one of the two us. And it was him who nailed all the rungs into the tree, and assembled a decking around the top of the tree. When Ross saw it his eyes lit up; he didn't even wait for my go-ahead he just started climbing. I was a little bit worried in case I had taken him to the wrong place. I was a bit scared because it was so high that he'd fall and it would be all my fault if he did. Though he didn't thankfully; it's impossible to describe the ecstasy I felt when we reached the top. All I could do while climbing was look at his ass. Of course, I didn't want to; not that I didn't either. He has a perky bum; it's really round and plump. Though I should stop thinking about that right now before it starts making me all hard down there.

Once I reached the top, I felt the relief and some safety from the long and strenuous climb. I think Ross likes this spot more than all the other places I have shown. It felt magical; the two of us just watching the sun get lower and lower along the tree line until eventually, it ducked down between the land and the trees. We were quite high up, maybe a four or a five-story building in height. We just sat there and took in the nature sounds and the imagery of the sun setting. Both his letter legs dangled over the side of the terrace, and I leaned back on my elbow's enjoyed the sun.

Ross remained unusually quiet, and just as I was beginning to close my eyes; I felt his hand on my hand. I didn't want to open my eyes, but they opened spontaneously. And I glanced down at my hand, and sure enough, Ross's was on top of mine. I didn't move because I liked the feeling; I was secretly hoping that he wouldn't either. Then when the sun ducked down between the trees, it began to get a little cold and eventually we had to climb back down and start making our way back home. I felt a bit weird afterwards, I mean it was awesome, and I felt special. Nothing was said, I think it was the quietest interaction I have ever experienced; it was so robotic. We arrived back at the house; later his mood shifted, and then he was this talkative happy again. Not that he wasn't pleased when he was walking beside me either he was just

contemplating, as was I.

As invited, I sat down to dinner with his grandparents; firstly, however, I popped home to tell mam I was eating out. She was a little flustered after I told her because she has already started dinner. So, after some begging on my behalf, I asked her to save it for my tea; and as I write this entry, it feels like my stomach is going to explode. I ate so much today.

Ross's grandmother doesn't skimp on the plate; she fills them to the rim of the set and piles it adaquailty high on the plate too. I have no idea how I managed to eat mams grub when I got home, but yeah it was lovely. There was a moment when the both of us where sitting at the table and Ross was tucking in and getting slightly carried away with his food. It was like he hadn't eaten in a month, and his grandmother told him to slow down. I have no idea why, but I found it funny and rather cute at the same time. If a girl ate like that she'd be classed as a slob; what's up with that? As Ross downed fork-fulls of mashed potatoes. Near the end of the meal, he let this hollow belch out. I don't think he was expecting it; none of us where. The entire table fell silent, and his grandmother gave him a stern expression across the spread. I began to giggle and then before long Ross broke into a chuckle, and his grandad let his belly jingle with a gentle laugh. All the while his grandmother tutted' us off for finding some quite rude- funny. Although he did say sorry; the way he did so was even more adorable because in-between the hiccups he developed a laughed at the bluntness. I was secretly betting on the fact, that he was giggling so hard that the fork with the clouds of fluffy mash would discharge across the table if it slipped out of his hand. Though it didn't; he finished the entire plate; he can pack away some amount of food I can tell you that.

Well yeah, that was today; I know I was supposed to tell Ross how adorable he is but I just couldn't. When I tried earlier, an odd sensation came up my throat. It felt like little bubbles where fizzing up my neck. You know that feeling when you drink a fizzy drink, and it makes you all gasy- well it was like that, only I hadn't drank anything. Okay well I better to go to bed, my eyes are hanging out I'm so tired, though hey… at least I'm happy and a little afraid at the same time. Oh, and lastly; about Ross's room; well he carries these weird looking circles with handmade spiderwebs interwoven in them. I asked my mam and the first thing that came to mind for her after I mentioned it was a dreamcatcher. I guess I should stop by the library and figure out what those things are made for. Though from what she told me; and the given name of it it has to catch dreams. Is that even possible?

Anyway - Night - Adam.

30th May 1991

Well, today was different; when I woke up this morning, the sun was shining so high in the sky. I knew from the get-go it was going to be gorgeous today. But that's not all because all the gang had assembled and knocked for me. I got goosebumps when I went to the door. When my mam told me my friends were there, I was surprised. The boys knocked for Ross; I thought that was cool. They honestly didn't exclude him, and since they walked by his house first, they knocked in for him. I feel proud; I'm not too sure if it's a little bit selfish, but there is this funny feeling in my chest that makes me feel humble. No, wait, where's my rubber. I think humble means less or something like that. What I mean is it feels like I have a coating of honey flavouring my insides. Yeah, I know it's a little odd when I phrase it like that, but that's how it feels. So, I left the boys all outside, darted up the stairs and rumbled through my wardrobe for the best pair of T-shirt and shorts I've got to my name. I wanted it to look casual, and cute.

When we finally left the house, we all went into town, bought junk food and went to the lake. It started off with nothing but lounging around at the start; As the sun's rays intensified, we began losing layers of clothing. First, it was T-shirts; we had an excuse to doff our T-shirts. It was a strange notion among us all that we wanted just to take off all our clothes and go swimming. And well someone did. I glanced around for Eli, and he had disappeared, I was about to ask Carl when Eli came running from behind the castle in his birthday suit. He sprinted past us, churned into the water and dove headfirst into the lake.

Everyone started immediately sniggered; I guess you could say I even got a chuckle. When I looked across at Ross, he wasn't laughing as much. He was just looking toward the lake at Eli. I didn't see anything other than his bare ass, but something caught me from the way that Ross was looking at Eli in the water. Before we knew what was what; Carl was starting to take his shorts off, followed by his socks and then shredding his underwear as he ran towards the water. I had a vague idea as to where this was going and that everyone didn't care about public indecency. I felt myself suddenly becoming uncomfortable; though a spark of excitement came about. Soon Thomas joined the boys in the water, then Conor. It was just me and Ross left on the beach, and I knew I'd have to be man enough to join my friends and also persuade Ross to get in the water with us.

The twinge of excitement raced through my body. As time went by it was just me and Ross left on the beach. I fully realised the repercussion I was in. Me, a gay boy on a beach with four other naked boys in the water, and Ross possibly being a fifth. The concept was a little too much for me to handle, I felt myself growing downstairs. I tried pushing it away; I knew it would be fun to do, I'd never done anything like this before, skinny-dipping.

So, I started to kick off my shoes and attempt to get undressed. I didn't want to be the pussy of the group; so I started pulling down my shorts, I didn't exactly know where the face. I didn't want the lads to see my dick, and I didn't want Ross to see it either. I can't explain it, but I turned to the side and just dropped everything in one go, and my ass was facing towards the lads off in the water, and they all hollered and whooped. Which in a sense made me even more embarrassed- considering Ross was there. After I skinned the last of garments; I just ran for the water as quick as I could. Cupping my hands around my balls for privacy. When the water was waist deep, the boys were starting to splash and annoy me. It felt different; I didn't feel as exposed. I felt like it was oddly freeing, sure the water was a little colder than I thought it would've been, but the main thing is I did it. I don't know what caused us to do it, but I felt mischievous all the same. The boys were more or less fucking around; I remember us getting into a discussion, whether or not water is actually wet. I found It oddly amusing; though I have no idea what brought on such a conversation.

Just imagine if anybody came by, I wouldn't exactly know how to start explaining- and why we were all naked. Though I turned to Ross, he was the last one on the beach; he just sat there staring out at us. Of course, I was hoping that he would get undressed, I would've liked to see him, and even that thought of him being naked in the water a couple of feet away from me was enough to arouse me. The coldness of the water had already sprung an erection, and frankly knowing that four other naked boys were in the water with me made my heart pound in my chest, it felt good.

The longer Ross took to decide what he wanted to do; made me feel even more helpless. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with the display. Because he got up, and I taught Ross was going to start undressing. But then he began to head back toward the castle. Everyone started calling after him; nobody was calling him a woosie or anything like that. Everybody was in general- high spirits, they were just saying, "ah come-on don't chicken out… just get into the water."

Though when he was taking a little longer to come back; I presumed that he went home. I wanted to get out of the water, but I felt that I couldn't get out of the water. I was naked, and all the boys were naked; I don't think anybody taught this threw. For the most part, Ross was forgotten about. Everyone just carried on as if he wasn't even there. Yeah, there was a couple of odd exchanges of glances after he left, as well as the silence. The general mood shifted, everyone just got on with their day. I have no idea why we decided to do it, but it was fun to do, I never experienced it before. It's only now that I think of it- that it was gay; I mean five boys sliding around in the water splashing each other; possibly rubbing up next to each other; brushing against another boy accidentally.

After I got out of the water; I took shelter behind a tree and put back on my underwear, and we just lay underneath the evening sun to dry ourselves. I felt my mind wandering, and I felt terrible not pursuing Ross. So around 4 o'clock, I said goodbye to the guys, threw back on my clothes and headed home.

The bike that I had lent Ross was gone when I left the castle, and when I got back, the bike was propped up against his grandmother's house on the outside. He came home, and I didn't know what to say to him. I contemplated about it all evening. It was the most awkward dinner I've ever had to sit down at; my parents kept asking was I okay. I guess I was unusually quiet, but I had this entire day's outcome in my head. Though I went next-door after dinner. I knew I wasn't prepared for it, but I wanted to be brave, so I went next door. I can't keep hiding behind a protective shield... right sometimes it's going to get tough. But then again, I guess it would be a little nerve-racking considering you know nobody in the area, then suddenly they strip off and swim around the lake like it were normal. Though judging Eli's character that's the sort of guy he is, he's just very laid back and he's no fucks given. Yeah, I should kind of crackdown on our amount of swearing. If my mam saw what I'm writing in this book, she would disown me. Maybe of the gay thing and all the cursing.

When I knocked on the door, his grandmother let me in. She said that he was upstairs. She just welcomed me with a smile, and I smiled at her. So, I climbed the stairs, and when I knocked on the door, Ross glumly said, "come in." And I did; my hands were clammy; my ears were ringing. My heart was working overtime in my chest, and I had the sudden notion that if I spoke the voice would be reduced to squawk. I pushed open the door; he was sitting at a desk by a window. He glanced over his shoulder at me; when he saw that was me, he closed some book he was writing in on the desk and directed his attention back out the window in front of him. I didn't know what to do with the awkward silence. I just sat on the end of his bed, and I presumed that I'd just let him talk when he was ready to speak because I didn't know how to start the interaction. I felt so out of place but thank God he started the conversation. I don't think I would've started any discussion if he hadn't had. I don't think we would've worked anything out, most likely I would've just sat there in complete silence. Frankly, I was hoping he would be the first one to start the conversation.

So, he's like, "how was the lake." It took me a minute to answer; I wasn't exactly sure what to say. Of all the things he brings up he brings up, the skinny-dipping; if it was awkward for him than- it was even more uncomfortable for me. At least I was more man enough strip down and run into the water; he just ran away. Secondly, to think of it now, he would've seen my ass right. I wonder what my ass looks like; is it just any old ass or is it a fine ass. Scratch that... back to what I was talking about, but anyway I just said, "yeah 'was okay."

Then the silence came back, and we were quiet for a few minutes at this point he had swivelled around in the little chair he was in, and glanced to me sitting slumped on the edge of his bed. The room had this weird gradient to it. There was like a dull blue colour; I think that added to the effect somehow. It felt serious or something; I don't know how long he had been sitting at the desk, but I was given the impression that he had been sitting at the desk since he got home, and that made me feel even worse. I should've just come and got him. I wanted to ask the question why he left after about five minutes of awkward silence I asked, "why did you leave?"

Ross sat quietly for a few moments, contemplating. While I was waiting for his response, my eyes wandered around the room looking for any form of distraction I could lock my eyes onto. Then Ross piped up, "I never done that before." It took a moment to think what I was going to say, and then I said, "neither did I." And then that was it, the two of us just sat quietly again for a couple of minutes. I then conjured up the courage to ask, "was it because we were naked?" Ross bowed his head. He remained unusually still and began to fiddle with the cuff of his hoodie. It was obvious that Ross had something on his mind, but he just didn't dare say it. After some time had transpired Ross began to try and speak, but all that came out of his mouth was a series of broken words- then he stopped. He became a little embarrassed that he couldn't get the words out so instead he just said, "sorry I left."

"It's okay; I just wish you told me before I decided to do it," I said. I wanted Ross to feel comfortable around me, and the boys know. The last thing I want is him not to trust me. His mood shifted slightly after I said that; it was like he perked up or something. I couldn't figure exactly what I had done to inject a little bit a life back into him. Ross said, "I didn't want to ruin your fun." To hear those words, it felt saddening; I've no idea what drew him to that conclusion, but he is my fun. Not in a weird creepy or perverse way, he just makes me so happy inside; And then when I heard that, it made me feel like crap for not following him.

So, I said, "I would've been fine with just You and me hanging out." You know what- he smiled at that; his beautiful smile showed, and it made my heart flutter like it had butterflies in it. Then his smile faded, and just then my heart sank when his smile vanished. He sat there for a couple more minutes, and I couldn't exactly get anything out of him. So, I decided to leave. I did not want to go; I felt awkward just sitting there. I felt like he didn't want me there, but at the same time, I think he wanted me to stay. I should've stead- rather than coming back here to write in this stupid book; sigh you're not stupid.

Anyway, I hope tomorrow goes smoother than what today. It was fun at first; I got horny, but when Ross left... the fun died for me. I should get to bed... long day, night – Adam.

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