Pirates Are People Too
by Nico Grey
Chapter 6
Jake stumbled out of the shower Monday morning. He was still feeling confused. He and his father hadn't spoken further, either Saturday night or on Sunday. Jake had spent that Sunday so full of concern that he barely left his room.
Jake didn't sense any tension in the atmosphere in the Warren home. But it also didn't feel comfortable. Something had happened between him and his father. He just wasn't sure what. It didn't feel like they had come to any mutual agreement. At least Jake didn't think they had.
Jake was distracted while he dressed for school. First, he forgot to put on underwear, so he had to dress again. Then he put his shoes on the wrong feet. Then he started to put on the dreaded neck brace, before remembering that his doctor had told him he could stop wearing it after the weekend.
He arrived downstairs for breakfast five minutes later than his normal routine. He hoped that Ish would wait for him, so they could walk to the bus stop together.
Jake was hurriedly grabbing a bagel out of the breadbox when the front door burst open and his father entered the house. Jake was sure that his father hadn't left for work the previous night. He never worked the Sunday-Monday overnight shift. The situation was very unfamiliar. Uncertainty made him wary.
Jake almost leaped out of the way when his father threw something in his direction. It landed on the kitchen counter next to him and bounced once.
"You might want to check out the sports section," his father suggested.
Jake looked back down at the counter. 'Oh, yeah. A newspaper.'
He flipped open the paper curiously. He didn't notice anything unusual.
"The next page, Jake," Ed Warren directed.
It took Jake a moment to focus. Then his face lit in a smile.
"They won!"
The headline announced: "Black Bear Harriers Win Green Mountain Invitational!"
"Your friend did well, too. You might want to read the entire article," Ed watched his son intently.
Jake hurried through the opening paragraphs. Josiah had won the race! Well, the small schools division of the race. Jake shrugged. It was still a big deal!
After reading a little further down, he started bouncing with excitement. Ish had run extremely well! He ran fifty-third in a field of almost one hundred fifty runners. And he finished fifth for their team. His score counted! Jake checked out the team scores and did some quick math. If Ish had finished just six places farther back, Ball Mountain wouldn't have won the race.
Jake couldn't wait to see Ish and congratulate him! It was an incredible finish for his first varsity race!
"Jacob?" His father brought him up short before he could get out the door. "Did you finish reading the whole article?"
What more did he need to know, Jake wondered. But he glanced back at the newspaper. There was a picture of the members of the winning team, standing side-by-side and beaming proudly.
Jake noticed that Josiah, Ish and two more members of the squad were displaying some sort of sign, or symbol, with their hands. But each symbol was different. He inspected it more closely.
He wasn't certain. It had been a few years since he had learned about American Sign Language. Jake tried to puzzle out the symbols. He couldn't be certain, but he thought maybe they were spelling out "J. . . A. . . K. . . E" with their hands. He had learned to sign his own name when they were introduced to ASL in sixth grade and he was pretty sure those symbols looked familiar.
Jake scanned the rest of the news item for an explanation. Ball Mountain cross country team captain Josiah Brantley had explained that they were particularly pleased with their victory because they had to run without one of their top performers. Jacob Warren had been injured earlier that week, bravely helping to keep some of his fellow students safe. So Josiah and the rest of the team had dedicated their race to him. Josiah was sure that they all had run so well because Jake inspired them!
"Holy shit!" Jake breathed.
His father didn't correct him.
" I can't believe Josiah said that," Jake turned to his father.
His father just nodded his approval. He was beaming in a way that Jake hadn't seen from him in a few years.
"You be really careful, Jacob. Make good choices. You're our only child."
Jake tried to puzzle out the message. He didn't know what to say. He hugged his father briefly before he dashed out the door to go to school.
Jake was feeling pretty good about his life when he arrived at school. On the bus, he and Ish had shared a conversation about the cross country team's performance that weekend. Jake was shyly appreciative of the team's gesture to honor him. Ish was delighted that Jake had appreciated it. He confessed that he really had run faster than he thought he could because of Jake. He didn't really understand why, but that revelation made Jake feel very good.
Ish joined Jake, Josiah and Ian in the cafeteria that morning. Apparently, he had decided that there was less risk of any conflict when he was outside the freshman wing, now that Hartnett and Hamilton were suspended from school again and awaiting review of their behavior by the school discipline advisory committee.
Jake was excited for Josiah and Ish. Ish had run exceptionally well in his first big race. And Josiah had won the event! It was starting to look like the cross country team would have a great year.
" You know that the only reason he runs so fast is so he can get in the shower quicker," Ian informed everyone. "He's that eager to get in the shower so he can 'think' about me!" he smirked.
Josiah rolled his eyes. It felt a little too early on a Monday morning to him to be dealing with Ian's excess enthusiasm.
"I know it's true, Josiah," Ian insisted. "Besides, the pain of pushing yourself so hard in a race just makes the pleasure at the end all that much better!"
Josiah dropped his head into his hands and palmed his eyes.
" It does!" Jake's good mood and Ian's high spirits made him reckless, "It's like the contrast with pain makes the pleasure feel better. I wouldn't even mind getting hit again if I woke up in Ish's lap."
Jake immediately regretted it. Ish turned on him.
"You shouldn't joke about that!" Ish insisted. "You could have been seriously injured! You might have been killed! A person can die from just one punch!" Ish emphasized the point with a raised index finger. He was clearly annoyed.
Jake had heard it before. But hearing it from Ish helped to drive the message home.
"I just wanted to make him leave us alone," Jake explained. "I thought that if he hit me, he'd get in trouble, but none of us would."
"Jake!" Ish tried to control his frustration. He enunciated carefully, "He could have killed you!" That seemed to explain everything.
The table was silent.
"I know," Jake hung his head. "I screwed up. I'm sorry."
"You didn't screw up, Jake." Ish said. "But you took a huge risk. I was really worried for you!"
Jake wasn't sure how to sort through his emotions. He was frustrated with himself for upsetting Ish. But it felt good to hear that Ish had been that worried about him. He prayed that he hadn't embarrassed Ish when he announced that he had liked sitting in his lap. Jake decided that he might need a little time to understand what he was feeling, and maybe to figure out how to keep his tongue under control.
" So what did you think of the picture of the winning team, Jake?" It didn't seem like Ian was going to be helpful. "You did see the paper, didn't you?" he asked, when Jake didn't respond.
"Yeah. That was pretty cool. But it was embarrassing, too," Jake explained. "I didn't deserve a shout out for getting punched in the face. I let the team down!"
"Ish covered for me," Jake thought he might make up for putting his foot in his mouth. "If he hadn't run so well, our team wouldn't have won the race."
" Well, I thought it was cool," Ian had his own agenda. "And I was impressed that at least one of you guys figured out how to get the letters in the right order."
That confused Jake.
"From the camera's perspective," Ian explained, "the letters are in the opposite order than they are for the people in the photo. They might have shouted out 'EKAJ'. Did your coach help to organize it?" he smirked at Josiah and Ish.
When that got no reaction, Ian had another inspiration. "I'm surprised that no one thought to flash a heart symbol after Jake's name. Really, that's what I would have done."
" That seemed a little too personal to be shared in a newspaper," Josiah spoke deliberately and stared pointedly at Ian.
Ian had the good grace to look at least slightly abashed.
Ish blushed.
Jake was excited when his doctor cleared him to start practicing with the cross country team later in the week. He knew that he would miss at least one more race. That disappointed him. But he hoped that Ish would take the opportunity to secure a regular spot on the varsity squad. He thought it would be great if he, Ish and Josiah were all running together for the rest of the season.
Jake was less excited, later in the week, when a lawyer named Davis visited the school. He was introduced to Jake and told him that he would be prosecuting the assault case against Daniel for the state.
The lawyer didn't question Jake. He had already seen the statements that Jake and other witnesses had given to the sheriff. Besides, he explained to Jake, it wouldn't be appropriate for him to ask any questions unless Jake's parents were there, since Jake was only fifteen. He had only come to school to see the scene of the assault for himself, and to introduce himself to Jake and other potential witnesses.
Realizing that he still might have to testify in court about the incident upset Jake a little. In the back of his mind, he had assumed that a trial might work a lot like school discipline and that someone like Mr. Harding would simply assign punishment. He really wasn't looking forward to reliving the beating. . . or to explaining what happened to a jury of judgmental adults.
The cross country team hosted three other local teams for a meet at home on Saturday. Jake wanted to be able to run with his teammates, but was happy to at least be there to cheer them on. He was even happier when the Black Bears won the race handily. Josiah finished first again. And Ish had another good race. Jake was starting to wonder if he might spend the rest of the season chasing after Ish, when he was able to return to racing with the squad.
On reflection, he decided that he really wouldn't mind if that was the case. He liked Ish. He wouldn't mind if Ish proved better than him. And if he was chasing Ish, at least his father wouldn't be able to complain about Ish chasing after Jake's butt.
Josiah didn't lead the crew on a run that evening. He decided that would be a little too much after a race earlier in the day. So Jake invited Ish to spend some time walking around East Grange with him.
He was a little concerned about stopping at Maureen's Bakery. He liked the food, but he wasn't sure that he shouldn't be eating too many baked goods since he had just started light jogging that week. Uncharacteristically, Ish seemed to be thinking that he did want to stop, so Jake surrendered and led them into the shop.
His eyes shot open as soon as they adjusted to the soft lighting inside. He turned quickly and hustled Ish out the door in front of him.
"Maybe we should go somewhere else," Jake suggested.
"What's wrong?" Ish wanted to know. "Did you see Daniel in there?"
"Worse," Jake said.
Ish eyed him curiously.
Jake explained with a sigh. "That guy and woman sitting off to the right? That's my mother's cousin."
Ish waited for further explanation.
"That's Nick Crandall and his wife."
"He's your mother's cousin. But he isn't your cousin," Ish tried to puzzle out that distinction. "Is your mother not your mother?"
Jake needed a second to process that question. "Um, no. I mean, yeah. She's my mother. And I guess Nick is my cousin. But he's my mother's first cousin, not mine."
Jake realized that Ish was looking at him like he had been speaking another language.
"It's like this. My mother's father and Nick's father are brothers. They have the same parents. Like my father's brother has a daughter. She's my first cousin." Jake considered giving up. "I can't really explain it. Nick and I are cousins, but my mother says we're removed, or something."
Ish seemed amused. "So you are only cousins if you have the same grandparents."
Jake agreed uncertainly.
" Oh. I consider many people in my family cousins." Ish declared. We share the same blood. My father used to say that we belong to the line of Abraham."
Jake considered that. "I don't know what my line is. I only know my parents and my grandparents. I guess I'm just a Warren."
"Then you shall be the first of the line of Warren!" Ish announced. "And the father of nations called Warren!" he giggled at his pronouncement.
Jake couldn't help laughing, too. He turned to lead Ish away from the bakery.
" But what is wrong with your not-cousin Nick?" Ish wondered.
Jake had really been hoping to avoid that subject. He couldn't think of an explanation that wouldn't risk an uncomfortable conversation. But he couldn't lie.
"He ratted me out to my father," Jake admitted.
"About what?" Ish was confused. "You don't do anything wrong."
Ish waited for Jake to explain. The lack of explanation, and Jake's silence, provided its own explanation.
"It was about me," Ish declared bluntly.
Jake tried to reassure Ish. But his mind wasn't working very well.
" He told your father that you are with me?" Ish glanced at Jake for confirmation.
Again, Jake's silence said a lot more than he would have preferred. He hung his head.
"You're father really doesn't like me," Ish declared. "What have I done?"
"No!" Jake found his voice far too late. "You haven't done anything!" He didn't know what else to say, so he threw his father under the bus. "My father is just a bigot."
"A bigot," Ish repeated carefully. "What am I that he hates?"
Jake knew that he shouldn't say anything more. But he thought that refusing to answer the question might make the situation even worse. He struggled to find a harmless way to explain. His confused emotions made it hard to think clearly. In the end, he settled for the bald truth.
" He calls you a foreign fanny pirate." Jake cringed. His face turned a deep red. "He doesn't understand. Because you are different." He tried to explain with gestures toward Ish's hair and his ears. "He grew up in a different time, Ish. He's not a terrible person. And I am working on him," he pleaded.
Jake was surprised. Ish didn't react strongly. He seemed like the same calm, self-possessed young man he had been when Jake first saw him face down Daniel and Russ.
Eventually he nodded thoughtfully. "Well, your father is wrong about one thing, Jake. I am an American. I'm not a foreigner."
As Ish resumed walking away from the bakery, Jake slowly began to put together the pieces of their exchange in his mind. When it finally made sense to him, he realized that it was probably too late to resume the conversation.
Jake settled for closure. "I don't care what my father thinks, Ish. You are my friend."
"And you are my friend, too, Jake." Ish kept walking.
Jake desperately tried to figure out what else there was to do in East Grange on a Saturday evening if the bakery wasn't available to them. He really didn't want to go home.
Josiah was surprised to find that Darius was alone when he joined the crew at their lunch table.
"Where's Mercury?" he wondered.
Darius shrugged. "I don't know. He wasn't in school this morning."
That wasn't good news. The soccer team had a game the next afternoon and he was pretty sure that Derek, the freshman defender, still wasn't ready to take on an important role for the team.
" Was he feeling sick on Friday?" Josiah couldn't recall noticing anything unusual on Friday. But lately, Mercury never looked like he was feeling very well.
"He didn't say anything. But I don't think that Mercury is telling me much about his life lately." He raised his hands in a gesture of futility. "We used to be a lot closer."
Josiah sensed a stirring at his elbow and spared a brief glance to quell Ian.
"I hope he's okay. Let me know if you hear anything." There wasn't much more that Josiah could do.
The group that gathered for their training run that evening was somewhat unsettled. No one had heard from Mercury. Jake appeared rather awkward around Ish. And Ian was frustrated that he couldn't seem to find anyone in the right mood for what he considered light entertainment.
Worry about Mercury was the dominant concern. Darius only knew that his friend hadn't been himself for a while. Josiah and Jake knew that the risk of tensions at home exploding had increased in recent weeks. Ian had some inkling of those problems, too, even if Josiah hadn't filled him in on the details. Ish only understood that his friends appeared less focused than was usually the case.
Josiah decided that there was little point in making a social occasion of their run. After three miles at their usual pace, he suggested that everyone simply go home. He had too much to worry about. And he didn't see any point in conversation that might get his friends worried, too.
Fortunately, Mercury was in school the following day.
"Are you wearing makeup?!" Ian shrieked when Mercury set his lunch tray down at their table.
Darius was startled. Jake immediately shot Ian an accusing look. Josiah looked ready to duct tape Ian's mouth shut. Mercury sat down quickly and hunched in his chair.
"What happened?" Ian insisted. "Did your cousin talk you into doing a makeover episode for her YouTube channel?"
"Ian!" Josiah hissed. "Let's have this conversation later."
Ian looked annoyed. "What's the big deal?" he demanded. "I was just wondering."
"Wonder more quietly," Josiah suggested. "A lot more quietly."
Josiah thought that Mercury might be on the verge of tears. He certainly looked like he was emotionally rattled.
Josiah caught Mercury's eye.
"Bathroom break?" he suggested.
Mercury considered the idea carefully. Finally, he nodded reluctantly and pushed away from the table.
" Jake," Josiah instructed, "You job is to keep a gag — or something — stuffed in Ian's mouth until I get back."
"Oh! I like that idea!" Ian turned to Jake and opened his mouth seductively.
"Jesus!" Josiah rarely swore. He really couldn't think of anything else to do. "I owe you," he apologized to Jake as he and Mercury turned to walk away.
Josiah didn't want to pressure Mercury. But they only had thirty minutes before the lunch period was over.
"What can you tell me?" he asked.
" I really don't know," Mercury said. He shook his head in confusion. "I thought this was going to be a great year. But everything in my life is going wrong now."
That didn't narrow the problem down much for Josiah. He searched Mercury's eyes for a clue. Without thinking, he reached out to wipe at a smudge he noticed below Mercury's left eye and his friend flinched away from his hand.
"Sorry, dude. I was just getting some dirt for you," Josiah carefully reached toward Mercury's eye again. Mercury winced when Josiah hand brushed his skin. He looked away in embarrassment.
" It still hurts," he explained.
Josiah started to wipe the dirt off his finger and realized that it wasn't dirt. . . and at the same time, realized why Ian had exclaimed in the cafeteria. He waited for Mercury to explain.
"Yeah. It's makeup." It was a very brief explanation.
"Why?"
"My dad told me to."
That didn't explain much either.
"You can't tell anyone! Please, Josiah! Promise me that you won't!"
Josiah couldn't fit the pieces of the puzzle together yet. He needed more information. And there wasn't a lot of time to play 'Twenty Questions'. So he promised to keep silent and hoped that he wouldn't regret it later.
It still took Josiah ten minutes to coax the story out of Mercury. Torn between fear of what might result if anyone learned what had happened, and shame that it had, Mercury shared his secrets in short, anxious bursts.
The short version was that his father had hit him. The blow left a very visible mark. And when it still hadn't healed after his father kept Mercury out of school on Monday, he had ordered Mrs. Hayes to give her son a makeover, as it were, and left Mercury with no choice in the matter.
Mercury was humiliated that his father had hit him. He was ashamed that he could do nothing in his own defense. And he was deeply embarrassed to be wearing a rather thick layer of Maybelline Instant Age concealer and enough additional cosmetics to keep people from noticing and asking questions about the shiner. What Mr. Hayes hadn't anticipated was that, despite his wife's skill, at least one of Mercury's sharp-eyed classmates would notice the cosmetic work and call everybody's attention to it.
Josiah wondered if Mercury's father hit him often.
Apparently Mr. Hayes had started to hear rumors about some of the boys that Mercury ran with, and who were on his soccer team. Ish had been noticed and gossiped about by the local chapter of the He-Man Faggot Haters' Club. And Ian's lack of circumspection was starting to raise some questions about his masculinity, too.
"So he hit you?!" Josiah was appalled.
" Well, he only hit me after I tried to explain that Ish and Ian are good guys," Mercury sighed. "He said I was talking back to him."
"Damn!" That was twice in less than fifteen minutes, Josiah realized. But Mercury's news did shock him. Josiah didn't think his own parents really cared that much about him. But they had never hit him.
"What can we do?" he asked.
Mercury really had no idea.
" Is there somewhere else you could stay for a while? Josiah suggested. "Maybe with some relatives? Ian said that you have a cousin."
"They won't help me," he explained dejectedly. "That's my dad's younger brother and his family."
"Should we tell someone?" Josiah didn't have to pursue that idea any further. Once the school was involved, it was hard to predict what might happen next.
"I think I can stick it out," Mercury insisted. "I've managed so far. I just have to remember not to disagree with him."
Josiah struggled to control the swirl of emotions he felt. He wanted to help Mercury. He was frustrated that he couldn't think of anything that would help. And he was outraged that Mercury's father would hit him, simply for saying that his friends were decent people.
The problem was well beyond his ability to solve. He knew that getting the school — and then Family Services — involved often ended up badly. He understood that he couldn't do anything himself. His parents would never agree to interfere with another family's business, however dysfunctional. The results of any direct action he might take were highly unpredictable and could easily make Mercury's circumstances worse. . . and even get himself in some serious trouble.
If Mercury were just a year or two older, Josiah had heard of a legal process called emancipation. There were specific requirements, like Mercury would probably have to find a job, but it was possible for a teenager to leave his parents' custody before turning eighteen if capable of taking care of himself. Unfortunately, it would be a while before Mercury could do that.
He decided that the best he could do was to be Mercury's friend. To be there for him as much as possible. To help share his burdens, where he could. And to pay careful attention and be aware if the abuse Mercury suffered started to escalate.
Josiah did make Mercury promise to keep him informed about what was happening in his home, and to tell him immediately if his father struck him again. If it became a recurring problem, Josiah determined that he would have to do something. He wrapped an arm around Mercury's shoulder and gave him a quick hug before they hurried back to the cafeteria for the remainder of their lunch break.
As they took to the pitch for their soccer game that afternoon, Josiah noticed that Mercury was looking a little lost. Josiah huddled with Mercury and offered some encouragement to settle him down as they prepared for the opening kick-off.
"You're going to be fine," Josiah promised, giving Mercury a quick pat on the back. "Just be yourself, Flash."
Mercury chuckled mirthlessly. "But I don't even know who I am."
" You're the best outside defender this team has, Mercury," Josiah assured him. "You just focus on being yourself and everything else will take care of itself. Just play your game. I'll be right behind you, so don't worry about anything."
Ninety minutes later, Josiah finally breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a challenging match. The opposing St. Benedict's squad was one of the better teams from the central region of the state. They had given Ball Mountain all they could handle that afternoon.
The Black Bears had experienced a couple of anxious moments when Mercury had been a little out of position as the Friars started to mount an attack. But Josiah had been paying attention. His vigilance and Mercury's recovery speed prevented any scoring from their side of the pitch.
Coach Fisher was satisfied with the 2-1 result. He would make sure the entire squad knew that it hadn't been a perfect game; that they had made mistakes. But that could wait for practice the following day. There was no need to dampen the mood after a hard-fought victory. Whatever the team's mistakes, they had demonstrated a lot of heart.
Josiah wasn't sure quite how to handle the situation in the locker room after the match. Running and sweating for eighty minutes had almost destroyed Mrs. Hayes' handiwork. The makeup around Mercury's eye was streaked with rivulets of sweat.
When Mercury stripped off and headed for the shower, Josiah stuck close to him. He tried to position himself between Mercury and the rest of the squad. Unsurprisingly, it was Ian that noticed.
" What are you two doing over there?" he demanded. "You'd better be saving some of that for me, Josiah!"
"Ian!" Josiah hissed. "We're just talking!"
"I hope you're talking nice," Ian warned. "I'd better not find out that you gave Mercury that black eye!"
The cat was out of the bag. Mercury's shoulders slumped. He turned to face the wall and hurried to finish washing up.
Josiah considered offering more encouragement. He decided that he didn't dare risk what Ian might say if he made any physical contact with Mercury, so he settled for providing a shielding presence between Mercury and the other boys, while he attempted to distract Ian with other topics of conversation.
Josiah was quite surprised when Mercury joined the rest of the crew for a casual training jog that evening. After a tough match, the only members of the crew with the energy for a challenge were Jake and Ish, so Josiah suggested that they run a longer loop together. If he had figured it right, they all should finish up at the end of the trail at about the same time.
It might have saved everyone some embarrassment if Josiah had sent Jake and Ish on an even longer loop. Or maybe if he had just led them all on a grueling run, Josiah decided later. . .
It started, as trouble often did, with Ian's curiosity and lack of circumspection. And with his irrepressible sense of humor. . .
"I thought maybe your makeover was about one-upping Ish's earrings," Ian snarked at Mercury, once everyone had cooled down and their breathing returned to normal. "But what's with the shiner?! Did you and Josiah have a lover's spat?"
"Ian!" Josiah warned.
Futilely.
" Don't worry, Mercury. I've known that you have a thing for Josiah ever since you splooged in your shorts when you saw him and Jake kissing. But I'm not jealous," Ian insisted.
Jake thought Mercury looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. Jake was feeling rather exposed, himself. The rest of the crew turned their stunned attention to Mercury.
" No! No!" Mercury struggled to defend himself. "Josiah and I aren't. . . We didn't. . . He didn't. . ." And finally, in desperation, he admitted, "My father hit me!"
That got everybody's attention!
" Whoa!" Darius exclaimed. "What happened?"
"I bet he found out you have the hots for Josiah," Ian volunteered.
Mercury was aghast.
"If he ever found out that I have the. . ." Then he realized what he was about to say. "Ever thought I had the hots," Mercury looked queasy, "um, liked a guy, he'd murder me!"
He paused to reflect on that unpleasant prospect.
"If he didn't kill me, he'd at least have me neutered," Mercury whispered.
To be fair to Ian, he probably didn't realize that Mercury considered this a very real possibility. He couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.
"You might look good in one of those cone collars," Ian snickered.
"Cone collars?" Darius and Jake both wondered aloud.
"You know what I mean," Ian insisted. "Like the vet uses. It would keep Mercury from licking himself and tearing out the stitches before the incision heals."
Mercury looked dazed. . . and like he was ready to vomit.
Josiah found himself at a complete loss. He had no idea what to do. So he focused on the first thing he noticed.
Josiah grabbed Ian's wrist and started to pull him away. "Could you guys please stay with Mercury?" he called over his shoulder. "Maybe go to the bakery. At least until he's ready to go home?"
The rest of the group looked stunned. But Josiah saw that Jake, at least, had received the message and was starting to get everyone organized. He turned his attention back to Ian and kept him moving toward home.
"I wasn't expecting to find this much drama in Vermont," Ish observed to Jake as they were walking home after leaving Mercury and Darius near the Hayes' home.
"Yeah," Jake was still trying to make sense of the evening in his mind. "That's Ian. Whenever he's around, something seems to happen."
Ish looked uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, but curious.
"I've heard some talk. What else do you guys do after a run besides go to the bakery?"
Jake was sure that Ish had noticed his eyes. He figured they must have been screaming 'guilty'.
Ish paused uncertainly, like he worried he might be treading on sacred ground. "Is what Ian said true?" he wondered.
Jake glanced at him cautiously.
"About you kissing Josiah," Ish clarified.
Jake took a deep breath. He realized that this genie wasn't going back in its bottle.
"I probably should have told you before, Ish. I guess I like guys." Jake couldn't meet his friend's eyes. "I think I'm probably gay."
"Oh."
They continued to walk together in silence for a while. Jake could see Ish working something out in his mind.
"I guess I misunderstood. I thought Josiah and Ian were together. But you and Josiah. . ." he seemed to have difficulty finishing the thought.
"No!" Jake insisted. "Uh, I shouldn't talk about anyone's business, but it's really no secret. Ian and Josiah are together. They have been since last winter."
"Then why did you," Ish paused to reframe his question. "Why did Josiah kiss you?"
" It's a long story," Jake sighed. "Josiah and Ian know that I probably like guys. Ian was joking around. Next thing I knew, Josiah and I had a date." He finished weakly.
"And Mercury saw you?" Ish was curious. He was reluctant to ask. But he was curious. "He saw you and Josiah kissing?"
Jake nodded miserably. He hoped that Ish wouldn't want to know more.
"How did that happen?"
Jake sighed again.
" It kind of happened at the end of a training run. One of the things you heard that we do," he explained. "Ian told me to kiss Josiah while everyone else was still there." He trailed off. Kissing in front of an audience. Ish was going to think he was a complete slut.
"And Mercury?" Ish tried to find the right words. "He saw this and he ejaculated?"
"Please, Ish," Jake begged. "Please don't say that in front of anyone else! Mercury would die if he thought that other people knew!"
Ish's expression reassured Jake that he took the request seriously. Then it twisted into confusion.
"Then why did Ian say it in front of us all?" he wondered.
" That's just Ian," Jake sighed. "He's smarter than the rest of us. Maybe smarter than all of us put together. But sometimes he doesn't think. And most of the time he doesn't seem to understand how we feel."
Ish nodded thoughtfully while he considered that. "But he must know what it feels like to be hurt. Or to be embarrassed."
Jake snorted. "I don't think Ian understands how he feels sometimes. He means well," he tried to assure Ish. "He really is a good person. But sometimes it's like hanging around with an alien or something. He doesn't realize things, important things, until it's too late.
"Then he feels terrible," Jake explained. "But the damage is done."
Jake walked in silence for a while. He was trying to figure out how to explain his complicated relationship with Ian, and to prepare Ish for what it would be like to be Ian's friend. He really wasn't sure that explanation was a good idea. But against his better judgment. . .
" That night after Josiah and I kissed?" he glanced at Ish to make sure he understood. "The next night, Ian and I kissed, too. To make it even between them, I guess. We kissed in front of everyone." Jake blushed. He figured that he might as well get everything out at once. He hoped Ish would understand that he didn't make out with members of the running crew regularly.
" When we kissed, Josiah was real patient with me," Jake explained. "He took his time. He made me feel good. But more important, he made me feel safe. It was my first kiss." Jake hoped that might help to restore some of his honor in Ish's eyes.
"Josiah thought it through. He realized how it might feel for me. With Ian. . ." Jake rolled his eyes. "That was different. It felt like he was attacking me. Most of it felt good. But it felt like we were doing it in a cyclone, or maybe in a blender.
" He was all over me. I was trying to figure out what was happening, and what I should do. And then it was over. I felt him run his finger, uh," it was a shameful admission, "he ran his fingers all over my butt. And I felt myself sh — , uh, ejaculate. And when I started trying to figure out what had happened, I realized that my shorts were down around my knees."
It was time for an even more shameful admission.
"I realized that all my friends had been watching Ian feel up my butt. And then they actually saw me. . . shoot."
Jake flicked a wary glance in Ish's direction and was relieved to discover that he looked intrigued, rather than disgusted.
" That's what life is like around Ian," he explained. "One minute it can be exciting, exhilarating, amazing. And then it can be irritating, frustrating, shocking. Humiliating. He's never boring."
Ish considered Jake's explanation. "But he violated your trust. What he did to you," he explained. "He shamed you."
"He didn't mean to, Ish. That's what I'm trying to explain. He thought it would be fun. He assumed that I'd like it, too. He didn't think," Jake sighed. "Smart as he is, he just doesn't think sometimes."
" If somebody did that to me, I don't think I could trust them," Ish's brow furrowed. "You can't feel safe if you don't trust the people around you."
"I guess. Maybe," Jake admitted. "But I still want to be around Ian. I've known him since we were in kindergarten together. We've been friends almost that long. I love him, Ish. I've loved Ian for over a year." He hoped that Ish could understand.
"Oh," Ish said. It was a single word, spoken in a dull tone. It didn't feel judgmental. But it did feel final.
Jake and Ish finished walking up Oak Street in silence, until they said their 'good nights' outside Jake home.
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