My Best Friend

by Victor Thomas

Chapter 8

After the movie we dropped in on Kolton. He was having a party and he'd invited all the football players over. Most of the guys from the team were there, as well as a lot of others. Kolton's parents were out of town and he was having a blast. I sure wouldn't have wanted to be him when they returned. The place was trashed. There was no way he'd be able to clean all that up.

He didn't seem to care, however. He was as trashed as the house. I'd seen him buzzed before, but he was falling down drunk. I thought drinking like that was pretty stupid. Some of the guys I knew liked to get shit faced, but I didn't see what was so hot about it. I did enjoy a good buzz, however, and I didn't object when Kolton pressed a beer into my hands.

I sipped on the beer and talked with the guys while Allison hung on my shoulder. I saw a few other guys eying her. That made me feel kind of proud. It was always nice to have something other guys wanted. It definitely made me look cool in front of them. I leaned over and kissed her on the lips. She wasn't shy about kissing me back. Our tongues entwined and all the guys were watching. When we broke off our kiss, I had the feeling some of them were breathing a little harder. I bet a lot of them were getting harder, too. I smiled. Showing off my girl was sure fun.

She was drinking a little and seemed to be enjoying herself. The music was loud and we were surrounded by friends, so what was not to enjoy? To be honest, what I liked most of all was then envious looks I got from my teammates. I kissed her again, running my hands up her sides, nearly touching her tits. The kiss was long and deep. I knew that would drive the guys crazy. Kolton was staring at us, idly rubbing his crotch. His jeans were tented. They looked like they were about to rip from the strain. He was drunk, but he was definitely into the little show that Allison and I were putting on. He devoured her with his eyes. After a few moments more he stumbled for the bathroom. I had a feeling he was going in there to whack it. I nearly laughed at the thought, but something about it kind of turned me on, too. I pushed that thought right out of my mind and kissed Allison again.

I took a second beer and then a third. I was getting a real good buzz. I stopped there, however. I knew if I drank more, I'd get drunk. I couldn't handle all that much beer. I'd only been drunk once, and I didn't like it, especially the next morning. Mom and dad had given me a lot of shit, and they wouldn't cut me any slack. If I had a hangover, that was just too damned bad. I'd been expected to get up and do my chores just the same. Drinking was a choice and I was expected to deal with the consequences. They were actually pretty smart. I probably drank a lot less than I would've if they'd just forbidden it.

Allison and I left and took a little walk to clear our heads. It was quiet outside, quite a contrast to Kolton's wild party. The music grew fainter as we drew away from the house and soon it was gone altogether. The moon and stars shone bright overhead. She walked close beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. There was something comforting in the way she hugged me so close. It was almost like we were one-person walking down the sidewalk instead of two. I think that maybe people weren't really meant to be alone. I felt content at that moment, like I had something I'd long been missing.

We eventually found our way to the football field. The night air was warm and pleasant. I felt really good from my alcoholic buzz. She was looking especially beautiful. I pulled her to me and kissed her. She eagerly returned my kiss and snuggled against me as I held her. She purred like a kitten in my embrace.

Our mouths opened and our tongues entwined. I closed my eyes. I was getting into kissing more and more. Unbidden, an image of me kissing Todd filled my head. I imagined I was kissing him instead of Allison. No! I opened my eyes and kissed her more deeply, banishing the phantom of Todd that haunted my mind. Her hands wondered to my chest and felt my muscles through my shirt. She slid her hands around me, pulling my lower back toward her. She slipped her hands onto my butt. Her touch felt surprisingly good, but I was uncomfortable.

I thought again about what I'd been thinking about off and on all night. I decided it was time to try it, time to see just how it would make me feel. I was nervous, even scared, but I had to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. I had to prove that my feelings toward Todd meant nothing more than friendship. I had to put to rest all the doubts that kept resurfacing, no matter how hard I tried to ignore them.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and kissed her again. I ran my hands up and over her shirt, feeling her firm tits. She kind of moaned a little as I gently groped her. Her hands slipped under my shirt and ran over my chest. The next thing I knew, she was pulling my shirt over my head. She certainly wasn't a shy girl. She was forceful, the kind that went after what she wanted.

She ran her fingers over my naked skin, tracing my pectoral muscles and my tight abs. Her hands trailed lower and she groped my crotch. After her touch, my manhood came to life and started to grow. It was just like I'd imagined during the movie. I kissed her more passionately, trying to push myself into what I knew was right. I seemed to be edging that way. I wanted to push myself over the edge and feel the way I knew I should be feeling.

Her touch excited me. Her fingers felt good on my naked skin and on the bulge in my jeans. That bulge was growing bigger. Touching her did nothing for me, however. It was as if I were touching cold stone instead of warm flesh. I couldn't make myself get excited over her body. I was so close to what I wanted to achieve, but it seemed just beyond my grasp.

All my arousal was inner directed. It was my body that was turning me on, not hers. I might as well have been alone in my room, experiencing the only form of sex I'd ever known. What was I doing wrong?

I pulled her shirt over my head. I unfastened her bra with difficulty. She stood before me, naked from the waist up. I knew she was beautiful, but I just didn't feel it. I groped her breasts once again as she fumbled with my belt and the buttons of my jeans. I kissed her as I worked her own jeans loose. She pushed my boxers down and grasped me. She stroked me slowly, making me throb. I pulled away her remaining clothing and we sank to the grass.

I pressed my lips to her breasts, but the sensation did not please me. I felt a sense of revulsion rather than desire. I was living every teenage boy's dream, only to find I didn't want it. No, I had to try and make it work! I was hard after all. I was hard with a girl. That had to mean something.

"Can I…" I hesitated.

The words seemed so harsh. I didn't want to say them. I rubbed my hardness against her. I didn't have to say the word, she knew what I wanted.

"Yes, Scott, do it! I want to feel you in me."

I was starting to go soft so I moved quickly. I crawled on top of her as she lay on her back on the grass. Somehow, I managed to get inside her. My manhood was growing limp. The mere thought of what I was doing gave me a sick feeling in my gut.

She moaned and purred and told me what a stud I was. I willed myself to have an erection, but my manhood was deflating. No matter what I did, I couldn't maintain my hard on. I'd been stiff as steel while she was groping me, but when her hand left my cock, so did the hardness. I was doing it! I was getting it on with a girl. Why wasn't I as hard as a rock?

I closed my eyes and gave in to the fantasy that had been pounding at me, trying to break in. I imagined Todd naked beneath me. My dick immediately stiffened. I began to slowly thrust as I pictured his beautiful body in my mind; his arms, his shoulders, his chest, and his cute little butt. I thought about his cock and immediately a vision of encircling it with my lips came to mind.

I pushed my cock in and out of her. I did not make love to her. I fucked her! She was nothing to me. She was less significant to me than my own hand when I was jerking off. I ignored her, thinking of Todd to maintain my erection.

Still, my mind fought to deny him. When my thoughts pushed him away in self-preservation, reality slipped in and I felt my erection disappearing. I summoned him back and my hardness returned. Todd aroused me more in his absence than Allison did naked beneath me. I gave into my fantasy and fucked her, while I imagined I was making love to Todd. My body was with her, but my mind and heart were elsewhere.

I threw my head back and moaned. A feeling of intense pleasure ripped through my body. It was of short duration however. It hit me in a powerful blast, then was gone. I was no longer a virgin. I felt like I'd lost something, wasted it. I gave myself to Allison, to someone I didn't love, to someone I didn't even really care about.

I lay back disgusted, tears in my eyes. I'd set out to prove I wasn't gay. I'd set out to prove that my feelings for Todd were nothing more than friendship. I'd done the opposite.

She hugged me close. Only then did I remember she was there. Her body disgusted me and I had to fight from shrinking away. She was purring with happiness and I hated her.

"That was the best I've ever had, Scotty! You're awesome! You're such a stud," she said as she rubbed my chest.

Please! If that was the best she'd ever had then I felt sorry for her. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't even hard half the time. The whole thing was over in less than five minutes. I fucked her without love or compassion. It meant nothing and she acted as if it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

I felt like telling her just what I thought, but I held my tongue. This wasn't her fault. I couldn't blame her for my lack of interest. She hadn't forced me into anything. I was the one who wanted it. I was the one who had to prove his manhood. I'd brought this all on myself. She was just an innocent bystander. No, I wasn't going to hurt her.

The hatred was still in me, however, and I found it hard to act as I should. I lay there for a while, not wanting to leave before it was appropriate. She had allowed me to do what most teenage boys begged their girls for on a regular basis, without getting it. She'd given me herself. She'd given me her body. I had to fight my emotions. Allison was innocent and didn't deserve the wrath I felt within me.

I sat up, then stood. She pulled me to her and kissed me. It almost made me retch. I kissed her back, enduring the unwanted intimacy. I was in way over my head. I'd upped the stakes and I had lost big.

We dressed and I walked her home. She talked on and on. I was silent. At last, we were at her door. I endured another kiss and she stepped inside, walking on air. I felt like I'd taken advantage of her, used her. I didn't feel very good about myself just then. I wasn't the kind who could just use someone and think nothing of it. I'd done something wrong and I knew it. I knew why I'd done it, but that didn't make it right.

I wondered about her father. I wondered what he'd do if he found out I'd just fucked his daughter.

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