The best thing in life is to have people around that you can talk to, that you can see yourself in, that you can look up to, admire or even love. Some might love you back and show you their affection by what they do or say.
When you meet somebody, you never know what's going to happen between the two of you. You might end up killing the person for whatever reason. You might also fall for him or her. That's the beauty of life.
Every day one gets up in the morning, it's a new start in discovering the world without prejudice, because you never know who is waiting for you behind the next door.
That's what happened in one of my adolescent years.
I'm Samuel, Samuel Duncan and you are going to take part at the most enjoyable summer of my life - the summer of 2001 when I just turned 13.
Before I get into it, I would like to tell you how I met a very special friend of mine. He was one of those persons you see, but in first place don't really recognize; and in the end you'll never forget that very first time your eyes met each other.
Let's go back to the winter in 2000.
It was Christmas time and my dad was at work nearly all the time. He was the executive manager of a large trucking company and as usual, Christmas was a very profitable time. For us, it always seemed to be a time of deprivations, because we didn't see each other very often.
Dad was at work all the time, mom was busy preparing all the family meetings and I....well I was just useless to all the things that were happening around me. I was 12 and somehow a privileged boy. My parents were loaded, I visited a private school, we owned a large house and I had lots of space for myself. There was nearly everything I could have wished for. The one thing I missed was a good friend.
Being a smart boy at five feet and a half tall, dark brown hair and a more or less athletic body, I was just a usual guy compared to my schoolmates. No one seemed to notice that I was alive....no one really cared. I thought, that I was misplaced on earth - that there was nothing to do for me on this planet but breathing in and out.
This changed when Mr. Spencer Nolan, one of my dad's drivers in the company had an accident with one of our trucks. It was really bad. He lost his life being squashed between two trailers.
My family didn't seem to care a lot for one's life these days. It was the danger of our business and dad always told me that only the strongest will survive. Very difficult to understand for a kid my age.
A week later mom told me that we were going to visit Mr. Nolan's family after the funeral to express our condolences and that I should get my black suit ready.
It may sound strange, but I only had a black suit for those kind of occasions - every now and then - at least once a year, we had to bury one of dad's drivers or workers. For whatever reason, it was one of the most dangerous jobs you could have in Newberg, close to Portland.
When we arrived at the Nolan house I saw a boy around my age sitting on a swing in the front garden, alone. Snow was falling from above; the dark gray clouds hid the blue sky and it was very cold - however, the boy only wore a black blazer and a black pair of jeans. The white sneakers looked funny to the rest he wore.
My mom tugged at me to get into the house but I continued to look at the blond boy who seemed to be lost. I didn't know why, but I felt sad for him - he was so lonely out here in the cold.
After entering the house, we all said how sorry we were for what happened and my dad - as usual - promised to help in any way possible, but I knew that his help would only include a thousand dollar check and a "Call me in case of trouble". But no one ever called or if he would reject any further help because he was too busy.
Without asking I sneaked out of the house and looked for the boy I saw on the swing. God it was cold as I stamped through the white element that was slowly taking over my shoes.
"Hey." he said weakly, raising his head with an emotionless expression on his face.
I had seen him once or twice before on the premises of our company but never got to know him.
"What's you name?" I asked.
"I'm Sam......why are you out here? It's fucking cold."
The slightly smaller kid was shivering.
"What do you want?" he asked looking at me with his deep blue eyes.
"Uhm, nothing. I just wondered why you're out here."
"For all of them to leave" he said pointing over his shoulder to their house.
"I'm sorry for what happened."
"If you like, you can come over to our house someday and we can play or something!" I offered.
"None of your business."
"I'm sorry, didn't mean to..."
"Can you leave me alone?!"
"Oh...ok, sorry....bye then...."
I thought that he was an idiot and got back into the house. We left an hour or so later. Joshua was still sitting on that swing and looked at me while we drove off. He didn't wave back as I raised my hand. I was sure he was in need of a good friend and me on the other hand also, but it didn't work out.
Months passed. Sometimes I saw him sitting on their veranda or walking on the street when I rode along on my bike or skateboard. He always seemed to be sad. When we would talk to each other it has never been more than "Hi" and "Bye". But for some reason I thought of him very often - uncountable times - and I didn't know why. There was something between us from the very first time we met, that I couldn't explain.
Chapter 1 "Snow melts, tears don't"
I woke up to a sunny Saturday in July 2001, only a few clouds were to be seen. Yesterday was the last day in school for the summer and we - the Newberg kids - were finally free to enjoy the precious time without homework or demanding teachers.
To celebrate my freedom, it had to be a very long night yesterday. I watched TV and relaxed on the bed with my mac book until nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. Mom or dad didn't say anything about it. They just didn't know, but even if, I was good at school and had earned it.
My rooms were on the second floor which I had for myself. They were connected with a large open slide door - one room for working and living and one for sleeping and recreation. There even was my own bathroom on the same level. Everybody who ever visited me said, I was very lucky. Ok, that weren't so many but those who have been there, liked it.
You already know my name right? For those who can't remember, I am Sam, just turned 13 and good at all kinds of sport. My favorite hobbies are......ah forget it - this is not an interview is it? You will get to know me along my story so I won't bother you with all kinds of details at the moment.
Anyway, after a thorough breakfast with lots of different cereals and a sandwich I left the house, grabbed my new skateboard and hit the streets. It was getting hotter and hotter now at 1 pm - fortunately I only wore a shirt and shorts. This day in our school uniform would have been torturous. Unlike in public schools we have to wear them all day and even for PE there are special clothes; but enough of school for the moment.
I skateboarded down 4th Street and - as usual - passed the Nolan house. There weren't many kids playing out here. But I always wanted to look for that mysterious boy. Don't ask me why. I didn't have the faintest clue.
Of course he was sitting on the veranda once again.
"Heyy!" I called waving with my right arm.
'whoohooo wait moment' I thought and stopped right away, 'he never answered using my name.'
After turning my board around in a skilled manner I approached their house.
"You still remember my name?"
"Of course, you passed our house a million times."
"Yeah I know, it's on my route."
"But there's a faster way downtown."
"Maybe but I like this way, what are you up to?"
"Nothing...I was waiting for you."
"You were WHAT?"
"Joking....I'm waiting for my mom. You still know MY name?"
His eyes lit up and his lips formed a great smile as if I just revealed a present to him.
"Well Josh, wanna come?"
"I don't have a board." His smile faded away.
"No prob, take your bike!"
"I don't have one either."
"You don't have a bike?" I asked in disbelief.
"We don't have much money. And my mom always says it's not about the things you own, it's about who you are."
"Whatever, wanna come over to our house - it's fucking hot and we can jump into our pool?!"
"No, I've to wait for my mom."
"Oh come on...."
"I'm sorry, perhaps tomorrow if mom allows it."
"How old are you?"
"Josh seriously, at twelve you can't always do what you are being told? We are supposed to break the rules, that's our job."
"No, aeehhm....yeah perhaps, but it's you....I mean your father."
"What about my father?"
"He's my dad's boss and I'm not..."
"My dad's not around and in fact he won't even remember you."
"I want to, but I can't."
"Ok then, ask your mom and tell her it's alright, and I won't bite then."
We both laughed. Josh stared into my eyes as if he wanted me to take him away. I didn't know why, but there was something familiar in his face. It may have been his piercing blue eyes, it may have been his expression, his golden hair or the entire physic of this mysterious being - I don't know.
He was about five feet, slender built, bare-foot, wore dark gray shorts and a red shirt. The red color really suited him. His tan only supported his appearance. I thought he was good looking but I was a boy and boys don't say those things.
"Will you come back?" he asked with hope in his voice.
"Sure, see you tomorrow."
"Great, see you tomorrow....Sam!"
I turned around once more when I rode off back home and waved at him. This time he waved back.
"K, Honey." came from the kitchen.
"Hi, you are early?"
"Yeah, mom...you know the boy from the funeral last Christmas?"
"The Nolan boy?"
"Josh - his name's Josh."
"Not really, what about him?"
"Can he come over tomorrow?"
"Sure he can - why are you asking? You never ask if someone can come over."
"Don't know, just."
"What's going on?"
Mom was always able to read my mind like an open book.
"Nothing....uhmmm...I'm going to take a dip."
"Mom? There's one thing."
"What is it?"
"Josh doesn't have a skateboard or a bike.....you think I can give him my old board; it's rotting in the garage anyway."
"He doesn't have a bike?"
"No, I guess they don't have so much money."
"If you don't need it anymore? It's your's and therefore your decision."
"One moment young man!"
"The pool boy is coming over today; when he arrives please give him some space!"
With that I left the house through the back door, dropped my shirt, shorts, shoes and socks and jumped right into the refreshing sparkling water of the pool. It was a large pool and I really enjoyed it every time.
As usual I swam two laps to get used to the temperature and then paused at the end - this time thinking of Joshua and his unspectacular life. It was unfair that we had such an easy life and they on the other hand such a demanding one.
And it was weird that he was on my mind all the time. I didn't know him, I just saw him sometimes and only once, ok now twice, had spoken to him.
Half an hour later I laid down in the green grass behind the pool, stretched and let the sun dry me. Closing my eyes I drifted away.....
"DON'T GET A SUNBURN!" mom shouted from the house ten minutes later.
Back on my feet I felt a little dizzy for some minutes, returned to the house and went upstairs to my room.
After dropping my shorts and my still wet boxers I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. My hair needed to be re-adjusted before I carefully inspected my manhood.
'Please god, send me some pubes' went through my head as I searched for any kind of sprout above my penis. I was pretty pleased with my body and when I looked at the other boys in the showers there was no need to complain, but most of them already had pubes....that goddamn hair down there.
While I touched myself I got aroused and felt the need of relief. Dropping on the bed I started to work out. My thoughts went from the porn videos I searched for on the internet last night, to some girls in my class, but now and then my images where interrupted by Josh appearing in front of my inner eyes.
'Am I crazy or what? You can't think of another boy when you're wanking, stupid!'
Before reaching my high I stopped and just lay there eyes closed. Finally my mac book with the right website had the solution and made me squirt the little load I had on my belly; as usual, I rubbed it into my skin.
The rest of the day was quite boring. No one to play with, no one to talk to and no one to go to. I grabbed a sheet and began to draw as I used to do in times of boredom.
Trying to re-imagine Josh as he was sitting on the swing in front of their house, alone and vulnerable, my pencil flew over the white paper in front of me. Dad always said, I was gifted when he saw my drawings.
"Hi Mr. Harris" Josh said to one of their neighbors.
"Good afternoon Josh. How was your day?"
"Ok Mr. Harris."
"Good, anything unusual happened?"
"Excellent, would you like some soda?"
"Yes Sir, thank you Sir."
"Roger that, will be right back."
Josh was sitting on the veranda or playing in the garden nearly every day until his mom would come home. He was a really good boy, taking care of anything you would ask him for, mowing the grass, doing the laundry or just watch over the houses.
Mr. Harris, an older man who owned a pawn shop downtown, was a nice fellow. He always cared for the Nolan family since the bad things happened and tried to be a good adviser for young Josh.
"Here you go." he said as he handed a small bottle to the young boy and sat down next to him.
"Thank you Sir, how was your day?"
"Oh, nothing special kid. Did you meet any friends today?"
"Why not? You are a bright kid and you should make friends easily - it's no good for you to spend all day sitting here, right?!"
"Sam was here today."
"Sam? That's a nice name - do I know him?"
"Oh yeah, Samuel. Are you friends?"
"I don't know. He drives by nearly every day and waves at me, but today we talked for the first time. I guess I like him."
"You think he likes you too?"
"No idea. Think so."
"That's good, so why ain't you two together?"
"I'm not allowed to leave the house until mom is here."
"I don't know, I guess mom expects me to be home when she arrives."
"Well Josh, I know you and your mom for a very log time now and I don't think you need to be sticking around the house all day. Your mom's a nice woman and all she wants is you to be safe. Ask her!"
"I will, thanks Mr. Harris."
"Ok Josh, I'm in my house in case you need anything."
"Ok, bye Sir."
An hour later Josh's mom arrived, grabbed a grocery bag from the back of the car and greeted her son with a lovingly kiss.
"Hi my love."
"Guess what - we are having spaghetti tonight."
"Yesss!" he said and followed his mom into the house.
"How was your day?"
"Nothing special, I was waiting for you."
"Did you meet anybody?"
"Yes, Mr. Harris came by and offered a soda and Sam asked me if I could come over to his place tomorrow. Mom can I?"
"Yeah. Mom can I please?"
"You know that we don't need any charity right?"
Josh demandingly looked at his mom who turned to him and stroked through his hair. She always wanted her son to make some friends so he would overcome his sadness one day, but was afraid to let him go, too. And then, they only had each other.
"Ok, but I want you to be home by 5 pm so we can have some time together." She searched in her pockets and handed a five dollar bill to her son "here take this in case you need it - remember we can take care of ourselves."
"Yihhaaaaaa, thanks mom, I love you." the little boy said and threw himself into her arms.
"Love you more."
"No, I love you more."
"Go take a shower, dinner's ready in 30 minutes."
"Ok mom." he said and went upstairs with loud cheers.
"Yeah!" Samuel answered and closed his notebook as fast as possible sitting on his bed reaching for the remote control.
"Hi Honey, what are you doing?"
"Nothing, watching TV."
She sat down next to him on his bed stroking his stretched out hairless legs and looked into the boys eyes.
"You know you can talk to me if anything bothers you right?"
"I know, mom."
Some seconds went by.
"Nothing, I'm fine mom!"
"Okay, you hungry?"
She waited a minute; gave her son a kiss on his forehead and left after letting him know to call her if he needed anything.
"Thanks mom, good night!"
"Good night Honey, dad will be here in an hour. Shall I sent him up when he arrives?"
"No, I'll see him in the morning."
Of course he would be at work again when I would get up, but I didn't want any disturbances during my nights business of chasing through the internet and taking care of myself.
"Ok, love you."
"Love you too, mom."
You could have called me a horny little boy these times, but I guess I was just the usual teenager who longed for the first time of having sex.
Watching some more porn videos on the internet I continued the journey with one hand in my boxers.
Satisfying my secondary necessities, deep in my heart I hoped for Josh to get permission to come by tomorrow. Again I was unable to tell why I thought about it, about him.
'Get off my mind' shot through my head as I cramped up and again had a wonderful orgasm - the third one this day.
Breathing fast the waves running through my body subdued before I switched off the TV and lights. The last thing I remember that day was that I turned around, put one hand in my slightly wet boxers and wandered of into slumber land.
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