Now I Didn't See That Coming

by Andrew Foote

Chapter 1

Monday afternoon and I'd just got home from the after-school science club.

Now, before I carry on, I think I should make it perfectly clear that I don't consider myself to be geeky, okay? Bright possibly, but not a reclusive bookworm. Yeah, that's it, I'm bright, but I still have to work hard to get good grades, so I'm not, like gifted or anything.

Sciences and music sit well, but I have to apply myself to modern languages. I'm reasonably comfortable with the rest of the shit we have to learn, and anyway, getting decent results stops my old man from getting all shirty with me so it's like, win-win.

"Supper will be on the table in ten minutes, Spencer. Take your books up to your room then get down here. We have things to talk about."

"What things."

"Next weekend, so get a shift on, son."

Ah, right! Now I understand. The tedious annual visit to Edinburgh. Stay at my Uncle Stuart and Auntie Marion's town house so my uncle can make fun of me because I don't appear to be maturing fast enough. So, I'm short for my fifteen years. So, I'm not lanky or sinewy. I'm fit, but of course that doesn't matter, because I don't look like a fifteen-year-old boy, and he's right. I don't, but that's no excuse to make fun of me. Well, is it? Hardly my fault that I still look much the same as I did when I was eleven?

I've matured down there though!

I like my dick…… very much. Proud of it even. I measure up pretty well against my classmates from what I've managed to see, which is plenty enough in the showers after gym.

I've got nice pubes, too. They match perfectly with my blond hair, but Uncle Stuart won't ever be seeing my junk, not ever!

"I've written a letter to your year head excusing your absence from school. You can take it with you tomorrow.

We'll be catching the two-thirty flight from Bristol on Thursday afternoon and don't expect to be back until Monday night. All understood?"

"I guess so."

"Don't sound so happy about it. Most kids would give their eye teeth to be out of school during term time."

"I'm not most kids."


"Meaning, I happen to like school, enjoy it even. Definitely preferable to spending time around my uncle."

"That's not being very fair, is it?"

"Isn't it? He spends the entire weekend taking the piss because I still look like a little kid. He just bangs on and on about how fucking pretty I am. That's very hurtful, especially as there's absolutely zip I can do about it!"

"I'll have a word with him; tell him to back off, shall I?"

"Why not just let me stay here by myself. If you did, I'll put money on the fact that his first words, when he sees I'm not with you, will be something along the lines of, 'Surely you didn't let little Spencer stay at home by himself? Please tell me you arranged for a child minder?'

Dad, I'm fifteen…… sixteen in four months. I'm more than capable of looking after myself."

"I never realised it bothered you so much. But you're right, you are old enough to fend for yourself, so if that's what you want to do, then fine."

"Really? I thought I was looking at a fight!"

"No. We just assumed. We should've asked you. You stay here, but no wild parties. Got it?"

"I'll have to get busy and send out the cancelations then.

Seriously, Dad. No parties, I promise."

"And no getting some girl pregnant either."

"According to Uncle Stuart, I'm probably too young to do that as well."

Dad snorted. "Just don't…… that all!"

I thought about that comment, and my conclusion was that it was hardly likely to happen given our school isn't co-educational. I know girls in the orchestra, and a few who use the same bus to school and back, but otherwise they're sort of alien to me. I suppose I get on alright with them, but aside from Shelly Pierce, my page-turner for organ recitals who I really like, mostly because we share the same stupid sense of humour, I don't tend to interact with them.

I wandered through the halls to my locker. Today, I left for school as my parents were packing to leave for Scotland, and this afternoon I'll be returning to an empty house and self-catering.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by Monk, one of my classmates and probably my closest friend.

We call him Monk 'cos his name is Neil Gibbon.

Look. Gibbon, Monkey, Monk, okay?

"Hey Spence? Didn't expect to see you today. I thought you normally went up north for Valentine's Day."

"Hey, Monk. You're right, but I managed to persuade my folks that I was a big boy now, so they let me stay behind."

"Cool. So, what are you doing over the weekend?"

"Much the same as always, I guess. Tonight, there's orchestra, Friday evening I plan on getting all my prep finished, then slob around the rest of the time.

Like I said, situation normal."

"No party then?"

"No, and no shagging girls either, like I know any who might put out!

Orders from on high, you know?"

"Well, if you're in need of company, give me a call."

"I'll do that. Better get my skates on. First period bell, and my class is the other side of the school."

Thursday good, except for having to cook my own supper. Friday, however, was worrying.

When I arrived at school, I discovered that someone had shoved a red envelope into my locker, complete with instructions that it mustn't be opened until Saturday, February 14 th ……. Valentine's Day.

Remember me? I'm the boy that only knows one girl. Not only that, but apart from her page-turning duties and a wicked sense of humour, I can't say I really know her that well.

She towers above me…… well, most people do unless they're, like ten years old, plus she has the most enormous pair of lungs…… too fucking big to be on a girl who is otherwise rather slim, but I digress.

Not that I suspect for one moment that she fancies me, but even if she did, how the hell could she manage to sneak it into a boys-only school and then find my locker out of the hundreds scattered around the place.

Like I said. Worrying.

I put it in my book bag. Fretting about it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Friday morning classes good.

Friday lunchtime in the cafeteria, also good, but gym, which I didn't mind, was different. Everything was okay until it was time to hit the showers as I began to look to see if anyone was giving me any extra attention.

They weren't, of course, but by now I'd managed to convince myself that that bloody card hadn't come from Shelly, and there was a distinct possibility that it was either a prank, or that a boy was trying to say something.

Neither scenario pleased me, especially the former, and I say that because there's something you need to understand.

I'm seriously bisexual. Totally in the closet, but that's me. Completely without experience, but again, that's me.

I managed to catch up with Monk on my way to the bus stop.

Monk has never played tricks on me before, but I still had to ask him.

"You okay, Monk?"

"Yeah. Not a bad day, but then it's Friday and two days without having to leave the bed before midday."

"Look, I need to know something, okay?"

"Like what, pray tell?"

"Are you fucking with me?"

Monk whirled around nearly knocking me off my feet. "What do you mean, fucking with you?"

"Just that. I need to know that you're not having a laugh at my expense."

"Why on earth would I want to do that?"

"So, you're not, is that what you're saying?"

"Definitely not!"

"Okay. Sorry. It's just that someone is, that's all."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

"Come around to my place tomorrow. I'll tell you, maybe even show you then."

Monk frowned. "Why not now?"

"Clear instructions, is why not. Come to mine tomorrow."

"Okay. Eleven be early enough?"

"Whenever. I'll be in all day."

"One o'clock then. I need my rest and beauty sleep."

I just about managed to finish my homework before midnight. Cooking supper, doing the washing up and getting distracted by something on the telly, I decided that being home alone wasn't half as good as I'd expected.

Midnight. The allotted hour. I retrieved the envelope from my book bag and ripped it open.

'Nice card' I thought. That is if you like bouncing bunny rabbits surrounded by red and pink hearts, but it was the message on the inside that had me crapping my pants.

Aside from the 'Be My Valentine' rubbish, there was a hand-written message.

"I'm sorry. You don't know me, except perhaps by sight. The thing is, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since the start of the autumn term. I know it's stupid, but I had to tell you that I think you're the most beautiful person who's ever walked the planet.

You will be in my heart for ever.


Oh, damn.

Oh, shit.

Oh, bollocks.

Someone loves me!

Nice…… I think.

No, definitely nice!

Who the fuck is it though?

Sleep didn't come easily. I was too preoccupied about thinking of people that might have sent that card.

I discounted everyone in my circle of friends, and, so far as I was aware, I was the only student from our school who played in the orchestra.

Who the fuck is it? Think, Spencer, think boy.

That's it though.

Think…… boy.

A boy is in love with me, God damn it!

Problem here is, I want to know who it is, and not only that, I promised to tell Monk, but no way am I going to tell him that I need to know who it was that shoved it in my locker. That's never going to happen.


I called Monk at just after midday in the hope he was awake.

He had just got out of the shower.

"Hey. I'm just about to get some lunch on the table. Do you want to join me?"

"Sounds like a plan, thanks. Give me fifteen, okay?"

"Gammon, eggs and chips do you?"

"Give me two and I'll be there!"

He arrived, his hair still dripping wet. But then, that's not difficult as he wears his black hair rather long.

"So, have you got any idea who's messing with you?"

"I know who isn't doing it, but for the life of me I can't figure out who is, even though they don't think they are."

"What? I mean what do you mean?"

"Whoever it is, is sincere. They're not taking the piss. They mean what they say."

"Such as what?"

"Let's finish up here, then all will become clear as mud."

"You lucky sod! You got a Valentine's card!

So, who's the girl getting seriously damp between the legs over my best mate, then?"

"I've got this feeling it isn't from a girl."

"What makes you say that? There's what's-her-face Sharron, you know, the big tits that turns pages for you."

"You mean Shelly."

"That's what I said."

I sighed. "Whatever. Not her anyway."

"Why not? I know she likes you and stuff, and you like her, don't you?

See? Mystery solved"

"Okay, Sherlock. Explain, if you're able, how a girl who lives the other side of town, manages to slink into an all-boys school, finds my locker out of the millions there, leaves the card without anyone seeing a bloody thing, especially given the size of her chest!"

"Okay, that's a tough one to answer.

Does she have brother at our school maybe?"

"The other side of town, remember? Well out of our catchment area."

"Go it! Her parents are divorced or separated. She lives…… wherever, and her brother lives around here some place."

"Her Mum and Dad are solid. I've met them, nice people too, so think of something else."

"You don't think……"

"Yeah. I think."

"A…… boy?"

"Yep. A boy."

"That's very creepy, Spence."

"Is it? A school as big as ours is bound to have gay kids. Four out of every ten I believe is the official statistic."

"Yes. Well. How do you fell about being trolled by some gay kid?"

"I'm not sure to be honest. To be loved by anyone is good, right?"

"Then you'll have to find out who lover boy is then."

"There's a part of me that say's go for it, but then what if I do discover who it is? You know me well enough to understand that I couldn't just tell him to fuck off? That's not what I do."

"You might like him back. Ever thought about that?"

"What are you trying to tell me? You think I'm gay?"

"I might be? Yeah, I might be."

"I'm not gay. I'm…… bisexual, if you really wanna know!"

"Lucky you, I say. Best of both worlds."

"Is that it? No storming out of my house and out of my life? No blabbing hateful comments about me to all in sundry?"

"No? We've been friends since like, forever. I don't have any hang-ups about sexual preferences just as long as it doesn't involve me?"


Can I give you a big sloppy kiss?"

"You've got a nice nose, so let's not spoil it, huh?"

"That was supposed to be funny."

"It was.

Now let's try and work out how we find your boy."

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