Out of the Closet
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 15
Kenny
The blenders stopped, and so did my heart. I was sure of it. The smoothie bar was suddenly quiet. I felt like someone had turned a spotlight on me. Why was such an easy question so hard; are you gay?
"Isn't that a fair question?" Javier asked. "You kind of asked me out."
"Huh? I didn't…" I stammered. My upper body became hot, and it made it only worse that he continued staring at me, waiting for the answer. "I didn't mean it that way," I finally blurted out.
"Oh," he said, pausing. Then with a growing grin on his face, he said, "that's a shame. You're really cute."
I could feel my face getting red, and I was sure every single customer in the bar was looking at us. I rubbed my hands nervously and reached for the empty smoothie glass on the table, but my stomach signaled that I should find a bathroom, and pretty goddamn soon.
"Listen, I need to go," I said with urgency in my voice, standing up.
"Easy there, tiger. It was just an innocent question," he said, gesturing for me to sit back down.
"Um, I'm sorry," I said, taking a step away from the table. "And I'm not gay," I added quickly.
I rushed out of the food court. The world was spinning and my breathing was getting harder, and so was the pain in my stomach. Without excuses, I pushed through a group of people and headed for the restroom.
"Whoo!"
I stopped like a deer in the headlights.
"Chris," I gasped.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking around blankly. "Don't you have a date with Hannah?"
"Um, she… she canceled on me."
"So, why did you come here then?"
"I was already here when I got the message."
"I just saw you with Javier."
He looked hurt, even a bit angry, but I hardly noticed it from my increasing panic. It wasn't just my stomach. Every piece in my well-organized life was collapsing, and now my best friend was standing here, and I had no clue what to say. My brain had simply stopped working.
"I just bumped into him," I said, glancing at the bar, hoping Javier wasn't coming after me.
Our eyes met, and he stood up to leave the bar.
"What a coincidence," Chris said through pursed lips.
"Listen, can we talk later?" I asked. "Mom's waiting for me."
I didn't wait for a reply, but walked as fast as I could around the corner and found the restrooms on the right. I walked in and an unpleasant odor floated into my nose. Ignoring the stink, I searched for an empty stall and sighed in relief when I found one at the back.
I can't go to school tomorrow, I thought while I sat on the toilet. I had done nothing but lie, and now everybody would want an explanation. Why had I left the bar so suddenly? Was it really a coincidence we met there? And if those were hard discussions, I didn't want to think what would happen if Hannah found out my nonexistent aunt hadn't paid a visit.
My phone vibrated. It was Chris. I waited until it stopped, and noticed several messages from Hannah. Without reading them, I put the phone back in my pocket. Fifteen minutes later, I finally dared to leave the restroom.
The drive home should have been quiet, but all I could hear was my pulse in my ears. I had canceled a date with a girl I shouldn't be dating, and I had met a guy I couldn't be seen with. What the hell am I going to do?
The truth was, I had enjoyed the time with Javier before he had asked that question and I had panicked. At the same time, it was clear that he wouldn't want to see me again. Not after I had left him sitting there. Maybe it was best that way. I had my chance, and now it was over.
I pulled up to my house and trudged inside, every step feeling like I was dragging my feet through thick mud. Gravity seemed to push against me; I pushed against the door to open it.
"Oh, you're back home early," mom said, smiling at me from her chair. "How was it?"
Awesome, until I screwed everything up.
"I need to finish my homework," I said, starting briskly toward my room.
"You should bring Hannah over for dinner soon. I haven't seen her in a while."
"I'll see when she's free," I muttered.
I closed my door and sat on my bed. My stomach wasn't much better, so I curled up and wrapped my arms around my legs. It softened the physical pain, but didn't stop my brain from processing the events of tonight. My eyes moistened, and a teardrop fell down my cheek.
I didn't want to be gay, I thought. I covered my face with a pillow and let my body shake with the agony of my sobs. Life wasn't fair. Why did I have to go through all this shit?
I couldn't continue dating Hannah either, so I started writing a message to her but deleted it. The next attempt wasn't more successful. I was staring at the blank screen when a message from Chris arrived. I held my breath when I opened it, and I had to read it twice before a wave of relief rushed through my body.
'I have no plans for tomorrow. Let's meet after school.'
Mom would be working late, so we had plenty of time to play some video games. At least one thing in my life would be back to normal.
All of a sudden, the door opened.
"Are you okay?" mom asked, looking at me lying on the bed.
"Never been better," I said, looking away so she wouldn't see that I had been crying.
"I'm glad you found such a sweet girl," she said, picking up my clothes from the floor. "How about Saturday?"
I narrowed my eyes and took a better position on the bed. Then the question sank in.
"Um, I guess that's okay. I'll invite her."
A satisfied smile lit up her face.
"I'll cook something she likes."
After she left, I took my phone and began reluctantly typing Hannah a message. I asked if she would like to come over for dinner on Saturday. The reply came almost immediately, and it was exactly what I had expected, unfortunately.
Back to square one, I thought. Things were again as they used to be, or were they? And why did it taste so bittersweet?
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