The Saturday Boy
by James Matthews
Chapter 28 - Stupid Stupid Stupid
"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more, it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
"Very good, Joey… OK class, that's it for today, remember your homework assignments that need to be in by Friday, which means an automatic detention if it is not," my teacher bellowed as the sound of scraping chairs and loud chatting permeated the classroom.
I hated English, but less than I hated Shakespeare. All the stupid words that made no sense to an ordinary person like me. There were just some lessons in school that really had no purpose. French, pfft, we hate the French, Religious education, yeah, whatever, home economics, obsolete since McDonalds came to town, oh and my personal favourite… fucking sex education! I mean, if I actually got up in front of that class and told them what I was getting up to it would make the fucking teacher's eyes bleed. I really should tell them gay people need to be excluded seeing as fucking a cute guy up the ass is not gonna get them pregnant.
It was lunch time and I was in a bad mood, in fact I had been since running into Tommy the prick Parker just before first class. He was up to his usual tricks, spilling out homophobic crap from his mouth. I don't know why I let it get to me today, most of the time it didn't. I guessed it was because his comments were now starting to include Jack more. I mean, by all means flick off the abuse at me, but fuck me if I'm gonna let you go at my boy with your mouth!
I headed towards the cafeteria, my stomach rumbling. Hungry, tired and pissed off was not a good combination for me and it was starting to show in my body language.
"Mr Cork, tuck your shirt in, please," a teacher called as I walked past him. Normally being the model student I was, I would have stopped and complied with his irritating request, but not today. Instead, I stopped, and walked back towards the asshole.
"Perhaps instead of paying so much attention to my shirt, you might spend your time better, tackling some of the homophobic pricks in this school," I growled, before walking away from him.
"You've just earned yourself detention, young man, report to my office after school," he called after me.
"Whatever," I muttered, continuing on my way.
After getting my lunch from the counter I slumped down in a seat, surrounded by Dean, Olly and Toby.
"Good morning, Joey," Olly said, happy to see me.
"Is it?" I replied, tucking into my burger.
"What's up?"
"Sorry Olly, it's just been a shit morning… Hey Dean, Hi Toby"
I tapped wrists with the guys and they sat there talking away about their weekend. Seeing the mood I was in I was largely ignored, but to be honest, that suited me as I didn't really have anything constructive to say anyway.
"So, When is Jack coming back to school, Joey?" Dean asked, trying to make conversation with me.
"Next week I think, at some point he needs to bury his mother so it might be longer."
"Things OK between you two?" Olly asked, wondering if my morning was sour because of him.
I sighed. "Yeah things are great; at least I think they are. It's mainly just people at this fucking school, they say such cruel things, and not just about me…Now they're involving a poor guy who has been ill in hospital because of his cock sucking father, a cock sucking father who is going to prison for the rest of his life. A son who will never hear his mother tell him that she loves him, because she's dead, and these assholes… these assholes think that's OK… the teachers think that's OK?" I took a deep breath, my three friends just looking at me as if I was having a breakdown.
"You could report it, Joey," Toby remarked, trying to help in his own way.
"And say what, where is my proof? These stupid, immature little fuckers are not just going to admit what they did. This is all because of that stupid bitch Maddy!"
Suddenly I just wasn't hungry anymore and pushed my tray to the side. I kept thinking about how shit it was gonna be for Jack when he came back to school. The poor guy had already been through this once and it had calmed down for him, and now that bitch Maddy had opened a new can of worms.
I had a dilemma, did I just admit who I was and get it over with, hoping that the fire would blow itself out. By doing so I knew Jack and I were going to face a hard few weeks, but better than a excruciating couple months while everybody kept wondering if we were or if we weren't. We both had two months left at school for our final exams and then it was all going to be over soon anyway. Maybe if I just carried on as I was… ahh shit I just couldn't make up my mind.
"Guys, I'm sorry I just need to get out of the school grounds for a while to clear my head. Dean, I'll call you later man, OK? See you all later."
I picked up my bag and left the cafeteria, not waiting for any responses or pleas to stay. I briskly walked towards the gates and out on to the suburban road that led down to our school. I immediately felt better when I got out of there, feeling like there was some thick toxic mist that was dragging down my mood.
I was about a hundred feet up the road when I heard footsteps closing in on me. At first I thought it was just some punk in a rush, but then as the footsteps slowed when they got alongside me I realised I had company, company that for a second, I really didn't want.
"Mind if I tag along?" Olly asked, walking in step with me.
"If I'm honest Olly, I would rather be alone."
"Oh… oh OK, I'm sorry, Joey, you just looked a bit sad back there, I'll leave you in peace," he said dejectedly, before stopping and turning round.
I sighed. "Hey, wait! I'm…I'm sorry Orca, I didn't mean to be rude, I just… you know you are really sweet, and I'm a horrible person."
"Stress, Joey… it makes us feel and say things we normally wouldn't, no offense taken, honest."
"Yeah, but I only feel stressed when I'm in this place lately."
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, squeezing my shoulder.
"Jeez, where do I start? Ok, so Tommy Parker is insistent on making my life hell, along with his friends, the teachers just stand by and let disgusting comments pass by, Maddy has shit on her best friend from a great high and I don't know why, Oh, and my boyfriend has a secret lover I'm not supposed to know about." I squealed, waving my arms about.
"Jack's cheating on you?"
"Actually, that part was a little irrational, and no, I don't think he is… in fact I know he's not, it's just my fucking paranoid brain."
"OK, Spill!"
"Pfft, I dunno, it's nothing really… just a card I found when we went to Jack's house to help him move some of his stuff out. It's from some guy he's never mentioned."
"That's what's been getting you down?"
I chuckled. "No, it really is just school, but maybe the card thing has, shall we say… amplified things."
"Have you talked to him about this… this card?"
"I tried, but he just dismissed it."
"Wanna ditch and continue this conversation somewhere more comfortable?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"My place…my parents are at work, and I got loads of junk food in the cupboards."
"Do you have coke?"
"The real thing… and its even in the proper shaped glass bottles."
"OK, you sold it to me, fuck it, let's go!"
"I like your style, Joey."
After a short bus ride to Orca's he led me into his kitchen and promptly opened up what he called, the goody cupboard. He had everything in there, crisps, chocolate bars, Wagon Wheels, Jaffa cakes and Haribo sweets, which I loved.
"Knock yourself out, Joey, I'll get you that real ass coke I promised."
"Wow Orca, my mum would never let me have a cupboard like this, what gives?"
"Hey, I'm an only child, my mum seems to think that's an excuse to spoil me, and I don't ever discourage it," he said, before breaking out into a rather cute smile.
"I'm with you there, this is awesome," Not wanting to pass up his generous offer I pulled out a small selection and placed them on the table and started gorging. "Sorry, how rude of me, would you like some?"
"Hehe, I'm good for a second, "he replied, bringing over two bottles of coke from the refrigerator. "So, you were saying, before we got drowned out by the noise on the bus."
"Was I?"
"Yeah, how you're gonna handle the thing with Jack and his mystery lover."
I laughed. "Oh that, yeah, well, I guess I just need to wait and see if he wants to talk about it, he's going through a rough time right now and I don't want to make things worse, besides, it's just me being stupid, I know that really."
"What would happen if he was seeing someone else, would you leave him?"
I was quite shocked by the question to be honest, evidenced by the sudden halt in my chewing. I'd never thought about it… I mean really thought about it, and I felt a chill run down my spine.
"He isn't, He couldn't be, he's been in the hospital, and before that we weren't really seeing each other."
"Well then silly, you've just solved your own mystery haven't you?" He said, looking pleased with himself. But something told me there was a twinge of disappointment there, as if secretly he wanted Jack to be cheating on me. I brushed it off.
"So what about you, seeing as we've been talking about me for ages, what's going on in your life?"
"Well, I just moved schools, as you know, so I guess that's the biggest thing. Apart from that, not a lot."
"No cute boy on the radar?"
"Yeah, but he's taken." Orca said, trying to pass it off as a flippant remark.
"Anyone I know?"
"Nah, just some guy I've had my eye on that's all."
"Oh…so what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing I can do, I'm not a relationship wrecker. Just gotta see how things go between the two of them and if it don't work out… I'll POUNCE," he cried, making me jump, his hands up like cat claws. Orca cracked up laughing seeing me flinch, and after a second or two, it spread to me, and I lightly giggled.
"You're a funny guy Orca."
"Yeah I try, a little bit of laughter makes the world go round I guess, and if it cheers you up, then I have at least one reason for living, eh?" he said, taking a swig from his bottle. "So, do you think Toby might be gay?"
"Toby? Nah, straight as they come, him."
Orca smirked. "Yeah, that's what Dean said about you and look what happened."
"Dean said that about me?" I asked, perplexed.
"Yeah, he said that it took him by surprise, but he kinda gets it now. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't being nasty or anything, I don't want you to go back and say he was gossiping about you, it was just a passing comment during a conversation."
I had often wondered what Dean really thought, and seeing as Orca was kind of unknown to him, maybe it was as close to the truth as I was going to get, seeing as he didn't have any reason to lie about his thoughts to Orca.
"Hmm, well Dean is a complicated soul, but befriend him if you can, and he'll always have your back," I remarked, Dean suddenly in my good books. At least he wasn't sprouting off any negative comments about me, to the latest homo boy to appear in his life.
"I think he's really hot actually, I love muscly guys, and red heads… well, actually right now the barrel is pretty empty, so I like just about anything with a pulse." The comment almost made me choke as I laughed right at the moment I was swallowing a sip of coke.
"Yeah, I don't recommend hitting on Dean, he's not at the stage to handle that yet… that's if he ever will be."
"You guys been friends for a long time, yeah?"
"Yeah, it was me, him and Shaun like, forever. I miss those days sometimes, and I miss Shaun now things have moved on."
"Sounds to me like you never grieved for him, Joey."
"Hmm, maybe, but life has been hectic lately and to be honest, I've actually been glad it has. Maybe I've been a coward, but not having to deal with the emotions of Shaun, his ways, the things he did and ultimately his suicide has been a relief."
"It will get you one day Joey, trust me…there is no escaping grief. It will stalk you until you are at your weakest and then… Bam! There it is."
"Well, thank you for that Olly, I really feel better after hearing you say that," I said, before smirking.
"When my Granddad was in hospital with cancer I used to go visit him with my solitaire board… you know, the one where you play with the marbles. I would go up to his ward every day after school and we would play for forty five minutes, never any longer because would get tired. One day when I went in, he asked me not to bring the solitaire board and just bring myself and a song that reminded me of him."
"What did you bring?"
"It was actually Songbird by Fleetwood Mac, because when I used to go round my grandparents for Sunday lunch, he would always play it. He said it reminded him of how peaceful life was on a warm sunny day. Anyway, I brought this song loaded onto my iPhone and I climbed up on to his bed and placed one ear piece in his ear and I took the other, and played the song. It started, and I saw a lone tear escape from his eye. I took his hand in mine while we listened and laying back with him on his bed I just relaxed, my hand gripping his. Anyway the song ended and I pulled out the earplug from his ear and asked him if he thought my choice of song was good. He very painfully pulled his arm toward my head an patted it gently, whispering in to my ear. That, Oliver, is now our song, and the best thing is… I can go now…I'm ready to go back to my maker. Three minutes later he passed away in my arms," Olly said starting to weep.
"That was a touching story Olly, I'm sorry I didn't know." I said, feeling a lump in my own throat. Olly wiped his eyes and sniffed.
"Every time I tell someone that story it does that to me, feel like a baby!"
"Nonsense, Orca, it sounds like you were really close to him and its natural remembering the day he died is gonna have an effect on you."
"I guess," he said, sniffing again. "So how is Jack dealing the death of his mum? That must be so much more painful, I mean she was still young, right?"
"Yeah, she was. Jack goes through stages, and I always know when he's thinking about her because he goes quiet. I Try not to fuss over him when he's like that because I think he prefers to deal with it alone."
"Make's sense, people deal with things in different ways. Never liked to show emotion in front of my parents after my Granddad died, it just felt weird."
"I can relate to that Orca." He smiled at me as I sat munching on the junk he'd offered out and his eyes lingered all over my body, as if he was mentally imagining what was underneath."
"Wanna come up to my room? We can chill out and listen to music or something."
"Yeah, ok, why not," I replied, getting off the hard wooden stool, wondering if something softer was up there.
I picked up my coke and the remains of my snack and followed Orca through his house to the stairs. It looked to me that his family had money judging by the artwork and ornaments scattered all over the place. It was a well decorated place, nicely kept and painted in neutral colors. I Got a brief look at the lounge on the way through, it was dominated by two huge, cream leather sofas, a gigantic plasma TV all sitting on a luxurious cream carpet.
He led me up the large oak staircase to a hallway with at least seven rooms left and right, stopping at the first one on the left… which must have been his.
"Come in, he said, opening the door"
What immediately grabbed my eye when walking in was Orca's massive tropical fish tank that set his room off in beautiful marine colours, due to his blinds being closed. It was like walking into a small version of the Sea Life Centre, as ripples of water bounced off the wall. Inside the tank were five or six huge Cichlids, probably Oscars, that swam happily around.
"Wow, nice room," I said admiring the size and how kitted out it was. Orca had all the latest gadgets, a PlayStation, Xbox, huge great TV, Blu-ray player and about every Apple product on the market, laying around.
"Thanks, I love my room," he replied sitting down on his double bed.
"Yeah I can see why, you know if this was my room, I would never leave it, jeez, you have everything in here and it's…it's so inviting," I remarked, looking round, still in awe.
"Like I said, benefits of being an only child…hey why don't you take your blazer off, you must be roasting?"
"What? Yeah… yeah I am a bit," I said dreamily, paying more attention to his wall cabinet containing miniature classic cars. I pulled off my jacket and threw it on his bed, never taking my eyes off his collection.
"Earth to Joey?"
"What? Oh sorry, Orca, I just love this room, it's so nice. So what shall we do now we're up here?"
"Anything you want… shall I put some music on, what are you in to?"
"Oh, I love all kinds…well anything apart from country and rap."
"Hmm, never known any gay guy to like rap, luckily for you I don't have any, nor am I fond of it. Although I did dream I was sucking off Eminem once, but that's not for here."
Orca got up from his bed and went over to what looked like a top of the range IPod docking station and pressed a few buttons. It seemed his music of choice was gonna be Bastille, which I quite liked so I gave an approving nod before sitting on his bed and leaning back on my elbows. Orca turned round and looked at me, his eyes lingering around my crotch area.
"Sorry, where is my etiquette," I said, leaning back with my legs wide apart, probably looking as if I was giving him the come on.
"N-n-no, its fine…sorry, Joey, I didn't mean to stare."
I moved myself into a more conservative position and smiled, bashfully. But that just made it worse and Orca lunged towards me and managed to kiss me with such force I fell back onto the bed, with him on top of me. He stared into my eyes and I his, as we lay there frozen for what seemed like eternity. His mouth came down towards me again, but this time I pushed him away.
What the fuck am I doing?"
"I'm…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry," Orca cried, startled.
"It's fine, it was an accident, we just tripped right?"
"Yeah…just an accident, uh…listen, I don't think…"
"Its fine, Joey, I get it, I was out of order."
"No… look I find you incredibly attractive Orca, you're really REALLY cute, but I'm with Jack…I love him, and for a split second I was just about to make the biggest mistake of my life… our lives. I, um… I better get going."
"Are you sure, I mean you can stay… I think we both know where we stand."
"Do we?"
"What do you mean?" He asked, tilting his head.
"What I mean is, I think we're both not good in confined spaces alone and I don't think it would be a good idea to explore what might happen if we stayed… confined."
"What are you saying… you were tempted by me?"
"Yeah, and I hate myself for it. I'm with this most amazing guy and I was tempted by another guy… just like that."
"Are you angry at me?" He asked, sounding dejected.
"No… well maybe a little, you know I'm with jack, and you… look whatever, I'm more angry with myself, and we're cool. I better go."
"Ok, Joey, and listen, I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward position, I was out of order knowing you are with Jack."
"Let's just put it behind us Orca, Still friends right?"
"Always… see you later."
I left Orca's house and headed for the bus stop. I still had an hour to kill before I could realistically go back to the pub without anyone knowing I had ditched the afternoon and I tried to think of a place I could go.
Skipping the bus stop I saw a small park off in the distance and headed towards it. I was so fucking angry with myself it was making my blood boil. I tried to console myself, telling myself nothing happened, I had stopped it before it did. But what was tearing me apart from the inside out was the fact, for just a few seconds, I almost let it. I almost threw it all away because I had been weak.
How is it I can be with the most perfect, sexy, funny and loving guy and still let Orca be such a temptation? I just didn't get it, I didn't understand my own mind. It's not like I had this urge to look at other guys in school and have sex with them, and there were hundreds of guys in school who would never be kicked out of my bed… if I was SINGLE! But I wasn't, I was with a guy who loved me, and I loved him and this thought… this thought was going round and round in my head and I was starting to think I was GOING FUCKING MAD!
I walked into the parked and found a seat, the silence not really providing much of a distraction for my torched mind. I had a sudden urge to tell someone what I'd done, tell them what an asshole I'd been. Pulling out my cell phone, I scrolled through my address book and settled on the only person I needed to tell. I pressed the dial button and waited, until a familiar voice came on the line.
"Jack? It's Joey."
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