Prairie Dogs, Pronghorns & Penis Sheaths
by Biff Spork
Chapter 10
Sunrise Surprise
The American Bison (Bison bison) is the largest surviving terrestrial animal in North America. They are typical artiodactyl (cloven hooved) ungulates, and are similar in appearance to other bovines such as cattle and true buffalo. They are broad and muscular with shaggy coats of long hair. Adults grow up to 6 feet 7 inches in height and 11 ft 6 in in length. American bison can weigh from 880 to 2,800 pounds. Bison are nomadic grazers and travel in herds. The bulls leave the herds of females at two or three years of age, and join a herd of males, which are generally smaller than female herds. Towards the end of the summer, for the reproductive season, the sexes necessarily commingle.
We slept until early afternoon, lunched on instant ramen noodles, and were back on our hill by mid-afternoon. The Boss gave an alert bark when we topped the hill, and everybody paused until we settled down in our place. Then he gave what we now recognized as the 'all clear' signal and the town came alive again.
We wanted to get to know the prairie dogs as individuals, so we decided to give each one a name related to a distinguishing feature. One of the most frequent visitors to The Boss had a nick in his left ear. We called him 'Nicky'. Another regular caller had a distinct limp and became, 'Limpy'.
" You know," said Marcus after an hour had passed. "We need another pair of binoculars and a couple of notebooks, so we can start to keep track of what's happening. I'm already starting to get a little lost when I try to figure out the families."
I had just realized that some of the burrows were not separate homes, but were actually second or maybe even third entrances for one family's burrow.
" Yeah," I said. "We need to be able to map out the town while we figure out who lives where."
" Another thing," said Marcus, "these prairie dogs share this area with other animals, like birds, and some books about the plants and animals out here would be really useful."
I agreed, and Marcus continued, "If you and me can live together then we can do home-study together. Jason and Anna could bring in a bunch of tutors for different subjects for us. It would be great to do it together, especially now when covid is screwing up the schools, and a lot of kids are doing school at home. You'd like home-study — it's like this. When you find something interesting, then you just start digging into it until you understand it."
As evening approached, we trudged back to our campsite. I put a pot of rice on to cook and another of black-eyed peas with some dried tomatoes and spices mixed in. While these cooked, we sat and made plans for an expedition to the house for more supplies, books, and other things we needed for our study of the prairie dogs.
Supper was ready to eat when we heard the distinctive 'beep, beep' of an ATV, and a minute later Jason came smiling through the trees. He had insisted on putting a GPS tracker in Marcus's pack so he would always know where to find us. He had brought a few more provisions and a phone. He said my parents wanted to hear from me and he and Anna were also a little anxious about us, that everything was okay.
We were happy to see him. I served him a bowl of rice and beans, gave another to Marcus, and ate my share out of the pots I had used to cook. While we ate, we told him what we had been doing, and he seemed impressed. He pulled out his phone and made a list of all the things we needed for our study of the prairie dogs.
The phone he brought for us had a satellite link, so I was able to call my parents with no problem. I described how Marcus and I were studying the prairie dogs and might even write a book about them when we finished. I told my dad how all the outdoor stuff he taught me when we went camping was useful now that Marcus and I were camping. Then Marcus talked to them. Next, he called Anna and talked with her. Jason said rain was expected sometime during the next few weeks, so he would bring us some rain gear when he came back the next day. We walked with him out to where he had parked the ATV and waved him goodbye.
The sun gave everything an orange glow from low on the horizon as we returned to our campsite. By the time we got everything cleaned up and put away, we were both yawning. I zipped up the door flap of the tent, folded myself into Marcus's arms, and was instantly asleep.
I could tell from the faint light coming through the walls of the tent that it was early dawn when I awoke. The morning symphony of birdsong was suddenly punctuated by a strange sound that brought me fully awake, a deep rumble somewhere between a growl and a fart. While I lay awake pondering the sound, I saw a silhouette move across the tent wall, the shadow of something big. Marcus was still asleep so I put my hand on his mouth and shook him a little. His eyes blinked open and I whispered into his ear, "Marcus, there's something big outside. I don't know what it is. Don't make any noise. I'll take a look."
I disentangled myself from Marcus, crept to the door flap, and unzipped a bit at the top, so I could peek out. I heard another of those deep bubbling coughs. Outside, not ten feet distant, was a buffalo, a real bison, an enormous bull, peacefully shearing mouthfuls of the grass near the tent. As I stared at him, he turned his head and brought an eye to bear on the tent and then, on me. I knew he saw me. He regarded me steadily for a half minute then resumed his grazing.
The bull wasn't alone. At the river's edge, another dozen big and small buffalo were drinking, and scattered around the meadow where we were camped were more, fifteen or twenty. Just beyond the bull was a cow with a calf nursing on her. A couple of other calves were bounding around chasing each other and butting heads. Most of the buffalo were grazing, but a few were lying down chewing their cuds. The rich aroma of fresh manure rose from a steaming mound of buffalo chips near our fireplace. It was a peaceful scene, and I could feel my heart slowing to its normal pace as I watched.
Marcus grabbed my foot. I looked around at him.
" What?" He mouthed silently and wide-eyed.
" Buffalo!" I hissed. "A whole herd of buffalo! Come!"
Marcus crawled over and knelt beside me, while I unzipped a bit more of the door flap, so we could both watch the buffalo. They seemed to be traveling through the campsite, but slowly. A half-hour later, some had moved into the woods, but others still lingered, including the gigantic bull I had first seen. I was fascinated to watch them, to see them so close. to smell them and hear them, but I had a pressing problem. I needed to pee. Finally, I unzipped the door flap all the way, but got Marcus to hold it shut while I stuck my penis through the flap and peed, a tremendous relief. Then I held it for Marcus.
The buffalo took no notice of the penises poking through the tent door, except perhaps the big bull. After we finished, he let his penis out, like about three feet long, and peed a big puddle. He was the last to leave and shouldered the bushes aside impatiently as if he owned our little campsite.
We crept out of the tent and carefully looked around to make sure they all were gone. They were. It was quiet but for a low murmur from the river and the buzzing of flies mulling over the mounds of buffalo droppings our visitors had left. Dewdrops glistened on the grass and the world seemed utterly at peace.
I used some dry tree bark as a tray and carried the buffalo turds to the edge of the clearing. I knew we could use them for fuel when the sun had dried them. Marcus built a fire, and I put some oatmeal on to cook. Then we jumped into the river. After a few minutes, I grabbed Marcus and said, "Come!" and pulled him out of the water.
We stood on the grass, and I took his hands and started to dance around and whoop. We swung each other around and around and laughed and cheered and sang nonsense things. Finally, panting, I stopped and pulled him to me. "Oh Marcus, I'm so happy. The buffalo! The prairie dogs! The sun! The moon! The river! It's all so wonderful, and you, you're the absolute center of it. I love you. I love being with you. I love everything."
I could tell by the look on Marcus's face that he was feeling the same joy, but he just repeated my name while kissing my neck, ears and nose and encircling me with his arms. Then we lay down on the grass and exchanged hungry little kisses, but we lay very still since our swollen pistols were cocked and ready to fire.
I remembered the oatmeal and jumped up to pull it off the fire. It was ready.
While we ate, Marcus chuckled and said, "Okay, now I've got a question for you."
" Ask."
" If you can't answer, you have to kiss my feet. Okay?"
" Okay, but that's not a penalty for me."
" Okay, and kiss my bum too."
" Okay, okay, okay! The suspense is killing me!"
" Okay, here's the question, and I want an exact answer — no equivocation. Tell me, Mr. Exact Kelly, how many buffalo came to see us this morning?"
I kissed each toe individually and, as I said, it was no punishment. His bum equally was a treat and I spent a little more time there than was strictly necessary.
" You see," said Marcus when I sat down beside him. "Now you should apologize for sneering at me when I said I didn't know how many buffalo were out here. When they're all around you, they're so awesome you don't think about counting them."
" Did I sneer?" I felt a little bit guilty. He was right.
" Yep. It was a mild sneer, a friendly sneer, but definitely a sneer."
" I'm sorry," I said. "It's just sometimes it seems you've got everything…."
" But dear Bumper," said Marcus, "you've got me so…."
" So if I wanted you to get down and kiss my feet and my bum…."
" Hey," I said a few minutes later. "You don't have to kiss there."
" You did!"
" Yeah, I did. It was nice. I couldn't help myself. Does that count as sex?"
" No," said Marcus. "That's just discovery. I mean, we do have a responsibility to examine the goods before taking delivery."
" And?"
" I'm happy to report your gluteal zone is in perfect condition," he said, "surprisingly appealing."
" Yours, too. It's very pretty. If I was a photographer, I'd specialize in photos of boys' bumholes. I've never seen a photo of one, and that's a shame."
We were sitting side by side with our arms around each other. I looked down into our laps where those eager ancient songs were being sung. "See," I said, "now my mind is saying, 'let's just go to bed in the tent and kiss and hug, and suck and squirt all day'."
" Do you want to do the dishes?" said Marcus primly. "Or shall I?"
Jason had left a phone with us, and as I was about to answer Marcus, it rang. Marcus got up to answer it, and I gathered our dirty dishes and took them to the river. Marcus came to help a few minutes later.
" That was Jason," he said. "He and Anna are putting together a care package for us, plus all the stuff we need for our prairie dog project. He said they'll be down just after lunch."
" So let's spend the morning in Dogtown, then come back here, have lunch, and put our kotekas on for Anna," I said.
As soon as we topped our hill overlooking Dogtown, we could tell something was amiss. There were plenty of prairie dogs visible, but none were moving, and we didn't hear the alert yip that The Boss had previously sounded when we arrived. He was creeping up to one of the burrow entrances. Nearby animals watched him intently. The Boss peered over the edge of the burrow entrance, gave a cry, then jumped away.
" There's something in that burrow," said Marcus and handed me the binoculars.
I saw The Boss approach the burrow again and look down into it. Then he yelped and jumped back. The Boss repeated these actions several times over the next few minutes. I handed the binoculars back to Marcus.
" It's a snake!" he muttered, as The Boss leaped back from the hole in the ground. "A rattler!"
Then I could see the rattlesnake too, as it slithered from the burrow. The Boss waited until it was completely out then stalked it, staying cautiously behind it, so he was near the tail and as far from the head as possible. Marcus handed the binoculars back to me.
I was riveted to the drama below. Every time the snake's head pointed away from Dogtown, The Boss pounced on its tail. That made it move ever more in the direction The Boss wanted it to go. Slowly and methodically he worried the snake away from the town, but every time he jumped on the tail, the snake whipped around to strike him. While we and the prairie dogs watched, he repeatedly risked the rattler's fangs.
Suddenly Marcus stood up and shouted, "Hawk!" and pointed overhead. All the prairie dogs glanced up at Marcus as a hawk came over the hill and swooped down toward them. Thanks to Marcus's warning, every dog gained the safety of a burrow. The only movement visible above ground was the rattler's sinuous twisting. The sharp-eyed hawk locked onto it it and made a swift dive. Seconds later, the raptor was winging into the distance with the snake wriggling in its talons.
The Boss came out of his burrow, watched while the hawk grew smaller, looked up at Marcus, and gave the all-clear signal.
" Marcus," I said. "The Boss looked right at you. He knows you warned them about the hawk. He knows you probably saved his life. Wow!"
Marcus said, "Nah," and sat down, blushing. I leaned over and kissed him. We had noticed that prairie dogs kissed. They kissed often. The females seemed to kiss more than the males, but everybody kissed from time to time. The pups kissed everybody and each other as well. They all hugged a lot too.
" If you were down there, some of them would be kissing you right now," I said.
" You think?" he said. "It was just a reflex. I didn't even think about it. I was just looking around when I saw the hawk. I knew they were all watching The Boss fight that snake, and he was too busy with that to pay attention to the sky. I bet they mostly just picked up on the tone of my voice, that something bad was coming."
" I never thought watching prairie dogs would be so exciting," I said. "When The Boss was chasing that snake my heart was going pitipat pitipat. Wow!"
" Hey," I said and handed the binoculars to Marcus. "Take a look at Nicky coming over to meet with The Boss."
The Boss and Nicky both stood up on their hind legs, hugged, and kissed. They chatted a bit, then both of them turned and looked up at Marcus. We're not supposed to imagine that animals think or talk like we do, but there was no doubt in my mind that those prairie dogs were talking about Marcus and admiring him.
When Jason had visited the previous day, he had brought more veggie dogs and buns. We absorbed those for lunch. Then, in preparation for Anna's visit, we put on our kotekas. It was strange how wearing a koteka made me feel that I was dressed, but it always had that effect. Once my mind knew I could get an erection without anybody knowing, I relaxed.
Just then I felt such a burst of love for Marcus, I pulled him to me, squeezed him in my arms, and buried my nose in his hair. We kissed a bit too, until we heard the beep that signaled the arrival of the ATV. We ran through the woods to meet it and collect our new supplies and equipment.
Anna and I sorted the food while Jason and Marcus set up an additional small tent to hold the laptop, drone, solar chargers, camera, and notebooks, and to protect them if it rained.
Over the previous few days, I had realized that Jason and Anna were not simply employees at the house. They were genuinely fond of Marcus and treated him more like a son than an employer. While we dealt with the provisions, Anna said things like, "Marcus really likes this, but you have to cook it like this…." and then she would give me instructions. I noticed that she often glanced fondly over at Marcus like a mother would. Before they left she pulled me aside and said, "Marcus is very dear to us, Bumper. Since his granddad died, we've never seen him so happy as he has been lately. Since he met you, there's a light in his eye again, and he laughs and smiles like he used to when he was little. If there's ever anything you need or you want to talk about…."
" There is something," I said. "Marcus and I want to stay together, like in the same house. It's okay now because we have to be in isolation together, but when this two week quarantine is over, and later, when school starts…."
" You're worried about being split up, about us and your parents, about hurting people's feelings or having problems with them," said Anna.
" Yeah. Marcus and I are thinking that maybe we could spend some time with my mother and father, and then spend some time with you. I don't think we should talk to them about that yet, but maybe you and Jason can think about it, and we can talk about it later and decide what to do."
" Would you like to do homeschooling with Marcus?" she asked.
I said I would, and we talked a bit about what grade I was in and what subjects I found interesting.
" Don't worry, Bumper," said Anna, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Jason and I have already been thinking about all that, and we'll be happy to talk to you guys about it whenever you want. We'll work something out."
After we waved them goodbye, Marcus and I walked back through the woods toward our campsite.
" I really like Jason and Anna," I said.
" Yeah," said Marcus. "They're great. I'm glad granddad made it so I have to stay with them till I'm grown up."
" So, do they work for you?" I asked.
Marcus laughed. "Well, yes and no. It's complicated. They sort of work for me, but it's more like they work for granddad. According to his will and his trustees, they're here, at the house, until I'm twenty-one, and longer if we all want to stay together. Officially they're my guardians, and they're paid for that, to do that, but I can't fire them. In fact, they can tell me what to do, and they do, sometimes. Mostly, they let me make my own decisions. That's what granddad wanted them to do, but there are some things, like education and safety, and health things like brushing my teeth, that they're very firm about. I can't remember when they weren't around, but since granddad died, they're even more important to me."
" Do they know about what you do at night on your cart?"
" Sort of…. Granddad knew and understood that I needed to be doing something to protest the climate crisis, something concrete. I don't think he liked the idea of me doing graffiti at night, but he helped me build the cart, and he knew what I was going to do with it. After he died, Jason told me that we have some of the best lawyers in the country on retainer — if I get caught, they can probably get me off, but only once. So, I can do what I like at night until I get caught. If I get caught once, I have to stop."
" How does your uncle fit into all this?"
" Him!" snorted Marcus. "Well, he used to share the guardianship with Jason and Anna, but then he got into legal wrangles over granddad's will, and the trustees, the people who handle granddad's estate, they decided that since he was challenging the will, he shouldn't be responsible for taking care of me. That was fine with me because he never took care of me anyway. I hardly ever saw him, and I haven't seen him for nearly a year now."
I was silent as I absorbed this information.
" I'll tell you a little about how it works," continued Marcus. "It's not a secret from you. There's no secrets from you," said Marcus, as he took my arm. "Granddad left a pile of money and businesses, and he basically left it all to me. He and my uncle didn't get along, so he left my uncle an income. Every month he gets a check from the estate — I think it's like a hundred thousand dollars or something — but my uncle thought that granddad should have left everything to him, or at least half of everything, so he hired a bunch of lawyers. They tried to get more of the money, but granddad made such a tight will and tied up everything so perfectly, that my uncle couldn't do anything."
" So it's all yours?"
" Yep, but it's all in trust until I'm twenty-one. There are ten trustees, who manage all the money and businesses. I meet with them twice a year, and they tell me what they're doing. I've talked to them about the climate crisis, and they seem to understand. They said that granddad had insisted that they only invest in companies doing green energy and that kind of thing, so I was happy with that."
Marcus stopped and turned to me. "But mostly, Bumper, I don't think about all that. I know I'm really lucky to have so much, but what makes me happiest is to have you as my friend, to be with you. You're more important to me than any of that other stuff." Then we ran back to the campsite to decide which new equipment we wanted to try out that afternoon.
I chose the new, more powerful binoculars and a notebook. Marcus selected the drone. When we arrived on the hilltop, The Boss announced us to the town. Everyone resumed their activities. I held the drone overhead; Marcus started the motors, and it lifted. As it rose above us, The Boss gave his warning yelp, and all the dogs disappeared.
" This is not good," I said. "We're scaring them again."
" Just wait and see," said Marcus and flew the drone over the town. He slowly lowered it down to land a few feet away from The Boss's burrow. Then he shut the motors off. "See, I've noticed that there are birds, like the killdeers, that fly over and even land in the town, and nobody pays any attention. The dogs only hide underground when it's a hawk. So I figure they're scared of the drone because they don't know what it is. Once they know it's not a hawk or an eagle, I think they'll be okay with it. I'm just gonna leave it there and let them look it over and get used to it. They're smart enough to see it's not a hawk."
He was right. Shortly after the drone landed, The Boss peered over the rim of the entrance to his lair and eyed the silent machine for a minute. Then he slowly emerged and circled it, without ever taking his eyes away. He crept up to it and sniffed. Then he poked it, jumped back, and went around the opposite side. He prodded it again. Marcus started the motors and raised the drone five feet into the air. The Boss dived for the entrance to his den. Marcus hovered the drone, and The Boss watched from his burrow entrance. After a minute, Marcus landed in the same spot and turned the motors off. Again The Boss crept over, smelled the drone, then nudged it and jumped back. Marcus started the motors, lifted off, and while maintaining a height of five feet, he flew the drone up the hillside to us, and landed it.
Marcus stood up and held the drone above his head. "It's okay!" he called down to The Boss.
The Boss looked in all directions, then stood and gave the high-ptiched yip that signaled there were no threats. The rest of the prairie dogs returned to the surface and started moving around. Five minutes later, we did it all again. We repeated it once more, and during the last procedure, Nicky and Limpy came over and had a look at the drone. Then they conferred with The Boss and seemed to decide that the weird plastic bird was not a threat. From then on, Marcus was able to hover over the town and watch activities from above. The dogs were still wary of the drone if it flew too close, but Marcus found that if he hovered the drone at a thirty foot altitude, they didn't pay any attention to it.
I spent the afternoon watching the animals nearest me, trying to understand their normal activities. I could see they weren't running around randomly, like flies seem to buzz around without any idea what they are doing. The prairie dogs moved with a sense of purpose, like they had jobs. I wanted to know what those jobs were.
As the afternoon shadows lengthened, and we walked back to the campsite, I said, "Do you think we could do the same thing, you know, ourselves?"
" What?" said Marcus.
" Well, like you got them used to the drone. Could we let them get used to us, bit by bit? Like maybe if we just moved down the hillside a little closer every day, until we were right in the town."
" That's a great idea, Bumper. I love it. Let's start tomorrow." He paused and then said, "But maybe it should be just one of us. Two big human animals might seem like an invasion, but if you kinda sneaked closer, bit by bit, I bet they'd get used to you in no time."
Anna had brought a feast for our supper that night. While it heated, we had a swim. We ate so much we could barely move, and though we had planned to look at the drone footage after supper, we just brushed our teeth, crawled into our sleeping bag, and fell deeply asleep.
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