Lost in the Dark

by Sam the Ham

Chapter 5

Xander left Ryder's house after receiving a text about coming home for dinner. Ryder walked him to the door, but they didn't kiss or anything. As he walked back, Xander realized he was more confused than when he had first left his house. When Ryder had left his home so abruptly, Xander wasn't sure what to think. He had been scared. He had wanted to explain to Ryder that it was just an accident. Ryder had taken control the conversation somehow. Xander wasn't sure how he had gotten around to outing himself.

In a way, it had felt like a dream. The first time he had had Ryder over he remembered noticing his feet. Seeing the two of them there on his lap had been weirdly thrilling. He couldn't believe he had kissed one of them. He couldn't believe the other things he had done. Weirdest of all had been afterward. Instead of talking about what had happened, they talked about video games.

Was Ryder gay too? Did the blonde boy think they were boyfriends? Did he even want a boyfriend? What had they done really? It wasn't sex like he knew it. What had it been?

By the time he arrived home, he hadn't figured out any of those questions. He saw his mom's car in the driveway and when he opened the front door, he was assaulted by the smell of vegetables cooking.

Dinner was almost ready, and instead of retreating to his room like he desperately wanted to do, he was roped into helping put out the plates. As food was doled out, his dad asked, "Did you make up with Ryder?"

Xander's guilty conscience made him blush, but he was pretty sure he caught himself from looking too startled. "Yeah. It was a misunderstanding."

"Ryder?" His mom said thinking. "He wasn't at the barbecue was he? I would've thought I would remember a name like that."

"He wasn't able to make it. His parents own a store in Denver." Xander said trying to direct the conversation away from the argument he had told his dad he had with Ryder.

"Oh, what type?" His mom asked.

Xander tried to think back and smiled embarrassedly. "You know, I never asked."

This caused his parents to laugh, which made Xander roll his eyes. Thankfully the conversation went on to other things. After dinner he excused himself to do his homework, retreating to his bedroom and closing the door behind him. The first hour or so was legitimately dedicated to homework. After that, he decided to start his own personal research project.

He stared at the search engine for a long time before hesitantly typing in gay sex information. The last word was added in hopes of avoiding a cornucopia of porn sites. The first few websites were less than useful. It was Wikipedia that gave him his first solid information. As it turned out the thing he had done with Ryder did have a name: Frot. He guessed that meant he was no longer a virgin. Well, maybe. The more he read, the more he realized that virginity, for at least male-male relationships, was more of a theory than a straight up definition. Strictly out of curiosity, he looked up what defined virginity and quickly discovered it was a flexible concept.

Turning his computer off, he poked at his cell, pulled it out of his pocket. He started to type a message to Ryder, but after several attempts, he gave up. Asking if Ryder was gay or anything else at the moment just didn't seem right. Xander was pretty sure most people dated before they had any sex stuff going on. What exactly was he supposed to say? How did he get from here to the next step… or did he even want to go on?

Xander gave up for the night and plugged his phone into the charger. He headed downstairs to hang out with his parents. At the moment he just wanted to be around something he understood.

The next morning he got up early and decided to grab a shower before breakfast. As he stripped out of his sleepwear, he looked down at his body. His stomach was flat and he could see his spattering pubic hair sticking out from him. He slowly ran his fingers through it. It felt rougher than the stuff on his head. He wrapped some of it around a finger and watched as it caught the light.

For the first 12 years of his life, he hadn't thought too much about the spot between his legs. Now it seemed to be, well, not the center of his world, but more predominant. He remembered back to the barbecue and seeing three of his friend's private parts. He had definitely preferred the ones without hair. He wondered if it was a gay thing or not. Thinking back on some of the porn he had seen, he guessed it could go either way.

His hand drifted down a little further, grabbing hold of his soft shaft. He pulled the skin down further before letting go, watching the skin retract backward. He felt himself start to stiffen and climbed into the shower, turning on the water. The water smacked him in the chest and he lowered his head into the spray, watching the water snake down his body.

He wondered what Ryder would think of him. He thought back to yesterday. Ryder had been very willing. Xander closed his eyes and pictured Ryder's feet on his lap. They had been soft to the touch and sexy. In his mind he imagined doing more to them then he had. He imagined grabbing one to his face as he twisted around on the couch. As his shaft became hard, he began to stroke it, leaning against the shower wall to hold himself up.

In his fantasy, he kissed the small feet and even licked them. Xander could imagine how they could wiggle, and Ryder would laugh at the sensation. Then he could push his knees back further until they were touching Ryder's chest. Xander thought he could hold both of Ryder's ankles in one hand, freeing his other one up to start pulling at the blonde boy's pants.

Ryder's skin was fair, and his butt cheeks had to be pale. Xander tried to picture what they would look like as he slowly revealed them. He imagined the pale cheeks being exposed, and then the slow exposure of Ryder's balls. They would be little like everything else. Then Xander started to have a problem. He liked to keep his fantasies realistic, and now he would either need to keep holding onto Ryder's ankles, or maybe Ryder could hold his legs there himself.

It would free up Xander's hands. That way he could spread those cute little cheeks and slide his erection into the boy's bottom. Xander imagined himself sliding into Ryder's small figure. He leaned down further, shower water hitting his back as he felt himself begin to climax. His cum shut out from his body and hit the shower's side before being washed away in the stream. Xander let out a gasp and stroked himself a few more times, feeling a little more dribble out onto his fingers. He stayed like that for a few seconds before straightening.

Looking down at his hand he saw some cum on his fingertip. It was almost like the color of milk when it was watered down. It made him think about blow jobs. He knew both boys and girls could give them; the idea of putting that stuff in his mouth was weird. He quickly moved his hand into the stream of water, letting it wash away, and trying to put the idea out of his mind.

The rest of Xander's shower concentrated on cleaning himself. Unfortunately, as he was drying off, his fantasy came back to him, but differently. A feeling like guilt washed over him. It wasn't so much because he had been fantasizing about a boy, but it just seemed like such a bad fantasy. The sex scenes he had seen on TV and in movies had always shown kissing and hugging before the humping. His imagination didn't have any of that. He felt more like he was using Ryder.

Then Xander realized he had. Ryder had been willing but had only done what Xander wanted. He remembered pinning Ryder's little arms. He hadn't allowed the boy to do anything else. Xander felt like his stomach just dropped to his feet as he imagined trying to be in Ryder's place. He hadn't deserved that. As Xander thought about it, he realized Ryder hadn't texted him last night, and he hadn't sent one, either. That wasn't good.

Ryder liked quiet. As a consequence, he hated the bus ride to school. He sat with two boys who were best friends with each other. They were nice enough, and usually just ignored him. He managed to get to class earlier than usual. The class was mostly empty, which meant watching everyone come in. Xander entered alone and barely glanced at him. That hurt a bit, but Ryder just shrugged it off.

Class went on and he did his best to pay attention. He wasn't sure why. It was just easier to do what you were told then slack off. It's not like his parents cared about his grades. Well, maybe his mom cared a bit. They never got onto him about it though. The only subject he actually found interesting was science. It was like learning about a different world. There were no gray areas. A+ B always equaled C.

When lunch came, he bought his meal and took his usual spot at the end of the table. He could see Xander a little way down the table, but the boy didn't look at him. For some reason, that hurt. He didn't know why. Ryder knew he wasn't expecting anything different. As far as he could tell the other boy didn't even glance at him. When he went out for recess, he did join the game of tag going on.

The game of tag evolved into capture the flag. Ryder hung back to guard the flag. Most of the boys were wearing shorts, which provided him with some eye candy. It was interesting to see how some boys had thick muscles in their legs, while others looked almost pencil thin. Not that his eye candy kept Ryder from doing his job. His flag was only captured twice, and he was able to get it back. He could be fast over a short distance.

The rest of the day passed painfully slowly. At the end of the day, they were given a few minutes to read the next chapter in the lesson. Ryder twisted in his seat, and instead of reading, he looked out the window until the bell rang.

The bus ride home was uneventful. Ryder wasn't sure what he was doing when he got home. He had decided to start on his homework when his phone began to ring. He quickly picked it up, assuming it was his parents, who were the only ones who called them.


"Hi, Ryder?"

He frowned. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. "Yeah."

"This is Xander."

Ryder blinked. "Oh, you sound different over the phone."

Xander chuckled. "Yeah, you do too. I was calling to um… To see if you are doing anything."

"I'm free," Ryder said thinking of yesterday's experience. It had been different and exciting.

"Great," Xander said not sounding too excited. "You want to meet up at the convenience store? I can buy you a milkshake."

Ryder hesitated. He had been expecting Xander to ask to come over. "I guess."

"Okay, I'll be leaving now, so see you there. Okay?"

"Okay," Ryder said. He stayed on the phone for a few more seconds, hearing Xander still on the other end. "Well, bye."

"Yeah, bye."

Ryder didn't wait for Xander to hang up. He wasn't sure why Xander wanted to meet up someplace else first, but if Xander wanted to buy him a milkshake, he wasn't going to complain. When he headed back out, he grabbed his skateboard and helmet. The convenience store wasn't that long a trip, but Xander was already outside waiting for him.

Xander waited until he got off the skateboard to greet him. "How long have you had that?"

Ryder shrugged. "I got this one for my birthday, but I've been on one since I was six."

"Cool," Xander said nodding. "Let's go get that milkshake."

They went inside and Xander said he could order anything. He ordered a chocolate shake and so did Xander. After Xander paid for both of them, they went outside to sit at the picnic table and sat on opposite sides. They both sipped for a while before Xander broke the silence.

"Sorry, I don't really know what I'm doing."

Ryder finished his sip. "What do you mean?"

Xander looked around to see if there was anyone nearby. "I've never done anything like this before."

"You never had a milkshake?"

Xander smiled. "No, you know what I mean."

"I really don't," Ryder said honestly. If Xander wanted to borrow a game, he could've just asked, and if he wanted a blow job, he should've picked a private place.

Xander let out a long sigh. "Well, you know yesterday."

"What about it?"

Xander bowed his head before looking back up at him. "Do you want to go out? I mean, I was trying to figure it out. You seem to like the fact that I… I like you, but I don't know what to do from here. I mean I really do want to get to know you better."

Ryder stared at the other boy, stunned. Go out? The idea had never entered his head. He had sucked Brendan and Kevin's cock, but that was because he wanted to. Outside of that and smoking pot, he didn't really do anything else with them. "What do you mean by going out?"

Xander nodded. "Nothing too public. I mean like small stuff. We wouldn't have to hold hands or anything. We could keep it subtle just between the two of us. We would be friends to everyone else."

"I see." Ryder sipped on his milkshake. "I guess that would be okay."

Xander relaxed. "All right." Xander let out a long sigh and then smiled at him. "So are you any good with that skateboard?"

"I guess. There's a little skate park around here, but it's pretty far. It's behind some church."

"A church? That's weird."

"Yeah, I know. Something about reaching out to the community or something."

"I don't really know that much about skateboarding. Maybe you could show me a thing or two?"

Ryder shrugged. "Sure."

"Great, it's a date."

Ryder glared at Xander. "If you're going to make those types of jokes, we may have to break up."

Xander nodded exaggeratedly. "I'll never do it again. So is that the same skateboard you had when you were six?"

"No, that one wasn't a good one. That one got busted years ago. What about you? How long have you been playing basketball?"

They went back and forth, asking questions until their milkshakes were finished. As they were getting up to leave Xander looked around. He gestured for Ryder to follow. "Come over here."

Ryder hesitated before following. Xander headed towards the back of the building. The area was closed off from prying eyes. "What is it?" Ryder asked.

"Well, this was a date I guess."

"I guess." Ryder echoed.

"Right, I figured we should kiss goodbye."

"Oh," Ryder said. "I've never kissed anyone before."

"Good, because I haven't either," Xander said, leaning down and pressing his lips against Ryder's.

Ryder was stunned at first, but after a second sort of pushed back a bit, his lips moving against Xander's. He tasted a bit like chocolate.

They looked at each a second before Xander smiled. "We should have lunch tomorrow."

"Yeah," Ryder said smiling.

"I'll text you," Xander said, smiling back at him.

Ryder turned and watched Xander walk away. The other boy kept looking back over his shoulder before rounding the corner. Ryder stared after him before slowly raising his hand to his lips. His first kiss. It felt good.

Ryder started back home, and he didn't need his skateboard to feel like he was gliding. There had been something about that thing. Something he didn't understand. It was a feeling that lasted until he was almost home and noticed two people outside his front door. He let his skateboard slowly glide to a stop as Brendan and Kevin slowly walked towards him.

"Hey, we were just seeing if you were home," Brendan said slowly walking up to him. "Got some free time?" His hand slowly drifted towards his crotch like he had an inch, but was too deliberate.

On any other given day, Ryder would've been happy for the distraction. Today, though, he felt a vise clamp around his stomach. "I can't. I have a doctor's appointment."

"Not even for a quickie?" Brendan said, glancing back at Kevin.

Ryder had a flash of anger. "What, you want a quickie? Last time you two left and took my joint."

Brendan gave him a lopsided grin. "Yeah, Kevin started to lose his shit. He had to smoke half of it before he calmed down. Thought I was too rough on you."

"Shut up," Kevin said, weakly.

"Yeah, whatever," Ryder said going around the two. "My mom's going to be here soon."

"Fine," Brendan called out. "How about tomorrow?"

Ryder didn't turn around but flipped him off. The moment he was in his house he locked the door and slowly sagged to the floor. "Crap."

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