INTP
by Nico Grey
Part 11
Josiah decided that Thursday was no improvement on Wednesday. He had felt a little better during his afternoon run with Ian and his friends. But by the time he boarded his bus Thursday morning, he was back in a funk. It might have been the oatmeal.
Josiah always tried to approach life rationally. But perhaps his rational mind had been overworked. He wasn't feeling very rational any more. He was feeling more than thinking. He decided that feeling wasn't very comfortable.
The only positive aspect of the day was that nobody seemed interested in discussing the Valentine's Day dance. What had been a hot topic of excited conversations for most of the past week had simply faded into yesterday's news. Maybe the school's crackdown on student behavior contributed to their lack of spirit. While Josiah didn't miss the excited buzz, its absence still didn't make him feel any better.
It didn't help Josiah's attitude that both Ian and Jake were very solicitous of him during lunch. Apparently they were sensitive to his mood, reading signals in his affect that he had never been sensitive enough to read in others. When lunch ended, Jake even gave him a brief hug before he departed for his afternoon classes.
At first, the gesture made him feel uncomfortable. That was a reflex triggered by years of habit. But when Jake withdrew from the contact, Josiah felt its absence and he missed it. It didn't make much sense to him, but the human contact had been reassuring and encouraging. There was nothing practical about 'reassuring and encouraging', Josiah thought, but it really had felt nice.
As the afternoon wore on, Josiah began to feel frustrated by Ian's constant attention. For more than a month, there had been a casual give-and-take to most of their interactions. Now he felt that Ian was observing him carefully, like he thought Josiah might need support to get through the day.
By the time their Psychology class started, what Josiah needed more than anything was to be left alone. The attention and constant human interaction was exhausting him.
Ms. Porter seemed to be paying Josiah more attention than usual. But she was careful to appear casual about it. About ten minutes into class, she separated Josiah from Ian so they could work on independent projects. It frustrated Ian. Josiah felt a deep sense of relief.
Ms. Porter held Josiah back when she dismissed her class to do independent research. When she noticed Ian hovering outside the classroom doorway, she sent him off with a wave in the general direction of the school library.
Her approach was subtle. Eventually she drew Josiah out.
It was almost like talking to a therapist, he realized afterward. She observed that Ian was a very good friend to Josiah, but that too much caring can sometimes feel smothering. Then she helped Josiah to realize that the caring still came from a good place. It meant that Ian liked him and was concerned about him. The two of them would learn in time how to better communicate their feelings and what they needed in ways that created less friction.
Perhaps because it had been on his mind lately, Josiah made the connection to Myers-Briggs personality types immediately. He understood in his rational mind that he was just a person who needed more space and time away from people.
Ms. Porter explained that Ian was a person who needed reassurance that someone he cared about was alright. His preferred approach was increased human contact. Better communication would help. A greater understanding of people with opposite personality traits would help more. Actually trying to live in the world of different people, to experience it through their eyes, could sometimes be very beneficial.
That led to a conversation about Josiah's concerns over how different his personality type was from others. Ms. Porter reassured him that Myers-Briggs — or Jungian — personality types were just part of each person's makeup. There could be many aspects of personality that encouraged connections between two people, even if the type indicator pointed to differences.
Josiah had been wondering about how he and Ian had connected so well, when his knowledge of MBTI suggested that they had very different personalities. He asked Ms. Porter how Ian had scored on the MBTI assessment. She just smiled at him.
"How does he score in your heart?" she asked.
That made Josiah think. He was comfortable thinking. But he realized that what he thought was often very different from what he felt. In his mind, he still hadn't worked out the apparent dissonance.
When the bell rang to end the period, Josiah still had more questions that needed answers. But he was feeling better. Some things were becoming clearer to him. He just needed to be patient and let time provide the answers to his questions.
He smiled at Ms. Porter and thanked her for her guidance. She smiled back. She was still smiling after he left the room
Waiting in homeroom for the bell to end the school day, Josiah cleaned some papers out of his backpack. When he opened his desk to store them away, he noticed the piece of note paper with the broken heart and INTP doodled on it. Reflecting on his conversation with Ms. Porter, he thought that maybe it was too soon to give up hope.
He picked up the scrap paper and started to crumple it up. Something on the other side of the paper caught his attention. He smoothed the crumpled sheet back out and turned it over. There was a heart doodled on the other side. It was unbroken. It looked strong. Inscribed inside the heart it said, "INTP + ESFJ".
Josiah was trying to figure out the message when the dismissal bell rang. He folded up the paper, stuffed it in his pocket, and made a dash for the bus.
When he woke up on Valentine's Day, Josiah could sense that something had changed. The world felt different… and it smelled different. Maybe there was something new for breakfast? The possibility was unsettling but exciting.
Josiah raced down the stairs even before getting dressed. Breakfast was still cooking on the stove. He uncovered the saucepan hopefully.
The oatmeal stared back at him emotionlessly.
On the bus ride to school, Josiah decided that the change he sensed was in his own attitude. He was feeling more hopeful. 'Cautiously optimistic', was a phrase he had heard. He decided that was what he was feeling. It was a combination that hinted at both good feelings and rational thoughts.
Even the arrival of Valentine's Day and the dance that evening, hadn't done much for the enthusiasm level at school. It felt almost as if the previous few weeks of drama had completely drained the environment of energy.
Josiah enjoyed his morning classes more than he ordinarily would. He realized that he wasn't just feeling cautiously optimistic, he was actually feeling rather positive about the day.
Mr. Fisher was quite cheerful. When Josiah asked about his mood, the teacher explained it was because they were "one day closer to the start of soccer season". Josiah realized that he was looking forward to it, too. Anticipating a season that was still six months away might not have been entirely practical, but just thinking about it still felt good.
The mood around Ian's lunch table was a bit depressed. Most of the boys had dates for the Valentine's Day dance, but they were conflicted about missing their run after school. Ian pointed out that everyone could still run on Saturday and Sunday. He and Jake were looking forward to an afternoon run.
Ian was curious about the conversation Josiah had with Ms. Porter the previous afternoon. He had noticed how much happier his friend seemed during their afterschool run.
Josiah didn't feel like broadcasting his personal stuff to the entire table, but he offered a brief and quiet explanation to Ian. Jake tuned in unobtrusively to their conversation.
Ian was a bit disturbed to learn that he had been misreading Josiah's signals and that a bit less attentiveness would have been preferred the previous afternoon. But he seemed quite satisfied to learn that Josiah and Ms. Porter had spent so much time discussing their friendship. Ian was almost beaming. His elation was reflected in Jake's gentle smile.
Ian and Jake exchanged a glance when Josiah started to explain the conversation he had with Ms. Porter about the MBTI. He realized that he should explain the MBTI to Jake, but the boy forestalled his explanation with a brief gesture.
Josiah explained that Ms. Porter had discussed the need for communication and understanding between people of different personality types, but that the differences could complement each other and make both people stronger. He watched Ian and Jake exchange more unspoken communication.
Josiah was starting to wonder what was going on between his two friends. When he reflected on Ms. Porter's evasion over his question about Ian's MBTI type, he saw an opportunity.
"You never did tell me what your MBTI result was, Ian."
It was an observation, not an accusation. But Ian was startled. Josiah noticed Ian and Jake exchange a very squirrely look.
Pieces started to fall into some vague order for Josiah. He cocked an eyebrow at Ian. Ian blushed.
"Uh, I'm not sure," he ventured. "It might have been, um... ESFJ, I think. Maybe. I can't be sure," he finished weakly.
Josiah continued to meet his eyes evenly.
"Yeah. ESFJ. I'm pretty sure that was it."
"Would you like a handwriting sample, Josiah?" Jake asked. He was grinning broadly.
Ian tried to cut him off with an angry glare. Instead, he just blushed more fiercely.
Right there, in the middle of the Ball Mountain Union High School cafeteria, Josiah discovered that he had been misreading a lot more signals than Ian ever had. The room felt silent around him.
Josiah glanced around hesitantly, but no one was paying any attention to him except for Ian and Jake. Jake looked pleased about something. Ian seemed extremely apprehensive.
He tried to process information. The conclusion seemed reasonable.
He tried to understand what he was feeling about it. Surprisingly, he felt… lighter?
He tried to check Ian's eyes again to make sure he hadn't misunderstood anything. Ian was still blushing furiously and had his eyes fixed on the top of their lunch table. But Jake's fond glances between the two of them made everything clear. He looked, Josiah considered, like a proud father.
Josiah was patient. He waited for Ian to glance up, then captured his eye. He smiled.
"So. ESFJ?" he gestured toward Ian. "INTP," he pointed to his chest. "How does that work?"
Ian studied Josiah's eyes. The gentle sincerity there seemed to reassure him. He slid his hand slowly across the lunch table.
"Like this?" he suggested tentatively, wrapping his pinky around Josiah's pinky. His face was almost crimson.
Josiah checked himself again. He still felt good. Maybe even lighter.
He nodded thoughtfully. "That does work," he smiled.
Jake had made his excuses. He suddenly remembered plans that his family had made. He couldn't join Josiah and Ian for their run that afternoon.
Josiah and Ian wouldn't have missed their run for anything. Josiah had to exert extreme self-control to keep himself from pushing the pace too hard. He felt lighter than ever. He still hadn't taken time to think through everything he had discovered about Ian and about himself. But he knew that he felt great!
Both boys were breathing lightly when they finally pulled up outside of Ian's house. They felt like they had been carried throughout their run by some powerful force. Josiah wondered where they would have stopped if they hadn't noticed Ian's house.
"What do we do next?" Josiah wondered.
Ian gave him a questioning look. They had finished their run. Usually they chatted for a few minutes. Then Josiah continued back to his house.
"It's Valentine's Day," Josiah explained.
Ian's eyes widened. Then he blushed. Josiah was really starting to enjoy that blush.
"Do you want to go to the dance?" It was an option, Josiah considered. He wasn't sure that he wanted to introduce their new status quite that way, but he thought that Ian should have some say in what they did together.
Ian thought about it. His expression was dubious.
"Not really," he said. "Not unless you want to. I mean, it would be nice to spend some time with the guys. But I'm really not feeling very good about that place right now."
Josiah agreed. "We should probably find another way to explain things to them, too. Besides," he realized, "I think Jake should be included when we talk to everyone. Maybe after we run tomorrow… "
"Do you want to go out to dinner?" Ian suggested. "The Wicker Basket has pretty good food and their prices aren't bad."
Josiah considered the suggestion. "I'd have to go home first to shower and change."
"You could shower here," Ian suggested. Josiah thought that it looked like his breathing had quickened considerably.
"You're… We're not built the same." Josiah hoped that Ian wouldn't be offended by the oblique reference to his height. "What would I wear?"
"Nothing?" Ian suggested innocently. But Josiah noticed that his breathing was almost labored.
"Pretty unconventional attire for a Valentine's Day date," Josiah observed. He discovered that the lewd suggestion hadn't made him at all uncomfortable.
"I don't mind unconventional," Ian insisted. "We might even set a trend."
"Maybe we both could." Josiah found that he enjoyed the gentle teasing.
Ian's eyes shot wide open. "What about eating here? My mom makes good meals. And she really does want to see you again. Besides, we won't have to worry about what you wear." Ian put some added emphasis on the 'you'.
Josiah grinned.
"That sounds nice, if she doesn't mind. Your mom probably would like to spend Valentine's Day with her little angel." He couldn't help himself. He grinned even wider.
Ian pretended to be annoyed.
"I'm not an angel. Remember? I'm a leprechaun!"
"Coolest leprechaun ever!" Josiah assured him.
Ian grinned. He tried to bump his shoulder against Josiah's shoulder as they strolled toward his front door together.
Josiah rubbed his triceps. It might take a year or two before they were a good fit, he realized.
Ian settled for wrapping an arm around Josiah's waist. Then he gradually worked his hand up inside Josiah's shirt.
Josiah shuddered as he felt Ian begin to trace a simple design along his lower back. The feel of Ian's gentle touch gave him goose bumps.
He closed his eyes and focused on the design as Ian's soft fingertips continued to trace their pattern.
It felt good.
He felt whole.
It felt like…
It was…
A heart.
-The End-
About six weeks ago I sat down to think about writing something for our generous host's Valentine's Day 2025 story collection.
I sketched out a brief idea about a teen who is essentially a loner, struggling to understand himself and how to create a place for himself in the world.
I saw this protagonist facing conflicts about both who he likes and what he's like. I thought the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator might be an interesting lens though which to examine personality and the obstacles that differences in personality throw in the way to keep people from finding success in situations that require collaboration with others.
The obvious principal conflict to resolve would be romantic attractions. I figured that I would work a tie-in to the Valentine's Day theme in the resolution to that conflict.
I drew up an outline and planned on no more than ten thousand words to tell the story. But once I started writing, the project ballooned! The growth was completely out of control!
More than forty thousand words later.....
I don't know whether I should hire an editor or consult with an oncologist to help me manage this project. Unfortunately, the deadline for story submissions is here.
So, with apologies for the excess, I hope that you enjoyed it!
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