Making Nico

by c m

Chapter 2

The day of our trip finally arrives. Josh's Dad takes us to the airport, and we are soon on board our flight to Pisa. Once there, Antonio picks us up and we are whisked away to the villa.

As we round the bend and the villa comes into view, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with memories of our first stay here. I turn and look at Josh; he's got as big a grin on his face as I have.

'Do you think it will be just as good as last time?' he asks.

I laugh. 'I was just going to ask you the same thing.'

It's his turn to laugh. 'I'm sure it will be.'

As we pull up outside the front door, it opens to reveal Piers in a light blue polo shirt and stone-coloured shorts. By the time we've opened the car doors and stepped out, he's run over and flung his arms round me - and then Josh - in a huge hug.

'Hi guys, it's SO good to see you again. Come on in…don't worry about the bags…Antonio will deal with those.'

We follow Piers inside. Zak is walking through the hall, a towel wrapped round his waist, his body deeply tanned. He's clearly just got out of the pool. His face cracks in a massive smile.

'Hey guys, good to see you.'

He comes over and gives both of us a kiss.

'How was the journey? Are you ready for a swim?'

'Journey was good and a swim sounds like a great idea,' I say.

'Cool…well, you know where the pool is so strip off and dive in.'

We know from last time that being naked is pretty much the order of the day when it comes to swimming. Josh and I make our way out onto the terrace and waste no time in shucking off our clothes, placing them on one of the loungers by the poolside, and diving in. Zak is already in, and moments later Piers joins us. Both of them are tanned all over. After our journey, the water is wonderfully refreshing and we have a great time splashing and ducking each other before eventually climbing out and lying down on towels on the sunbeds.

'Here,' says Zak, throwing me a tube of sunscreen, 'looks as though you two better get some of this on that white skin round your middles…would hate for you to burn your dangly bits.'

'Me too,' I say.

I slather the cream generously round my groin and throw the tube to Josh.

'Not going to rub it in for me, then?' he says with a grin.

'You know what will happen if I do,' I say.

'No problem with us if you two get stiffies,' says Piers with a smile, 'Zak and I occasionally get…aroused…out here.'

I see the two of them exchange glances.

'In fact,' says Piers, 'there's something we wanted to ask the two of you…and we won't be offended if you say 'no'…but, well…we wondered if you two would be up for any one of the four of us getting…intimate…with any other of the four of us? We know you two are a couple just as much as we are, but you know, just for the ten days you're here…might it be fun?'

I look at Josh. He's clearly as surprised as I am at the suggestion.

'Umm…I think maybe Josh and I need to talk about this if that's OK?'

'Of course. We assumed you'd want to. And, as we said, if it's a 'no' that's just fine. Or if you wanted to put limits on what was OK and what wasn't that would be fine too.'

He can see we're a bit taken aback. He looks at Zak.

'Sorry, guys,' says Zak, 'we shouldn't have mentioned it. Just forget it, OK? We're just so happy to have you here. Sorry if we've embarrassed you.'

'No, it's OK. Don't feel embarrassed,' Josh says, 'it's fine to have asked, isn't it Nico?'

He looks at me. I nod.

'I mean,' he goes on, 'you two are our closest friends…more than close friends…but Nico and I do need to talk about it. But it's lovely to be here with you two – we've both been looking forward to it so much.'

We can see that both Piers and Zak are, despite what we've said, feeling very awkward.

'Hey, come here both of you – group hug,' I say.

Josh and I stand up and beckon them over. I put my right arm round Zak's shoulders and my left around Piers' waist and everyone follows my lead. We all end up squeezed together, flesh against flesh, and as we hold each other, everyone visibly relaxes.

'It's just so good to see you guys again,' I say, as we eventually break apart.

In bed that night, Josh asks me how I feel about the suggestion of all four of us feeling free to sleep with whichever one of us we fancy during our stay.

'I don't know, Josh. I mean, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so it's not as though I'm afraid that if I were to go with either of them that that would change, but it just feels…disloyal. You're the only boy I've ever slept with Josh. I know Piers and Zak have both been with loads of other guys in their past, and I know that they're committed to each other now, but it feels like it's a much bigger deal for you and me to say 'yes' to their idea than it might be for them.'

'You're right, Nico…of course you're right…'

He sighs.

'But….we're nineteen with the whole of the rest of our lives in front of us all mapped out in terms of who we want to be with. Isn't there a tiny bit of you that wonders what it would be like to sleep with someone else? Just to….see?' He looks at me. And his words resonate. Maybe there's a little bit of me that wonders the same thing. 'Look,' he continues, 'I can't imagine ANYONE being better in bed than you are, and I'm more than happy for you to be my one and only. And that's the truth. I love you Nico and nothing will ever change that. If the idea horrifies you then we say 'no'. No argument. I wouldn't want us to do anything that hurt you, not for the world.'

'It doesn't horrify me, Josh. Maybe it should. But it does scare me a bit. And just suppose you find it's better with one of them. I don't want to lose you, Josh.'

'You'll never lose me. And it won't be better. It couldn't be. It might be different, I suppose, but not better. And if it was different then maybe we'd learn something we could start doing too…'

He giggles. It's infectious and I start to laugh too.

'Look, Nico, we don't have to rush into a decision. But if we did say 'yes', then at least with Zak and Piers we know it would be safe and that it was just a bit of a holiday thing. Or we could put limits on it like they know…maybe…no penetration or something.'

'I guess. But…if we were to do it…then I think we either do it, or we don't. Limits sound like a stupid salve for our conscience…and if we need that then we should say 'no' anyway.'

Josh bends down and kisses me.

'How come you're so wise?'

'I'm not. Just sensible. Now stop talking and do something useful with that mouth of yours instead.'

'Your wish is my command,' he says.

Seconds later I'm in heaven. He really is very talented.

In the morning, I've made up my mind about what Piers and Zak have suggested.

'Really?' says Josh, 'so what's the answer?'

'We toss a coin for it.'

'Toss a coin? Don't you think this is rather a big decision to make on the toss of a coin?'

'Do you have a better idea? I genuinely don't know what to do. What you said last night about a little bit of you wondering what it would be like with someone else…I kind of get that…I suppose there's a tiny little bit of me that wonders the same thing. But I don't want to do anything we'd…I'd…regret. I don't want to risk what we've got for…some kind of stupid experiment. But what you said about Zak and Piers being our best friends, and that at least with them it would be safe….maybe…oh, I don't know, I really don't. How do you feel about it? What do you want to do?'

'I think if what we feel for each other falls apart because we have sex with someone else who we know well and trust, and when it's something we've talked about and discussed in advance, then maybe we didn't have anything very much in the first place. And I think we have lots and lots – everything, in fact. I love you more than anything in the world. And…well…it's not like we'd be having casual sex with someone we just met and without the other one's knowledge. But I'm as torn as you are.'

'So is the toss of a coin such a bad idea?'

Josh laughs.

'No, so maybe it isn't. OK…so heads we say yes, tails we say no?'

'OK. But if it comes down heads, I think we should say that it's just a 48-hour deal until we're sure all of us are comfortable with what happens. That would give us time to…explore the options…without committing us to an awkward following week if either of us had any regrets.'

'Absolutely. And we both agree to be completely honest about how we feel?'


'And if either of us is uncomfortable, we both stop, with no regrets?'


'OK, well…here goes…'

Josh takes a 1-euro coin from the pocket of his jacket that's hanging on the back of the door. He spins it high into the air and lets it fall to the floor where it spins once, twice, before falling over. We both look down at it. It's a head.

'Do you still feel OK about this?' Josh asks me.

'I feel…nervous.'

'We don't have to do this.'

'I know. '

'If you've any doubts…'

'I have doubts about everything, Josh…you should know that by now.'

He laughs and ruffles my hair.

'Let's tell them how we feel. And let's agree if that we do go ahead, then we just see how the first…swap…goes. Not even 48 hours, just once to make sure neither of us feels we're making a big mistake. You OK with that?'

I look into his eyes. I can see only love.

'Yeah. OK. What's life without taking the odd risk?'

'Cool. Let's tell them over breakfast. But before that, I think we've time for a little early morning cuddle. Come here.'

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me tight into him. I love the feel of him. The touch of him. The smell of him. And I want him so, so badly. And it's as if he can read my mind. He rolls onto his back, spreads his legs and guides me inside him.

None of us wears more than a pair of shorts during the day – and not even those if there's no-one about – so showering and getting dressed takes no time at all. We make our way out onto the terrace where Zak and Piers are already sitting at the table. There's fruit, bread, jam and coffee waiting for us and we tuck in with gusto; sex always leaves us feeling hungry. Once we've eaten, I turn to Josh.

'Why don't you tell them what we've decided.'

'OK.' He turns to Zak and Piers. 'Nico and I have talked – a lot – about what you guys suggested yesterday in terms of sleeping with each other. And, well, we'd like to tell you how we feel. We have some reservations is the truth, but we also know and love you both like brothers. And I guess we're both a tiny bit curious about what it would be like to have sex with someone else. As you probably know, both Nico and I have only ever slept with each other. And that also makes us a little nervous. If we say 'yes' to your idea, are you OK with it being on a strictly trial know…if either of us – or indeed you – have any regrets or feel uncomfortable about what we're doing, then we call the whole thing off immediately with no regrets and no recriminations?'

Zak and Piers look at each other.

'Yes, yes of course,' says Piers,' and look…if you're uncomfortable with it, we're fine if you'd rather not. We both feel a bit guilty about having suggested it – much as we love the idea.'

'It's OK. Nico and I have talked about it and we're happy to give it a go, on the terms we've just agreed.'

'That would be amazing,' says Zak,' and…thank you. For saying yes.'

'Hey, as Nico said, 'what's life without taking the odd risk.' '

The unspoken question of who will go with who first is left hanging in the air. I take Josh to one side and ask him if he has any preference.

'Not really…how about you?'

'I think I'd find it easier to go with Piers…you know…at least the first time…given the history between me and Zak at school. I know that's all dead and buried now but….'

'It's OK. I understand perfectly. And that's cool. I'm sure they'll be happy with that too. But if everything goes OK, will you be alright with going with Zak at some point? I'm pretty sure that both of them want to sleep with each of us.'

'Yeah. If the first time goes OK, I'm fairly sure I can get my head round that.'

'And we can call stop at any time, Nico, remember that.'

I nod.

As it happens, Piers and I spend quite a lot of time talking together, as do Zak and Josh, over the next few hours. It's almost as though there's an unspoken agreement about how things will be. In the end, as we're lying on adjacent loungers beside the pool, Piers just comes out with it.

'Nick, I'd really like it to be you I go with…first, anyway…if that's OK with you. And Zak would really like to go with Josh.'

I smile.

'That's fine, Piers. That would be our preference too. And anyway, Josh lent me to Zak way back to be his partner at the school ball, so it's only fair that I lend him to Zak this time.'

Piers laughs and reaches out to give my hand a squeeze. It sends an unexpected jolt of electricity through me. I squeeze his hand back. He turns and looks at me.

' there anything in our arrangement that says we can only have sex with each other at night?' he asks.

'Umm….I guess not.'

'I don't suppose you fancy slipping away somewhere right now, do you? I'm feeling incredibly horny just at the thought of it. And…I think the others may already be doing the same thing.'

I look across at where I thought Josh and Zak were, but they've disappeared. Well, why not? And maybe that means Josh and I can spend the night together and compare notes. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of spending the night with Josh and doing our…explorations…during the day.

'Sure Piers…where did you have in mind?'

'How would you feel about taking a blanket into the woods?'

I smile. The thought appeals to me.

'I think that's a great idea, Piers.'

'Cool. Come on then.'

He grabs a blanket from a box on the side of the terrace along with a small hip-bag. We both slip on a pair of shorts and he leads the way down a path that winds out through the estate. As we walk, he tentatively takes my hand.

'Do you…will you…want us to use condoms?' he asks. 'Zak and I are both clear. We've been tested.'

'Then I'm fine without, if you are.'

It takes us maybe ten minutes or so to reach a wooded glade. Piers spreads the blanket and shucks off his shorts. He's fully aroused. He sees me glance down at it.

'Sorry…it's just…I find you very sexy. I always have. As you know.'

The memory of him standing in front of me with his trousers around his ankles and his erection just inches from my lips in my room at Sunnybanks jumps vividly into my mind. That day I came to my senses just in time. Today it's different. Today it's OK.

And we do what we didn't do at Sunnybanks. With our hands, and then with our mouths, and then with me inside him. And it all feels good. Very good. And I'm relieved. I thought it might not feel that way at all. It was fun. Friends having fun. No hidden agenda. I hope it will be the same with Zak. Which makes me think of Josh. I wonder how he's getting on? And I wonder who's topping who. Or maybe they're going both ways. Which makes me realise that I should probably ask Piers if he wants to swap roles.

'Sometime maybe…but not right now, ' he says, 'Not today. And then only if you wanted to, Nick. This is about both of us enjoying ourselves, not owing the other anything. And I'm just enjoying the feeling of what we've done so much I don't want anything else.' He props himself up on one elbow. 'I hope that was as good for you as it was for me, Nick. It was…everything and more that I dreamt it would be. I hope we can do this again while you're here. And I don't mean that because I'm bored with Zak or anything like that. I love him as much as I know you love Josh. It's just…a chance to have some fun with friends doesn't happen very often, and I just want to celebrate the opportunity and enjoy having time together.'

He takes hold of my hand and gives it a squeeze.

'That was truly magical, Nick, but…time to go back?'

'I guess so.'

We roll up the blanket, pull our shorts back on, and get ready to head back to the villa. And when he puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk back, it feels just as it should; two friends who are totally at ease with each other. If and when Zak and I get together, I hope it will feel the same with him.

When we get back to the villa, Zak and Josh already splashing about in the pool and laughing. Whatever happened between them, they're clearly very relaxed with each other as well.

'Hi guys,' says Zak, waving at us, 'did you have fun?'

'We certainly did,' says Piers, 'and you?'

'Most definitely,' Zak says with a grin.

I look across at Josh. He gives me a thumbs up and I return the gesture. I feel relieved. Although I can't wait to hear the details later.

The rest of the afternoon and evening pass as if nothing's changed. Which is good. We may have taken things between us to level we haven't before, but everything still feels the same between us.

Francesca prepares a lovely dinner after which we sit out on the terrace enjoying a final glass of the wine produced from the villa's own vineyard. Josh and I haven't had the time to talk about our respective sexcapades earlier, but we have had a quick chat during which we've agreed that we want to spend the night together. In fact, we've both agreed that whatever we may or may not do during the day, we'll spend all our nights with each other. Josh tells Zak and Piers that that's what we've agreed,

'I hope you guys are OK with that?' he says.

'Of course,' says Piers. 'I think that's a great idea. What we do during the day is one thing. Some fun. But Zak and I want to be together as much as you two do. So that sounds like the perfect arrangement.'

Lying in bed later on, I put my head on Josh's shoulder. 'So…tell me all about your time with Zak.'

'He was actually lovely, Nico. He asked if I was sure about having sex with him and said he didn't want us to do anything I was uncomfortable with. He told me how much he loved the two of us – and how committed he was to Piers. He wanted me to know that this was only what we'd talked about…some fun and there was nothing more to it than that. And he asked me if was OK with every new step we took along the way. He asked if I wanted us to use condoms. He said he and Piers had been tested and were clear but he was happy to use them if it made me happier. I liked that he'd asked and I believed him. I hope that was OK.'

'I had the same conversation with Piers.'


'And what did you and he do?'

'We did some oral and then he asked me if I'd top him, so I did. And it was good. There was some kind of…I don't know…unspoken understanding between us that made it more than just mechanical. Then we swapped roles. He was a bit…rough…at first but when I asked him to be more gentle, he was. It was fun…but he was nothing compared with you.'

He pulls my face to his and kisses me.

'And what about you and Piers?'

'Hands and mouths and then he wanted me inside him. I asked him if he wanted to reverse roles afterwards, and he said 'maybe but not today'. And he was as kind and loving as it sounds as though Zak was with you…you know, asking if I was OK with everything. And he said he hoped we could do it again.'

'Do you want to do it again?'

'I guess we need to see how things work out with the whole arrangement. I think going with Zak may be more challenging given our history at school. I mean, I know that's all in the past but still…but if he's the way with me that he clearly was with you, then I think…I will be fine.

'And if you do go with Piers again and he wants to swap roles, how do you feel about that?'

'I'm not sure if I want him to, but I don't think I don't want him to – if that makes sense. I mean, if he wanted to, I think I'd be OK with it. Assuming we all agree that we're fine with the whole arrangement and that we do actually go together another time.'

'And are you fine with it?'

'It's…strange. It ought to be weird…and I suppose it is sort of weird, but not in the way I thought it might be. So yes, I'm OK with least so far. How do you feel about it?'

'I'm like you. I was afraid things might go badly…but they haven't. Zak was lovely.'

'Would you go with him again?'

'If he wanted to…I guess I would. As I said, the only thing I didn't like was when he was a bit rough – but he stopped all that as soon as I asked. I guess it's something that he and Piers like and he just assumed I'd be the same. So…it's all OK with both of us so far?'

'Yes…so far. But I'm pleased that we're spending the night together. Sex with Piers was fun…but it was just sex, albeit with someone I genuinely like. It's not like it is with you. I love you so much, Josh and when we make love…well…I guess that's the difference…we're making love not just having sex.'

'Exactly. And while I think we're probably both sexed out after today, I'd love to have a proper cuddle with you.'

'And I with you.'

We turn to face each other, wrap our arms around one another and kiss. As we snuggle up together, and despite all my earlier exertions, I feel myself harden against Josh. And I feel him respond. We both start to giggle.

'Looks like we still fancy each other, then,' he says.

'Like you wouldn't believe,' I say.

'I don't think I've anything left to give though.'

'Then let's just hold each other.'

And so we do. Nothing more. Just enjoying the acknowledgement of the arousal we feel for each other.

'Love you, Josh.'

'Love you, Nico.'

And that's how we fall asleep.

We have a bit of a lie-in in the morning, and by the time we appear downstairs, there's no sign of Zak or Piers. Fruit and bread are still on the table and the cook brings us both fresh coffee.

'Signor Piers has had to go into the local town. He says to tell you he will be back before lunch.'

'And Signor Zak?'

'He go with him.'

'OK. Thank you, Francesca.'

Josh and I have a leisurely breakfast. He asks me where Piers and I went the previous afternoon.

'Piers took me to a little glade in the trees. Want to see it?'

'Why not? I quite fancy a walk.'

We walk together down the same path Piers and I took the previous afternoon until we reach the sun-dappled space where Piers had spread out the blanket.

'Beautiful, isn't it?' I say. 'Do you remember when we made love out of doors here last year? Well, not exactly here but in the shade of some trees?'

'How could I forget? I think this place is even more lovely though.'

I give his hand a squeeze.

'I wish we'd brought a blanket….' I say.

A smile spreads slowly over Josh's face as he realises what I'm saying.

'Who needs a blanket?' he says.

It takes us no time to shuck off our shirts and shorts. The ground is hard but there's just enough grass to mean that it's not totally uncomfortable as I lie back on it, naked. Josh kneels between my legs and bends down to kiss me. He enters me slowly and takes his time. It feels as good as it always does and when he finally climaxes inside me it's just the best feeling in the world. We lie there afterwards enjoying the perfect intimacy between us in this most beautiful of surroundings.

'Do you think they'll want to complete the circle…you know…Zak with me and Piers with you…when they get back?' I ask.

'Maybe. But it's a mutual decision. It's our choice as much as theirs. How do you feel about it?'

'Nothing's going to be as good as what you and I have just done…but I think it would be good to…complete the experiment – if that doesn't sound too clinical.'

'I agree. Shall we go back and see if they feel the same way?'

'May as well.'

As we walk back, arm in arm, I ask Josh where he and Zak went when they had sex.

'We used one of the spare bedrooms. We both felt it would be wrong to use either our room or the one he and Piers share.'

'And did having him inside you feel different from me?'

'Not mechanically. He's about the same size as you, not loads bigger or loads smaller. But there wasn't the emotional connection that you and I have. And that did make a difference. Other than that, he's a good-looking guy who knows what he's doing and he's concerned enough to want to make sure his partner is enjoying it too. But he's not you – and never will be...or ever could be.'

'Hmmm. Well, I guess I'll find out what it's like for myself soon enough.'

Josh stops and puts his hands on my shoulders.

'Nico, you don't have to let Zak – or Piers – fuck you if you don't want to. Just because he and I have done it doesn't mean you have to.'

'I know. But I guess I am a little curious. Do you mind?'

'Of course not; that's why we agreed to do what we're doing in the first place – or one of the reasons. Just don't feel obliged, that's all.'

By the time we get back, Piers and Zak have both returned and Francesca is laying out a simple lunch on the terrace table.

'Sorry to miss you this morning,' I say to them, 'Josh and I had a bit of a lie-in.'

'That's fine -probably a good thing, in fact, as we had to go and do a couple of things in town…to do with the running of the estate. But it's good to be back. Fancy a swim before lunch?'

'Sounds good to me.'

A swim is just what Josh and I need both to cool down and to wash away the remains of our lovemaking. We all strip off and dive in. We've been in the water for about ten minutes when Zak swims up to me.

'I don't know if you fancy it, Nick – and there's no pressure – but I wondered if maybe you and I might…well, you know…have some private time together this afternoon?'

So. The moment's arrived.

'Umm…sure, Zak,' I say.

'I think we'll have fun. I certainly hope so.'

'Me too.'

He gives me a smile and then swims away to talk to Piers…maybe let him know what he's arranged. Josh comes over to me. He sees the expression on my face.

'You OK, Nico?'

'Umm…yes…sure. Zak has just suggested he and I have some time together later this afternoon.'

'So…what's up. You look…unhappy.'

'Not unhappy, just…unsure. It's just that the theory has now become…reality. Part of me wants to, but part of me is really nervous…and I don't know why.'

'Just go with the flow, Nico. Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to – and I'm sure Zak will tell you exactly the same thing. He's a nice guy and I know you find him quite sexy…so just…go where your instincts take you. And stop if it doesn't feel right.'

'Thanks, Josh. You always seem to know the right thing to say. Will you go with Piers?'

'If he wants to. He hasn't said anything to me yet.'

We all climb out of the pool and go and sit at the lunch table. None of us bothers to put any clothes on as we enjoy the feel of the sun drying the water off our skin.

Lunch is delicious; antipasti, panzanella – a kind of bread and tomato salad which is a local speciality, and one that tastes much better than it sounds – and fresh fruit. I have a glass of wine which I hope will quiet the little butterflies in the pit of my stomach. We finish with coffee. As we all stand up at the end of the meal, Zak takes my hand.

'If you'll excuse us, Nick and I going to spend some time together.'

'Have fun,' says Piers.

As Zak leads me into the villa, I notice Piers and Josh walking away down the path into the woods. Well, that answers that question. Zak leads me upstairs and into a lovely room at the end of the corridor, past the room Josh and I are in and opposite the one he shares with Piers. There's a big bed and a comfortable-looking sofa under the shuttered window.

'Is this OK, Nick?'

He turns to me as he says this, and I can see that he is already fully aroused. I'm not…and Zak notices.

'Are you OK, Nick…we don't have to do anything if you don't want to…and it kind of looks as though you don't.'

'Sorry, Zak…I don't know why I'm nervous…'

'Hey, it's fine. Come and sit beside me and tell me what's on your mind.'

We cross over to the sofa and sit down.

'So…spill,' he says.

I look into his eyes and see only genuine concern for me. It instantly makes me feel a whole lot better. I take a deep breath.

'I think, Zak, it's just - and I know this is all in the past – that I just have memories of you offering yourself to me at school when you were that horrible predatory boy that you were. I know you're different now but….'

Zak puts a hand on my shoulder.

'Hey, it's OK Nick. I understand. I was vile back then.' He sighs. 'Heck, I'd do and say pretty much anything to have a boy I targeted - as you know. But you…you were the ultimate prize. I thought you were the sexiest boy I'd ever seen. I fancied the pants off you. You were the boy I most wanted to go with and pretty much the only one I hadn't had. So when you effectively told me to go fuck myself in the showers that day, I was…bereft. I realised that I'd just lost any chance of getting to be with the boy I most wanted in the whole world. And it was all my fault. And then when you were nice to me on the bus – God knows why, I surely didn't deserve it – I was happier than you can ever know. I knew you might now be out of my reach but at least you didn't hate me anymore. And then we even became…friends. It was amazing. But I did change, Nick…and it was you calling me out that day that changed me. And then…when Josh said he'd lend you to me to be my partner at the ball, I couldn't believe it. I saw what true love between two boys really was. And then you introduced me to Piers and well…I went from having nothing to having everything. I owe you so much. I owe you everything. I love Piers more than I can say…' he stops and smiles at me, '… not that that stops me from still finding you incredibly hot….because you are,' he pauses and gives a half laugh and a little shrug of his shoulders, 'but much as I'd love for us to have sex, I wouldn't dream of asking you to do something you didn't want to do. I love you, Nick…not the way I love Piers, but I love you too much to ask you to do something you don't want to.'

His voice wavers as he says these last words, and his eyes look a little moist. And I know he's telling me the truth. And my concerns seem to melt away.

'Come here,' I say, standing up, 'let's at least have a cuddle.'

We stand facing each other and Zak wraps his arms round me and puts his head on my shoulder. I hug him to me and put my head on his shoulder too, mirroring him. I feel one of his hands start to run slowly up and down my spine. It feels…nice. And I suddenly become aware of the feel of his skin under my fingers. How soft it is. How warm. And I can feel his erection pressing against me. And I remember how when I saw him aroused in the toilets at school, how part of me had longed to take hold of him. And my body starts to respond to the thought. I slide my hand down his body. His face snaps up and his eyes meet mine.

'Are you sure about this, Nick?'

'Yes, Zak. I don't know exactly how far I want things to go, but this I definitely want.'

I feel him slowly reach down and, in turn, wrap his hand around me. And we stand there, gently stroking each other.

'Might we be…more comfortable on the bed?' he asks.

I nod and we go and lie down, facing each other. We continue to stroke each other gently, until, very softly, he says,

'Would it be alright if I…took you in my mouth?'

'I'd like that, Zak.'

And he does. And it feels good. Very good. He's very skilled, and he builds me slowly but inexorably towards my climax. As he gets me close to the point of no return, I tell him I'm about to come.

'Whenever you're ready, Nick.'

It only takes a few more seconds. He takes everything I have to give, before moving back up the bed to face me.

'Thank you, Nick. I've wanted to do that for a very long time. And it was better than in my most vivid dreams.'

'You've dreamed about giving me a bj?'

'I must have fantasised about it hundreds of times. I don't think I ever thought of anyone else when I jacked off – until I met Piers.'

I smile.

'If I'm honest, Zak, much as I hated you back then, it was quite often you I thought about when I had a wank. You might have been horrible, but that didn't mean you weren't sexy. And yes, that probably makes me a hypocrite. But that's how it was. Now…would you like me to do the same for you?'

He giggles. 'I love that you sometimes wanked off thinking about me. And as for giving me a bj, I'd love it…if you're OK with it.'

And I realise that I am definitely OK with it. As I said, I've always found him good-looking even when he was at his most horrible at school. But this is a different Zak. And I thoroughly enjoy what follows.

Afterwards, he pulls my face close to his, and I'm suddenly afraid that he's going to want to kiss me, but he doesn't.

Instead, he says 'Nick…I'd really, really like you inside me…if you'd be OK with that.'

I think about it. And I realise I feel fine with the idea. More than fine.

'Yeah, Zak, I'd be OK with that.'

He smiles. 'And that doesn't carry any obligation to let me do the same to you…just so you know.'

Zak takes a tube of lube out of a drawer in the table and passes it to me.

'I know you and Josh mostly like your sex gentle, and I'm happy to go along with anything you want but…well…if the mood takes you, I'm just fine with you being as uninhibited as you want.'

'So I understand,' I say with a smile.

I start off with every intention of trying to convert Zak to the pleasures of more gentle sex, so I enter him slowly and start to do things the same way I do with Josh. But something kind of happens as we start to move together. He begins to writhe and twist underneath me; his teeth graze one of my nipples and he rakes his fingernails down my back, and before I know it, I'm driving in and out of him like a maniac. My climax is explosive. And when I pull out of him, my legs are trembling with the strain of what we've done. Zak just looks at me, open-mouthed.

'Oh my god, Nick…that was…I thought you…that is…'

'I know, Zak…I don't know what came over me. It was you almost fighting underneath me, I think. Things just sort of…happened.'

'Well, whatever it was, Nick, I can't tell you how good that felt. Umm…I don't suppose you'd like to finish me off, would you? You know, with your hand….or your mouth. I really need it.'

'I could do,' I say, 'or…you could finish yourself off. Inside me. If you'd like.'

He sits up and looks at me, his eyes wide.

'You'd be OK with me…inside you? Really?'

I don't know at what point in the proceedings I'd decided that having him inside me would be OK, but I know that I am. Maybe it's because he's been inside Josh. Or maybe it's finally to lay the school demons to rest. Or both.

'Yes, I'm sure,' I say, ' but I really, really don't want it rough, Zak. Are you alright with that?'

'Of course.'

He said he'd be gentle with me, and he is. And feels good. But it's just sex. Good sex, with a boy I find attractive, but just sex. I realise I feel slightly disappointed – particularly after what had gone before. Afterwards, he props himself up on one elbow.

'Thank you. I hope you feel OK with what we've done. It's just like…a dream come true for me.'

'I feel fine, Zak. More than fine. Now let's shower and go back down and see if the others have had as good a time as we've had.'

We shower together in the capacious, marble bathroom and dry off. Zak holds his arms out for a hug and we embrace before making our way back downstairs.

And whatever else we've just done, it does feel like we've put things completely right between us. Which may be the best part of it.

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