Making Nico
by c m
Chapter 3
We've been on the terrace for maybe ten minutes before Piers and Josh appear coming up the path towards us. They're both still completely naked, shorts dangling from one hand, and Piers has an arm around Josh's shoulder. I feel a pang of envy – then quickly tell myself not to be so stupid.
I'm keen to hear how things went between the two of them so, after we've exchanged pleasantries, I take Josh to one side.
'So…how was it?'
'It was fine. He's a really nice guy, although I don't think he felt the same connection with me as he obviously does with you.'
'He feels connected with me?'
'Definitely. We talked about what you guys did yesterday and there was something in his voice…an…enthusiasm...that was rather lovely, actually.'
'And what did you two do together?'
'He asked me to top him, same as you. After that he said the same thing as he said to you when I asked if he wanted to swap roles – you know, that he had so enjoyed being on the receiving end, he'd prefer to do it that way again. So we did. He said that although he enjoys topping Zak from time to time, his definite preference is to bottom. Oh, and he said I was a lot better at it than you were…'
'WHAT?! He did not!'
Josh laughs.
'No, no he didn't. I'm just winding you up.'
'God, I hate you sometimes.'
'Well. Provided it's only sometimes.'
'And how did you and Zak get on?' he asks, 'Did you shag each other rigid?'
'Not exactly – although we did end up going both ways with each other.'
'And was it good?'
'Well...that's the slightly strange thing. When I topped him, it was quite exciting and we both seemed to be well into it, but when he did it to me I didn't feel anything. I mean emotionally. The sex itself was perfectly fine, good even, but…well…that's just how it was.'
'But your schoolboy memories and worries obviously disappeared.'
'Yes…and that was in some ways the best bit about what we did. I was…nervous...at first. In fact, I didn't even get hard to start with, but Zak sat down with me and we talked about what had happened and well…he was just so honest and so nice… and we ended up hugging each other and that seemed to do the trick…everything clicked into place, as it were.'
'Sounds perfect. Would you go with him again?'
'Ye-e-e-s, I guess. But I think I feel warmer about going with Piers again. If we're going to keep doing this, that is.'
'Good. Because I feel the same thing the other way round…about Zak.'
'Enough to keep the…experiment…going?'
'Yes…if you want to as well. If you don't, you must be honest and we'll stop. And we must be aware that they have the right to call a halt too.'
'Do you think they'll want to?'
'Guess we better ask them.'
So we do. And they tell us that they are very happy to keep things going as they are - provided we are too.
A few days later, Piers and I are lying side by side beside the pool, talking about this and that, when he says,
'Nick, did you enjoy what we did the other day enough to…well…do it again?'
'I could be persuaded,' I say with a smile.
'Good. Because I enjoyed it a lot. Would you be up for it...umm…right now?'
I smile. 'Why not?'
'Inside or out?'
'Maybe inside this time.'
'Cool.'
Piers leads me inside and as we go up the staircase, I assume that we're going to the same room that Zak took me to. But he doesn't. Instead, he takes me into a different bedroom that faces out over the front of the villa rather than overlooking the pool.
'I prefer this one,' says Piers, 'no-one on the terrace will be able to hear my moans of pleasure from here.'
He giggles – and I have to laugh.
'And what makes you think I'll be doing anything to make you moan with pleasure?' I ask.
'Based on the other day, everything you'll do to me will make me moan with pleasure.'
He leans into me and gives me a kiss. We're both still naked from our swim earlier, and Piers is already rampantly erect. I'm not far behind. The bed is massive, and Piers throws himself backwards onto the gold-embroidered bedspread covering it. He lands on his back with his legs spread apart and his arms wide open as if to embrace me.
'Come on…what are you waiting for,' he says.
I climb onto the bed a little more gently then fling myself on top of him.
'OOF! Nice – but you almost knocked the wind out of me.'
He wraps his arms round me and hugs me to him. His sapphire-blue eyes are sparkling with desire.
'Fuck me senseless, Nick,' he whispers in my ear, before nipping the lobe of it with his teeth.
'Ouch! What is it with you and pain?'
'Sorry, Nick...it's just…you turn me on so much I get carried away.'
'So how do you want it?'
'Every way. All ways. In front. Behind. On top. Underneath. Doggy style. Bent over the dressing table…any way you can think of.'
I smile. 'Sideways? Inside out?'
He gives my bottom a light smack.
'Don't tease me. You know what I mean.'
'OK…you're in charge; you tell me how you want it and when you want to ring the changes, and I'll do my best to oblige.'
'Well, you can start off by being on top seeing as how you're already there.'
'Lube?' I ask.
'In the drawer.'
I make myself as slippery as I can, before slowly but firmly burying my length inside him. And we're off. He's as good as his word, and we work our way through half a dozen positions before I can't hold my climax back any longer and I erupt inside him while he's face down underneath me. To say he's been a bit noisy during our session would be an understatement. He's now busy murmuring something that I can't decipher.
'Piers, get your head out of the pillow, I can't understand what you're saying.'
I roll off him and he turns over.
'That was just FUCKING amazing, Nick. When you're ready, can we do it again?'
'I'm not sure I have the energy, Piers. That was like a two-hour workout at the gym. And anyway, there's something I want to ask you.'
'Ask away.'
What I want to ask him is to top me. I've been thinking about it since Zak did it. I want to know if I can feel more of a connection with Piers than I did with Zak. Or whether being with Josh has made me a 'one man only' lover. Not that I'm complaining if I am. But I just want to know.
'I'd like you inside me, Piers. If you're up for it. I know you prefer to bottom, but I know you top sometimes and…well…I'd really, really like you to do that with me.'
'Well…if you're sure.'
'Are you saying you'd rather not? Because if you don't want to, that's fine.'
NO! No…I'd really like to be inside you, Nick…I feel things for you that I don't feel for Josh, gorgeous though he is…but it's just…if I top you, then….'
Light dawns.
'You're saying that if I have you inside me and tell Josh about it, he may want you inside him and you don't want to and that will be awkward?'
'Yes. Thank you.'
'Well, you don't need to worry about that for two reasons. First, Josh would be absolutely fine with you saying you didn't want to be inside him. Even if you'd done it with me. Honest. It's the way he's made. It wouldn't bother him one bit. He would never, ever want you – or anyone else for that matter – to do anything sexually that they didn't want to. And second, I'm the same as you in reverse, as it were. Much as I find Zak sexy, I actually don't particularly want him to top me again just as you don't want Josh to top you.'
'Is that true, or are you just saying it to make me feel better?'
'I promise you – from the bottom of my heart – that it's the truth. Though I'd prefer it if you didn't say anything to Zak - just as I won't say anything to Josh. Deal?'
He grins.
'Deal.'
'Good. Now…are you genuinely OK with being inside me?'
'Oh yes.'
Then…prove it.'
And he does. And it couldn't be more different than it felt with Zak. There's definitely something of an emotional connection between us. Not nearly as strongly as with Josh, but it's there. And it feels very, very good.
'Was that…OK?' he asks afterwards.
'No,' I say.
The smile vanishes from his face.
'I'm so sorry, I…'
'The reason it wasn't OK,' I say, interrupting him, 'is because it was way, way better than OK. It felt really good, Piers.'
'OH! Oh...you old meanie, I thought….'
'I know, and I apologise. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I hope you did too?'
'More than I thought possible, Nick. Umm…and did you enjoy yourself enough to give me a present?'
'A present?'
'Yes…what I have in mind is about seven inches long, pink, and quite thick with a moveable front cover and an inbuilt injector system.'
I start to laugh. 'Well, I've never heard it described that way before, but yes, I think I have just the thing and you've certainly done more than enough to deserve it.'
'Then I'd like my present right now please.'
'It would be my pleasure.'
This time is slower and more gentle, but every bit as satisfying – for both of us.
'Can I ask you something?' he says afterwards.
'Sure.'
'How often do you and Josh have sex?'
'Well, when we were together on our own, pretty much every day. It's been a bit different at Uni, but we still make love as often as we can.'
'And do you top and bottom equally?'
'Yes…pretty much.'
'But if you could only do one or the other, which would it be?'
'That's hard. I love both. But if it had to be only one….hmmm…I think I'd choose to bottom for Josh because I know how much pleasure he gets from being inside me. But he'd probably say the same thing about me if you asked him…you know...that he'd prefer to bottom for me. You should ask him.'
'I might just do that,' he says with a smile.
'How about you and Zak?'
'Every day, pretty much. And there's no question about which way I'd prefer if I could only do one, as you know.'
He runs a hand over my skin, from my neck to my groin.
'I like your body, Nick.'
'There's nothing very special about it.'
'You have lovely skin…all smooth…and you're very fit but not all muscly… just firm in all the right places. And as for this…'
He wraps his fingers round me as he says this. It reminds me what beautiful long, slim fingers he has.
'You have amazing fingers, Piers.'
He smiles. 'Probably the bit of me I like best.'
'The rest of you's hardly something to be ashamed of, Piers. Quite the reverse.'
'It's nice of you to say so; it's OK I guess…but not as perfect as you are. I've been wondering whether or not to trim my pubes. Seeing you, I think I might.'
'I remember when I first saw you, you were shaved.'
A cloud passes over his features.
'Yes…that was down to Jarrod. He wanted me to look…young. The moment he was out of the picture…the moment I met Zak…I think growing my pubes back to a full bush was partly a reaction to what that vile man made me do. And Zak likes the natural look too.'
All the while he's been talking, he's been gently stroking me, and I'm now fully aroused. As is he.
'Seems a pity to waste these,' he says, 'Sixty-nine?'
'Mmm….perfect.'
And it is.
Piers and I have a quick shower together afterwards before making our way back downstairs. The hall clock strikes as we go past. I realise that he and I have spent more than two hours together. I wonder what Zak and Josh will think. Or if they'll have noticed.
That question is swiftly answered.
'Welcome back,' Zak says,' Josh and I thought you'd gone for the duration. Did you fall asleep or something?'
'Something like that,' I say, 'but I'm sure you guys haven't just been lying beside the pool. I imagine there's been a fair amount of 'hide the sausage' going on with you two too.'
'I'm sure we have no idea what you're talking about,' says Josh.
'Yes, you bloody have,' I say.
'Well, maybe…but we've been back out here for a while.'
I detect the faintest note of…something…in his voice. Irritation? Surprise? I don't know, but Piers and I HAVE been away a while, I suppose.
'Sorry, Josh. We didn't realise where the time had gone.'
I go over and kiss him, and we have a hug.
'It's fine, Nico…it's nice that you had a good time together.'
That night in bed, Josh mentions the length of time I'd been away with Piers again.
'So what exactly did you two get up to all afternoon?'
'Probably much the same as you and Zak did,' I say with a smile.
'OK, fair enough, but you were together a long time.'
'I know…and I'm sorry…it's just, well…it was the second time we'd been together and things just seemed much more…relaxed. You know, there was no pressure to perform or nerves about what each of us might want. And so we just kind of took our time. We talked a bit too…and we also took the final step we hadn't taken before…you know…with Piers inside me as well as the other way round.'
'Ah, OK. Things were much more relaxed between me and Zak too. And we got kind of…into it…you know, the way you said you did when you were inside him. And we didn't really know how long we'd been and I was worried that you'd be waiting for us and...well, it turns out that it was the other way round so I guess I was a bit…grumpy…for having worried unnecessarily. It's me who should be apologising.'
'I don't think either of us needs to apologise. It's great that we both found things more relaxed. So…how many times did you…?'
'Zak wanted me to top him twice, so I did. I think the fact that he's mostly the active one with Piers means he quite enjoys having a chance to be on the other end of things. How about you and Piers?'
'He wanted me in him, twice…and then we swapped.'
'And did you enjoy having him inside you?'
'I did. Not as much as I enjoy it with you, but there's something there between the two of us that wasn't there with Zak.'
'Umm…now he's been inside you, do you think he'll want to do the same to me, you know, to…complete the circle.'
This is very awkward. I said I wouldn't say anything to Josh, but he's asked me a straight question. I take a moment to think.
'I don't think he feels he needs to. I think - no, I know – that he likes you a lot but, just as you said that you didn't feel any connection with him, I think he feels the same way about you. You know – the same as how I feel about Zak versus Piers. So no, I don't think he needs or expects to top you unless you want him to.'
'OK. So, how do you feel about how things should go from here? Do you want to go back to us just sleeping with each other or are you happy to keep things open with the other two?'
'How do you feel?' I ask.
'I asked first,' he says with a smile, 'but OK. First, I want to say that now we've done it, I don't feel threatened in any way by you having sex with either of them. I know that, in a week's time when we go home, everything will be back to normal and I'll be the only boy you have sex with. And I promise you that I'll feel just the same way about you as I always have, and that you'll still be the only boy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Do I enjoy having sex with Zak? Yes. Do I enjoy having sex with Piers? Not so much. Would I like to continue to have sex with Zak from time to time for the rest of this week? Yes, if he wants to. Do I prefer sex with Zak to sex with you? Definitely not. Do I want to have sex with you over the next few days too? Definitely. Now…your turn.'
'First, I love you more than anything in the world, Josh and nothing will ever change that, and I feel the same way you do now we've actually done what we've done. Do I enjoy having sex with Piers? Yes…and I have to confess it does feel as though there's something a little bit naughty about doing it with him which I'm also ashamed to say that I rather like.'
Josh giggles. 'I feel the same about doing it with Zak,' he says.
'Do I want to have sex with Zak again? I don't hate the idea, but given how we've said we feel, I think maybe I should leave him to you and you leave Piers to me – assuming that they're happy with that arrangement. It will make things simpler too. Do I want to continue to have sex with Piers? Yes, if he does…it's unexpectedly good with him in a way that I didn't anticipate and in a way that it isn't with Zak. Do I want to have sex with you as well? You bet – though not right now as my balls are drained dry and ache horribly.'
'Serves you right,' he says with a grin.
'Charming. But would I like a kiss and cuddle with you right now? Well, is the pope catholic.'
'Come here, you…'
He pulls me to him and I just melt into his arms. And we kiss. Properly. For ages. Before I eventually break our lip-lock and lay my head on his chest.
'Sorry I was a bit of a grinch earlier,' he says.
'It's OK. I like that you were a bit jealous.'
'Jealous? I wasn't jealous.'
'Were too.'
He harrumphs.
'God knows why I like you…and OK, maybe just a bit jealous.'
'I was jealous of Piers when I saw you two walking back from the woods yesterday, buck naked and holding hands.'
'Really?'
'Yes. So we're both equally stupid.'
He giggles. 'Night Nico.'
'Night sexy.'
In the morning, we share how we're feeling with Zak and Piers, and find that they've come to much the same conclusions. We also tell them that we've agreed that we want a day just with each other before we indulge in any further sessions with either of them.
Around mid-morning, I make my way to the kitchen to get a cold drink from the fridge. Piers says he'll come with me. As we make our way down the corridor, he puts a hand on my shoulder. I stop and turn to face him.
'I just wanted to say, Nick, that I feel really excited about it being just you and me for the rest of your time here. And I know that Zak is just as pleased about being able to focus on Josh. It just feels deliciously naughty…almost wicked…you know, having sex with another boy who isn't your partner, whilst it's also completely open and above board if you know what I mean.'
'I know exactly what you mean, Piers. Josh and I said the same thing to each other yesterday. And I'm very happy at the thought of…going with you again…you and I have something, and Zak and Josh have something. So it's perfect.'
'I agree.'
He puts both hands on my shoulders and leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back. Josh and I have agreed that chaste kisses are OK. But a little bit of me wonders what it would be like to kiss Piers properly. Piers senses it and leans in again, his lips parted.
'No, Piers, we mustn't…much as I might want to. I promised Josh.'
'Shame…but I respect that. And I can't wait to have this inside me again,' he says, running his hand over my groin.
That night Josh and I make love. And it reminds me that, much as sex with Piers – and Zak for that matter – has been fun, Josh and I have something special…something more. I tell him about Piers wanting to kiss me properly...and how tempted I'd felt.
'If you really want to kiss him, I wouldn't mind.'
'Really?'
'Look…what we've just done…how it feels…Piers is no threat to that – any more than Zak is a threat to you. And kissing him won't change that. And…' he sighs, 'look…I should have told you this, Zak and I kissed like that last time we were together. I didn't mean for it to happen, but the sex was so intense and he just pulled my lips to his and put his tongue in my mouth as I was about to come and well…I had absolutely no control over my emotions at that point. I felt so guilty afterwards. And I should have told you before. I'm sorry Nico.'
'Sorry for kissing him or sorry for not telling me?'
'Both. But mostly for not telling you.'
'You're forgiven. And…we're only human…we all lose control sometimes. And me wanting to do it is almost as bad as actually doing it anyway. But as it seems we both want to…maybe we should agree it's OK. '
'Are you sure?'
'Yes. I mean, if I don't mind Zak putting his cock inside you, does it really make sense to get all wound up about his tongue?'
Josh giggles. 'He put his tongue inside that part of me too, last time.'
'Indeed? And marks out of ten for his rimming skills?'
'Solid 8. How about Piers?'
'And what makes you think he's done that to me?
'Because I love it when you do it to me, and so I reckon you've done it to him, in which case he's almost certainly done it back.'
'OK, Sherlock, it's a fair cop….an awesome 9.'
We both start to laugh.
'Oh,' says Josh, 'there's another thing I should have told you. Zak asked me if I'd consider spending a whole night with him – if you said it was OK and if I wanted to. I didn't mention it because I said 'no'…because we've agreed that we'll spend our nights with each other.'
'OK. But…would you like to spend a night with him?'
'Would you like to spend a night with Piers?'
I think about it. I'll soon be spending every night of my life with Josh. Would one night apart hurt? As an…experiment. And I get the feeling that Josh would quite like to give it a try. I love him and I trust him. So…
'Well…I suppose we could. Just once. Just to see what it's like…if you wanted to.'
'You wouldn't mind?'
'I'd rather be with you, but…heck…we're experimenting so…'
'Only if you're completely sure.'
'Go for it, Josh. I've no idea if Piers will want to spend a whole night with me, but it's OK for you and Zak even if he doesn't.'
'I don't think Piers will be able to believe his luck.'
'Maybe. I'll ask him in the morning.'
When I tell Piers what Josh and I discussed, he just looks at me.
'Seriously? You and I could have a whole night together?'
'If you wanted.'
'Of course I want. It would be…amazing. And Josh is OK with spending the night with Zak?'
'He was the one who raised it…assuming you're OK with him being with Zak all night.'
'Yes, I'm OK with that. So…when? Tonight?'
'Guess we better talk to the others.'
We do, and it's agreed. But we also agree that we'll use the bedrooms we've used for sex rather than either of our own bedrooms. That feels like a step too far - for me at least. Our bed is exactly that; for us and only us. So Piers and I end up in the room with the gold bedspread, and Josh and Zak in the one at the end of the corridor.
The fact that we know we'll be spending the night together makes things different. We have as much time as we want and Piers and I take full advantage of that. The first difference, however, is that as we lie facing each other naked on the bed, when I lean in and give him a kiss, I brush his lips with my tongue.
'Did you…did you mean to do that?' He asks wide-eyed.
'Yes, Piers, I meant to do that.'
'But I thought….'
'Josh and I talked about it. And it turns out he and Zak have already kissed properly – even if it was in the heat of the moment. So we've agreed it's OK…if it's OK with you?'
'Fucking hell…you bet it's OK.'
And he pulls my face to his so tightly it almost hurts, opening his mouth and pressing his tongue into mine before I've barely had a chance to draw a breath. A breath that, it turns out, I really need because he kisses me like there's no tomorrow, on and on and on. In the end, I have to pull myself free in order to suck in some much-needed oxygen.
'Geez, Piers. What was all that about?'
'Do you know how long I've wanted to kiss you like that? Ever since I first saw you in the changing room at Sunnybanks. So forgive me, but that's a kiss that's been waiting for almost two years.'
'I guess that explains it…and not that I'm complaining. And by the way, I like the trimmed pubes.'
'Oh...you noticed.'
'I thought it looked – and felt – so nice on you…and Josh of course…that I wanted to try it. And Zak was cool with the idea. We did each other last night. Jarrod is just a distant memory now, so I don't feel the need to prove I've got over him by having a full bush anymore.'
'It suits you. Makes you look bigger too. Not that you need any help in that department.'
He grins. 'Umm…any chance of another kiss?'
'Why not.'
And the kiss turns into a grapple, and the grapple turns into him guiding me inside him and…we have a thoroughly good time. More than a good time, actually. Our kissing seems to have released a new depth of emotion and a passion that goes beyond pure attraction.
'Fuck. Nick. I mean…fuck.' He says afterwards. 'That was…wow…I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.'
'You better believe it, Piers.'
And it did feel good. Very good. So good I want to know what it would be like to be on the receiving end of this new passion. And Piers is delighted when I tell him what I want. And it turns out to be every bit as good as I hope. Indeed, when he hits his climax, his body almost jack-knifes over me with the intensity of it. Piers just collapses beside me afterwards.
'Omigod,' he says, 'I've never felt anything like it. It has never, ever been even close to feeling that good before. With you or Zak.'
With nothing to rush us, we lie there, comfortable in each other's arms for a while. I run my fingers through his hair and he occasionally plays with one of my nipples. His hand eventually drifts down to my groin. He eases my foreskin backwards and forwards a few times.
'I'm perfectly happy not having one of these,' he says, 'but they are fun to play with.'
'Were you circumcised as a baby,' I ask, 'or was it later for medical reasons?'
'As a baby, Nick. Family tradition.'
I take hold of him and run my fingers up and down the length of it…I like the different textures…the head, the mixture of smooth skin and the scarred bit on the shaft. He hardens at my touch.
'Umm...I don't suppose….?' He says.
I don't need any further invitation. This time takes a little longer – but is just as good. Although I'm slightly surprised when, as I roll off him, he says, 'Umm…could I…that is, if it's alright with you, could I be inside you again now?'
'So where's the 'I much prefer to bottom' boy gone?' I ask with a smile.
'I know. It's your fault. For making it feel so good.'
Who am I to deny him? 'I'm all yours, Piers'.
He, too, takes longer this second time, but with some of the urgency gone, I find I enjoy it more, if anything. I'm about to tell him so, when he says, 'Nick…please can we keep doing this from time to time when we're home?'
That brings me up short. He sees my reaction.
'Sorry. That was stupid. Nick – please forget I said that. It was just...the spur of the moment…the sheer joy of what we're doing overtook me. I'm so sorry. I know that can't happen.'
'No, it can't, Piers. I love…what we've done…these past few days as much as you. It's turned out to be a whole lot more special than I expected. But here is here, and home is home.' I stop and smile at him. 'Look, we've still a few more days left and I'd love to do this with you again before the holiday's over…if you want to as well.'
'Of course I want to.' He sighs. 'And of course you're right about when we're home. And…I'm sorry for being so stupid.'
'It's not being stupid, Piers. We undeniably have feelings for each other and the sex has been thoroughly enjoyable…more than enjoyable. But let's just enjoy what we have. You've made this holiday unforgettable. You are unforgettable.'
'I do love you, Nick.'
'And I love you too, Piers. As a very special friend. Now, come here and give me a cuddle.'
He snuggles up to me. His body is soft and warm. He puts his head on my shoulder and throws an arm across my chest.
'I love Zak' he whispers, '…but if he wasn't the boy I love, I think I could love you as more than just a friend.'
'And if I wasn't with Josh, who knows what might not have happened between us? But I love Josh, Piers. More than I can say.'
'I know. And you two deserve each other. You're the nicest guys on the planet. '
'And in you and Zak we have the two nicest friends on the planet.'
'You are so lovely, Nick.'
'And so are you, Piers.'
Piers' breathing gradually slows until I'm sure he's asleep. I kiss the top of his head and gently move his arm off my chest and his head off my shoulder. I know that we've said we'll spend the night together, but the last conversation we've had makes me want Josh so badly. I know that he'll be with Zak tonight, but second best would be to be in our bed, in our room, with the smell of his cologne on the pillow. I slide quietly out of bed, cover Piers with the sheet, and slip out of the door and back into my room. The clock tells me that it's just after 1am. I go over and stand by the window, looking out over the pool. The moon is reflected in the surface. I pull the shutters closed and make my way over to the bed. I climb in and bury my face in the pillow Josh uses. I realise that though I've come to love Piers this holiday in a more complex way than I have before, this has also made me love Josh – my Josh, my special Josh – even more. I close my eyes and am drifting off when I hear the door open. It must be Piers coming to find where I've gone. I pretend to be asleep. I can't have this conversation with him now. I feel the sheet moving, and a body getting into bed beside me. Oh God. What do I do now? A pair of lips touch my forehead. Fuck.
And then a voice says,
'Sleep tight Nico. You'll never know what a lovely surprise this was.'
It's not Piers. It's Josh.
I immediately turn round and throw my arms around him, crushing him in a bear hug. I can barely believe that it's really him. That he's really here.
'Oof...fuck…Christ, you're not asleep then?'
'No…and what are you doing here? You're meant to be with Zak.'
'And you're meant to be with Piers!'
'I know. I know, but…after we'd had sex and he was asleep, all I wanted was to be cuddled up with you, not him - and even though I knew you wouldn't be here I came back to our room because at least your spirit would be here and the scent of you would be on the pillow and I missed you so badly and I wanted you so badly and I love you so much and…'
'Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down Nico. I'm here.'
'But why? How? Oh…I suppose you heard me coming down the corridor - but you mustn't leave Zak just because I've chosen to come back to our room… I'll be fine…don't spoil your night for me…I'll be fine.'
'I didn't hear you going down the corridor. I came back here because I was feeling the same as you. Cuddling up to Zak isn't like cuddling up to you. And I couldn't do it. I wanted to be with you and, like you, I decided if I couldn't have that, then lying in our bed with the scent of you beside me would be the next best thing. So I'm here. I couldn't believe it when I saw that you were already here when I came through the door. I can't tell you happy it made me feel. Now, can we have a cuddle? Or are you determined to crush me to death??'
'Oh God yes. And sorry.'
I exchange my bear hug for a mutual embrace.
'So what are we going to tell them in the morning?' I say.
'Well, we can tell them the truth...or we could sneak back into their respective rooms early tomorrow morning and act as if nothing has happened. Zak sleeps like a log – I don't know about Piers.'
'Him too…or so he says.'
'Maybe that would be the kindest thing to do. They've given us a lovely time and they might be hurt - and we'll know the truth anyway.'
'I'm OK with that, Josh. Provided we can have a proper cuddle until then.'
'Provided a proper cuddle doesn't mean having sex…I am, literally, shagged out. Zak was…at his most energetic.'
I grin. 'Piers too. No…no sex, I just want to hold you very close indeed. And maybe have a kiss.'
'Gets my vote.'
I hug Josh to me and we kiss. And we fall asleep.
When I come to and check the clock, it says 6.15. I give Josh a shake.
'Whaa…whatsup?'
'Time to go back to Zak and Piers if we're going to,'
'Zak and….? Oh. Ah. Yes, right.'
We get out of bed, kiss each other, and make our way out of our room and back up the corridor. I open the door to the room Piers is in as quietly as I can. He's still in bed and seems to be sound asleep, lying on his back, one arm above his head. I smile and slip carefully in beside him. He sighs in his sleep and turns towards me. I put an arm over his shoulder. It's as if I've been there all night. I hope things have gone as smoothly for Josh.
An hour or so later Piers stirs and opens an eye.
'Morning sexy…gotta go pee.'
He slips out of the bed and makes his way into the bathroom. A sound of a steady stream of water hitting water follows before he reappears and slides back into bed beside me.
'It's been nice having you here,' he says, putting his head back on my shoulder. 'Mmm, you're all nice and warm.'
I kiss him on the forehead. He's nice and warm too, and we both doze off. The next thing I'm aware of is the sound of the door opening. It's Piers bearing two cups of coffee. He's naked.
'Thought you might like a cup of coffee,' he says.
'Wasn't Francesca in the kitchen?'
'Yes, why?'
'And you walked in there stark naked?'
'Oh yes - she's used to me wandering about in the buff. Here.'
He gives me the cup. The coffee is very good – hot and strong, as I like it.'
'Thank you for this,' I say, 'very domesticated of you.'
'My pleasure And I thought you deserved a treat after last night.'
'What for?'
'For the sex, silly…what else. You were amazing and I had just the best time, and then being cuddled up with you all night…that was the icing on the cake.'
'I had a great time too.'
'Umm...once you've finished your coffee, I wonder if there might be a cherry to put on top of the icing?'
'What did you have in mind?'
'Well…I wondered if you might take me one last time before we shower. I love morning sex.'
'You,' I say, giving him a gentle poke on the nose, 'are insatiable.'
He giggles. 'I know. I can't help it. And I especially can't help it when I've got you in my bed.'
'OK, well…I'm not sure I've got much left to give, but I'm happy to let you have whatever's left.'
He grins. And it seems the least I can do given that I've got away with sneaking out back to my room during the night.
In some ways, the sex that follows is amongst the best we've had. It's slow and gentle and the morning sun streams through the window as we move rhythmically together – and end up climaxing together. He's been riding me, and lays down flat out on me afterwards for what seems ages, but eventually I give his bottom a smack.
'Ouch! What was that for?'
'Don't pretend you didn't like it… but time to shower.'
'You know me too well. You can smack me again if you like.'
I do. Harder.
'Fuck. That one hurt!'
'You loved it. Now come on…'
He makes a show of grumbling but gets up and pulls me to my feet. As I head into the shower, he gives me an almighty smack on my bottom.
'What the…!'
'See…bet you like it too…'
'Right,' I say, 'that's it.'
I turn and we end up chasing each other around the room. When I catch him I put him over my knee and spank him mercilessly. If I didn't know better, I'd say Piers had engineered the whole thing with precisely that result in mind.
'OK…enough, enough,' he says.
'I hope you've learned your lesson,' I say with mock gravity.
'Oh yes sir, I have sir, I promise I won't do it again, sir,' replies Piers with a huge grin.
This time I let him lead the way to the shower. Clean and fresh, we put on a pair of shorts. At the door, he turns and gives me a kiss.
'Thank you for a wonderful night, Nick. It's one I'll never forget.'
'It was special for me too, Piers.'
'And you can spank me any time you like,' he says with a grin.
'Don't tempt me,' I say with a smile.
For most of the rest of the holiday, Josh and I are content to confine our sexual activity to each other, although on a couple of occasions, Piers approaches me - or Zak approaches Josh - and we go off and have some fun together. When we do, sex with Piers is never less than satisfying. We are at ease with one another, we are undoubtedly attracted to one another, and we unashamedly enjoy one another's bodies. His words about still being able to have sex with me from time to time once we're home occasionally echo in my brain, even if I know it can't happen. And in truth, I want Josh far more than I'll ever want Piers.
Before we leave, Zak and Piers make us promise that we'll invite them both down for a weekend in Bristol at some point, and they say that they'll invite us up to London. Piers will be having his twenty-first later in the year, so we'll definitely go up to his party.
Like the previous year, Josh and I travel back home by train. I ask him how he feels about our experience of having had sex with someone other than each other. I can see him weighing his answer.
'Truth? I found it…sort of liberating. Having sex with Zak wasn't better than having sex with you – not even close in fact – but it was sort of illicitly pleasurable. And it was nice to have the…freedom to do it. I don't mean that I don't want to be with you or that I feel any different about you being 'the one'. But…well…we've got three years at Uni – more for me – and it feels like we should be free to make the most of it in any way we want. We love each other, Nico, and I think that's made us feel that we need to spend all our time together. But it's different now from when we were living so far apart; then, every moment we could find, we wanted – needed – to be together. The pain of being apart was awful. But now we can be together all the time and that's great…except I don't think we should feel that we HAVE to be together all the time. Does that make any sense?'
I know it's not what he's said, but it feels like he's saying he's not sure he wants to be with me. I suddenly feel hollow inside. I can feel tears coming.
'Oh God, I've hurt you, haven't I?' he says, wrapping his arms round me. 'I truly don't mean to. Tell me how you feel.'
'It feels like you're saying you're not sure you love me. That you want me to tell you it's OK to sleep around for a bit...to make sure there's not someone better out there.'
'For God's sake, that's not what I'm saying at all, Nico! Honestly. This isn't principally about sex – although maybe we need to talk about that too. It's about feeling OK if we each want to go off and do things that maybe the other doesn't while we have the opportunity to do it. I love you completely, utterly, and with all my heart, Nico, and I want us to be together for every moment once we've done with Uni. But I think we're more likely to drift apart if we have to be in each other's pockets all the time than if we blend being together with having some space. And this is nothing to do with me having slept with Zak. I've been feeling a bit like this for a while but didn't quite know how to put it into words. Being together, but sometimes having the freedom to be apart on this holiday has just crystallised how I'm feeling.'
I nod. I still feel wounded…but that's probably just self-pity.
'Be honest with me, Nico, how did it feel to be able to go off and have sex with Piers? Good or bad?'
'Both. Good and bad. I still felt a little guilty each time. But he was nice to be with in a way that was much more than just about sex.'
'Exactly. And I think you have feelings for him in a way that I don't about Zak. Maybe I should be the jealous one?' He says this with a smile.
'You don't need to be jealous. I wouldn't swap you for him in a million years. But yes…I like him and yes, I do have feelings for him - but not in a way that changes anything about how I feel about you.'
'That's kind of my point. You could be with him and having fun – well, let's face it, the most intimate type of fun - without it meaning you'd stopped loving me. And that's what I was trying to say. That I think it would be good to think about replicating some of that same freedom back at Uni.'
'OK. So does that mean you want to be able to have sex with other boys back at Uni too…like we did with Piers and Zak?'
'No. That's not the point or reason for giving each other a little more space. It's about what we do with our time when we're not working. Interests, social life….all that stuff. It's about…space…I'm not saying I think I'm with the wrong person for God's sake.' He pauses. 'Although since you've raised it, maybe we should talk about sex too. Look, I know that we know Piers and Zak very well - heck, they're maybe our best friends - so having sex with them wasn't like going with a stranger, but if you think about it, it was still quite a choice to make. And if we get close to someone at Bristol and it's what we want to do, would that be so different? Same rules about being open and honest with each other, it goes without saying.'
'Sounds like it IS all about sleeping around.'
It's a stupid thing to say. It's all my fears and insecurities speaking. But I can't help it. It just comes out.
'NO, NICO! That's absolutely NOT what I'm saying – and you fucking know it! Or should do. I told you it's all about lots of other things besides, or even rather than, sex. I'm trying to be honest with you and have a sensible discussion about principles and see how you feel, but if you can't understand that then maybe I AM with the wrong fucking person.'
And he storms out of our cabin.
It's our first row, and it's about something very important. And it's all my fault. I dissolve into tears.
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