The Universe Hates Me
by Andrew Passey
Chapter 2
"Come on Freddie, it's time to get out!" Alex said, grabbing my arm in the Lido. It was a hot June weekend a few weeks after I'd accidentally outed myself to my Dad and Alex. and the Lido was rammed full of kids and families. Unfortunately I was wearing my skimpy too small for me swim shorts as Dad "accidentally" put my more age appropriate ones in the bin. He promised to buy me a new pair but not until the end of the month when he got paid. I didn't really want to go swimming at the Lido anyway but Alex insisted and I'm always worried if I say no to him he'll be annoyed and find someone cooler and more fun to be friends with. Particularly now he knows I'm gay, maybe he's only hanging out with me because he feels sorry for me?
Anyway the Lido turned out to be fun and I'd been glad I came, we'd had fun and done lots of swimming but then things took a turn for the worse,
The problem was that I ended up in a bit of a situation and it needed careful handling. Actually that's the last thing it needed, that was part of the bloody problem!
"Um..I can't just yet," I said to Alex who just snorted in amusement.
"Of course you fucking can! It's time to go!"
"I um...I'm a bit stiff if you know what I mean," I hoped I didn't need to spell it out to Alex.
He shrugged nonchalantly , "Well we have swam loads, I'm not surprised your muscles are cramping!"
Right. Fuck. I am going to have to spell it out. "Um...not stiff muscles...you know...stiff..um...dick."
"Oh...blimey yeah I can see!" Alex said, looking down at me under the water.
"Stop looking!"
"Honestly Freddie, it's not a big deal. Happens to all of us. Just tuck it in the waistband, that's what I do."
I surreptitiously, well as surreptitiously as I could, tucked it up against my not particularly elastic waistband. I followed Alex out of the water, then just as I stepped up onto the side of Lido I was reminded of one thing that was always very clear in my mind.
The universe hated me. It really fucking hated me.
"Twang!" My waistband didn't do its job with the elastic relaxing at the wrong moment leaving me with my still hard dick now jutted straight out in front of my tight shorts creating an obvious tent in them. Right in front of a group of girls from our school who burst out laughing.
"Oh my god, look at him!"
"Surely it must get bigger than that!?"
I felt my face turning bright red and my brain started to overload. Alex grabbed me by the arm and manhandled me towards the changing rooms after flicking the finger at the girls. He pushed me into a cubicle with him, shut the door and then slapped my face.
"What the fuck was that for!?" I asked angrily.
"I thought you were about to have a full on meltdown! Just trying to bring you back to reality!"
"I'm fine! I just want to die. Why did my Dad throw out my loose fitting swimshorts? I should never have come here!"
"Don't be so melodramatic. It's just an erection, it was pretty funny actually, you almost took those girls' eyes out!"
"It's not funny, I'm a laughing stock! As usual!"
"Don't be silly," Alex said, patting me on the shoulder. "No one will even remember this by Monday!" He was clearly trying to reassure me but he sounded like he didn't believe what he was saying. Of course it wouldn't be forgotten, it would just be one more humiliating event that my life seemed regularly full of.
"I hate my life."
"Come on Freddie, let's get changed and go back to my house and eat ice cream in the sun! That'll make things better!"
"I'm not five years old and I'm lactose intolerant," I muttered grumpily.
"I know you idiot! Mum got you some lemon sorbet as she knows you love that. Now have you gone soft yet, ah no I can see it's still poking out!"
"Stop looking!"
"Just checking! Okay I'll turn my back while you get changed
Alex then turned around while I quickly took my swim shorts off, and put on my pants and shorts. My dick was still hard so I tucked it up against the waistband of my boxers like Alex suggested. Hopefully they had more reliable elastic than my swim shorts did.
"Am done," I said, which caused Alex to turn around. He dropped his swim shorts showing off his dick and hair which always made me jealous. His dick was bigger than mine and he had more hair than me which is why I guess he was always more than happy to be naked in front of me even if I was gay. I guess I'd grow more but what if I didn't? Although it wasn't like I had any use for my dick apart from using it to feel good with my hand.
As often happened my stupid brain kicked into gear, "Your dick looks nice!" I blurted out.
Alex giggled and said "Thanks!" as I felt my face go bright red in embarrassment and my brain started to overload again and I couldn't help but blurt out more rubbish.
"I um..don't mean it in a gay way or anything like that. Just because I think it looks nice doesn't mean I want to suck it or have you put it inside my bum or anything like that. I'm too young for all that anyway. I've never even kissed a boy," I could tell I was making it worse so I tried to backtrack. "So yeah I just meant that I like the look of it. Just in a "it looks nice" sort of way, you know like me saying your shirt looks nice or your trainers are nice or I like the way your bum.....sorry, I'll shut up now."
Alex walked over to me, still naked with his dick swinging and patted my shoulder. "Breathe Freddie, breathe. It's fine. My dick does look nice! Now I'm going to put it away and finish getting changed. Okay?"
I nodded and Alex finished getting changed "Right you horny fucker, seems your dick has gone soft so we can get out of here!" He said with a smile and I quickly scurried out hoping not to run into the girls who laughed at me. At least I had lemon sorbet to look forward to and hopefully Alex was right that no one would even remember what had happened by Monday…
"Hey weirdo, I heard you were wanking in the pool again at the lido on Saturday!" Bloody Harry going straight for the jugular, loudly shouting the words out so the whole class heard.
"I wasn't "wanking"! I had an erection. If I was wanking it would have gone away!" I protested although I'm not sure I really helped the situation.
Harry made a scoffing noise, "You fucking perve, showing it off to the girls. I heard there wasn't much to see though!" More laughing followed and I didn't know what to say. There probably wasn't that much to see, not like Alex and his bigger dick.
"Shut it Harry you twat!" I breathed a sigh of relief as Alex came in and sat next to me. While I was unpopular, everyone loved Alex so Harry just shut up apart from making wanking signs with his hand in my direction. Alex to the rescue as usual. I still didn't know why he liked to hang out with me. Surely there were loads of more "normal" friends he could have? Ones who didn't just blurt out weird stuff that their brain was thinking or who didn't get caught wanking off to goblins fucking men by their dad? Then again maybe I was like the world's best wingman. Next to me Alex was a charming sex god. Actually he probably was anyway. Sex god? Fuck, Freddie, stop thinking about your best friend like that.
The rest of the day for me passed relatively unscathed. Yes there was the odd comment and the odd laughter but then that was no change to normal. I stuck to Alex like glue as always. He was always there for me, through thick and thin. Like my protective shield against the world. Yet again I was just so happy that I had him in my life. Without Alex I'd have nobody.
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