Out of the Closet
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 17
Hannah
Saturday evening, I sat at the dining room table across from Ms. Sherman and as close to Kenny as possible. My boyfriend's mother had set the table with nice plates and silverware. I sipped a mouthful of water and set the crystal glass carefully on the table. The meatloaf and homemade cornbread were delicious, but the constant worry of dropping sauce on the white linen tablecloth wrecked my nerves.
"Thank you, Ms. Sherman. It was delicious," I said, placing my fork and knife carefully on the plate.
"You and Kenny are such a cute couple," she said, beaming as she stood up.
She collected the tableware and disappeared into the kitchen. I noticed a piece of meatloaf on the table in front of me and tried to clean it quickly with my napkin. I barely managed to put in in my lap, when she returned carrying coffee cups and decorative porcelain dessert plates.
"Perfect," she said to herself after fixing the pink roses arranged in a vase in the middle of the table.
She went back to the kitchen to fetch the silver spoons, which were a wedding gift from her parents. I had heard too many times the story of Kenny's grandfather ordering them from a famous store in New York. That was decades before online shopping had become an everyday thing.
"Oh my god, that looks so delicious," I said when she brought a big apple pie and set it on the table.
"Kenny is everything okay?" she asked, sitting down. "You've been so quiet."
"Isn't he always quiet?" I said, placing my hand on his thigh.
I did my best to keep smiling even after he pushed it away.
"Let's just eat, shall we?" he said, taking the pie server.
His mother took it from him and passed it to me. I took a small piece of the pie and politely declined Ms. Sherman's advice to eat more. It tasted as good as it looked, but probably had tons of fat and sugar. If me and Kenny were about to have sex, the last thing I wanted was to gain extra weight. Besides, the silver spoon looked so fragile that I feared it would bend every time I touched the pie with it.
Thank god the dinner is almost over, I thought. I took hold of the expensive looking porcelain cup, which must have been some sort of heirloom. I had never used such nice dishes. They were probably the hottest fashion at the beginning of the twentieth century. The coffee was like Ms. Sherman; traditional and boring. Hazelnut lattes weren't served in her kitchen; most likely she hadn't even heard about them.
"Would you like to see pictures of Kenny as a baby?" she asked, dabbing her mouth with her napkin.
Kenny tensed in his seat. Seeing his face, I barely managed to suppress the grin on my own face.
"Thank you, Ms. Sherman. Maybe some other time," I said, smiling at her politely. "I think I shall head home now."
"I'll get the car keys," Kenny said, rushing to his room.
It was quite predictable, but I was glad that he was so eager to leave. I hadn't told him what surprise awaited him at my house. Such a lucky coincidence that my parents had left for a short vacation for the weekend.
"Finally, alone," I said when we were sitting in his car. "Your mom is a bit tedious sometimes."
"Yup," he said without the slightest hint of passion in his voice.
He just stared at the road and kept driving.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to dis your mom."
"It's okay."
He didn't even glance at me. I sighed and turned my head to look out the window. There were cars parked on the side streets and cozy light came from the second-floor windows. I wished we could rent an apartment someday, just for me and him.
"I like this neighborhood," I said to keep up the conversation. "I could even move here after high school."
"Yeah, why not?" he said, and added, "I think I'll spend the next four years in some college dorm. Hopefully, I get a decent roommate."
I shook my head slowly and kept quiet. We stopped at a stop sign and I stared at a couple who came out of the Buckboard Café and walked along the sidewalk holding hands. They talked and smiled at each other, and just before they reached their car, they kissed.
At least that's not something his hopefully decent roommate can offer him, I thought, hopefully. I was hoping he was going to like the surprise I had planned for him.
After ten minutes of awkward conversation, we arrived at my house. I grinned when I saw the empty parking space where dad usually parked his car. Adrenaline rushed through my body, and I tried to bite down on the smile so I wouldn't reveal my surprise. Soon, but not quite yet.
"See you at school on Monday," he said, letting the car engine run.
I turned quickly to look at him.
"Why don't you come in?"
"I'm kind of tired. The dinner was…"
"I've got something that will cheer you up," I interrupted, turning the key to kill the engine.
I literally pushed my boyfriend through the yard to the front door. As soon as we got in, I asked him to close his eyes, which he did after a heavy sigh. I rushed to my room, lit the candles, and took off my clothes, piece by piece, until I had nothing but my fancy bra and panties on, the ones I had bought for this occasion.
I can't believe it's happening, I thought, looking in the mirror next to my closet. The reflections caused an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, and for a second, I considered putting my clothes back on. It had to happen now before I freaked out.
"You can come in now," I shouted, my mouth feeling as dry as a desert. "But keep your eyes closed," I added, turning off the lights.
"How am I supposed to walk there if I can't see anything?"
"You know where my room is."
There was a noise as he kicked the coffee table. The closer the sound of his footsteps got, the faster my heart was beating. Suddenly, I wasn't so sure this was a good idea, but then I saw his arms fumbling in the air.
"This is stupid," he complained.
He tested with his foot to ensure there wasn't anything in front of him.
"Keep your eyes closed and walk this way."
"I hope you're not filming me."
That was probably the last thing I planned on doing. The situation was thrilling enough without a video camera. We were about to turn a new page in our relationship; a page I hoped would make us even closer.
He was now at the door, and I touched his hand. That got him to open his eyes, which grew big immediately, and he just stared at me, half naked, and then the room full of candles. The longer he stood there speechless, the redder I could feel my face turning.
"Surprise," I said, laughing nervously.
"Um, what… what is this?" he asked, taking a step back.
I took hold of his hand.
"Come here," I said, pulling him gently toward the bed.
We kissed, and I pushed my fingers under his shirt. He felt warm as I let my hands wonder around his back, which was all skin and bones. Our lips separated, but instead of pulling away, I stared him in the eyes and touched his nose with mine.
"I love you," I whispered.
He blushed and tried to stammer something, but before any word came out, I pulled his t-shirt off. I smiled at him, standing there like a deer in the headlights, not knowing where to put his hands. It was so cute, and his nervousness actually helped me to relax.
"You're so skinny," I said, giggling.
He crossed his arms to cover his chest and looked down. Had I not known his mother so well I would have suspected that he didn't get enough food at home. He was probably just blessed with good genes.
"Would you like to…" I said, my cheeks no doubt turning redder than they already were.
He blinked his eyes and rubbed the skin around his belly button.
"Um…"
"You can open my bra," I offered, taking a step closer.
I touched his stomach and let my fingers wonder down to his crotch. He's not hard, I realized, trying to kiss him again.
"I…" He avoided my lips. "I can't do this."
"We can take it slow." I stopped groping his crotch. "Let's just sit here until you relax."
"I am relaxed," he snapped.
As if regretting his words, he took a deep breath and began moving backward toward the door.
"I just can't do it."
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He had already picked up his shirt from the floor and rushed through the living room to the hallway. Soon, I heard the front door being opened and then the engine of his car. Tears fell down my cheeks as I watched him driving away. As the lights of the car faded away, darkness filled the front yard, and I saw the reflection of the candles and my joyless face in the window.
Never in my life had I felt such emptiness filling my heart.
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