Strong Enough
by Nico Grey
XII
Caleb sensed trouble the moment he sat down to lunch. And it had nothing to do with the taco salad "surprise" on his tray.
Trouble arrived with an attitude, preceded by a few passably-strummed guitar chords. Tyler shrank in his seat and the color drained from his face as soon as the tune registered. Abby looked like she'd be happy to be absolutely anywhere else on earth.
Lexxi's voice didn't carry throughout the entire cafeteria. But it was pitched to be heard by an audience of three, along with anyone else seated nearby. The story must have been familiar to much of the school, because heads turned immediately toward Tyler as soon as the tune was recognized.
Caleb really hadn't gone to much trouble to get to know his fellow students at Silver River High School. As he noticed the curious, even avid gazes turn to seek out Tyler, he was glad that he hadn't. He could easily learn to dislike people like this, he decided.
It wasn't in Caleb's nature to seek confrontation. He was much more likely to avoid it. But he couldn't bear to watch what was happening to Tyler.
Caleb pushed back his chair and stood. He drew himself up to his full five-foot-six-inch height and pointed toward Lexxi's table. He forced as much alarm as he could muster into his voice.
"Does anyone know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver?" he shouted. "It sounds like she's choking!"
Belatedly, Caleb hoped that he wouldn't attract a lot of staff attention and precipitate another sort of crisis.
Every head within forty feet swiveled back in Lexxi's direction. The unexpected turn of events startled her and interrupted her performance. Worse, it confused her.
"I'm not choking," she insisted.
Caleb decided that it wouldn't hurt to interrupt her momentum again.
"Oh, you're sure that you're okay?" he affected deep concern. "Good. But maybe you should take something for that. It sounded like somebody was strangling a cat."
Caleb could see the confusion in Lexxi's eyes. She wanted to continue. But she realized that her moment had passed. Still, she wasn't willing to surrender the stage.
"I was singing!" she explained to everyone around her. "I have a great voice!"
"That was singing?!" Caleb feigned a combination of shocked disbelief and amusement. "Wow! I'm impressed. I wish that I couldn't play guitar as well as you, either."
He thought it was amusing to watch her eyes cross in perplexity. But he was in no hurry to help her figure it out. It was time to exit the stage by any direction available.
Caleb sat back down to a much subdued lunch with Abby and Tyler. Tyler, at least, seemed relieved that Lexxi hadn't been able to create a full-blown scene. But he was withdrawn. Caleb decided that he would have to figure out why— and how to undo any damage the confrontation caused— later.
Abby watched Caleb carefully. Her smile said that she was relieved that the confrontation with Lexxi hadn't been more explosive. Her eyes cautioned, 'be careful'.
Caleb didn't really need the warning. He could feel laser beams of hatred burning into the side of his head while he feigned interest in his taco salad 'surprise'.
The real surprise came at the end of the lunch period. There was no preamble. Apparently that wasn't Lexxi's style.
"You have no idea who I am!" she threatened. Her backup singers were behind her to lend moral support.
"I'm pretty sure that I do," Caleb informed her evenly. "I don't like mean people that enjoy bullying. And my spider sense told me that I really don't like you the minute I first set eyes on you."
Abby tugged on Caleb's arm, hoping to pull him away from the confrontation.
"Your spider sense isn't working very well," Lexxi made an attempt to look superior, "if this is the best you can do for friends."
She dismissed Abby with a contemptuous glance and turned her venom on Tyler.
"You must be a real pervert," she spat at Caleb. "Why else would you want to hang around with a little boy like that?"
She fixed Tyler with a menacing glare.
"We've seen pictures," she hissed, waving her cell phone in Caleb's face. "They were taken in the boy's locker room by a friend. Tyler Neeson's dick looks like a fifth grader's!" her voice rose as she concluded triumphantly. "I wouldn't have been interested in it, even when I was in fifth grade."
Caleb found himself wondering if it might have gone easier on Tyler if he had just ignored Lexxi's performance at the start of the lunch period. He seemed to have shrunk into his seat under her abuse. And she appeared to be taking great delight in his misery.
But he also couldn't bring himself to let it go now and concede the victory to her.
"For someone who says you aren't interested in Tyler, you sure do seem fixated on his personal parts," he accused. "I think there's a word for that."
"Detention," an adult voice interrupted.
Caleb didn't recognize the young guy, but he appeared to be part of the school staff. He wasn't any taller than Caleb, but he carried himself with the calm air of authority.
"Do you have something on that phone that you're planning to show us, Miss Sprague?" the teacher demanded.
Lexxi looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
" I was just telling this. . . person," she dismissed Caleb contemptuously, "to stop harassing my friends, Mr. Donnelly."
"By describing a fellow student's. . . personal parts?" he inquired carefully.
"You must have misunderstood," Lexxi turned to her posse for support. "That's not what we were talking about."
" Lunch period is about to end," the teacher said. "I guess you had better come explain this. . . misunderstanding to me after school. At quarter-to-three sharp!" he added firmly when Lexxi began to protest.
Caleb was confused. It didn't feel like he should be in trouble, but the teacher had demanded an explanation after school. He wasn't sure what was expected of him.
"I don't know you," the teacher decided for Caleb. "Let's keep it that way."
That appeared somewhat clear. Caleb nodded his head gratefully.
"Who was that?" he asked his friends.
"Mr. Donnelly," Abby explained. "I had him for social studies in seventh and eighth grade. He was a good teacher."
Caleb turned to Tyler, but he was slumped in his chair with his head down. He wanted to wrap a reassuring arm around his friend's shoulder. But after Lexxi's outburst, he wasn't sure that doing so in public would be a good idea.
He was relieved when Abby bent over and pulled Tyler to her chest. He didn't anticipate the kiss she planted on Tyler's cheek, but he was grateful for it. Tyler needed reassurance. He needed to know that his friends cared about him. Abby found the perfect way to show him that.
"You know that Lexxi isn't through with you," Abby whispered to Caleb.
"I know," he nodded grimly. "My mother says that trouble never visits in twos. I'm expecting to hear from her at least one more time. Probably twice," he concluded. "When it comes to being nasty to people, she seems like a real overachiever."
It was a difficult week for Tyler. It was also a challenging week for Caleb and Abby as they attempted to distract Tyler and help him to build back his self-esteem.
Despite Caleb's concerns, Tyler did appear in the cafeteria to eat lunch with them every day. But it was obvious that the environment made him tense and uncomfortable. Caleb was relieved when he saw that Lexxi wasn't eating at her regular table. She had relocated to the opposite end of the lunch room; probably under duress. Abby quietly pointed out to Caleb that Mr. Donnelly appeared to be keeping a close eye on Lexxi and her crew.
"She won't even talk to me in class," Abby informed them. "Not that I'm complaining. But I would like to know what Mr. Donnelly did to her."
Caleb wanted to suggest that Abby was only hoping to get her hands on the photos that Lexxi claimed to have on her phone. But that sort of teasing would remind Tyler of things that were better forgotten, so he settled for observing that it didn't matter to him as long as she left them alone.
That didn't stop him from being concerned about the following week. He had noticed that staff assignments for lunch room monitoring rotated weekly.
Caleb was relieved when the end of the week arrived. He was looking forward to spending the weekend on skis with Tyler, even if it was likely to include an awkward hour or two visiting with Abby. After the way she had supported Tyler all week, Caleb would have felt selfish denying Abby her fun.
He was also looking forward to spending Saturday night with Tyler in his bed. It wasn't just thinking about the kissing, or even the remote possibility that it might escalate into something more, that inspired him. Caleb was starting to realize that the hours they spent lying together in each others' arms had become the best feeling in the world for him.
"Mom left a note," Caleb observed when he and Tyler returned to the Bradford home for lunch. "She says she's going to be at your house for a few hours."
Caleb thought that was unusual. His mother had gone out to do the weekly shopping while he and Tyler were off skiing. But unless she had to stay in Brattleboro to catch up on work, she usually joined him and Tyler for lunch on Saturday.
He noticed that Tyler appeared to be concerned about the news.
"My mom wasn't getting ready to go to work when I left this morning," he explained. "I hope nothing's wrong."
"Should we call her?" Caleb asked.
A call to Nicole made more sense, they decided. Caleb could frame it in the form of a question about dinner plans, then use the conversation to ask 'casual' questions about when they could expect her home. That might just lead to some answers about what really concerned them. As it turned out, no subterfuge was necessary.
Nicole told Caleb that Grace had been upset about something a co-worker had heard about the high school. Nicole was just visiting Grace to discuss her concerns with her.
That was a relief! It answered their questions. . . until Caleb realized that it raised many more new questions! He panicked. His distress only became worse when he couldn't come up with an innocent reason to call his mother back.
"Let's just have lunch and get out on the trail," Tyler suggested. But he wasn't feeling any better than Caleb about their unanswered questions.
Caleb found it difficult to maintain a rhythm once they were back on their skis.
"I've been feeling tense all afternoon," he explained. "I can't stop worrying."
That made sense to Tyler. But he also thought that working hard all morning, after taking five days off, didn't help.
"Yeah!" Caleb agreed. "Maybe I could talk Mom into buying a cross country skiing exercise machine. That way I could keep working these muscles all week!"
Tyler had a temporary solution for Caleb's problem. Caleb was surprised when he didn't object.
"I knew you'd be back!" she exclaimed as soon as she opened the door.
"My friend is feeling awfully tense," Tyler explained. "We were hoping that you could help him."
"Oh, I'll help both of you," Abby promised.
Tyler blanched.
"I really don't need anything," he insisted. "Caleb just had a little trouble today because he hasn't been skiing since last weekend."
But it was to no avail. She took Tyler firmly by the arm and led the boys into the house.
"I really don't need a bath!" Caleb was alarmed as Abby led them upstairs, straight into her bathroom, and started filling the tub.
"Listen to the fingers," she menaced him. "You might not notice it, but you definitely need to get clean before these hands touch you."
"I can clean myself," Caleb protested when Abby busied herself adding scented oils to the bathwater and selecting sea sponges and loofahs from a nearby cabinet. "Just keep her occupied in her bedroom," he directed Tyler.
"I'm pretty sure you need some supervision," she insisted. "Either mine or your boyfriend's. So do you two want to share the bath again, or will Dr. Fingers have to scrub you?"
Caleb considered the options. Tyler wasn't much help at all.
"How can we know you won't just come in after we're in the tub?" he demanded.
"Lock the door," she rolled her eyes. "Besides, I give you my word. I've taken the Hippocratic Oath."
"Do you think she really has taken the Hippocratic Oath?" Caleb wondered as he and Tyler began removing their clothing.
"If she has, she probably installed video cameras in here since last time," Tyler sighed.
"I don't hear any water splashing in there!" a loud voice demanded from just outside the door.
Tyler almost jumped into Caleb's arms.
"We'd better get in there," he concluded. "The foam will help hide us if she does come busting in."
"I'm amazed that you managed to control yourself, Abby," Caleb snickered, before he realized that teasing her while she had access to most of his body might not have been a great idea.
She didn't respond, but kept working his legs with firm fingers. He was surprised to note that her technique improved with each visit.
Caleb gradually fell under the spell of her fingers as Abby worked up to the leg openings of his briefs, then switched to his shoulders and began working her way down. He wondered if it was the magic in her fingers as they made their way down his back, or the memory of his erotic but chaste bath with Tyler, but he could feel himself stirring as her hands approached the waistband of his briefs.
Caleb steeled himself for further intrusion as she teased beneath the no-roll elastic of the waistband. Instead, she stopped.
"Roll over," Abby commanded. "I'm going to give your abdominals the doctor's special treatment."
That incited a bit of panic.
"Uh, Abs? I don't think I can right now," Caleb whimpered.
"Of course you can!" she insisted.
A powerful hand latched onto his shoulder and flipped him over onto his back.
Before Caleb had the opportunity to scream his alarm, or Abby to cackle gleefully, Caleb felt a body throw itself across his hips.
It took Abby a moment to take it all in before she erupted with laughter.
"I thought you guys would have gotten that out of your system in the bath," she chortled.
" Is that really the way that guys are supposed to do it?" she wondered. "Somehow, I expected it to be more. . . penetrative."
It felt penetrative enough to Caleb. He was definitely striving to penetrate something. And he was pretty sure that he could feel something trying to penetrate him. He sighed. . . with a mixture of resignation and pleasure.
"I can't believe you did that," Caleb laughed as he and Tyler skied away almost sixty minutes later. "But it really broke her concentration. She couldn't take her eyes off your butt the whole time she was torturing my stomach."
Tyler was still affected by the incident. But he was also thoughtful.
"The entire time I was on top of you, I was pretty sure she was going to molest me," he admitted.
"Is that what kept you so hard?" Caleb cringed as soon as the words were out.
But Tyler laughed off any embarrassment.
"Maybe a little," he conceded. "But I was really thinking about something else," he caught Caleb's eye and grinned shyly.
It was Caleb's turn to be embarrassed.
"I'm sorry about that," he apologized. "You know how I feel. I'm really trying to let you lead the way in all that, but today I just couldn't help myself. I can control what goes on up here most of the time," he tapped his head. Then he gestured lower. "But it has a mind of its own."
Tyler skied to a halt and waited for Caleb to join him. He had a serious expression on his face.
"I feel the same way, too," he assured Caleb. "The more time we spend together, the more I really want to do some of those things. The only reason I haven't yet is because I think what we're already doing is so special. I don't want to lose that too soon. And if we start doing more stuff, things like this may start to feel a little less than." He leaned into Caleb and brought their lips together.
When Tyler was done, Caleb was thoroughly persuaded by his argument once again.
"My bed. My rules," Caleb grinned. He pulled Tyler into his arms. It really wasn't necessary. Tyler was already sliding backward to meet Caleb.
"I hope you feel the same way," Caleb said, "but I think just holding you like this makes all the weirdness of the past week kind of fade away. It happened. But it just feels like it doesn't really matter anymore when we're here together."
"Mmm-hmm," Tyler agreed. "It was a rotten week. But already, it feels like next week is going to get better."
"You've been so strong," Caleb whispered. "I really admire the way you bounced back from Lexxi's. . ." he really wasn't sure how to finish. "She was a total bitch."
Tyler nodded thoughtfully.
" I don't know why I even let it get to me at first," he admitted. "Maybe because I used to like her. And maybe I was thinking that she might actually spread pictures of. . . me around school."
"She can't do that, you know? That would be so illegal," Caleb insisted.
"I guess," Tyler agreed. "I'm really not sure what would happen if she did."
"It's completely illegal. I know. I have some experience," Caleb reddened. "People can go to jail for sharing naked pictures of kids."
"I wonder if Mr. Donnelly made her erase those pictures." Tyler frowned. "I just hope he didn't see them."
"Maybe there aren't any pictures," Caleb considered that an encouraging thought. "Maybe she was just bluffing to upset you."
Tyler nodded thoughtfully, then hopefully.
"That's something Sandy would do. She wouldn't let the truth get in the way of something that she wants."
"Sandy?" Caleb wondered.
"Oh. That's Lexxi," Tyler corrected himself. "Her real name is Sandra. Sandra Sprague. So I've known her as Sandy since we were in kindergarten."
"So what's with Lexxi?" Caleb asked.
"She didn't like Sandra, I guess," Tyler speculated. "She used to go by Alexandra for a while. I think in fourth or fifth grade. By sixth grade, she insisted that everyone call her Lexxi. We all just went along with it."
" That's so. . . phony," Caleb decided. "But Tyler? Everybody knows her real name is Sandra?"
"Yeah," Tyler agreed. "Most of us have been in school with her since we were kids."
"So they all know she's a phony," Caleb explained. "Maybe they don't call her on her bullshit because they're afraid of her. But when she says something, I bet a lot of people don't really believe her!"
That seemed to encourage Tyler. He took a few moments to consider the possibility. He turned in Caleb's arms. Without words, he let Caleb know that they were experiencing another special occasion.
"So what about my mom?" Caleb murmured as they drifted near the border of unconsciousness. "She seemed kind of weird at dinner tonight. Do you think it has anything to do with what she and your mom were talking about this afternoon?"
Tyler didn't reply. He just pushed back deeper into Caleb's arms. So Caleb held onto him even more securely.
Caleb woke with a start.
He tried to make sense of the sensations, the images scattered in his mind, but nothing was clear. He knew that Abby was somehow part of the mosaic. And Tyler.
He thought he could detect odors, but he couldn't smell anything. There was just a vague perception of something floral, perfumed.
He sensed sounds that he couldn't hear. He knew that it was music, soothing and relaxing.
There was a taste in his mouth that was certain he should recognize anywhere. It was familiar. Exciting. Tyler!
He felt a sensation that kept growing in him, somewhere in his core. Like Abby working on his abdominals, except lower. It was building toward critical mass!
Caleb panicked. He tried to grab onto himself to stop the explosion, or at least to contain it. But something was in his way.
As his body erupted, he remembered that he wasn't alone.
"Oh, man, Caleb! I'm so sorry!"
He recognized Tyler's voice. He just couldn't figure out why Tyler was sorry.
"I didn't know that was going to happen!"
Dimly, Tyler's tone of voice began to register in Caleb's mind. Shock. Dismay. Excitement. But mostly shame.
"I shouldn't have."
The words were tumbling out.
"I felt you when I woke up. I wasn't thinking. I just knew that I wanted to touch you."
"I'm a mess," Caleb complained.
"I didn't know that would happen," Tyler apologized again. "I could tell I was making you feel good. I didn't want to stop. But I should have."
Caleb was finally awake enough to understand what had happened. He still wasn't awake enough to know how he should react.
"I'd better clean up," he mumbled.
As he clambered over Tyler to get out of the bed, he had enough awareness to recognize his friend's apprehension and shame.
"I'll be back in a minute," he promised. Before he turned away, he leaned back into the bed and kissed Tyler's lips.
Caleb continued to organize his thoughts while he sponged off in his bathroom. It still didn't make sense. 'I guess I'm not a virgin anymore.' It was an odd thought. But Caleb was pretty sure that it was the truth.
In the gray light, he climbed back over Tyler and got into bed.
"Uh, should you get some underwear?" Tyler wondered.
"Oh. Um. We'll be getting up soon. I mean, if you don't mind. . ." Caleb left the thought unfinished.
"I don't mind," Tyler assured him. "I just hope I can trust myself," he added quietly.
Caleb was finally alert enough to recognize his friend's distress.
"It's okay, Tyler. You can do that if you want. I already told you that you could. And now that I'm mostly awake, I'm pretty sure that I liked it," he forced a grin on tired lips. "I just can't wait to do it back to you."
"I owe you," Tyler agreed.
Caleb shook his head.
"You don't owe me, Tyler. I'm just telling you that when you're ready, and when you're sure it's what you want, I really do want to do that to you. All you need to do is tell me that you're ready."
Tyler shifted under the bedding to get comfortable. It seemed to be taking him a long time.
Finally he settled back into Caleb's arms. He reached out from under the comforter with one hand and gave Caleb his boxer briefs.
"I'm ready." He smiled shyly.
For a few weeks, Caleb had been sure that there was absolutely nothing better in the world than waking up in Tyler's arms, or with Tyler in his arms. As his eyelids fluttered open again and his body began to stir against familiar, warm resistance, he realized that he had been wrong. There was something just a little bit better. As he gently adjusted his hips, he concluded that the very best feeling in the world was waking up with Tyler in his arms and with absolutely nothing between them.
He was tempted to reach down and possess Tyler again in his hand. It had been a sublime experience, tenderly stroking that velvety shaft, watching the excitement rise in Tyler's eyes until he was overwhelmed by the physical sensations. Then those eyes squeezing tightly shut while the shaft jerked repeatedly in his hand and produced a few tiny beads of fluid.
He wondered if Tyler had been aware of that result. As he relived that experience, he was again tempted to repeat the experiment. But that felt like a violation of trust. Tyler had only given his permission for the first time.
Caleb settled for kissing Tyler gently on his sleeping lips. 'I guess you're not a virgin anymore either, love,' he thought. He wondered if that would mean as much to Tyler as it meant to him.
Tyler stirred in his arms. His eyes fluttered open and a gentle smile appeared on his lips.
"This feels like a really special occasion," he decided.
After a morning and afternoon on the ski trails, Tyler and Caleb returned to the Bradford home. It was painful for Caleb, the understanding that it was almost time for them to separate.
Caleb wanted to stop Tyler before they emerged from the woods. He wanted to press his lips against Tyler's lips and show him in every way possible how much he loved him. But they had already discussed their new experience often during the day, at first in shy and uncertain words, then with growing confidence to express how much it had meant to each of them to broach a new level of intimacy.
Caleb was certain that Abby would have been cackling gleefully, had she been with them. Their awkwardness as they struggled to find words to explain how much they meant to each other probably was amusing, he conceded. But that awkwardness was more than overcome by the intensity of the feelings that had been unleashed. If everything else in the universe had disappeared at that moment, Caleb was convinced that his life would have been just as full as long as Tyler was still standing there beside him.
Caleb followed Tyler blissfully out of the woods and into his back yard.
"What's my mother's car doing here?" Tyler wondered aloud.
Dozens of possibilities raced through Caleb's head. None of them were encouraging. He struggled to return to his happy place, skiing in tandem with Tyler through the woods.
"I guess we should find out," Tyler shrugged, kicked out of his ski bindings, and began removing gear.
When they entered the home, they could hear Nicole and Grace conversing in the living room. Nothing sounded out of the ordinary.
"Oh! Boys! There you are!" Nicole greeted them. "Come on in!"
"I have to use the bathroom," Tyler panicked.
Nicole crooked a finger at Caleb before he could scurry off, too.
Caleb strolled calmly into the living room. But he felt like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights.
"What have you boys been up to?" Nicole asked.
She didn't wait for an answer. She left in the direction of the laundry room.
"Did you and Tyler have a good time skiing?" Grace asked.
To Caleb, it felt like a loaded question.
A moment later, his mother returned with a pair of pink bikini briefs in her hand and a questioning look on her face.
"I don't recall buying these for you," she remarked.
Caleb stammered, scrambling for an explanation. Nothing reasonable came immediately to mind.
"What are those?" Grace wondered.
Wordlessly, Nicole handed them to Grace, who examined them closely.
"Is this what gay boys wear?" Grace seemed perplexed.
Caleb looked on in wide-eyed horror as Grace inspected the garment carefully. He started praying that spontaneous combustion was an option for him.
"Will I need to buy Tyler some of these?"
Grace and Nicole turned their attention abruptly on Caleb.
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