Where Do I Fit In?

by Andrew Foote

Chapter 18

Throughout this story real organisations and real people are mentioned by name. Their place in the tale is in the author's imagination. No thoughts, words or deeds attributed to those people or organisations are real, nor have they ever happened. This is a story! It's fiction. The people and organisations, even when they interact with the characters, are presented in an entirely imagined and fictitious manner, and no discourtesy is intended to them by the author nor by the web site.

We stayed at the Carmichaels for both Christmas Day and Boxing Day and we were given pretty much free reign to do as we pleased but rather than split off from the adults, we played games and apart from the Queen's Speech and a film that both the mothers wanted to watch, the TV was never switched on.

Visits by Paul, Lorain and Benny on Boxing Day who all bought gifts for us.

From Paul and Lor, we were each given a simple gold 'pinkie ring' with the explanation (once up in our bedroom to save our blushes) was while we couldn't marry, this was as close as they could get to recognise our love for each other.

Benny was apologetic saying he didn't receive much by way of pocket money but he gave us a framed copy of the photo that had been taken of all the kids who were taking part in the Community Project on the day Mr Fairbairn was interviewed. Everyone had signed it including Mr Fairbairn who had also added a comment.

'I thought long and hard about what I should write but it comes down to this.

I'm so very proud of all of you and it's a privilege to be your Head Teacher. You shine a light as examples of just how much your generation are capable of achieving through your own self-determination, ideas and enthusiasm and my guess is, none of you have even begun to scratch at the surface of your abilities.

Some of you will go on to higher things whether in business or your sporting ambitions, some might not but it really is of no consequence. Remain the way you are, thoughtful, caring and happy, the world will be a richer place because of you.

Alan Fairbairn

Head Teacher

Ashmead High School

Gloucester, England

23 rd December 2014.'

Benny spoke up after Lucas had finished reading it out loud to us.

"He was really choked up about it and when he was writing, I swear he was close to tears."

"Maybe it goes to prove us kids can do something right afterall. We're always seen as a waste of space normally, something to be avoided and ignored."

"Yeah well, I wonder how our children will see us or us them? Hope it's different!"

"Maybe you'll let us know mate because unless I'm very much mistaken or there's a massive leap in technology, we won't be having a family of our own anytime soon!"

"Oh God, I'm sorry? I completely forgot that you guys are like gay and everything? Now I feel really stupid!"

Lucas obviously had a bit of a 'thing' for Benny as Benny had for him but not sexually. He leaned over and gave him a quick hug.

"Stop with the apologies! We're friends aint we? It's nice that you don't have worries about us, cool that you can talk openly with us. Shit, it won't be too long before the chicks are after your cute body and I mean 'big time'! Damn, now we must think about educating you in the art of birth control already!"

"Piss off Lucas! Me 'cute'? Give me a break?"

"Yeah, cute! What do you think Andy?"

"Let it go Lucas? Can't you see how much you're embarrassing him?

"Sorry Benny. I was well out of order there. I didn't mean anything by it, honest but that said, it's hard for you to see yourself as other's see you and for what you might lack in size, you more than make up for in personality and the ladies love you because of it."

"Really? Oh wow! I'll remember that, like keep it in mind for future reference and don't worry. I knew you weren't coming onto me, I mean Andy would kill you had you'd been for real! Anyway I'd better make tracks or I'll get it in the neck from my folks. See you at Christchurch on Tuesday."


"That was mean of you Lucas! He was really squirming!"

"Don't be daft? He knew I was only kidding? Anyhow, he is rather delicious don't you think?"

"Yes well……..I guess so. I'd noticed him before but he's the type of kid that until you get to know him, he's just a beautiful boy but then, like you said, his personality shines through and he becomes 'special' somehow."

"See what I mean? Beautiful, special? No problem Andy! I think Lor is beautiful and special but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump her bones anytime soon?"

"Maybe I'm a little paranoid about losing you to someone else. This is all still very new to me remember?"

"Look. There's a world of difference between looking and appreciating somebody for what they are than being in love. I love you, nothing I say or do can change that but it doesn't mean neither of us can't see what's around us does it? In our own way we love Paul, Lor and Benny, they probably love us back as friends but that's where it ends. Close mates who, God willing, will remain so for the rest of our lives."

"You're right, I know you're right but that doesn't mean that I don't worry."

"Okay. Remember the day we spent down at the river? You and Lor getting all close and chatty? I was so very frightened Andy! She's a babe and no mistake and I was beside myself with fear that what had gone down between us was just a flash in the pan so now do you understand? Love does weird things to our heads. What seems rational becomes totally irrational, I lose concentration at school sometimes and the only reason my grades are okay is because we sit together and I hear you urging me along, willing me to achieve. Look I'm sorry. Maybe I was out of order but I meant nothing by it okay? It's you I want to be with, you who I want to wake up with in the morning, you who I want to make love to, no one else, not Benny or any other cute kid, just you."

"That's the way I feel too. I wish you could…….."

"Not a good idea! Not with everyone down stairs right now!"

"I know but don't you think it's odd that what is acceptable at night is sort of taboo during the day? I mean what's the difference?"

"I guess at night there's nobody going up and down the stairs, no one's gonna be shouting up to us like…….."

"Are you two boys going to spend the entire day up there?"

On hearing Mr Carmichael yelling out to us we burst out laughing!

"We'll be down in just a sec dad!"

I got up from the bed and made towards the door.

"Yeah! Just like that but we do have tonight don't we?"

"Yes. We've got all night!"


"We were just thinking about going out and walk off some of this food. Do you boys want to come?"

"Sounds like a plan but only if Lucas can lend me a pair of thick socks. Mine are on the radiator drying out."

"No problem. You'll find them in the second draw down so help yourself. Where were you thinking of going dad?"

"Up through the common, through the woods as far as the river then along to the docks, maybe have a couple of pints in the 'Ferryboat' then back home."

"Cool. Not that far then?"

"It might not be far for you but it is for us!"

"Are mum and Mrs Pope coming as well?"

"No. Between you and I, it's an excuse to go to the pub but don't go saying anything. It's sort of a guy's afternoon out!"

"Sweet! Thanks for inviting us! Where's Andy got to?"

"I heard that! I'm just coming."


We walked briskly as the cold was……..cold and exercise was the only way to keep ourselves warm. My father and Mr Carmichael wheezed and puffed their way up the bank to the common, rested for a few moments then deciding it was too chilly to hang around, we made our way through the woods and down along the river bank to the pub where the men bought the drinks and we settled into playing pool. At first our fathers beat us hands down but the more beer they consumed the sloppier their game became and so after about six pints apiece they had completely lost it and we were level-pegging with them, at that point they gave up.

"I'm going to order a taxi. Sod walking back in this weather."

Mr Carmichael was of the same opinion.

"Next time, not only do we get one home, we get one to bring us here! I'm totalled!"

I looked at Lucas who nodded his agreement.

"We're going to walk it dad. It'll be three days without any training so it'll do us good."

"Okay son. That's fine but just take it steady. See you back at the house."

We left the pub and walked along by the river. To begin with I just thought Lucas was taking in the sights as Gloucester Docks all lit up are pretty special but he started looking over his shoulder every few minutes.

"Problem?"

"Yes I think so. We're being followed Andy."

"Maybe it's just your imagination. I mean it's a public right of way and whoever it is might just be out walking the dog."

"He doesn't have a dog and anyway, he and another guy followed us out of the pub. I can only see the one now but that's not to say that his mate isn't around somewhere."

"You're doing a good job of scaring me here. What are we going to do?"

"Nothing. If they're a couple of paedophiles then let them make their move but just keep your wits about you."

"When did you first notice them?"

"When we were playing pool. Didn't you see them? They were the two guys sitting at the bar, one of them was wearing a light blue fleece, the other a red anorak. They were watching our every move and it was only when my dad or yours was taking a shot did they turn away but as soon as you went to the table, they couldn't take their eyes off your ass."

"Yes, now that you mention it, I did notice them but didn't pay them any attention. Do you reckon we're in any danger?"

"No I don't think so but if we weren't as strong and fit as we are, you know, like two ordinary twelve year-olds, I'd be worried but we have surprise on our side. We can take them down no worries but just as a precaution, once we reach the woods, find a piece of twig that'll fit nicely into your fist. That will give your knuckles something to support them if you land a good punch."

I tried not to look behind me as we entered the tree line but Lucas seemed not to care.

"Lost him Andy. If he's going to make moves on us, now's his best chance so stay vigilant."

We walked on a little further then suddenly a figure stepped out in front of us from between the trees.

"Nice evening for a walk boys? A nice evening for lots of things! You're two very pretty lads and you've been teasing us all afternoon so why don't we go and have a little fun? My friend is waiting for us up yonder so let's not keep him waiting!"

Where does courage come from?

I looked at Lucas and winked, futile in the half-light but I knew he understood.

"Well Mister, only fair we get a feel for what you're packing before you really give us it. Deal?"

"I can hardly refuse you now can I? Feel all you want, get it hard so I can really have some fun with you."

I stepped forward as he undid his fly and just as he took his hands away to lower his trousers, I made a grab for his bits and gripped them as if my life depended on it.

Oh fuck did he scream! It ought to have raised most of the city but then, twig in hand, I swung a punch to his jaw and he sunk to the ground in agony. Lucas was right, he wasn't in any shape to fight back.

"Lucas! For Christ's sake keep an eye out for his mate! He had to have heard that!"

Just then, the small clearing we were in was flood lit by torches. The police had arrived.

"No need boys, we've already got him. Are you alright?"

"Yes we're good. Not so sure about him though." I said pointing to our assailant. "I hit him rather hard not to mention grabbing his nuts."

"Don't be concerned about that. So long as you two are okay nothing else matters. Where do you live and why are you up here anyway?"

We briefly explained about our trip to the pub, how the dad's decided on a taxi, Lucas noticing the men at the bar and how at least one of them followed us out.

"The rest you know. Normally we jog everywhere and so we would easily out-pace them but it's too slippery under foot for that so we decided to walk."

"You've been very fortunate. Both of these individuals are known to us, in fact it was the landlord of the 'Ferryboat' who called us. He'd noticed their unsavoury interest in children and contacted us. We identified them and asked him to watch and report anything that bothered him. He noticed you leaving, promptly followed by them and well, seeing the direction you took and knowing the only obvious route back to any kind of housing was via the woods, here we are."

"Have they done anything like this before?"

"I can't answer that. If they come to court and if they've previous convictions that could influence a verdict then their solicitors would have a field day.

Let's get you home now. We'll need statements but that can wait until another time."

"Thanks but we can get there quicker on foot than it would take to get to the car park. We can take care of ourselves."

"We noticed that but still, I'll have an officer come with you and also have a word with your folks. Just let me reiterate, you are not in trouble and what action you took young man was entirely in self-defence so no charges will be considered against you. Rest easy in your beds tonight and count yourselves very lucky not to have been very seriously assaulted. I'll come and see you in a day or so."


My dad together with Lucas's really got it in the neck.

"Good God Roy? What on earth got into you? How dare you let the boys walk home on their own and especially on unlit paths?"

"We decided to get a cab. We didn't realise they were going back that way? We went to the Gents and when we got back, they were gone."

"Yes and so were the two creeps who followed them and could have molested them or worse! Jesus Christ!!"

I tried to defuse things or otherwise Christmas would be wrecked.

"Mum please? It isn't dad's fault. If anyone's to blame it's us. We get so used to our trips to and fro Christchurch, sometimes we take to the side streets and alleyways just to ring the changes but we never think about the possible dangers? Maybe tonight we were a tad reckless, I don't know but we're safe and well and it's not worth spoiling a lovely Christmas over."

Dad was just about to say something when mum cut him a 'look'.

"Shut it Roy! For once Andrew is right so go and get us all a stiff drink, including the boys and let's celebrate their safety rather than apportioning blame."


We were both slightly drunk when eventually we got to bed!

We had left the adults down in the lounge to get seriously pissed and cautiously made our way to our room but not before falling up the stairs, tripping over things that weren't in our way and endless fits of the giggles, finally getting it together and falling into an embrace under the covers.

"I'm seriously pissed Lucas! So much so that my willy won't work!"

"Tell me about it! I can't even feel mine! Remind me not to overdo the booze in the future please. Why is the bed spinning Andy? Oh God, I'm going to be sick!!"

Lucas ran to the bathroom and I could hear him being horribly ill so I got out of bed and followed him. Poor guy, he was on his knees with his head down in the toilet bowl, his body still convulsing as he tried to expel the contents of his stomach. The stench was vile and it almost made me chuck but I swallowed hard as I knelt beside him. I placed my hand under his chin and lifted him slightly then flushed the toilet but then let him back down, at least the pong would be lessened that way.

Eventually he stopped retching and looked up at me, a broad grin on his face.

"Oh fuck does that feel better! I never realised how good throwing a technicolour yawn could feel!"

"Yeah but you look like shit! Are you sure you're alright?"

"Never better! I really needed that Andy.

Why did you follow me in? It must've smelt awful?"

"Concern? Yes it almost had me joining you but I'm in love with you and anything that makes you feel bad has an effect on me as well. I'm with you not only for the good times, we'll share the bad times together as well and if this afternoon is any indication, we'll have plenty of them to come."

I hugged him but he did smell bad.

"Come on 'death-breath'. Get washed, clean your teeth and gargle well, you're coming back to bed with me and I don't give a flying fuck who hears us. I need you inside me right now!"


A rejuvenated and cleansed Lucas took me in his arms and kissed me with a passion I'd never before experienced. He had always been gentle and considerate but tonight I experienced something different was happening. His touches were like velvet, his manner had changed from that of a boy needing satisfaction to a boy who wanted, needed to get it right for his partner and for ages I just luxuriated in his attention before he finally entered me.

Oh God he felt good! I was able to accept him without any kind of discomfort as he took me sideways on but then he rolled me over onto my back, took my feet and hoisted me up placing my knees over his shoulders and really entered me fully.

"I want to see your beautiful face as we make love, to be able to kiss you, touch you and make you completely mine."

"Oh Lucas? I'm yours already but this feels so very good! Take your time, don't rush it. I want you, all of you, please will you kiss me?"

He leant down and our lips met, our tongues dancing against each other and that was enough to send me crashing headlong into my first orgasm of the night. My cum squirted in between our bodies but the kiss wasn't broken in fact it became more urgent. I was completely lost in my willingness and need to please him, my entire being wanted him, needed him, his touch, his love and I realised that, even though I was riding a sexual high of monumental proportions, I would do anything for him at any time and at any place.

Lucas smiled down at me as his tempo slowed.

"I love you so much Andy, don't ever leave me?"

I drew him into me as he closed his beautiful eyes and continued to slide his dick in and out of me making me shudder as yet another orgasm took hold.

"Oh Jesus Lucas?? I'm not going anywhere unless you're right by my side!! Stay with me, love me for ever!"

He managed to keep this up for over an hour but then he took my left hand and placed my thumb in his mouth and suckled on it which pushed both of us over the edge. That final climax actually hurt as I was incapable of producing anything but Lucas almost feinted as he offloaded a massive quantity inside me and collapsed on top of my chest, completely exhausted. His cock rapidly deflated and slipped out from inside me then he turned over and cuddled me. For the first time in my young life I felt complete. This was no adolescent 'jolly', no childish experiment, this was love, pure and simple.

We kissed tenderly then fell asleep in each other's arms.


I woke first. Lucas had turned half onto his back but still facing me, his right arm over my chest. I watched him for a while, his breathing, slow and even. I really wanted to use the toilet but I just couldn't bear to leave him. I loved him in a way that I only thought existed in trashy novels but here I was, totally and completely smitten. Everything about him seemed perfect from his hair down to his little feet. I swallowed hard to keep myself from crying although why I felt the need to shed tears was beyond me. Tears of happiness maybe?

He shifted position, stretched himself and opened his eyes.

"Morning gorgeous. What's the time?"

"A little after half-eight. How's the head this morning?"

"Which one? The one on top of my shoulders or the other one?"

"Okay, both!"

"All good! Being violently sick was the right thing to do and well……..making love to you has to be the perfect medicine for anything else. God Andy? You were magnificent!"

"Me? I hardly did anything!"

"You have no idea! I could feel your emotions, hear your passion. How else do you think I could keep going for so long?"

"I know. Spooky isn't it. How is it we're so like, 'connected'?"

"Dunno but I'm not knocking it! Bring it on baby!!"

"I need to take a leak."

"Why thank you for sharing that with me Andy? Actually so do I! Let's get up and dressed and see what the day has to offer. Look at my stomach! Who's is all that dried gloop all over me? Oh! It's all over you as well! Let's take a shower together down stairs."

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