Walking Into Clouds

by Rick Beck

Chapter 4

The Way

Sitting in the park near the forbidden zone, we were talking about the condition of my dick and Jeff's ability to solve such problems. It was awkward and I wasn't sure how to respond. Is this all there was to it. 'Oh my, your dick is hard. Would you like to take care of that for you?'

"Are you parked nearby?" Jeff asked.

I pointed toward my pickup truck on the far side of the park.

"Butch," he said. "I'd have bet on you driving a pickup truck."

"Good transportation," I said.

"You can leave it here. We'll go to my place in my car? It's only ten minutes away."

I considered the offer. Going to a place I didn't know with a guy I didn't know didn't sit well with me. I needed my wheels close by.

"I don't think so. I'll follow you. Where is your place?"

"Down Halifax. It's a couple of miles," he said, moving closer.

The urge to bolt came over me. I held fast, even when he put his hand on the upper part of my thigh. While thinking about slamming my legs shut, they unexpectedly opened wider.

Our knees touched. His hand slid inside my leg onto my dick. He let the hand slide slowly up my erection and then back down. Even with the denim separating his hand from my dick, it was nice.

I'd have followed him anywhere.

"You need to be careful. I'm not wearing underwear. I wouldn't want to have an accident."

"You are hot," he said.

"Don't do that or it'll be over before we get to your place."

His hand moved off my dick but not off my thigh. I looked around to be sure we weren't being watched.

"That wouldn't do. Your muscles have muscles," he said.

I shrugged.

Jeff was as tall as I was. I outweighed him by fifteen or twenty pounds. He wasn't small and I wasn't that big. Our knowledge came from different sources and so big and small didn't mean anything.

We parted once we got to the center of the park. His car was on one side of the park and my truck was on the other. By the time I slid behind the wheel of the Silverado, he was sitting a few dozen feet in front of where I was parked. When I pulled out of the parking space, he started moving. I followed him.

I didn't know what to expect when I went into the park. Now I was following another boy to his place.

Was this how it was done? It seemed impersonal to me. I was looking for love and the park seemed like an odd place to find it. I was looking for love but finding it would take time. There was a more immediate need. I needed a sexual release. I came close to getting it while we sat on the bench in the park.

Going with Jeff meant addressing the sexual need. Once that need was addressed, I could take my time finding a proper lover.

I considered turning off and ditching Jeff but I could still feel his hand on my leg. No one had touched me like that before. I needed to see where it went. I wanted to find out about sex.

Something about Jeff wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it. He was no physical threat. He was a short term answer to a long term problem. I could wait until I found that perfect boy, but how long would that take? How long could someone stay terminally horny without doing something about it?

Tossing his keys on a table just inside the door, I'd tucked mine into my pants pocket. We ended up in a small living room. He stopped and turned around. Throwing his arms around my neck, he planting his lips on mine. Once again I wasn't sure how to respond but my lips had no such dilemma. My lips did what lips do and it was good.

The kiss sent a chill through me. His hand found my still stiff dick. I moved my legs farther apart. His hand did the same slow massage of my junk. I wasn't quite as close to pulling the trigger this time and the kisses, along with where he touched me, sent my mind soaring off into the land of love and joy.

Jeff's arms slid down the front of my tee-shirt as he knelt in front of me. Before I could object, or do anything else, he was unfastening my pants. I didn't move. This was the moment of truth for me.

"No underwear," he said. "I love a boy ready to cut to the chase."

I shivered in anticipation.

"Not yet, big guy. We'll take our time. No point in rushing to the end of the line before it's necessary. Trust me, it'll be memorable."

Anything that didn't include my hand would be memorable.

After exploring my chest, his hands circled me and his fingertips dug into my ass crack.

"You're like steel. You don't have any fat on you," he said, letting his lips did to me what no lips had done before.

Jeff went fast until I felt like my brain might explode before he went agonizingly slow until every nerve ending came alive with lust for what he was making me feel.

If this wasn't heaven it had to be close. Jeff had sold short his ability to handle my problem. The dam burst and nineteen years of frustration ended with a flourish.

I couldn't breathe or I wasn't breathing, and so I reminded myself I should breathe. My mind became lost in a fog of feelings I hadn't experienced before. I didn't try to move or speak. I drifted on a cloud of pleasure, not wanting to come back to earth.

I finally understood how powerful sex could be. It allowed me to reach an intensity I didn't know existed. While stimulating myself was satisfying. there was no comparison to the feelings Jeff evoked.

When I was once more aware of Jeff next to me, he seemed pleased with himself.

He said, "Awesome! Absolutely Awesome! I knew you'd be fun."

My brain began to function as a brain again. Jeff's comment amused me but I was too busy trying to catch my breath to last.

I'd had my first sexual encounter with another man. I hadn't found him where I was expecting to find him, but I found what I went looking for in a general sense. This was part of what I wanted to find. This made my idea of love even more enticing. If someone I didn't know could make me feel like this, I couldn't wait to have sex with my lover. That would be worth waiting for, even when I couldn't wait.

This amused me some. It was all over but the shouting, but I was too polite to shout. I was breathing like I'd just run the pitch from one end to the other at full speed. My heart thumped at a quick pace.

I felt good. I felt better than I could remember feeling before but the high from the experience began to fade.

What did I say to a guy who had just performed oral sex on me to its natural conclusion? Thank you seemed somewhat hollow but thank you would be the precursor to goodbye.

I did not want to return the favor. That was the part of what went on in the park that I began to understand. I wasn't drawn to Jeff but he was the aggressor. He wanted to do to me what he did to me and it was over. We'd both gotten what we wanted out of it.

I made sure my wallet and truck keys were still in my jeans. I didn't want to leave anything behind.

I wanted to make a graceful exit. I didn't want to offend Jeff but I found out what I wanted to know and hanging around for an analysis of my performance. I rode the wave into shore and there was nothing else to learn.

"Pepsi, orange, or root beer," he said after opening the refrigerator door.

"Root Beer," I said, zipping up my pants and sitting in a chair.

Jeff came from the kitchen with his dick swinging in the breeze. He reminded me of sqeaky and Jordy. Once they got out of their clothes, neither put them back on until it was time to leave. Jeff seemed proud of what was a nice body.

He handed me an ice cold can. I tossed it back and chugged half of the soda in one gulp. I was dry as a bone and the soda hit the spot.

"You are a hunk," Jeff said. "I can see by your body that you're an athlete. You have nice arms and a solid chest. They say any more than a mouthful is a waste but I must admit, it's not wasted on you. When you get hard, you get hard. Makes it way more fun for me."

"Thanks." I said. "For the root beer too. I needed this."

"Well, Carla might not like me giving you her last root beer, but it's the least I could do after the workout you offered me. When you get going, you really get going."


"My girlfriend," Jeff said, turning his Pepsi up to drain it.

"You have a girlfriend and you just brought me home for sex?"

"She's at her parents' house tonight. She'll be back early or I'd ask you to stay the night. Wouldn't do to be caught with a dude sleeping in her bed."

"You have a girlfriend and you bring guys here for sex?"

"Some things Carla can't do for me. A boy's got to do what a boy's got to do. I like sex. I like women. I like men. What's a boy to do?'' Jeff said. "And you, my muscular friend, are a real man."

I may have been a real man but Jeff was a bummer. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I find a guy I can have sex with and he's got a girlfriend. That wasn't the perfect ending to a nice day.

I was perplexed over the ending of my first sexual liaison. I'd been ready to go after the big moment came and went. I wanted to be polite, and then I wanted to get out of there. The parting gift Jeff left me with wasn't funny. He took me to an apartment he shared with his girlfriend so we could have sex.

I didn't understand. I was gay and I liked boys. A boy picks me up in a park to take me home for sex. He doesn't mention he shares the apartment with his girlfriend. He doesn't mention his girlfriend. Was that shabby or what?

I'd lost my cherry and for that I was grateful. How I'd done it, the guy I did it with, left me cold. It's not how I saw it going down.

After Jeff, I started to notice boys while I was at work. At my next rugby match, I noticed boys along the sidelines. I noticed boys walking on the streets of Aurora as I drove past.

I didn't know how to approach a boy I didn't know but thought I liked. I didn't think about looking at other boys before Jeff. Now I wondered which boys were gay and which weren't gay but did go out with other boys, and I thought of my friends.

I didn't know there were so many boys but I still didn't know how to pick one up.

Winning in sports was a reason for touching your teammates. Back slaps and ass slaps went with the territory. Losers got a pat on the back and 'Better luck next time.' In either case physical contact was short lived.

Rugby allowed for physical contact that went with the play. At first that much physical contact worried me, but it was part of the game and no one ever said, 'Get your hand off my junk.'

What I'd learned was, I couldn't pick a gay man out of a crowd if he held up a sign that read: 'I'm gay.' How did you figure out who was on your team? If I approach a boy who wasn't gay, how would he react? How would I react?

I did the deed and I didn't know how to recognize a gay guy.

It took me back where my thought process had taken me before. Gay men played on the seedy side of town. I'd heard about it since I was too small to understand. I was old enough to understand now but I was no closer to finding a place where gay men go.

I knew the odds. A certain number of players were gay. I was not the only one, though I may as well have been. This made the search for a partner more difficult. Then there was Jeff. Jeff didn't exactly knock my socks off, but he was a nice looking man.

I knew Jeff. I knew where he lived. Maybe I shouldn't judge him too harshly. I didn't know why he had a girlfriend and still went out to look for boys. He told me why. He said he liked men and women. It would have been easier if he picked one. I didn't like that he didn't. For a minute I might have considered him as someone to get to know better, but that didn't last long, because he knew how to end it after getting what he wanted..

I was no better off than before I met Jeff. I now knew what I wanted to do with a guy but finding someone to do it with eluded me. I wanted to meet a nice boy in Aurora. We could date and fall in love, but the only place I knew to find a boy was the seedy side of town, and I was back where I started.

I stood at the far end of the pitch breathing in the heavy inner-city air. I watched people passing; some looked me over, others didn't notice me. To me they were faces in the crowd. The odds of finding a gay guy among them didn't strike me as very high.

They came to see a rugby match. I came to play rugby and now I checked out the crowd. They watched the players and I watched them. None of the attractive guys I looked at paid me any mind.

Girls giggled as they shared secret conversations with their closest friends. They walked fast, having places to go. Some were attractive, others, not so much. Most girls liked makeup.

Who put on makeup to go to a rugby match? I wouldn't.

It was a mystery to me, but everything was. I had places to go and I ran the length of the pitch to the other end of the field. This got my heart beating and my breathing went into high gear. My muscles said I was ready.

I jogged to the bench to untie and retie my shoes. I felt good.

I was ready to play.

I parked near the park again. A cop car passed and the cop gave me the once over. I looked away. I wasn't sure why.

Crossing through the middle of the park, it was dusk, and no one was out. I walked to the next block, looked around before I crossed and entered the seedy side of town. I walked in the opposite direction from the last time I visited the forbidden zone.

Sooner or later I wanted to see it all. Sooner or later I'd find the gay section. I was thirsty, but I wouldn't try to get into a bar.

I couldn't get enough to drink after a match but drinking alcohol would be a bad idea. A beer with my buds made me dizzy. I needed to find another option. It was downtown and people got thirsty and hungry while they were in town. I'd keep my eyes open for a place where I could get a soda and maybe a burger.

I couldn't get enough to eat after a match either.

Usually I lounged around the house after a match. I soaked in a hot tub of water for an hour and by that time I was starved. The kitchen at the house was always filled with my favorites and mom didn't mind cooking if I said I was hungry. I didn't drink or eat enough before deciding to head for town to take another look around.

Moving down the sidewalk a few minutes later, I noticed a man moving away from a walk up window. He was carrying a drink and a hot dog. I stepped up to the window and it slid open.

"Pick your poison," a heavily accented voice offered.

I ordered a Coke for my parched throat and leaned on the nearby wall to enjoy it and watch people walk by. It wasn't dark yet and foot traffic was light.

I checked out my surroundings. I didn't see much of interest. There was a tailor next door and a music store next to that. The lights were on and the shops were open. There were no neon signs or barking men. I would turn at the next corner to go into the forbidden part of the forbidden zone.

A group of boys walked in the direction I came from. I glanced their way and a youngish boy smiled and kept looking at me as the group moved on. He was young and cute. I was sure I knew how old was too old but I didn't know how young was too young. It didn't bother me when a teenage boy flirted with me. It did bother me he was with three other boys. No way to say hello without looking odd.

How choosy could I afford to be? I had no plan beyond being there. I didn't know I was coming to town, until after the match. Even when I left the house, I didn't make up my mind until I crossed Brand Street and I turned toward the seedy side of town.

My brain didn't have a plan, but my crotch had a mind of its own.

I wanted to find some action like I found before. See where it led. It's what came to mind once the need boiled up again. It took a while for me to get to town. Now I wanted to just be in town. I wanted to get the feel of these streets and the people on them. See what was here and what I needed to do to find some relief, as my crotch exercised more and more control over my actions.

The experience with Jeff made the need more demanding. Once I knew what it was like being with another man, having orgasms with a man, my desire for more grew. I wasn't sure how far I wanted to go, but that little detail wasn't about to stop me.

Be prepared. Keep my eyes open for someone who looks interesting as well as interested. I'd get the hang of the game and that's when I'd score. Guys passing by looked as I leaned there with my soda. Except for the teenage boy, no one smiled or came over.

Did I need to make the first move? Go over to a boy I liked?

Did I want to be friends with a boy who was down here doing what I was doing? The questions didn't get any easier. I had a better chance of finding a man in town than I did hanging around my house.

An acquaintance of convenience maybe. A guy that would give me what I needed without asking for much in return. That isn't to say I might not give as good as I got, but I wasn't sure yet. It would probably take time to make a first contact that just let me be me and didn't try to push me too far too fast. I could go for that.

Whatever it was about this part of town, I felt like I belonged here once I was here. I didn't like the long hard looks some of the guys gave me, or maybe I did, but wasn't sure what it meant.

I walked around the corner to the row of strip clubs I'd discovered when I was down there with my buds. With the wide open doors it was easy for us to catch a glimpse of naked skin.

We'd stood there to get a glimpse inside. My crotch tightened as a damp musky smell filled my nose. It was similar to the smell of sweat on other athletes during competition. It smelled like Fred's room while my buds engaged in a circle jerks.

The club's bouncer mostly blocked my view tonight, but at the second open door the bouncer was talking to a girl and I stood there and looked inside at a group of young men who stood in front of the stage looking up at the dancing woman.

Standing to one side, men walked past me and went inside, paid the cover charge just inside the door, and moved deeper into the club. It was then I realized what was on every man's mind who went inside. Even the guys on the street were there for some version of the same reason. If I went into a club, I wouldn't be there to look at the girls.

It was loud and growing more crowded. The guys standing in front of the stage looked like a scrum at a rugby match, except they weren't mixing it up. They were watching, day dreaming, and wondering if they'd find what they wanted or go home alone to take care of the problem themselves for one more night.

Going inside the club to be close to men who were as horny as I was wouldn't accomplish anything. A bit of rubbing, inadvertent touching, like at school, was the way I once did it. This was a faster game. I wouldn't be satisfied by random touching. Besides, I'd been in the midst of a scrum all afternoon. I wanted to relax.

A group of soldiers stopped to help me watch. It was impossible to know how old they were. The four boys looked like juniors at school. They discussed finances, counting their money. One of the soldier's backsides pressed against me as they negotiated.

"I ain't going back to the room to jack-off again," one said. "We came here to find some action."

"If we go in we won't have money left for anything else," another said, looking toward the stage.

"Let me help you here, gentlemen," the bouncer said, having turned away from the girl he was talking to. "I'll give you a free drink card. Compliments of the house. You'll get a drink with the ten dollar cover. That should help a little."

"Yeah," a soldier said, looking into his wallet again.

I stood my ground as the soldier with his back to me pressed more firmly against my thigh and after shifting his weight forward, he ended up settling with his ass firmly against the bulge in my jeans.

I was sweating. He was smaller than I was but he came with three buddies. I'd have shifted away from his butt, except it felt way too good to give up. His ass was firm and fit nicely against me, as they stood facing each other to decide on their next move.

I voted they stay right where they were and at least one of them agreed with me as his hand went absently behind him and felt the bulge in my pants before he snuggled back against me a while longer.

As peculiar as it made me feel, it was hot. It was every bit as exciting as when Jeff felt my dick in the park, but the situation was impossible. He was going with his buds and I would be left behind. Standing there to absorb the physical contact was all there was.

The bouncer handed each soldier a free drink card and invited them to pay the cover charge just inside the door.

"Come on kid. You look hard up as me," the soldier with the tight ass said. "This is where it's at."

"Sorry!" the bouncer said. "You need to show me I.D."

No I didn't.

I watched until the soldiers disappeared into the dark room. It was sexy but I needed something a little more satisfying.

"Beat it kid. I've let you see enough for one night," the bouncer ordered. "Go home and pound your pud and feel lucky I let you hang here this long."

"Thanks," I said, smiling as I walked down to find the next open strip club door. Maybe some more soldiers would stop.

I did think about the soldiers and considered waiting for them to come out. They weren't much older than I was and we were all on the same quest. They knew what they wanted and where to go to get it. If I'd been all that interesting to the soldier, he'd have hung back, after his buds stepped inside. He didn't.

He'd been a passing fancy and I had bigger fish to fry. I wanted to fry fish who wanted to be fried. I'd only had an appetizer and the night was young. I needed to do more exploring. Keep my eyes open, and I'd find places where there were boys like me.

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